Why bother trying to find a girl?

[Anonymous]

I've been single my whole life and never dated or hooked up with anyone before. I'm starting to get frustrated and think it's not worth it trying to date anymore. I even work on improving myself a ton over the last 2 years and it doesn't show at all because I'm still as nonexistent with women as I've always been even when I used to be fat and dumb. I hate being in my senior year of college and being a virgin and hearing all these stupid freshman talk about getting girls and stuff. Every time I start thinking about girls and love I just get angry internally. Maybe better to just stay single and not even think about girls.

[SteelyMcBeam]

I'll tell you why you SHOULD bother.

1. College is the easiest time to meet women. There are clubs and extra-curricular activites like crazy and it is super easy to find something you like and meet women who share that interest. I miss college and wish I had a time machine.

2. You have been single for this long, sure. But since you typed this post it means you are EXTREMELY frustrated. You aren't going to be any less frustrated down the road (I know).

3. Do you really want to die alone? The alternative is to become bi and get interested in men (I cannot even fathom it, myself).

4. I am 27 years old and out of college (I am you a few years down the road, if you are a nerd who started working out). I am a virgin who has never had a girlfriend. I am STILL miserable, but upon reflection I realize there were women who legitimately approached me at times trying to get to know me better (being an inexperienced, socially inept nerd I couldn't understand at the time how to react).

5. Go out. Join a club. Talk with women at the gym. Do everything you can while you are still young, damnit! I have no right to talk being an older version of you, but believe me if you give up now you are done FOREVER. If you really improved yourself over the past two years (we sure do think alike!) then you are a few steps closer to being the ideal 'Mr. Right'.

6. Here's the thing I've come to learn (I'm your senior so listen to me). When you get out of college, you will have an 8-hours or longer work shift. You will sleep 8 hours a day. You will spend an hour working out and probably more time for commuting and showering afterward. It will be early evening at best when you have freedom to try and meet people. That's what it is like to be an adult. The only things left right now to utilize are match-making, blind-dating services and trying to pick-up chicks at bars or something (it will NEVER work, fyi, because every chick will think you are a sleaze bag looking for a one-night stand. because guess who also goes there to pick-up women).

7. If you are like me (I could be wrong but I'm bringing this up anyway), then it might please you to know there are still lots of 'inexperienced' women around who are saving themselves for Mr. Right (an ideal who actually doesn't exist). You can probably come close enough to Mr. Right to save one of these damsels in distress and sweep her off of her feet.

Heh, to be honest you already knew half of this. You just posted this because you wanted some answer or some confirmation that you had the right strategy. I, unfortunately, cannot confirm this. But I can tell you everything I said is either true or very close to the truth.

I don't recommend giving up-because you cannot! As long as you are heterosexual male who fantasizes about meeting a girl and making her yours every night in bed for the rest of your lives, it is impossible to give up short of suicide. Please don't kill or castrate yourself. You can do it, but remember you are aging

[Asker]

pretty much everything you said.

[SteelyMcBeam]

I have a special message for you:

YouTube.com/watch?v=xy4FXhkm6Nw

[Anonymous]

sounds like you have low selfesteem women notice things like that. Start talking to women so what if they say no at least you tried. The reason for this tactic is to get yourself exposed the more you're out there the more they will see you. Don't let it bother you when they tell you no just shake it off and go to the next one. You build confidence when you talk to women on the regular and women love a confident male. Ask any woman I gaurantee they will tell you the same. So stop doubting yourself women can feel it when you fell that you're not worthy. Tell me this if a girl thought that she wasn't worth your time. would you think she was worth your time? women look at things that way so change your mind frame and you'll see a change in your life.

[LJHam]

The problem is how your allow yourself to think. "I start thinking about girls and love I just get angry"... instead of focusing on what hasn't happened yet, focus on what you want to happen in the future. An unhappy past can do nothing but bring you down if you choose to dwell on it. Anger is not going to bring a girl into your life. Happiness & hope will. Focus on what makes you happy, what makes you feel good.

"The only guarantee for failure is to stop trying" - John C. Maxwell

“I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.” - Thomas A. Edison

“You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don’t try.” - Beverly Sills

[Asker]

ugh I apply all those quotes to my life just in regards to dating I hate rejection and not knowing outcomes.

[LJHam]

Can you honestly say that anyone out there doesn't HATE rejection? You're not alone in that feeling. The trick is to stop focusing so much on the fear & rejection part of it. If Edison had focused on the 10,000 times his stuff didn't work then he would've never discovered what he did. Realize that any & each rejection is NOT a personal statement about you.

[Asker]

easy for you to say you're not the one actually doing it.

[LJHam]

Easy for me to say what? I'm not doing what? Putting my heart on the line & getting rejected? Ha! I'm 41 & have never been married. If you think I'm not familiar with rejection then you're making assumptions you shouldn't. But choosing to focus on what has happened or not happened & being angry about it gets me nowhere.

[nermalinda]

You should stop thinking about girls. When you really stop thinking about it for a while, then you might actually get one. It's just stressing you out too much, and you need to be relaxed for girls to like you.

[SteelyMcBeam]

That's not necessarily true. I'm living evidence.

[Asker]

it's hard for girls to like me when I never meet any girls in the first place.

[nermalinda]

Yeah I agree, but I don't mean to give up forever, just give up for a little while to give yourself a break, then maybe you can start looking again with a new perspective.

[SteelyMcBeam]

It's your senior year. If you are graduating then that means this is your last year. I don't think you should take a break yet. You might regret it -like I do. I could have formed a beautiful relationship while in college had I known better. It's a nice thing to say "relax and don't rush", but honestly It will be much more difficult to meet women after you graduate. No offense to nermalinda, but I insist he not give up yet. I took that attitude and didn't try. Now I am out of college and alone.

[Asker]

main issue is with finding girls not getting them to like me. I don't know anyone.

[SteelyMcBeam]

That's why you go out and join clubs and other groups like I was saying. You are in college so these things are easily available. You'd be surprised at who you could meet and run into. You could join a language club, or a martial arts club, or a break-dancing club, or a film writer's club, or anything else that's available (I have no idea what your interests are). You are like a molecule and women other molecules -the more you bump into them, the more likely you will have a chemical reaction.

[Asker]

hahaha at that thing you said at the end. Yeah you are right though.

[SteelyMcBeam]

Oh, and if you are curious about my situation: I am having job interviews right now. I am pretty certain I am going to get at least one of the five jobs I'm being screened for. Once I get that job, I will move to the city and I am going to give online dating a try. I have only been on a blind-date once before (hs prom night with my friend's ex-girlfriend -guess who she was trying to get with the whole night and guess who she ignored mostly...), but I will give it another try as an adult.

[Asker]

pretty much got a year left on my undergrad math/stats degree then I'm hoping to get into school's master in statistics program either in fall 2013 or fall 2014 depending on if I can get my application in early enough. Then 2 years of that and maybe half a year to a year and half after living with parents to pay off some loans lol.

[SteelyMcBeam]

Well I'm rooting for you, so Bust-a-Move!

[Shameneyes]

stay single and save yourself the trouble.