Why act like this if you aren't interested?

[User233376]

This girl that I've known for 3 years now used to like me when we first met but I was interested in another girl so I didn't even try to think about her and I rejected her in a nice way and we stayed friends. Now we talk almost everyday and I started to like her. She gives me the idea that she still likes me from the way she texts and how she acts when we go out sometimes. She texts first , she ends her sentences in multiple letters and even asks why i don't text if i don't text her for more than 3 days. I flirted with her once and she asked if I was flirting I said no because it seemed like she didn't like it and she said I would've liked if you said yes. She did tell me about another boy she liked a lot though but I haven't thought much of it. I decided to tell her I liked her and then she said she couldn't believe it and thought I was joking but she then told me that she liked this other guy and that even if he wasn't there she can't like me like she used to anymore. I told her I understand and that I'll get over it since it's a small crush nothing serious (it isn't I am deeply in love with her). We still talk and she still has the same energy and vibe so I don't understand. Why treat me like this if you don't like me? I have other female friends and there's a huge difference between how she talks to me and how other girls talk to me.(yes there's also a difference in how I talk to her but she doesn't know that) So if anyone can tell me what's happening here please do.

Updates

1 y

We talked today and she told me she thinks I've changed a lot since we first met. She said I'm too non chalant these days. I said " I don't think I've changed but I'll try to be nicer I guess" She then brought up the fact that I like her and said if I wanted to get over her we should stop talking. I told her that I'm already over her and she laughed and said she didn't believe me but if I am really telling the truth we can be friends, even though she thinks I'm lying.

[Finchie40]

Because you put her in the friend zone by you not liking her when she liked you the first time around , she now just considers you a friend and pretty much moved on from you , because you didn’t give into her when you had the chance to. She is now looking at you like you are just an option and no longer a priority , because you did that to her first when you liked that other girl instead. Now that you started showing interest in her , it ‘s turning her off because she no longer wants to be an option to you , you are best to move on and find yourself another girl , unless you want to be treated like a convenience,

[User233376]

Yeah, that's probably the case. I didn't want to believe that but I guess it's the truth. Thank you for your advice!

[Finchie40]

No problem man , always remember this , whatever you can do to someone , they can do the same to you , I’m not saying you were wrong for liking that other girl instead of choosing her when you had the opportunity to do so , you were just more interested in in that other girl at the time , so it sounds like that girl didn’t pan out the way you wanted it to , so your intentions was to go for the other girl instead because the other didn’t work out. So she is now thinking the same way as you , Always put yourself in someone else’s shoes , this has helped me through the years with girls, Picture yourself really liking a girl that you been hitting on and flirting with that you really like and you confessed your feelings to her and all of a sudden she says no I am sorry I like this other boy instead , So she goes for that other boy instead but it doesn’t work out like she thought it would , so all of a sudden she calls you back and now wants to give you a shot because that other guy denied her , How would you feel knowing you were her second option? Basically you will do for now since this other guy didn’t want her. Would you really feel wanted by her if you were her second option? Me personally would tell her nope you had your chance and you blew it , so move on man and find yourself a girl that wants you the same way you want her. that gives to you the same way you give to her. If not , you will just be a convenience my friend.

[Ariesman81]

You killed the attraction when you told her you liked her. Think of it like a dance. You step towards her... she steps back. You step back... she steps forward. You need to step back attention wise so she can step forward.

[User233376]

The feeling is starting to fade to be honest. Should I try to stop talking to her that often?

[Ariesman81]

I would say so. One of two things is gonna happen... she'll miss your attention and come to you or she won't and you'll know where you stand.

[Ariesman81]

Confidence is not acting surprised when she does return. A simple "I knew you'd come to your senses" should suffice.

[User233376]

Will do. Thanks a lot for your advice much appreciated!

[Ariesman81]

Just read the update! Well done. It's a fine line we have to walk between pursuing and building attraction. Looks to me like you handled yourself well. And she's noticing! Good job man!

[User233376]

Thanks a lot man, I kinda thought I messed it up but I'm happy I didn't. Your advice helped a bunch though! So thank you again.

[Pupweb]

I thinks she kinda wanted you to chase her and there is little bit of playing with your feelings despite her liking another guy

[Nikki1989]

There is a lot to unpack here, but it seems like there might be some mixed signals and misunderstandings going on.

[User233376]

Yeah, a lot of mixed signals which is really hard to keep up with. But she still makes an effort to get us to talk which means I do cross her mind every now and then.

[In_Trance]

Is your age accurate?

[User233376]

I'm 17 so not that different.

[Anonymous]

Ask her

[User233376]

Ask her about what? She told me she doesn't like me anymore but she still wants us to be close friends so I guess I know her intentions.