Is this OK when you're not interested at all?

[Anonymous]

" I'm flattered, but im not interested in any relationships or friends with benefits. "

Is that ok to say while being polite to people?

[LazerBean]

Yes it is

[WhitneySnow]

That’s ok

[Guy13]

That's perfect with gentle tone and you are rock solid Good !!

[AviatorTom]

Say it softly while looking directly at them... perfect.

[kylee2437]

Of course. Would much rather hear this from a person than to get lead on

[blueonblack22]

Absolutely okay. You acknowledged and respected the other person but a the same time tactfully communicated where you stand.

The other person will feel disappointed no doubt. Rejection never feels good. But once they get over the initial shock of it then it will be much easier for them to move on. They might not like you but they would be very immature to hold a grudge. Reason being you respected them enough to politely tell them the truth. If they got all pissed off then take that as confirmation you made the right decision.

This has to be the absolute number one issue men have with women when it comes to dating (and yes sometimes the roles are reversed). Mature men can handle rejection. However it’s how women often DO the rejection that pisses us off

It’s just many women don’t rip the band aide off to let the wound heal and Instead do crap like friendzoning, ghosting and playing bs head games. The infection (feeling disrespected) is more often worse than the actual wound itself (being rejected).

If you get in an accident then being wounded is unavoidable. But how you ADDRESS the situation (cleaning the wound vs letting it fester) IS is a decision. Everything comes down to that.

[SphynxUK]

If you mean to let someone down gently, just say you don’t feel the same or they’re not your type.
It might be a little too honest for some, but at least you’re being clear and they’ll know they won’t have a chance.
Telling them you aren’t looking for a relationship etc at the moment just means they’ll think you will do at a later date!

[Asker]

I don't want any relationships now or later. I'm happier being single

[thegreenyogi]

Of course it is. We all know ourselves and we're all free to take actions towards what is best for us in one specific moment of our lives. As you give respect to others in wanting to be polite you also deserve respect for standing your ground and making things very clear!

[Orion76]

It is 100% okay, relationships are not worth it and there is no such thing as friends in the adult life.

[Orion76]

Friend with benefits is kinda disgusting how degrading is it to discuss such an arrangement.

[Asker]

I had women who only wanted friends with benefits and I told them it's not my cup of tea

[Orion76]

I had some hint and some straight up said so its totally cool this isn’t something you can do just just because someone ask, not my cup of tea is good enough, sure they understand especially if it’s something against your values.

[Orion76]

@blueonblack22 yes of course and not just one i meant If someone keeps ignoring your point. Honestly it was only a couple of times when they were direct and I don’t remember exactly how I deflected. But many times when a girl was super nice to you and you just be nice back not knowing that an action was required and the next thing they are mean to you. I can maybe understand that somehow but I don’t like it

[ChooChooHaha]

Of course. It's WAY better (at least to me) to say that, and be clear, then mess with someone, be unclear, etc. saves SO MUCH hell and time down the road. Plus, in hindsight, the person'll be appreciative.

[serious_miss419]

You’re asking about if it’s polite to make your own preferences.


I’m female and don’t like a relationship, or dating, or fooling about, I say no when I’ve been asked out. I’m just not interested. Of course when I say no, the other person gets loud mouthed but idgaf.


My life’s mine and I don’t have to share with anyone I don’t wanna

[Orion76]

Polite? I have been polite and done things out of my Comfort zone so I won’t embarrass somebody or turn them down and it costed me dearly.

[blueonblack22]

It’s about being tactfully direct. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes while at the same time tactfully communicating where you stand. It’s the respectful thing to do and mature people will accept.

But if you put zero mental effort into seeing their position it says a lot about yourself.

[Orion76]

In some situations it’s very hard to be polite and direct and depends on the person you are talking to some get it right away and say no more, but some people will ignore what you are politely trying to say and push you be direct regardless if it’s polite or not that’s when you corner someone i try my best to be considerate.

[blueonblack22]

@Orion76 I get it. But always give the person just one chance. If they ignore it then you can be as assholish/bitchy as you want.

But too many people and usually women (sexist but true) make quick judgments and go into fight or flight response. Some people need to be dealt with that but most can handle polite rejection.

Personally I am just sick of women (and in isolated cases men) that use their bad past experiences as an excuse to treat another unrelated person like shit. Especially if they are both grown adults. That’s how adolescents rationalize bad behavior.

[jshm2]

No. That's just being a dick

Simply state "I'm flattered, but not interested in continuing this any further"

[blueonblack22]

Nah there are a lot worse ways to be a dick then he handled it.

[PraviteliNahuiValite]

It's got more politeness than the minimum requirement to consider "polite".

[Gibbons44]

It is best to not get involved, except to really get involved. I'd probably have a lengthy chat though, if it was someone I found attractive/a candidate for marriage.

[pupluv45]

its easy to say that as a guy. but as a girl, saying this doesn't deter men at all. i have to say im married to get guys off me.

[blueonblack22]

Not true. Mature men can handle rejection. They need to feel RESPECTED though. Rejecting someone is not disrespectful. But playing games, ghosting, friendzoning, lying, being rude, etc. is very rude especially if the guy was polite when he approached.

While I do believe there are grown men out there who still can’t take no for an answer what’s more common is women exaggerate their paranoia to avoid confrontation.

[pupluv45]

@blueonblack22

every single guy i rejected a guy, he never took no for an answer. and the reason for this is because men tend to be more desperate for the opposite gender than vice versa.

i have also been sexually harassed by men plenty of times. Being touched inappropriately on first dates. Being taken advantage of sexually as a young girl.

[AdithyaR]

@blueonblack22 there's plenty of cases where women were attacked, r*ped or murdered cause they rejected a guy. So no it's not just paranoia.

[blueonblack22]

This is how you reject a grown man. “Hey so so. I need to be honest with you out of respect (always use the word respect). I do appreciate your efforts trying to get to know me. But tbh I really am not romantically interested. I know that’s probably not what you want to hear but I again I am telling you the truth out of respect”.

No need to elaborate. No need to explain why you aren’t interested. I guess if he insists on knowing why you can tell him. But don’t give any more unnecessary information than that.

If he likes you is going to be “happy” to hear this? Of course not. You ripped the bad aide off. No one likes being rejected. BUT if he feels that you respect him that goes a VERY long way. Even the creepy guys probably rarely had a woman be respectfully straight up with them and it might tone down their reaction.

Also I don’t deny you had bad past experiences. But I have had to reject women in the past and this how they reacted:

- Accused me of being “gay” (seriously what man would ever get away with that vice versa)
- One ex girlfriend seriously threatened to kill herself when I broke up with her.
- One girl gave me a lightly veiled threat of a false sexual assault accusation. Yes I kid you not that really happened once and it wasn’t too long ago.

All that was horrible above. But am I going to use that as an excuse to be rude (ghost, ignore, etc) to future women I reject? No. I will continue to take the high road. Punishing other people because of how other unrelated people treated me in the past is how an adolescent rationalized their behavior.

Get in the habit of rejecting a guy in the context example I gave above. That’s his one chance. If he persists then you have my permission to get as bitchy as you want. But for give him the respect of knowing where he stands.

[AdithyaR]

@blueonblack22 if the guy were really mature, wouldn't just a plain no or just saying "I'm not interested" suffice.
I know if i asked a woman out and she just said no, I'd accept it and walk away. No harm done. Why do they need to build up a whole speech for every guy that approaches them?

[blueonblack22]

@AdithyaR yes that has happened but if it was so prevalent as you assumed above then women would never venture out where there any possibility of that happening.

Also men are statistically much more likely to be a victim of a violent crimes from other men including homicide. Maybe not rape (unless it’s in prison) but it’s not like we don’t have our own bullshit to deal with. Also read my second response to @AdithyaR.

I’ve personally had to deal with some rude to terrifying responses from women I’ve rejected. Some women are even worse then men at handling rejection. They aren’t as used to it. Their egos can’t handle it.

But still I am not going to be some rude bitch coward if I’m ever in that position.

But again I’m older than both of you. I know young adults in their early 20s aren’t as experienced at giving and taking rejection.

However my angst stems from having to deal with grown ass women 30+ who still don’t know how to respectfully communicate with a grown man. I don’t use my bad past experiences as an excuse to treat other people like shit. When I see grown women who think it’s okay to ghost, play games, friéndzone, etc I get pissed.

[blueonblack22]

@AdithyaR that’s how I handle rejection. I asked a girl in my CrossFit class a few months ago. She smile and said she had a boyfriend. I just smiled back and quickly apologized about no knowing she was taken and wished her a nice day. Never asked her again.

But here is the kicker. When you act rude and immature to innocent people they sadly will sometimes self justify doing this crap to other people. It doesn’t mean you should be naive but just a decent bare minimum of basic respect goes a long way in society. But more and more people are losing that.

[AdithyaR]

I'm not gonna get into the whole debate about who suffers more violent crimes cause I've been down that road before and it always ends up nowhere on either sides. So I'll let you keep your opinion and I'll keep mine.
As for the rejection part, i never mentioned being rude. Yes some people are very rude when it comes to rejecting others and that says more about their character. I have dealt with rude people like that before and never once has it made me want to play the victim and be rude to someone else. That's maturity. Being able to prevent the negative attitude of others rub off on us.
I don't think just saying no, or saying I'm not interested is rude. The earlier way you mentioned is very long and honestly seems like you're just trying to sugarcoat the rejection.

[AdithyaR]

And as for the point of women not venturing out, well it's unreasonable that they just stay indoors forever out of fear. But it's ignorant to assume that it's not as prevalent. If not the something extreme like murder or physical violence, lots of women have to deal with harrassment, stalking etc. It's why there are accounts of women having to hold their keys between their fingers, carrying pepper spray, and always having to watch their drinks at clubs out of fear of being drugged. They do take a lot of measures to avoid getting attacked.

[AdithyaR]

Also I'm nowhere invalidating the struggles men go through, but that doesn't invalidate what women go through either. Men suffering from violent crimes done by other men isn't an excuse to tell women that they should get over their fear.

[AdithyaR]

Although i do agree with you that grown people playing games like ghosting is immature. I don't believe in the friend zone tho.

[blueonblack22]

@AdithyaR the OP claimed that every single man she turned down didn’t handle it right. Do you really believe that? I don’t. Yes I am very sure she went through some very bad experiences and trauma. But she is now saying that it’s okay to lie and/or be rude and immature to every future guy she meets.

THAT is what I have

[blueonblack22]

is what I have problem with. Especially if the guy was cordial and not aggressive. From my observations some women never grow out of that mindset either.

[AdithyaR]

Nowhere does she mention being rude to guys.
We can't judge OP's experience cause we weren't there, so depending on the kind of area she's from, it could be possible.
I won't her blame her for lying since the lie isn't rude. She's just saying something like she's married etc, that's not directly insulting the guy, so in my opinion it's not rude.

[pupluv45]

@blueonblack22

this litterally has nothing to do with a girl being disrespectful.

There are plenty of guys out there who just won't take no for an answer. Pretty girls get sexually harassed or even fired by men who they rejected. When I was in college , there was a very beautiful girl who got harassed by another male student all over campus simply because she rejected him.

A girl has the right to reject a man. It doesn't matter if you don't like it. You need to accept that and move on.

Even if she was rude to you, it does not give you the right to harass her or stalk her or throw rocks at her or rape her or kill her.

[pupluv45]

@blueonblack22

[the OP claimed that every single man she turned down didn’t handle it right. Do you really believe that? I don’t]

Most of the men who asked my number didn't take "no" easily for an answer. there's almost always some form of continued pestering or begging that follows.

I actually had a coworker security guard who was a very pretty girl. She got fired from a job because the old man client tried to flirt with her, and she wasn't interested in talking to him. The security company took her off the work site and had to send a new guard to work over there.

Her saying "no" or being uninterested does not give you the right to act out of line.

I don't give a shit if you feel offended.

[blueonblack22]

Just saying “no” isn’t offensive to me. Just as long as it is done is a respectful context. I can take no for an answer and go along my way. I might be bummed out about it but I respect other people’s wishes.

I’m talking about how some women get rude and immediately assume the worst about the man all considered. Like labeling him “a creep” for just saying hi to her because he’s guilty of the grave sin of being unattractive and/or approaching her at the wrong moment.

Men are expected to approach women. When we do we more often than not have no idea if she’s taken or not, in a good mood or not and last but not least finds us attractive or not. There is a lot of guesswork for us. Just be aware of that.

Women also often hope and expect men they do like to approach men. They think they are giving off “signals” but most men don’t communicate that way.

[pupluv45]

@blueonblack22

I was never disrespectful towards any man I've ever rejected. But there are men out there who CANNOT EVEN TAKE A RESPECTFUL REJECTION. This is what I'm talking about.

And guess what? if you're pestering me after I said "no". I will have to be rude and aggressive to get you off of me. Because this is no longer "flirting". This has turned into sexual harassment.

I'm not obligated to be "nice and respectful" to you if you're sexually harassing me.

I have been sexually harassed by men plenty of times throughout my life and I don't think society cares about this topic enough to make such things matter.

[blueonblack22]

“ And guess what? if you're pestering me after I said "no". I will have to be rude and aggressive to get you off of me.”

And I am actually 100% okay with that. Alright. You told them no yet they kept going.

But there are women there who think that playing games, acting flaky, friendzoning, etc is saying “no”. It’s not. Also there are women who will immediately get rude and bitchy from the start with no warning. Just because they are in a bad mood about an unrelated incident and/or they don’t like the guy’s appearance.

Men of course are told to take it in stride. But I really wonder how many of these women ever experienced a man treating them like that when they approached (that is if they ever had to approach at all). Society wouldn’t be as forgiving if a man acted that way despite what mood he was in and/or he thought she was ugly.

[pupluv45]

@blueonblack22

because what you consider as "approaching" is just really perverted desperate player men trying to get laid. She knows your intentions thats why she is being rude to you.

and secondly you wonder why women are rude to you when men approach them. because firstly she's out of your league. secondly, you're the millionth guy "hitting on " her. Imagine being chased by perverts everywhere.

so yea... thats why she's rude to you.

[Society wouldn’t be as forgiving if a man acted that way despite what mood he was in and/or he thought she was ugly.]

women don't humiliate ugly men like men humiliate older or fat women. nobody cares if a man is fat. but when a woman is fat, she is spit on, bullied, mocked, attacked.

[blueonblack22]

@pupluv45 you know I didn’t respond to your opinion as an indictment.

Yes I disagree with your perspective but I didn’t approach with a “I’m right and your wrong”. But you take me disagreeing with you as hating you.

However I have never in my life seen a man publicly humiliate an overweight/older woman. Never. Maybe way back in HS boys did this but not in adulthood. We might joke and mock her in private conversation. But we won’t humiliate her in public.

I have however seen women publicly humiliate men. Adult women too. It’s usually her friends that jump in on this.

You may automatically think “oh he did something to deserve it”. But is that really always the case?

Anyway I highly doubt you will agree to anything I’m saying right now. You are extremely privileged being a young attractive woman. Much more privileged than your male equivalent. Yes you got to deal with some occasional bullshit and sexual harassment. But you have never been in position where you got to stick your neck out and take real risks. You won’t ever understand that concept unless you are one day single at 35+.

But I quit my case. Have a nice day.

[pupluv45]

@blueonblack22

because you'er a woman hater. every man on this website is. I never expected you to agree with me

[However I have never in my life seen a man publicly humiliate an overweight/older woman. Never. Maybe way back in HS boys did this but not in adulthood. We might joke and mock her in private conversation. But we won’t humiliate her in public.]

Plenty of men on here humiliate women over 30. Don't pretend you don't notice

[But I quit my case. Have a nice day.]

you quit your case because you secretly know I am correct and you know you can't argue with me.

[blueonblack22]

“ because you'er a woman hater. every man on this website is.”

Funny I a little earlier above we had this conversation but I think you quickly missed that part:

[You said] “ And guess what? if you're pestering me after I said "no". I will have to be rude and aggressive to get you off of me.”

[Me responding] And I am actually 100% okay with that. Alright. You told them no yet they kept going…….

But you some amnesia going on because it’s not like I disagreed and dismissed everything you said. A lot of it yes but not everything. But you dismissed me as a “woman hater” because I don’t 100% agree with you

Also about:

“ Plenty of men on here humiliate women over 30.”

Ah this is GAG not a public place. If you don’t like what you read here you are free to leave. We have screennames or we can go anon. I’ve had plenty of people antagonize me including you but I’m not to cry into my pillow about “cyber bullying”. Your real identity is concealed so who gives a shit. If you let that get to you then you are just mentally weak.

[blueonblack22]

Anyway I know I can’t control how other people think and say on here and neither can you. However do you ever wonder why men on here are often more vocal than women? It’s because society does not ALLOW men to speak their minds publicly the same way women do without losing face. Women are allowed to openly expressed their negative emotions including their disdain for men. It’s cheered on by feminism. Even if it’s all an exaggeration or outright lies. Just ask Amber Heard.

But back about you assuming that you are beyond reproach and are 100% correct. I never once called you a name, label or personally insulted you. Yet you did all three to me above. But again I guess you don’t have the capacity to distinguish between disagreement vs. someone hating you. It has to be your way or no way. Argue for the sake of being right vs WHAT is right. Right? That’s how you change hearts and minds. Nice job.

But the sad part is you are actually proving my entire point and don’t even realize it. So I digress. Have a good evening.

[NostalgiaSenpi]

Why wouldn't it be? It's your life. You choose who you want to be with.

[Asker]

I just got tired of all the Excuses they thrown out on me.

[NostalgiaSenpi]

tell them to fuck off

[AdithyaR]

That's probably one of the most polite ways to reject someone.

[MountAverage]

As opposed to what? Can you come up with a more polite way to say it?

[Anonymous]

That's too much unessary info. Just say "I'm sorry I don't feel the same way" or "I'm not interested"

[kylee2437]

I disagree. It’s clear and straight to the point.

[D_Bone_Steak]

Probably the best place you could be.

[Luopio27]

I believe you choice of words are just perfect.

[collie22]

You only need to tell if they ask