A More Neutral Look at the 'Friendzone' (Page 2)

[Anonymous]

I disagree with the term friendzone completely I can be friends with a guy I have feelings for and we can stay friends until I feel comfortable being a couple but if a guy likes me that I don't like back and we are just friends he going to know right away that he was never even on my radar

[ResearcherGuy]

Thanks for your opinion :) I actually disagree with the term too, but think about this. Most girls do not really make their 'radar' that clear to guys. It can be really difficult to distinguish between just a friendly relationship and something more and when there are mismatched expectations like this, someone will get hurt. Some girls make their interest very clear and some really don't. Without directly asking, guys can't really be sure and a lot of guys are worried (probably for good reason) that taking this direct approach will have unintended consequences and ruin their relationship/friendship with that girl, or cause issues in their social circle. There just isn't predictable, widely accepted etiquette that guys can rely on or work from.

[Opinion Owner]

I agree , guys have some of the same worries as girls regarding rejection and so forth but they are men and in my opinion they should be straight up and tell her they like her

[Anonymous]

You avoid the friendzone by immediately asking them out after the first time you have a conversation. What guys consider the friendzone is a result of them never asking her out in time. Girls are incredibly fickle they have short attention spans you have to ask them out quick or they move on pretty quick.

[Silver119]

At the end of the day both guys and girls friendzone the opposite/same sex. it's nothing personal, it just happens. The guys or girls that complain about it are bitter generally with no real reason.

Now, if a someone was leading another on and then dropped the "just friends" crap then yes, I can see the reason for being bitter. but other than that they should just move on and stop whinging.

Also I never read the take. Just sharing my opinion

[SakuraChii]

Thank you for stating in the beginning that this happens to women too. I think that's what you were trying to do in the parenthesis? I still don't agree with the concept of the 'friendzone' but I do agree that it can hurt.

[genericname85]

dude! this is exactly it. specially the part with the intentions bobbing around, where you try to convince yourself that you don´t want to be with her anyway and in the next secont, you think she´s the love of your life... it´s so freaking stupid.

[Anonymous]

Interesting. I may have "friend zone" guys without knowing. I think considering a person past experience and upbringing; not reciprocating "flirtatious behavior" doesn't mean a complete disinterest.

I had a recent date and I was a dork to pet his arm like a cat on our 3rd date? To ease me nervousness and talk I didn't make eye contact. He was too damn pretty.. lol. I haven't heard from him... oh well.

[lonerider]

It was totally spot on buddy. The least biased mytake on friendzone i ever read.

[Bluemax]

Interesting. More to say. Stay tuned.

[Bluemax]

Many women feel betrayed when a friend of theirs tells them he has feelings for them. In many cases the guy WAS flirting with her, from his perspective, but he was oblivious as to how ineffectual it was. In other cases the guy was just too shy. I personally don't know anyone who buys into the sex vending machines theory. Not saying they don't exist, but to me this suggests that they are an exceedingly rare but loud minority. I also believe that many people misinterpret sadness and hurt for feelings of entitlement.

I wrote my own takes on rejections and the friend zone. Perhaps you'd like to take a look at them, researcherguy.

[ResearcherGuy]

Thanks for your opinion, I read some of your myTakes and they seem really well written. This myTake really isn't about 'friendzoning' (rejection) at all, but rather about a subtle societal problem that I've noticed in which men are sometimes lead into these long friendships and ultimately get hurt (because the correct course of action is not obvious these days). I'm not blaming women here and as you said, most guys really don't have that whole 'vending machine' mentality, that's really stupid and those guys are exceedingly rare.

There's a lot of misinformation about the 'friendzone,' contradictory advice and confusing expectations and I think this is why this concept, which seems really stupid, seems pervasive today.

[carpz]

it's life... peopel need to get over it.

[ResearcherGuy]

Totally agree with you! I mainly wrote this as a response to the incredible amount written online about the friendzone, "Nice Guy" behavior, etc. I don't think that the 'friendzone' should be a part of life though and if we had more understandable dating protocols/standards around how men and women interact, maybe it would be less of a problem