Why Nice Guys Should Keep Being Nice

[Punkbuster107]

I suffer from an affliction the dating community frequently calls "being a nice guy"!

Women will find me attractive, date me, tell me I'm the most realiable, sweetest, best guy they've dated, and then a few weeks later they'll say the feelings have muddied into something more brotherly/platonic and ask for us to go back to being friends; all the while insisting that while serendipity cruelly sapped them of their attraction to me, the next girl I meet will probably be super excited for catching such a magnificent specimen of manly hunk. (Ok, no woman has ever worded it quite that way; if she did, we’d probably be soul-mates.)

This repeats, with every new romantic interest basking in my chivalrous charm for a time, only to eventually tell me the ember has died out for her, and some other lucky girl will have the honor of being with one of the most eligible bachelors in the existence…! (Yay us…)

I can’t even say that these girls made a mistake by leaving me. After we go our separate ways, they’ll usually find a great guy who is the perfect match just a few months later. When it happens, I don’t see the guy as arbitrarily superior to me, but there is no denying that he and my ex-girlfriend/date are great for each other, so much so that even when they get married and blow up my facebook feed with their loveydoveyness, the more rational part of me can’t help but feel happy for them, their compatibility, and their ultimate success in making a good family.

Before I continue, lets take a moment to debunk a myth pertaining to nice guys:

Myth: Nice girls friendzone nice guys and then wind up with assholes.

Truth: Girls with personality disorders friend zone nice guys and then wind up with assholes.

More truth: Nice girls only go for nice guys. If they leave a nice guy, it is to move on to another nice guy who is evident of being a better fit. Not being the first nice guy does not make him an asshole.

It's all well and good that girls who date me tend to move on to live happily ever after once we’ve parted ways, but its still pretty annoying on my part. That’s why tonight, on my way home from work, I complained at God about my love life as I’ve done many times before. “Hey God, why am I still single, when most of the girls I dated are living happily ever after? If I’m so good at treating women right, then why do I always fall back into singleness? Why are those other nice getting married, but I’m still looking for dates?”

Then, a moment of comfort and clarity came to me. If you believe in God, then lets call it answered prayer. If you don’t, you are free to attribute it to the burrito I ate for lunch, and an uncomfortable pocket of gas escaping my body at just the right time. In any case, a thought came to me, and I realized that every girl I’ve ever dated, to my knowledge, was better off after dating me than before. Whaaat?

I did a mental check of every girl I could think of, testing the legitimacy of my thought. Sure enough, I couldn’t think of a single woman who I dated who was not closer to happiness after I dated her than before. My entire time dating, people other than myself have been benefiting from my efforts, while I have remained single. Then it dawned on me:

What if a nice guy’s purpose in dating was not

to get a girlfriend, but was to leave every girl he dated closer to finding the right guy?

So, there it is. My new goal is to positively influence every girl I date. I will strive to push her just a little closer to finding the exact right nice guy for her. If ever that nice guy ever happens to be me, then I apologize in advance to the last guy she dated, and for all of the lovey-dovey facebook posts he will more than likely be subject to.

[RedThread]

Dude I like that you're ACTUALLY a nice guy unlike quite a lot of guys on here who just say they're nice guys but secretly or not so secretly total assholes. Honestly this same scenario happened to me recently too but it was over the course of like 2 weeks. We chatted and had a good time and she seemed SUPER interested but then out of nowhere she started texting me less and said that we are good friends and all that. I think there's something about my personality that just ISN'T sexy. I think maybe I'm not aggressive or dominant enough? Maybe I'm too passive? Maybe I get really "into" a woman too quickly? I have noticed that after transitioning to being friends with me that this woman seems to have a more positive opinion about men in general.

I didn't really come to the same conclusion as you though. I think I need to keep putting myself out there and figure out what about me isn't desirable long term. I mean I think I'm awesome so it isn't like I'm insecure or I think less of myself. I'm kind of tired of always almost being relegated to the 'gay best friend' who's actually a straight guy. Females blow up my phone at all hours of the day and night asking for advice and I'm happy to give it, but I wish in the future one of the women I'm into won't become one of them.

I hope that with more dating I'll come to the realization of what it could be. There's some universal sex appeal trait that women seem to like but I don't seem to have lmao. I'll figure it out eventually because I'm a fantastic problem solver. I just wish it didn't take so many failed attempts to do so lol

Anyway thanks for the take bro. It definitely shed some light on a few things for me.

[Punkbuster107]

Cool stuff man. I think we have a bit in common.

The truth is, I think girls like me a lot better when I'm interested seeing them for the sake of seeing them then they ever have been when I was obviously eager to have a girlfriend.

Can't say for certain what your missing piece is. I think a big thing for me is that there comes a point where I get too excited to find out a girl likes me, and I end up smothering her. I'm hoping that this new mindset of dating girls without the primary goal of being in a relationship will make it easier for girls to have fun getting to know me without feeling pressured by any pre-mature expectations. If they still move on to other guys, I won't feel like I've failed either. Its kind of win-win.

Cheers! =)

[lumos]

I mean... ok... that's a bit of an awkward conclusion.
Let me just ask. When you dated these girls, did you actually flirt with them? Tease them? Talk about sexual stuff? Do sexual stuff? Because, for me, the only reason why I would feel like a guy is more of a brother to me, is when there's literally no sexual tension at all and he refuses to flirt and be a tease. Basically he acts as platonic as possible, like a brother would. Maybe that's your issue?

[alfonsosloan45]

Why don't you flirt with them? YOU ARE FROM FINLAND. You should be all for equality.

[lumos]

@alfonsosloan45 what? What does that have to do with anything? Did I say that he should do all the work? Of course not. However, romantic and sexual interest usually only occurs when you're actually being romantic and sexual. If you're acting 100% platonic, then it's pretty obvious you will only be seen as a friend or brother. Also, Finland is not Sweden. Finland is a lot more traditional and backwards in comparison. Either way I'm all for equality, you're just making weak assumptions that aren't based on anything I actually said.

[GoodDogNigel]

"Talk about sexual stuff?"

Unless the guy's attractive, that's sexual harassment.

[Transigence]

@GoodDogNigel That's why I never talked to any women growing up. I was terrified of this. Women don't give a shit. They are only interested in men willing to stand in the position of being carted off to jail at the whim of one capricious and fickle woman.

[lumos]

@GoodDogNigel it's assumed here that there's at least some interest present considering that the mytake owner were in a relationship with these girls. -_- Please stick to the topic at hand instead of going off tangent irrelevantly. If you treat your girlfriend 100% platonically then of course she will lose interest after a while. The spark needs to be kept alive. Nothing in my opinion pointed at talking with strangers about sexual things so again, stick to the actual damn topic.
@Transgience stop making sexist generalizations.

[lumos]

@Transigence *

[Punkbuster107]

Young lady, I'll have you know that my skills in the art of flirt and banter are without comparison, having been passed down generation to generation by the unparalleled charming men of my family.

That being said, I am a gentleman. I'll not have sex until I'm married, and I've never kissed a woman I didn't love. Most of the girls I ask out see this as a prerequisite themselves, and those who see it as a deal breaker would be wrong for me in the first place.

Nope. I've got 99 problems and being bad at flirting isn't one of them.

[Bluemax]

I think lumos is on to something here. I believe you believe you're good at flirting, but I am skeptical.

[IAmCluelessToo]

lol you boring fucker @Punkbuster107

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm not bashing you at all. In fact, I tend to agree with the points that you make.

One thing I do take issue with is that if someone isn't a "nice" guy, he tends to be considered an asshole. Not necessarily. To me, "nice" is not exactly a compliment. For example, when your grandma tells you she wants to see you find a nice girl, what does she usually mean? The image that comes to mind is someone who's feminine, dainty, and doesn't exactly talk back or put up too much fuss. More of a lover, not a fighter.

So why is this a bad thing in men? Because if we wanted dainty and feminine, we'd date other women. Hell, there are women who don't even fit that description.

I know I can't speak for all women, but we want to know that if something were to go down (perhaps through no fault of our own, but let's not kid ourselves), dude will have our back. He doesn't have to instigate anything, but I do want to know he won't apologize profusely to some other guy if I'M the one being wronged. "Now, let's talk about this" is a sure-fire way to get me to dump you, though I don't see me being with a guy like that in the first place. I'm more manly than that, and I'm NOWHERE near butch.

I don't want a pushover. That's not an attractive quality in anyone, yet that seems to be the norm in those who purport themselves to be "nice" guys. I don't want someone who is so afraid of hurting my feelings that he essentially sugarcoats shit or just wusses out of doing things because he's afraid of my reaction and how I might take it. That's no way to live. I don't deserve that. I want a guy with a spine who is willing to call me out on my bullshit. They, to me, seem more willing to engage in the give-and-take of a relationship (with me, at least). That's not to say I want an abusive prick, nor am I going to be a bitch, but it does let me know that he is his own man and isn't going to allow anyone to run roughshod over him. If that makes him an asshole, so be it.

Guys, I'm not saying this to get you to go from 0-60 in 3.8 seconds and turn into someone you're not. I'm just letting you know that not everyone thinks nice is nice and assholes are assholes.

[lonerider]

OP.. listen to this woman. She knows her shit.

[someguy1987]

Ding ding ding! We have a winner folks.

[Punkbuster107]

Thats bullshit. I'm not going to sit here idly while you claim nice guys are spineless!!!

But I see how the term may have negative implications under a context other than my own. 😉

[Opinion Owner]

Not all, but a good plenty. That's the thing, though... they do sit idly by. They tend to sit around singing the "Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, guess I'll go eat worms" song, then cry foul that women don't like nice guys. The only time they take action is to take it out on the next girl because well, they're a nice guy, so that automatically means she must like him, right? If she doesn't, there's automatically something wrong with her. It's never the nice guy's fault because he's nice.

In my experience, if you have to TELL people you're a nice guy, there's something inherently wrong.

[Opinion Owner]

Again, none of my comments are directed at you personally. I've just known too many guys who have been complaining about being a nice guy without having anything to show for it and victimize themselves without ever having a clue as to why we women feel the way we do. Unlike others, though, you seem to possess the maturity to handle it.

[Punkbuster107]

Wow. You sure can tell a lot about a guy just from knowing one word he is described with.

Do you ever conduct job interviews? I feel like you'd be a god in action.

"How would your friends describe yourself in one word"?

"Achiever"

"Ah, I see! Congradulations on the birth of your 3rd son. How is your wife's charity for endangered insects going? Do you find that putting premium fuel in your porche makes it run smoother on the highway?"

[Punkbuster107]

Sorry for the sass. Snarky remarks are the love language of my family.

[Opinion Owner]

Hahahahaha, I do conduct interviews, actually. I don't ask dumb questions like how they describe themselves. Just tell me how you can do what I need you to do and if you've ever done anything like it. I just want the facts, not the feelings.

Snark is fine. In fact, it's my native tongue.

[Punkbuster107]

Hahah, nice. =D

[circlebill]

In other words, if a man is very kind to you and treats you with utmost respect, you'll project a bunch of your stupid "nice guy" assumptions on him! That's what it boils down to!

[Opinion Owner]

@circlebill Not at all. Respect and kindness are not at issue here. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm speaking to what defines a nice guy and what doesn't. I just don't see how some guys can sit there and dictate to me what a nice guy is, because they have absolutely no idea what I consider nice. Someone going around telling me what a gentleman he is only makes me think he's trying to convince himself of it. If you're truly a gentleman, I'll know it through your actions. Don't label yourself and hide behind it. Even knights in shining armor have kinks.

There seems to be a struggle between the "nice guys" and the "assholes" where the nice guys get butthurt because women seemingly don't like them. There are plenty of women who find them attractive. There are others who don't. It's how mad the nice guys get about it. I don't see too many "assholes" crying about a girl leaving them for a "nice guy," so why does the reciprocal hold true?

A hit dog will holler, though.

[Opinion Owner]

My boss is a prime example of someone who purports himself to be a nice guy. He constantly bends over backwards to make sure people know how nice he is, too, spending grandiose amounts of money on flowers and gifts and essentially shoving people out of the way to make sure others know HE'S the one lavishing attention. When no one scratches him behind the ears and tells him what a good boy he is, he gets mad and starts to lash out and blame others.

What he fails to understand is that other party is watching him essentially make an ass of himself to go above and beyond to the point they become extremely uncomfortable. Instead of recognizing that the other party may be uncomfortable, though, he blames them for being unappreciative and treats others like shit because he's embarrassed. He'll ignore calls and emails and be rude to them if he does see them. That's not what I would consider nice, would you?

Perhaps some ARE unappreciative. Just don't be mad at those who are appreciative

[Opinion Owner]

But are made to feel uncomfortable because you may be unintentionally projecting a need to be liked off on them. That may not be what the other party is looking for in a mate/friend/other.

A modicum of emotional intelligence would go a long way for ALL parties involved.

[TheSkaFish]

"To me, "nice" is not exactly a compliment. For example, when your grandma tells you she wants to see you find a nice girl, what does she usually mean? The image that comes to mind is someone who's feminine, dainty, and doesn't exactly talk back or put up too much fuss. More of a lover, not a fighter."

Um... isn't love the point of relationships? Or do women actually want constant fighting, drama, and unpleasantness? I don't know about everyone else but I'm looking for someone to share in the good times with. Not someone who is going to start shit with me every five minutes about things that don't even matter, just to fill some imaginary "fight quota" and constantly see if I'm "man" enough. Those people can go to hell. Not wanting to fight all the time doesn't mean I'm a pussy. It means I pick my battles, it means I feel there's only a few things worth ruining my mood for, and the rest isn't worth my time. I value my happiness more.

[circlebill]

I'm afraid your long writing commentary does nothing to change the basic bottom line truth! Any way you slice it, many foolish people automatically take kindness for weakness! Based on your post, YOU seem to be a classic example of such a mindset! You show an incredible rush to foolish assumptions based on nothing more than a man treating you with kindness, respect and trying to please you. You sound like another case of female "jerk fever" syndrome! Whatever floats your boat!

[Opinion Owner]

@circlebill You, sir, are the prime example of what I was talking about in one of my posts. Someone who gets angry and tries to blame the one who disagrees. If you truly are the nice guy you claim to be, I would hope you would have the emotional intelligence to agree to disagree. Instead, you're lashing out at me.

I can assure you of one thing: your behavior towards me is negating any claims you may want to make about treating someone with kindness and respect. Kindness and respect is NOT calling me "another case of female 'jerk fever' syndrome." I also didn't jump to a conclusion: I gave anecdotal evidence of a case that supports my statements.

At no point did I paint all men with a broad brush. Instead, I presented a female perspective of why SOME of us do not take kindly to "nice" behavior and how it CAN come across to females. YOU cannot dictate to me what MY opinion of nice is. Forcing that belief on me is not what I would consider nice AT ALL.

[Opinion Owner]

I do not know what has happened to you in a past relationship and/or is going on in a current one, but I can certainly see why someone may not have stuck with you and you feel slighted.

If you gave her half the grief you're giving me for not seeing what a "catch" you are, then you meet the very definition of the type of guy that drives us to other men you deem "assholes." That, in turn, makes you the actual asshole, not the nice guy.

[circlebill]

You are basically repeating yourself! Nothing has changed! You are the prime example of a person who projects their imagination on other people! You don't know me from Adam, yet you sit there and pretend to analyze my personality off the top of your head! You seem to think your having a big ego gives you some special great wisdom! I think not! Get over yourself and your childish assumptions!

[Opinion Owner]

@circlebill "You are the prime example of a person who projects their imagination on other people! You don't know me from Adam, yet you sit there and pretend to analyze my personality off the top of your head! You seem to think your having a big ego gives you some special great wisdom! I think not! Get over yourself and your childish assumptions!" I could say the same thing about you. You're too damn old for this shit. Get over yourself.

[rjroy3]

Whole heartedly disagree that's a nice guys purpose, but that does happen. I remember feeling that way with my dating life for a time. I was never dumped, but after breaking up with a girl the very next guy she dated would end up marrying her. Literally the last 3 girlfriends I had all got married to the next guy they dated. Now that guy in each case may have been a better match. But the second girl got a divorce within 6 years. To my knowledge the first one has a marriage that may or may not be on the rocks and the 3rd girl just got married a few months ago.
So I can't attribute any of that to my actions.

Much more likely all of these girls have a fantasy of getting married young and that biological clock is ticking, so they so much want the next man to be the one. That they squeeze it out towards marriage even when they probably shouldn't. If you're a good guy and have been honest with who you are and what you want, then maybe these relationships were more so learning experiences for you. You're not meant to pass every girl onto the next guy. Learn from failed relationships and then improve. Take the improved, better you into the next relationship.

[Punkbuster107]

Sounds like the girls you dated are different from the ones I typically have

Sometimes when I'm the one calling for an end, the girl I break off from will end up with a guy who is less qualified then me, but I still feel the way she perceives men, herself, and a great many other important things is clearer after dating me than before, and she is better equipped to make the most of her life than if I had not dated her at all.

For the record, I largely agree with much that you've said. No need to worry about me passing on "every" girl to the next guy though; if she's the right one, I'm thinking she won't try to leave. 😝

[Thor696]

You're obviously a nice guy - so you got that checkbox checked.

I think the problem with your love life may be the fact that you aren't so exciting to date. You need to create some sexual tension... some romance and, at all times... confidence. If you go into this thinking you're going to lose - you're gonna lose. Hey, I was JUST a nice guy too when I first started out, for a couple of girlfriends... then I kind of dissected things (and I also had a 35 year old divorced woman who was my mentor on girls). The thing I was missing is, I was TOO chivalrous. I was thinking... "I'm going to prove to this girl how much of a gentleman I am - I'm not going to hit on her, I want her to know that I like her... FOR HER... and not her body and not because I want to have sex with her."

But... it doesn't work that way. Girls LOVE to feel wanted physically. They LOVE the power they have over you. Create the sexual tension... let her know you're a loaded gun for her. If she says "no" ... let the chivalrous part of you come out by letting her off the hook, but stop trying. Make her feel like she's SAFE with you - but make her also feel like you will TAKE HER if she surrenders herself to you. This puts all the power in how far you go in HER hands - and I've found girls really like having that power.

[Punkbuster107]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHH!!! LOL!

I'm sorry. Thats just a little hilarious because I'm monoganous. I'm pretty sure making a girl feel like I would marry her for life and bed her the moment I had the opportunity is just about the worst thing possible. Maybe that works for people who do casual sex though.

[Thor696]

Okay... stick with your plan then.

[Anonymous]

Different people have different definitions of what it means to be a "nice guy." There is nothing wrong with treating a woman with consideration and respect, but what this post is talking about is acting like a doormat and an emotional tampon. As a guy, it is not my job to make a woman happy. It just isn't; that has to come from her. Can I make her life more interesting and more exciting than it would be if she were single? Absolutely, but I can't make her happy on my own. She has to make herself happy; she should already be happy with her life before we start a relationship. I'm there to be her date/boyfriend/husband/whatever; I'm not there to be a counselor or therapist. Bottom line, if a guy allows himself to become a doormat, the woman may tolerate it, and she may even stay with him, but she won't respect him. Women want to be with a confident guy who has a backbone and can stand up for himself and what he wants. That's just how it is. You can accept or reject reality; that's your choice, but reality is always going to win.

https://youtu.be/yEYvxjv2tE4

[Punkbuster107]

Mmhmm. Yup. I think I was talking about a different definition.

[AleDeEurope]

Ok, so you're telling me a "nice guy's" purpose is to make other girls happy?
Where's my happiness then? No. I'm not gonna put other people's happiness over mine.
If being nice works for getting a girlfriend, then keep being nice. If it doesn't, then stop being nice. Simple as that.
What if you die alone? Would you still think "well, at least those other girls are happy". Dude, it wasn't even you who made them happy!

I don't like your approach at all, thinking like that will only bring sadness to my life.
I'm not saying nice guys finish last, I'm saying that putting other people's happiness before yours makes you finish last.

[Roostah]

I'm betting even if you get a girlfriend as a nice guy, she's gonna cheat on you, or break up with you real soon if you come off as a doormat.

[Punkbuster107]

Hah. You hedonists, prioritizing your own well-being. Y'all need Jesus.

[AleDeEurope]

Yeah, bring up the one dude who gave himself to others, ended up dead, and the world didn't get any better. Jesus was irrelevant to the world, he came, lived around 30 years, died, and did nothing.

P. S.: I'm an atheist.

[Punkbuster107]

Thats cute.

[crazybi]

I enjoyed your post. Nice guys are amazing.
From my experience it all falls down to timing and the little things. a lot of that is just personal preferences. The timing thing though, I usually didn't realize they wanted anything more than what we had.
I wonder if maybe as they learned more about you through dating if they realized that whole they were looking for a nice guy that overall you just weren't a good fit for them.
Again this falls under preferences, and many aren't willing to say what they need or be honest about what they need from a partner.

I like the view you put on it, how by dating them it helps them overall progress in relationships.
I think everyone should view exes that way.
I always saw my past relationships as a way to learn what I did or did not want and for them to do the same.

I hope that in the future you truly will find the woman who is absolutely perfect for you.
I didn't find my partner until I was 31 and it's been amazing ever since.

[Punkbuster107]

How kind of you. Thanks for reading!

[Krillanr]

I'm with ya bro, there is a certain clarity that is only visible when ya step back and look at the big picture.

These types who are out for themselves just aren't able to see things clearly, they're lost in their own little maze of self gratification and poor choices, while we step back, look it over, and then make our way through to our goals.

There are girls out there who are into nice guys like us, but they tend to be quiet and hard to spot sometimes, but I'm alright with that, they're the kinda girls I prefer. XD

[Punkbuster107]

Cool stuff bro.

[jtmc731]

I think you need some therapy dude. Don't take it as an insult. Therapy is just a way to get to the bottom of the issue. You're not crazy. Sure, girls leaving you to find another guy, and you seeing it is a pain, and redundant. However, if the trend continues time and time again, maybe it's not the girls. Aside from being treated nice, a girl needs to feel wanted. But we can't decide what it is for you, that's your job. Reevaluate when and why these girls leave you. If you can't figure it out, and continue to feel sorry for yourself, you're doomed! I'm a nice guy, but there's no way I'm going to go around prepping girls for another guy.

[Punkbuster107]

Sad? I don't really get my self-worth from whether or not I have a girlfriend. I've figured out I'm just a very unique guy, and it will take a very unique girl to like me without making into someone I don't want to be. I like me, God likes me, and if a special girl really comes to really like me then thats just icing on the cake.

[Sailormoonprincess]

Nice guys are idiots who have no guard and trusts too easily, no wonder they get dumped, its because they're nice and they're too easily impressed, girls need a captain or master for a man, not someone who easily smiles as though she is great all the time... what girl would want a guy who can't property take charge? Subconsciously also a girl won't choose a guy who doesn't seem tough because he would just let her be a bitch when she has her hormonal swings.. a girl needs a guy who is completely a man.. being a nice guy is just feminine

[Punkbuster107]

You can tell all that about a guy just from hearing he's "nice"?

Forgive me for not realizing that being nice actually means being horrible in your personal vocabluary. Please let me know if there are any other words you have modified the meaning of so I can be sure to avoid future miscommunications. These are the definitions I meant to assume the words meant as described in the Miriam Webster Dictionary.

Nice:
: giving pleasure or joy : good and enjoyable
: attractive or of good quality
: kind, polite, and friendly

Guy:
: man, fellow

If my using of the words "nice" and "guy" have offended or confused you, please tell me what words would be appropriate to use in the future to describe a person with the traits defined above, rather than whatever it is you think "nice guy" means. I will personally create a translated version of this take and message it to you to acomidate your need for a personalized language.

[Sailormoonprincess]

Every other girl would agree with me, just not you... and personalised language? I know girls extremely well... Especially considering I have 9 sisters, the youngest being 16, we live in a cruel world and there are nice guys ain't accepted into society very well

[Punkbuster107]

Ah, so I guess we should change the definition of "nice" to mean "not nice"? Sounds legit, they already amended the definition of "literal" to mean "not literal" just recently.

[Sailormoonprincess]

for gods sake, you obviously didn't get my drift, and honestly... i think we are both right

[BeSomethingDifferent]

Wow love the attitude! Great perspective I've never thought of before, and I also love the sass from the comments in the guy section 😃 And the girl you end up with will definitely be better off after she meets you. Love the humor and the take, keep it up!

[Punkbuster107]

Thanks 😁

[the_rake]

Duuuude... you could not be more self -deprecating if you tried: 'my purpose as a nice guy was not to get my own dick wet but to help girls get other dicks wet that they might be more satisfied. Yaaaay me, bend me over life and fuck me with a giant strap on pleeeeeeaase.'

It's pathetic. I honestly hope you get some sort of perverted sexual pleasure from the idea of being so masochistically submissive that you don't HONESTLY believe that this could REALISTICALLY be a conceivable philosophy on life in a million years EVER. Shame on you for feeding into any other passive male ideologies on this website that could even POSSIBLY buy into this idea.

It's about time men grew a pair and developed a sense of self-worth.

[the_rake]

I'm just going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that this is some horrible troll.

[Punkbuster107]

Are you even married? I bet your no closer to marrying a woman than I am, regardless of how many wet things you've found with an 1/8 inch diamiter.

[the_rake]

Marriage? Christ man, I'm 24, I have absolutely NO intention any time soon and damn, if I put myself last all the time like you seem to advocate I'm pretty sure I would end up with no woman or the wrong woman altogether.

Believe me, you don't want to be with a woman that takes the role of the man in the relationship, no man does. The kind that will cockwhip you, financially dominate you and cheat on you for a better, more masculine dick... then again, maybe you do. but I can't see a life in that.

[Punkbuster107]

If you aren't even married then you're at least as bad off as I am. What gives you the right to advise on how to find a good wife when you can't even do it yourself?

And getting women to copulate with you temporarily doesn't make me envy you either. Obviously, you have a promiscuous dating-philosophy while I have a monogamous one, so we aren't even judging our own success by the same standards.

[the_rake]

Because I don't want to find a wife and not every man reading this thread will want to find a wife. LOL - I am not 'bad off' for not having a wife, the notion is hilarious. And I would not go so far as to describe my dating philosophy as promiscuous, more of a middle ground that I do not want to be treated as a piece of meat (marriage and uniliateral friendzoned relationships that probably wouldn't bring me marriage, sex OR monogamous relationships). While it's fine that you prefer monogamy, you DO need to revise your dating philosophy, seriously, because no woman is going to treat you with respect like that.

[serp777]

That's stupid. My goal isn't going to be to help people find a petty temporary relationship. I'd rather invest my time in something vastly more useful like doing research for finding a cure for cancer or doing community service to help those in poverty who are basically starving. My goal in life isn't to coddle women and try to help them satisfy their every whim. It shouldn't be anyone's job to do that except for the person who wants a relationship. I mean and why do you specifically focus on women? Why not all of humanity in general? Try to help humanity as much as possible rather than carrying about the unimportant goals of one gender.

[ThisDudeHere]

So wait you're basically saying that you're so selfless that you would forgo getting a woman permanently for yourself and instead would just prep her up for the next guy? Dude that is borderline retarded. You should be trying to achieve things for yourself, not others. This is the case where you take that step from being nicely selfless to being a pushover.
No offense.

[Punkbuster107]

If I'm the best guy for her, I hope she'll end up with me. If she decides she'd rather be with another guy, she's either going to better off with him, or she's making a poor decision- and why would I want to marry a girl who makes poor decisions?

Conversely, if she can be with another guy who would genuinely make a better match for her, but she allows herself to be manipulated/tricked into settling for me, what does that say about her potential competence as a strong, mature, wise future wife?

However you slice it, the only way to get the best type of woman is to have her choose you without reservations.

[simplyadorable]

tides have turned. You should have mentioned this on your take above ^^. Ideal but realistic, much better @Punkbuster107

[Punkbuster107]

@simplyadorable thank! Maybe I'll do another take about that concept in particular. I wanted this one to be as concise as possible.

[Anonymous]

"What if a nice guy’s purpose in dating was not to get a girlfriend, but was to leave every girl he dated closer to finding the right guy?"

Hahahahahahahahahaaha! You're funny; You're straight out of a tumblr image quote. You're pretty much saying you aren't man enough for someone and are showing them what not to look for in a partner. I feel like this take is the plot-line to every B-list American RomCom movie.

"Nice guys, remain nice and keep showering women with praise so they get an inflated ego and feel they're somehow higher up on the totem pole than they actually are, creating ridiculous demands and expectations of men better suited for her delusional worth."

How about just be a fucking man and keep a broad instead of putting the bandaid of "I'm helping people come closer like I'm relationship Jesus" on your wound.

[Punkbuster107]

Meh. Nope. I was going to say something, but I don't really want to talk to you.

[Opinion Owner]

Then why say anything at all, dummy?

[lonerider]

And you're doing it with what motivation? That you'll wind up with a nice girl one day? Dude.. with that attitude you'll be friendzoned forever and now it may not matter.. 5-10 years down the line you'll be crying over the life you wasted away for others. Think of others.. yes. But not before yourself.

[Punkbuster107]

Dude, do you even read the Bible?

[Roostah]

5-10 year down the line he might get entrapped with some desperate 30+ single mom who needs his "nice guy" approach to help raise her kids.

[Transigence]

It happened to me.

[lonerider]

Do you even know that more than half of the world is not christian?

[lonerider]

@Roostah exactly my point.

[lonerider]

@Transigence I am sorry :(

[Punkbuster107]

Thinking of myself before others is a direct contradiction of my religious beliefs and the philosophies built from them.

While my values are rooted in Christian theology, the vast majority of personal value systems based on the core concepts of Hedonism. There are always going to be contradictions between people who have different core beliefs, but lets be civil about it.

Suffice to say, I, despite being horrible at it, wish I could live my life in a way that prioritizes others, regardless of who they are, rather than myself. It is entirely reasonable for you to dissgree with me, because I would also disagree with me if I only had a naturalistic understanding of the way of things.

[Mistnigqa808]

Nice take man cf.girlsaskguys.com/.../...b-b2c9-9a361d6b3824.jpg but funny part about that picture is that the "BAD BOY "would cross that line + fuck every bitch on the other side of it. Ya know while you "nice guys" were becoming the Elliot Rodgers of the world after not getting any pussy I bet HAHAHAHAH.

[Mistnigqa808]

I hope you fucked some of these bitches that you "dated' if not... yeah you're a better man than me ^_^

[Punkbuster107]

Thats rape, unless the women are also promiscuous.

And no, I'm only going to have sex with my wife, if/when I get one.

[Punkbuster107]

And you're not 99 years old.

[Mistnigqa808]

I just turned 99 on the 13th of OCT and yes I am ^_^

Oh that stuff was geared towards the stereotype of girls always choosing the bad boys over the gentlemen of the world.

[Longjacketanx]

Op putting it harshly, you a little bish.
I bet you're a great guy but I doubt you're so great that because of you every girl you've ever dated ends up being happier without you. It doesn't make sense to me. Props for having a positive outlook on your situation though. Have you ever thought that maybe you'd be happier without those ladies though too?

[lovecuddling]

I like your style!👌👌👌👌👌👍👍👍👍👍😊😊😊😊😊 keep it up.

[Punkbuster107]

Hahah, apparently so far you're the only one on here who cares less of yourself than you do of others. Bravo!

[lovecuddling]

That's true, I'm a nice guy 😊. Thanks for the praise and encouragement 😉.

[Bluemax]

Agreed that good people should remain good people in the face of rejection, however I'm not sure if I can draw the same conclusion as you.

At some point I would have to start wondering why I couldn't close the deal.

Tell me, why do you think they are not choosing to be with you?

[JustinX9]

Good question, I hope @asker can answer this one

[pezzonovante88]

The kids in the picture look like they're having a great time - and I'm sure they are. But that evening, those two blondes ditched the cute nice guy and ended up getting railed by this burly fuck. s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/.../...0bcb7318c3.jpg

[Punkbuster107]

Must have been promiscuous. Not my type.

[JustinX9]

Blondes have a reputation for being bitchies