Are women never actually attracted to the genuine guys?

[Anonymous]

Lets just say I have been mostly around women who keep chasing someone who is just worse for them.
And it's the same from a guy's perspective as well.
I have seen guys who are in a bad relationship as well.
I was on a trip with some friends and we were just talking about random stuff and she just said I want to fight with my partner.
And make him miserable just to feel alive for now.
I knew she was toxic as she was just twisting my words every time when I was being serious or being funny.
I am a bit gullible and I hate being a joke.
I am Leonard from the big bang theory mostly.
But now becoming more like Raj as I am getting older.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Leonard and Raj from BBT are both incredibly toxic personalities you should NOT be happy to align yourself with. That says exactly why you’re single

[Asker]

I don't think that they are toxic at all

[Asker]

Maybe Raj is

[Asker]

Leonard tried to change everything about himself for someone else.
Each of his relationships he tried to be what they wanted to be.
Raj did the opposite

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Leonard is incredibly controlling of Penny, their relationship is insanely toxic. She gives up a lot of her life and desires to do what he wants and, hell, even what Sheldon wants, and puts aside her life for his relationship. Not to mention he cheated on her, playing the “nice guy” role but the reality is he’s an ass

[Asker]

Nope u are completely wrong.
He never cheats.
Re-watch it.
Controlling perhaps because of penny Immature behaviour in a lot of conditions.
Giving her life, what are u saying , she struggled as an actor , she kept going for auditions until she didn't have any other options.
Then he got the best high paying job through Bernadette.
The one who was controlling is Bernadette, she controlled Howard for a lot of time. Even played with his feelings after getting married.
Amy also controlled Sheldon's life, and Sheldon kept using her, not sexually but everything else.
If that's what you think then how I met your mother, and friends are worse then this.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Season 8 finale, he confesses to kissing Mandy Chow when he was away at sea on their wedding night.

[Asker]

And she did the same!!!
She also cheated on him so both were just forgotten and moved.
Also I am not going to cheat.
I don't get one how, I'll get someone else ?

[Asker]

I am 27, never kissed, never was in a relationship.
I tried to ask a lot of people but never went on a date.
So trying and getting nowhere is me in the flesh

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

I can see why you’re jaded but don’t use an obviously toxic couple as your model for an ideal romance. You want to stop being a loser? Stop idolizing characters who are so obsessed with their own inadequacies they create every problem in their lives and blame other people.

[Asker]

Well I won't ever know what's wrong with me.
Maybe everything, 😅
I am just thinking about what I could have been like if I got someone back in my own country.
I had a pretty good job, money, peace and comfort and I didn't want to get arranged marriage cause her past was erased or just forced to break up with her love or something along those lines.
I have created a habit of being pessimistic about arranged marriages. And yet for someone like me it's now the only option which I don't want to select.

[Asker]

I know my dream was I'll find someone in school or my diploma or my Batchlors.
I have a long ongoing relationship with her, and as soon as I get stable enough for me and her I will get married.
But I got stable enough for everything, and I felt this is just boring and then loneliness hit (I used to live alone in my work city)

[Asker]

Now after 10 years looking back I feel I was just insecure and weak.
And now it's like I am just unworthy or unwanted.
As soon as I hit 30 it will be even worse.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

…you did not take away what you were supposed to take away from that. You want to get better? Be better. Make an effort. Don’t just wait for it to show up

[Asker]

Better in what, better in which direction.
There is no feedback. I can't go to the gym because of my accident, other than that I don't know what I should do.
I can't even digest some foods now. 😂 I am lactose intolerant, so milk products are off the list, I am also allergic to egg protein and some meat.
Then plant proteins causes bloating and fucks up energy levels.
So survive on pasta rice and bread.

[Asker]

Personality from introvert to extrovert just for my past job's sake...
Ohh, i went through 3 surgeries, 1 for wisdom tooth extraction, and the other 2 were repairs in my stomach.
Also went through braces cause why not😂 and it was painful.

[Asker]

Now it feels like I have done everything which was asked from me and not receiving the things I was promised.
A feeling of betrayal of some form and jealousy cause some other people never have to work hard and get love, money and respect without doing anything.
I do get the respect part down as I don't behave like this in-person.
But online I have a chance to let loose.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Figure out what you want and then figure out how to get it

[Asker]

What I want is just love and closeness.

[Asker]

And sorry to say, the hardest thing to do is to get selected..
No matter how sweet, and good I behave it's the matter of getting picked when I am having a conversation.
The conversation mostly ends with me giving my number or taking her number and getting ghosts or blocked just like that.

[Asker]

So it's not like figuring out things.
And how to get it is something completely else.
So being a gentleman, opening doors, going for coffee and a complaint box, or unpaid emotional labour.
Being said you are good enough for someone else and not for them is a recurring part of my life.
And at the same time the one I love or like the most hearing "I won't be with someone like you ever"
I have heard that 3 times in my whole life. By 2 different women without even showing any affection..

[Asker]

Life is already at the most difficult place for me.
As the only thing I ever wanted was never found.
And all the things society or wanted from me was fulfilled.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

If you’re unable to connect emotionally, or feel emotionally validated, then the issue is most likely your approach as well as your choice of partner

[Asker]

Nope it's the same with almost everyone.
I am only treated as a friend no matter what.
And I have changed my way of approach, way of speech, being confident , even tried AI.
Only the time of the conversation changed but the end result was always the same. Never getting till an official date.
Just got till casual hangout. That too with friend group.

[Asker]

I am thankful for your response though.
But I need someone to train me.
From me and many of my committed friends I just have any issue from my end.
It's just I am too ugly, skinny or just not interesting enough to be around.
Or maybe I am toxic.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

You’re DEFINITELY toxic

[Asker]

Nope I am too negative

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

You don’t know what toxicity actually is, do you?

[Asker]

Un-wanted fighting or just being like I'll leave you for this, gaslighting, being restricting of her choices, being sarcastic for a lot of your relationship (red flag)
I am clingy so for some people that might be toxic.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

No, you’re toxic because you’re so self-obsessed you won’t take any criticism as anything but an insult to disregard. You need to let go of your ego.

[Asker]

I don't have any... To begin with.
I just self criticed just 3 chats ago.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Yes, your criticisms from yourself protect your ego because it’s what you’re willing to acknowledge, you haven’t understood why I said what I said at all. You don’t want to agree that you could be worse than you think

[Asker]

Do u understand what u just said. Somethings if fixed won't be anything of my real self.
My identity will be gone, which I tried to keep a part, through all my life changes, my core values, helping unconditionally, being kind and just a human in place of husk.
If those things are the issues, I think people should come to accept that part at least. Cause in all my male friends that is that glue that holds everyone together.
I can agree on snapping into an angry outrage.

Also all the women around me told me the lack of self love is the issue.
Which I do In giving myself a bit of priority. When I can

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

I’m saying, no longer in a polite way, that the person you are sucks and that’s why nobody likes you. You need to change that, and yes that means changing your identity if you want to have a partner in your life who cares about you.

[Asker]

Why that is, people more mean, sarcastic, rude, are getting love.
I am much better those.
I don't understand changing me helps in any case, I already became something from which was before. If what you say is true then I need to shred my human side.
From my point of view it's like don't know what to do and where to start to be what someone will love. And I will be ok to do start the change, but isn't it people will mold me in the ideal type whom ever I try to copy?
And if that happens then isn't it just breaking myself to become something just a common man, who is again are just as unsuccessful as I am.
And being polite is something I just genuinely try to.
But it seems my words are harsher when it comes to my personality, cause I have worked hard to get economical and professional success using this.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Because the mean, awful people know how to not act like mean, awful people and manipulate others into staying with them. I genuinely believe if you knew how to do it, you would be the same way

[Asker]

I do know , how to be mean,
Being awful, manipulated and gaslight as well.
But I don't want to hurt someone to get love.

[Asker]

I did try that as well, it doesn't go well.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Shocker. You want to recreate the singular glimpses you get of shitty people having a moment of happiness longer than you, but it doesn’t go well.

[Nikki1989]

No words needed.

[FunkyMonkee]

Not that I've ever been able to tell. At least not very often.

[slatyb]

If they aren't attracted to you, they have a very good reason.

[Asker]

I am made aware that I am unwanted.
So that I don't even try.

[slatyb]

Up to you, but it's behavior and you can change it. How many women do you greet by name? What do you besides work and home?

[jahaims]

Emotionally healthy people like other emotionally healthy people

[EGGMAN1998]

Most of them are bi and hate men, so probably