New boyfriend seems to be obsessed with me?

[Anonymous]

Been dating this guy for around 6 weeks, we did click when we first started dating. I kept him waiting a month before we had sex.

In the first month he was very attentive, text, calling, taking me for dinner or takeaway. He was also full of all the words and couldn't keep his hands off me. Not long after we had sex he told me he was falling in love with me. Now we have got to six weeks and I feel totally smoothered by him and when I do mention things to him, he takes offence and seems to sulk. I'm not horrible, as I don't want to hurt his feelings.

I did discuss his lack of actions and he has been very good and showed he cares and has feelings for me. I don't do all the words I am more an action girl and he keeps asking me to say more lovey dovey stuff to him.

This weekend was my daughter's birthday and originally he was coming round later tonight but my daughter has asked if she could spend the whole day with just me. Now as it is her birthday I do think I should do that. I told him the plans were changed and he did say he respects what my daughter says but did ask if it was actually me that didn't want him to come round as he reckons I have been funny with him all week. Since Tuesday I have had flu and felt like crap and he knows this, I am still ill but put on a brave face for my daughter, even though I want to just curl up in bed and stay there. I did get really cross when he said that as it isn't all about him and if I didn't want him to come round I would have told him, as I am a very honest person. I found he wouldn't let me talk and talked over me to the point I was actually shouting down the phone. We haven't had sex for a week, so maybe that is why he thinks I've gone funny. I don't know about you but when I'm ill I don't fancy eating let alone sex lol.

In the six weeks we have been together, he texts me everyday and has now started to call me around 4 or 5 times a day instead of texting. When we don't see each other he calls before bed. Today he text me when he first got up and he text me last night before bed. He plans his week around seeing me, and talks about when we move in together. He is forever telling me he needs me, he loves me, I have made his life so much better, I make him so happy. This is nice to know but I don't want his happiness to depend on me.

I just feel he is obsessed with me and I do feel smothered by his actions. He seems a nice guy and is very polite, friendly and my children do like him. I just find his sulking and constant reassurance annoying.

Any ideas what I can do, I do want this relationship to work but definitely don't want a clingy/needy guy.

Updates

+1 y

He also has started tagging me in his posts on Facebook and leaving words of songs on my wall. He even brought himself a book called Romance for Dummies to give him some ideas, which I did think was quite sweet, shows he wants to learn. But strangely he felt the need to put this as a Facebook status, getting him replies from female friends and his ex's mum, saying surely he wasn't serious and he didn't need a book. He does seem to turn things into a joke, is this his way of coping?

[JPorter]

I think he's massively insecure, and you need to either put him in his place (more for his sake than yours) or distance yourself from him.

Guys need things in black-and-white. If he wants to take it as you being mean, that's his problem, not yours. You cannot be in a relationship where in six weeks he's asking you to say certain things. That's not him being in love with you, that's him trying to fill an emotional void. If he loved you, he would be working more to help fill your emotional void instead of flat-out begging you to fill his, and embarrassing both of you in pathetic Facebook status messages.

I understand you don't want to hurt him, just like you wouldn't want to hurt a puppy who hasn't learned not to pee on the carpet. Sometimes, though, you gotta swat the puppy on his ass to make him learn.

There's really no nice way to go about it, but you're obviously giving him at least some kind of permission to keep doing it, so unless you tell him in simple language his behavior is not acceptable, he's going to keep doing it.

Geez, you'd think his friends would step in on this. I wouldn't allow my guy friends to broadcast those kinds of things via Facebook or any other venue in which many can see it.

[Asker]

The funny thing is he reckons he doesn't need reassurance or isn't insecure and that he is quite a happy positive person. I think he can't cope with the fact that I am a very stable secure person and as much as I do like him a lot, I don't feel the need to tell him every minute of the day.

I do know that I need to put my foot down and set some boundaries, but I also know he will think it is because my feelings have changed towards him. I am also very embarrassed with the Facebook stuff lol!

[JPorter]

I'm with you...I'd be absolutely humiliated I had a girlfriend who did that.

Again, though, you have the right to set boundaries, and if he either doesn't respect that or feels it's a personal offense to him that you inform him of those boundaries, I'm sorry, but that's his problem. If he's really THAT insecure...well, not sure what to say, except I couldn't imagine being in a relationship like that.

[islands7]

You might never find someone as dedicated as this again. Why you don't get married is the only odd thing missing here. Perhaps you don't "love" him as much as he does you?

He might need a book but maybe you need some experts to help dealing with him. You were sick/recovering so were not in a mood to offer him a bonus day together, something to look forward to, since your daughter needed to breakup your weekend plans with him. This could have de-fused the talk-overs immediately.

The only ones I hear complaining about a lovers full court press like this are the ones that are 22 years old and still dating around, wanting to be free and older ones that do not want to get stuck with buck teeth, bad breath idiots. He seems attractive and easy to love.

[Asker]

You are right I have not fallen as deeply for him as he has for me because all he has shown me is words and no actions. I am the opposite. My weekend plans were actually for my daughter's birthday, originally it was only going to be me and her and the fact I had alsready seen him 3 days that week and we had talked, should have been enough for him. I don't moan when he has to change our plans because he has a football match, I understand.

[islands7]

What actions would "close the deal"?

[popsilicious]

who needs to ring 4 or 5 times a day ... it screams of insecurity and neediness and controlling behavior . I'm sure it's very flattering in a way ... but I do think you need to sit him down and put some ground rules in place ie; amount of contact ... Facebook status updates ... and anything else you aren't happy with and if he can't take it then he's not the man for you .

[Asker]

yes slightly flattering but definitely not what I want 24/7. will be having a word in the next few days and will most definitely be setting some ground rules, wish me luck, not going to be pretty lol

[popsilicious]

I wish you all the luck ... and agree it won;t be pretty if he's a man he'll take it on the chin and if he's not he'll run a mile xx