Why does every guy think single moms are bad news?

[Anonymous]

Okay, so my and ex and I dated for 3 years, had a kid and we ended up not working out because all we did was fight. Now I've been single for over a year now and it seems to me that every guy that is interested in me doesn't want a real relationship with me. I just always get the vibe that guys are scared to be with girls with kids. I mean I could understand if she didn't have a job, no goals in life, etc. But I'm going to school, work part time, take care of my kid pretty much all by myself, so I'm not trying to get a guy to fill in the role of the dad. It kinda makes me have no hope of finding anyone because of how so if a girl was financially secure, had her life on track, and everything like that and you were interested, would you still not even think of her as relationship worthy because she has a kid?

[kholland65]

2 reasons.

1. At your age, dealing with a kid is not something we are ready for or want. Especially when its not ours. No matter what the girl says, its going to be a part of our relationship and most guys just rather be with a girl who doesn't have a kid to worry about.

2. Typically it implies she's damaged goods. For the most part, we assume a girl who has a kid has lower moral standards and comes from a lower class walk of life, because quite frankly, I'm not even sure how this happens. I'm sexually active and have never come close to having a kid. Between condoms, birth control, plan B, and all the other sh*t, I don't know how a kid happens on accident, aside from maybe a pill failing or a condom breaking and even then, that is far more rare than the amount of single moms around.

Point is, I don't want to deal with a kid at my age that isn't mine, and two, 9/10 girls I know who have kids and are single are trainwrecks, like the girl I know who has slept with half the town and got knocked up by a married man twice her age. I see this kind of stuff too often so its hard to take anyone else seriously. I'm sorry if you are not one of these types, but I'm just playing the odds.

[Asker]

I mean I can understand to a point. and actually failed birth control is a lot more common than you think, I know 2 people in particular than got pregnant will on the shot and the pill. But it does make me mad because there are so many single moms that give every one of us a bad name. I just feel like I'm at a point where I'm basically going to have to single until my kid turns 18 lol. I mean I really don't mind being single. But who doesn't want to be with someone.

[DutchAtheist]

For me personally, my biggest concern would be that she makes impulsive decisions without thinking them through. I'm suspicious of women that have small children from an ex because it might be a sign that she gets bored easily. Having a kid is a big decision and if you break up when the kid is still very young you either misjudged the relationship very badly or thought you could fix it by having a child. I don't say this is always the case, but I would be careful... I don't want to have a child with a girl that might break up right away.

[Asker]

i totally agree with you some cases are like that, but would you give the girl a chance to find out what her deal was? or write her off?

[DutchAtheist]

I'd like to think I would give a girl a fighting chance, but I'm honest enough to say that she would really have to prove something to me...

[Gogators2011]

For the most part I think it's haveing to deal with knowing the kids father will always be around. Then there's the I want a family of my own not pre made one. You might have to look at a different group of guys to date like a single father who is in your shows as well. Most guys who do not have kids will be hard pressed to find one that will take that roll on. They don't have the feelings you do to your child because it's not there own. Good look there's guys out there just have to keep looking

[Shpongolia]

From my perspective, I'd be a bit leery about dating a single mom because I have absolutely no experience in taking care of children, and that can be pretty intimidating. That and there will always be the conflict with the kid misbehaving and yelling "you're not my real dad, I don't have to listen to you!" Most single guys who've never had kids don't know what it's like to be a father and feel they aren't ready for it. I know I'm not ready for fatherhood.

[Asker]

I understand that, and I know there's always the issue of the kid getting attached to the guy, which is something I'm afraid of esp if it didn't work out. Like I know being in a relationship would def be harder than with a girl without a kid, it just makes me feel like I'm either going to not find anyone or settle for less than I want/deserve

[Shpongolia]

I'm not saying it's entirely hopeless for you to find a new partner who wouldn't mind that you have a kid. I'm just answering as it is and I don't usually sugar coat my answers on here with little white lies. Perhaps a single father who understands your perspective better might be more inclined to date you. There are guys out there who'd be OK with you and your kid.

[damondino]

I am sorry that is your experience. It certainly wouldn't influence any decision I made. I would look at you for who you are and where you were going, kids are great and a lot of single mums do a fantastic job. All the best to you - your man will come xx

[Asker]

well I'm glad to hear a guy feels that way I was feeling like I was doomed in that department and thank youu =)

[damondino]

Chances are you will get a better standard of bloke as well, one who isn't scared to give rather than take take take xx

[Anonymous]

Some guys will, and some won't. I personally wouldn't hesitate to date a single mom, although I'm biased because I'm dating a single mom and know about the judging and concerns that single moms go through.

To answer your question, some guys want to be numero uno in their girlfriend's life, some don't like the lack of freedom single moms may have (the alone time with her), and some guys don't want the responsibility of raising another guy's kid(usually guys that's in early adulthood). I think it has to do with the stage a guy is in his life. I guy that is looking to accomplish his individual goals or adventure without liability may be dismissive about the idea of dating a single mom as opposed to an accomplished mature/older guy.

[The_Supid_Genius]

A single mom who can actually carve a future out for her kid is never a problem. A girl who had her kid with a total loser when they were like 17 and was never able to get educated as a result of that...another story altogether.

If a girl can't give the kid a fighting chance at a future and has it anyways I simply look elsewhere for romantic interest.

[Asker]

I agree, wish people would see the difference between the two, Its like guys see a single mom and think they are on the prowl for someone to take care of her and her kid, and that's not always the case

[The_Supid_Genius]

Some guys will assume you're a "breeder" so if they knock you up you'll have it as opposed to the alternative. This scares em sometimes too.

[Littletad]

I respect any girl that has kids, but I just have different experiences with them. Most of the girls I've dated that had kids or were married before tend to have lots of issues. Usually stemming from their ex or the fact that they still have to deal with their baby's father. It's a mess, unless the girl really has let go of her past and is really able to date. In other words, most of the girls I've dated with kids were never really ready to move on. At the end of the day, I don't want to feel I have to live in someones past, or their mistakes. I'm not saying having kids is a mistake, but it's a tough decision. Not every man is capable of dating a girl with kids.

[Asker]

yea I see where thatd be a problem. It just sucks because not every girl with a kid is emotionally unstable and all that. but the ones that are stable aren't given that chance to prove that we are because how other girls act.

[Konnour]

A kid is like "a stigma" to you - it wards off guys. We would feel pathetic entering a serious relationship with a woman who already got a kid, because we don't want to raise a kid whose real father now probably is living it up.

Any self-respecting guy wants to have a real family, to be a real father to his kids, and when we bump on a girl who unfortunately already haves a kid, we don't want to "suck it up" and stick to it - there are a lot of amazing, single girls who don't have kids, who haven't made the wrong choices.

[Asker]

yea I mean I totally agree with the fact 10-1 a guy will pick a girl that doesn't have a kid, because it's a whole of a hell lot easier to be in a relationship with her. and you're right me having a kid does "ward" off guys. It just sucks because guys are still always hitting on me etc. and are all about hooking up and that's so not me

[Operations]

I was close to asking a girl out that has a 5 or six year old son here fairly recently. For once, I just didn't care. Some will, some won't. But I think you said it yourself, some may think they are there for the reason of filling in the role of a dad, and other may think her responsibilty lies elsewhere, and they can't spend any serious time with her or anything else.

[Asker]

very true, I mean my daughter is put over everything else in my life. and I mean I don't expect everyone to accept my situation, its just I feel like some single moms have given us good ones bad reps

[Operations]

Why not trying to find a single father? At least that way you would share common ground with someone and it could be easier-

[Asker]

I have thought about that, but it seems like every guy that has a kid that I know of is either, a dead beat, pot head, or still with the girl he had a kid with,.

[Operations]

Well, just don't give up. Not all of 'em are.

[kheserthorpe]

I'm married with kids. I love kids. If I divorced I'd probably date single mothers. But I absolutely understand why single people don't want to date parents. Kids are a huge deal! They totally change your life. The things you do, the hours you keep your focus all changes. And it's a big responsibility. And - well really you either hook up casually or you ARE going to be in the kids lives. It's one or the other. And that's the reality.

[Asker]

I get that it def is not everyones cup of tea. I really can't say if I would have dated a guy with a kid before I had one. I just hate that the fact every guy my age or close to it is still stuck in the party phase because that def is not what I'm interested in anymore.

[kheserthorpe]

It's the reality and downside of having kids young (there are upsides too).

I suspect you will have a hard time finding a guy your age who is really ready (and able) to have a serious relationship with kids.

[prophecy]

scared? no. just not interested.

you know this "I'm not trying to get a guy to fill in the role of the dad"? it always comes to that. ALWAYS.

and having this child in your life without any real control over him is another reason.

[Asker]

no not really, my baby's dad is still in my daughters life so I don't have a need or want to have someone step in that role. and I guess I could unsterstand the second part

[prophecy]

look, it always comes to that and you don't even realize it.

"oh yeah honey, I just remembered, get a bottle of milk for the little mike over here will ya" BOOM, and we're there.

and there's another thing. the child is always number one and it takes time, it eats your nerves, etc... and you know what? I don't want that. I want to be 100% focused on having fun when it comes to a relationship. child is just a horrible distraction.

[uhaveatextmessage]

It's too much baggage. Sorry, I just don't find single moms to be attractive

[Anonymous]

not necessarily, it's just a lot of responsibility.