Not knowing how to feel anymore?

[Anonymous]

I’ve always been an emotional person, I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety and depression nearly two years ago. Last year I’ve stopped my meds. But atm well for the past month I feel so alone. Like I can’t turn to anyone. I feel emotionally exhausted and drained. No one sees anything or when it comes to talking I shut down because I feel like no one will ever understand. Like what’s the purpose of living? My life is great, I got everything but it’s like something it’s missing and I hate feeling like this sometimes I feel like what’s the point of even being here? And I can’t control anything. Everytime I do anything I feel like I’m the bad person and I do put this fake smile on my face to cover everything up but when I get home from work I just feel like crying and hiding somewhere. I don’t need sympathy or anyone feeling sorry for me. Just thought I’d help you get things out my head. Anyone ever felt like that?

[sawno]

I do think you stopping the meds was the beginning to feeling again and the end of the suppression. The chemicals no longer assist in suppressing it so its time to heal.

Reading your post I feel like what's missing is you. You can't keep hiding yourself, its destroying you. That part of you is hurt because its not seen, its the "No one sees anything" in your message. But then there is also "Everytime I do anything I feel like I’m the bad person and I do put this fake smile on my face to cover everything".

You say you don't need sympathy, but I do sympathize. But I also don't see a need to feel sorry for you because I think I can do one better. I want to try and empower you and give you a nudge in the right direction because it makes a lot of sense to me.

Everything for me adds up, you wondering what the point of living is, you feeling like being you is undesirable so you hide instead, etc. Its because something made you feel that way or has prevented you from finding out for yourself.

The mytake I wrote on this is a bit dated and has some errors, but the excersises should guide you : The Journey to the Real You (Your Identity is Not a Label!)

The main thing you need to see is that the traits you value in other people are who you really are. You are what you love. Your journey this lifetime is to pursue the real you, that girl underneath that has those traits. Don't worry if you don't have them, maybe you have many of them and its now time to love yourself for it, maybe you have only a few but that gives you something to work towards. And as you align with what you love you can begin loving yourself more and more again.

That girl underneath is the one in pain because she's not seen, she's not doing what she loves or trying to become herself, she's currently being blocked by you preventing it by trying to please others at your own expense. Stop doing that and begin doing what you would love if others did. You will find like minded people who will love you for it.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like the life of men. A lot of men feel drained, alone, no one to talk to, etc, etc. Can’t control a lot of things. Men try to do things for women thinking they’re doing something good but end up being the bad person. Maybe that’s why the girl who transitioned to a man made a YouTube video of how lonely it is for men, how hard it is to make friends. Same reason why the other lady who did it for 18 months killed herself because she was depressed after her 18 months as a man. How she was treated.

[_Maya_]

I think the answer is obvious here. You said that you stopped your meds that are presumably used to treat your depression. Then things seemed to spiral from what I read. Why did you stop taking them? Depression is serious and certainly the reason you are feeling the way that you are. I would get back on them immediately. You should call your doctor that prescribed these meds and tell him or her exactly what happened, how you stopped and how you are feeling now. To answer the question I think everyone has felt like this at some point. We all go through tough times at various points in our lives. I certainly have. I can't say that I have felt the degree of emotions you have. That is why it is important to get back on those medications. They were prescribed for a very good reason.

[sawno]

I don't know because if the medications are suppressing the issue rather than resolving the issue it may block the real solution. I heard people on them just don't feel anything instead of feeling well.

[_Maya_]

@sawno that's why doctors exist. You don't just stop medication. You go and tell them it isn't working and they try one of the other hundreds of medications. You wouldn't just stop taking blood pressure meds and then wonder why you blood pressure is up.

[sawno]

True but I feel like in the US the medical system is very much sell drugs to avoid fixing the issue for profit and in Europe its more feel it to heal it.

[_Maya_]

@sawno yes, this is true, but doctors here are sworn to an oath. Their entire career can be destroyed (and has countless times) by prescribing drugs unnecessarily and without cause.

[Blunky]

That's called burnout. Everyone experiences it at some point, especially when it comes to work. You spend so much energy putting up a front in public you don't have any left when you get home and need to relax. Even relaxing feels draining when you're burned out.

[sawno]

As someone with a lot of burnout experience this does not seem like a burnout to me at least not in the physical sense. This is much closer to depression.

[Blunky]

@sawno As someone who's lived with MDD most of my life, this seems like the emotional burnout phase seeing as how she mentions constantly putting up a front at work. That is the most taxing part of depression, trying to not seem depressed to others, which leads to emotional burnout.

[sawno]

Emotional burnout is possible yes, mine is a burnout burnout so complete physical depletion.

[Blunky]

@sawno The term burnout encompasses both physical and mental exhaustion. The depression part is a given as she said she's been diagnosed and isn't taking her meds. It's the symptoms she's currently feeling that she's asking about. Sorry to hear you experience the physical part of it often. I usually have to do something physical to break myself out of the emotional burnout phase.

[sawno]

For me the emotional stuff was only if the physical side got to bad, that's why I see it as two different issues. Its ongoing rather than often, I'm far past the worst of it and the actual burnout portion may be gone but rehabilitating my body to gain stamina is hard. Vacations excluded I work hard every week to break out of it. I know that sounds counter productive with a burnout, but working hard in this case is a mix of physical rehabilitation as well as resting.

[Stevepro68]

Only everyone to varying degrees unless you have a personality disorder.