Why won't a girl make any effort?

Question

I thought of this question when reading some responses to another one.

If a guy asks you out, and gives you his number, why don't girls call him? I read that its because if a guy isn't interested enough to call you, then why should you call him. But he already showed his interest by breaking the ice and asking you out, shouldn't the girl then have to show her interest by actually calling him?

I could say that if a girl isn't interested in me enough to reach in her pocket and hit a few keys, when I've already shown that I'm interested, why should I make even more effort?

It seems that girls just want to either say yes or no, without ever actually making any sort of effort. Shouldn't it be a two way street?

kholland65 · Accepted Answer

What girls fail to realize is that it should be 50/50. But they're been brain washed by both by their peers and themselves. The issue is two fold.

The first is the perpetual insecurity of women. No matter what a guy does, women always seem to feel that there is no way she is deserving and that he still probably isn't that into her. It's a paradox because if we don't try hard enough, they criticize us for not loving them, but try to hard and they criticize us for just trying to get in their pants. At the end of the day, women refuse to approach or reciprocate interest because they have low self-esteem and need verification that not only is he REALLY REALLY interested, but that he isn't just using her for sex.

The second reasons is gender roles. My mom actually told my sister once that girls aren't supposed to pursue men or tell them they are interested. Obviously me and my dad both told my mom that she was full of sh*t. Many women don't approach man or reciprocate interest because they just think they aren't supposed to.

The coin flips both ways. Guys feel the same things you do. If you never reciprocate, don't you think that makes us feel unwanted as well, just as it does when we never call you? In my opinion the dating game works like this. The guy makes the first move, the women reacts, the guy makes a second move, the women reacts again, repeat, repeat. Basically the guy should normally make the first move (though he doesn't have to, ladies if he's not making a move, then take matters into your own hands), but after that its about going back and forth. When I flirt, I'm testing the water. I see how she reacts and if she reciprocates, if she does, I'll make another move. As long as she keeps reciprocating more interest after I show interest, I'll keep escalating. If she blows me off, and doesn't seem interested, or never flirts with me, then I'll assume she isn't interested and I'll move on.

FlaggLives · Accepted Answer

That's just the way the world works. It's evolution. Men are charged with pursuing females, and naturally expected to show the interest and do the majority of the wooing. There are girls out there who will pursue guys they like, I've had experiences with a few of those types, but believe me when I tell you they're a rare breed.

I understand where you're coming from though. It is annoying and discouraging and half the time it makes me want to just avoid the dating game altogether because the whole idea of "man must go after woman" has become so cliche and unoriginal.

pretty-clueless · Accepted Answer

my mom raised me to never chase after a guy and I have to say it screwed up my dating life. Yes I am guilty I made all the guys do ALL the work. However, from my experiences this worked: in the beginning yes the guy can do most of the work . Y? because by doing this he's showing her how much he is into her and this will move her somehow and eventually she'll start hitting you up. Frustrating yes. But in a few months or so it will be reciprocal. I usually hate it when guys give me their digits because it makes me do the work even though they approached me first. I'm thinking if they really liked me they would call me first (crappy yes). But I have to say now if a guy gave me his number and if I felt we really had a connection I would actually hit him up first.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

My, my. Entitled much?

"I GAVE HER MY NUMBER. SHE HAS TO CALL ME!"

If numbers are swapped by both parties, I'd prefer to have the guy call. Why? To make sure he's serious and not just trying to string me along or get some ass. If he's truly interested, he makes the effort. Unfortunately, there's a bit of a trend of when guys let the girls chase them - they get used.

HOWEVER, if a guy hands a girl his number, it's a craps shoot. If she's interested and know he doesn't have her number, by all means. She should make an effort. But if you gave her number and she's NOT interested, sorry. She obviously wasn't interested.

crookthings · Accepted Answer

Gender roles, or at least the remnants of them. It's still common for people to think girls are supposed to be the passive ones. Humanity will hopefully figure it out eventually :P

Tabsy13 · Answer

It's one of those irritating and frustrating differences between the way genders behave in terms of dating. The girl will wait until she is in a secure relationship and then will make all the effort, the guy has to make all the effort to get her and by the time he's finally snagged her and it's obvious she isn't going anywhere he is so tired out mentally he thinks or simply can't carry on making the effort and is settled. At some point there is a crossroads where the guy's effort to establish the relationship diminishes and the girls effort to maintain the relationship increases so neither are on the same page and friction builds, the guys thinks "what's wrong with you" saying I don't make the effort I've already proved it by getting you, the girl doesn't seem to understand this cause all she had to do is let him pursue and finally make it official, where as the guys male friends who may have done it themselves or are still trying to do it show him a level of respect because they realise how hard it actually is to bag a girl YOU actually like rather than just going for anyone you know likes you which a lot of guys do to save the effort part.

Maintaining the relationship isn't any LESS important to the guy than the girl it's just he is running at 50-75% energy having already made the effort and want to take it easy as so to replenish it. When she decides we are Boyfriend and Girlfriend or in relationship she is still at 100% energy, but her using up 25-50% of her energy can also use up a lot of his because everything is in 'We' form now and the guy literally gets tired of it, so will need to step away to re-charge and of course the girl will be upset because she is fully invested in the relationship and will now need to get her self back to 100% to be 'ready' for the next guy to pursue her and then repeat the same formula.

Frostie · Answer

It should be, but it rarely is ever the case. Lol.. it annoys the f*** out of me. if they dont' give effort I delete their number andi gnore them. then they end up wondering 'what happened?".

Yeah as for the update "It's just curiosity, not a jaded, passive aggressive rant that I can't get a date, as so many people seem to believe" - many seem to believe that irregardless of if you can or can't XD.

Anonymous · Answer

Mostly its fear. They are terrified at all sorts of things - like you weren't serious, or they'll not know what to say, or they'll say the wrong thing, or ... A million other things.

Guys are risk takers. That's why we do the grunt work. Testosterone is the hormone that makes you a risk taker. Men have it. Women don't. And guys who can't bring themselves to talk to girls, don't have enough of it.

DesiVega · Answer

Typically, we will make a move too if we are actually intersted. if not its just saying well call because we feel bad if we say no. ain't no lying when its said females are bitches. we really can be sometimes.

AndyWes · Answer

Because you can't take girls seriously. They act on emotion, claim equality with men, yet are terrified of rejection and won't risk making a move, falling back on things like, "Well, if you're not MAN enough to risk getting rejected..."

Betwyn · Answer

Guys who just want to "Hit it and quit it"  won't put out tons of effort over a days...  they'll move on...

anthony87 · Answer

what this question is really about is "why won't girls call me?" the short answer is, they aren't interested in you.. get over it.

anonymousbastard · Answer

Its because no one wants to see the female race, get embarrassed.  When a guy gets turned down he gets embarrassed and everyone will laugh. But a women gets turned down, everyones like don't worry you'll find someone blah blah blah.

Anonymous · Answer

yes I think relationships should be roughly 50/50 in just about everything. from making an effort to paying a bill at the end of a date. I'm not going to get used for my money just because society thinks a guy should do most of the hard work.

Morningglory3 · Answer

The girl may have felt too bad not to accept your number, but didn't want to call you. Or she changed her mind...or was too indecisive.

chiquitawapa91 · Answer

basically not interested. maybe have someone else in mind

Anonymous · Answer

I'll make effort, but after he shows his interest in me.

Anonymous · Answer

most girls are old-fashioned

Why won't a girl make any effort?

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