Why do people assume a beautiful girl is stuck up and conceited?

[veronica12]

You will never hear someone say that an ugly girl is stuck up. By nature, I walk with good posture, head held high, and feet on straight line. I have a nice fashion sense, and when I walk, I don't stare people down (Id rather look straight ahead), when I rarely meet someone´s eyes I give a polite small, yet follow my path. when a pretty girl is walking, and people say she's stuck up only because she doesn't look at them, when they are STARING at her. It is awkward that's why she doesn't look back, because everyone is staring at her when she enters a room, a store, the street. If they talk to me, Ill be the friendliest person. My friends say "jeez before the first time talking to you I though you were so stuck up"..also should I add I don't like looking at men, because that makes me smile, and then they approach me thinking I like them. What do you think? I can't go around with a grin on my face all the time, looking at everyone. Point of this question is that recently I went to a meeting with my parents, and a friend of them told my aunt (who told my mom), how I "had entered a room with a stuck up vibe because everyone had looked at me and I didn't look back nor smile". I find that ridiculous and incredibly judgmental. During the four days at that congress, men were staring me down ALL the time, which I dislike because they get the wrong idea if I smile. However with the women I met eyes with I smiled politely, I always say please and thank you, and always greet when I enter somewhere (eg a bathroom I say good evening to the cleaning lady, or a shop good morning to the salesperson)

[Annieme]

Ugly girls cannot afford to be seen as stuck up because the only thing they have going for them is their personality. So naturally, if they lost that, they wouldn't be able to attract people to them. Also, ugly girls are usually aware that they're not "pretty" and that often makes them insecure and desperate for validation and so they try harder in social interactions and that makes them likeable and approachable. Because of society's beauty standards and because we are wired biologically to seek an attractive mate, being rejected by ugly girls is not perceived by guys as that painful whereas being rejected by a beautiful girl is. Being beautiful significantly increases your status whether you want it or not because unlike personality beauty is not something that can be hidden (unless you try really hard to make yourself ugly) and if you're smart too that just makes you even more "valuable". Of course that means that people are attracted to you and seek your attention and validation. The problem is that if you are introverted and/or maybe somewhat insecure, you really don't want that attention so you try to hide away. That makes people feel rejected by you, makes them feel inferior (hurts their ego) and in order to feel better they comfort themselves thinking that you're "stuck up". Maybe as a high value person you also are selective about who you interact with but there is nothing wrong with that. The reason why you are probably bothered by being seen as "stuck up" is because you want to be liked and care what other people think about you but don't have to. You don't have to care what other people think about you because it doesn't matter. Their opinion of you is not who you are. However, I cannot stop you from caring so there are three choices you can make - 1. You continue doing what you've been doing so far, 2. You act like an ugly girl and really try hard to interact with people and be the center of attention, 3. You just own who you are, what you like and dislike but still make some effort to not shy away from the spotlight and be more real and upfront instead of "nice".
Good luck!

[DianaWest]

i have this issue too. i am shy and insecure, and people assume i am a bitch if i don't immediately go up to every stranger and pat them on the back with a beaming smile. i heard some snickering, "look at her. she thinks she's so high and mighty. she's just a pretty face." lol, i never said anything to them, ever. i didn't even know them.

[freespirit212]

Ok so I got to your question by searching this similar topic on google because I basically have the same problem.

It probably won't matter because it has been a year since you posted this question but if it means anything,I can completely relate to you.

Two weeks ago I met a great guy and we soon became close and one of the things he told me is that when he first saw me,he thought I was incredibly stuck up. I don't know what made him think that but it got me thinking and by talking to friends I realized he wasn't the only person I made such a first impression on.

I do not think of myself as a hot mess neither do I think I have a posture of such a person. I just don't have the energy to smile at everybody all the time. I had a hard time becoming confident,learning to believe a compliment and actually realising what I'm worth. And now that I finally have people have started to look at me differently,or at least I finally noticed that which made me feel good about myself finally. So now I learnt that girls who actually know their worth so often come off as conceited. There is a big difference between being conceited and being confident. So as a person who used to put herself down a lot,I know how much such opinions of other people often hurt and mean to us. So before anything,don't judge a book by its cover.

[TheDigitalSaint]

There's a couple of reasons why people make assumptions about beautiful girls:

- Some of them do use their looks for gain (could be discounts at stores, getting promotions at work, lots of free dates/drinks, etc.)

- A good looking girl intimidates a LOT of men, who in turn, sometimes make up "reasons" as to why she isn't a nice girl just to cover their own excuses for not approaching her or asking her out

- Some attractive girls aren't friendly, just like the not so attractive ones, there's no one-size-fits-all

- Girls are incredibly competitive creatures when it comes to looks, and some of them feel (sadly) the need to tear down other girls to "build" themselves up

- It is natural for all people to want to stare at what we find attractive, that's biology at play, excessive staring, well, that's not quite as polite, but it doesn't mean that staring is unnatural

- It sounds like you are sort of closed off with your body language (avoiding eye contact, not smiling that often, etc.) and that is a surefire way to get people to make assumptions about you

Attractive people are assumed to be confident about themselves. If you aren't, or you try to close people off if you aren't interested in maintaining an open body language stance, and people will assume that you're "too good for the rest of us". I've seen it happen many times before and even had to correct a few girlfriends as to why it is people were seeing them in a bad light, even if they weren't bad people.

[veronica12]

i smile A LOT while in a conversation. people that know me are always telling me how I'm smiling all the time...the problem is with strangers, at conferences, people I don't know, I don't go around walking through them with aa smile on my face.

[TheDigitalSaint]

Try adding a smile, no matter how slight, and you'd be surprised at how people will be much more receptive to you. I've worked in sales for years and have become quite good at building rapport with many different types of people. A warm smile, no matter how bad a day I'm having on the inside often melts the other person. It is hard to be mad or say bad things about someone who is smiling at you. Seriously, make an effort to smile more, even when you don't feel like it. It works. :)

[veronica12]

but it just feels so awkward to me. smiling when you make eye contact is one thing, but that would basically mean id have to be making eye contact at all times? also smiling with men twists things, they begin talking about me and approach me (has happened before). I'm so used to looking straight ahead and rarely make eye contact (when I do I smile), that its so awkward to walk around with a smile

[TheDigitalSaint]

Habits, both good and bad, are tough things to shake. It feels awkward because you haven't made a habit of doing it on a daily basis. Men are going to approach girls they find open to talking with. Who says you can't be friends with them or make a new business contact? Not everything has to be an all-or-nothing approach when it comes to smiling and making good eye contact.

[veronica12]

im 16 and look older, therefore 30 and 20 year olds STARE ME DOWN. (since I'm not interested in them, I don't smile to them). but any tips to be able to look at people (perhaps start with women/children) and be able to slightly smile at them. jeez I feel like I need a social skills class loool

[TheDigitalSaint]

There's an excellent book on the topic that you should read. Go to the library or look on amazon/ebay and buy/check out the title called "What Every Body Is Saying" by the author Joe Navaro. It is the one book that helped me a lot understand body language a lot better.

Also, it is completely normal for guys of all ages to be attracted to women younger than themselves, especially if you look old for your age. It is just something you'll have to learn how to handle. Read the book though. :)

[veronica12]

ill def check it out, however the hard thing is actually doing it lol

[TheDigitalSaint]

Like I said, habit is not something that is changed overnight. Practice and perseverance wins the day dear. :)

[kambo_trick3y]

1 - It's not up to you to determine whether or not you are considered physically attractive, it's up to other people.

2 - Beautiful people = People becoming attracted to you

People attracted to you = Getting what you want



Getting what you want = Becoming spoiled



Becoming spoiled = stuck up and conceited personality

3 - Your posture, your fashion sense, many of these things that you just stated have nothing to do with being stuck up and conceited. Stuck up and conceited is a mental frame of mind, not how you physically carry yourself or dress. A person can slouch and dress terribly and still be full of themselves.

[veronica12]

i am NOT stuck up, its how people...strangers see me, not people that know me and see me interact with others. I agree with all except no.2.

[DianaWest]

Seriously, you shouldn't care what these ugly dogs think of you anyway. They just judge us on our appearance. We should all have been born ugly because ugly people have the purest, most beautiful souls ever, despite the fact that everyone knows all "beautiful" women who wear a million pounds of makeup and have breast implants because they think it makes them "attractive" are actually ugly af when the plastic comes off. This should not apply to natural beauty (like, it is not your fault God made you beautiful on the inside and the outside), so if these dogs can't see it, then they are just jealous. Don't give them the satisfaction by acknowledging their existence. Just show them the finger if they give you attitude. Like, we shouldn't judge people on their skin colour, body shape, etc, and yet we still do. We also automatically label a naturally beautiful person as conceited. The only conceited people are actually hideous because they try too hard to look good, and it'd not cute.

[Anonymous]

well honestly, this question doesn't exactly radiate humility either...

[veronica12]

Im sorry if its a rant, but I think that things are better if theyre set clearly.

[DianaWest]

Honestly girl, i know exactly what you are going through, except for me, I receive death stares from ugly jealous bulldogs in random places (i. e. the subway, bus, lecture, etc.). I don't even know what their fucking problem is, apparently my existence annoys them. I think I have resting bitch face (which means my neutral face looks slightly bored/disgusted/intimidating). I am, however, a very friendly person and I talk to everyone. I never care how someone looks, how smart or rich they are, as long as they are kind and loyal people instead of jealous ass kissers. I even attempted to befriend some of these bitches (by genuinely complimenting them, helping them on projects, sending them notes, etc.) only to have them continue bickering behind my back as if I they think I am deaf or something. Anyways, I learned to not give a fuck anymore. I really don't think beautiful people are "ugly" on the inside. The ugliest one are the ones who are ugly on the outside, because they are too insecur

[Freetobe007]

Because they usually are

[DianaWest]

Honestly, the girls who are the most attractive don't even think they are. It is just the average looking or ugly jealous bulldogs who think they're the shit just because they have huge boobs or something, and that apparently makes them attractive. There is a difference between being naturally beautiful, and being superficially "beautiful." I can guarantee you sweetheart that most "beautiful" girls look like bulldogs without their makeup and push up bras. A girl who wears no makeup, walks around wearing an oversized jacket and a scarf that covers half her face only to receive death stares from ugly jealous trash that don't even know her name means that the real issue here are not beautiful women (who are naturally beautiful yet don't know it). The real issue are women who wear 100 pounds of makeup and hide behind a façade to feel better about themselves. I guarantee you that most of them are not even that hot, like most celebrities (i. e. Kim Kardashian, Jennifer Lopez) Nah.

[pr3ttybr0wn]

THEY'RE INSECURE

[veronica12]

thing is that I don't feel insecure at all. I feel uncorfortable however because people are always staring at me. I msut give this huge stuck up vibe lol

[pr3ttybr0wn]

Not you, them

[Anonymous]

Because they can have any guy they want.