(Please note that I do not entirely agree with the wording here but it hits the mark well enough)
I keep seeing a lot of questions and takes about this so-called “friend-zone”. I used to be a firm believer that as a nice fella I was destined to lead a life of purgatory forever trapped in this magical zone, but with age and experience I snapped out of it. I came to realize that there is no such thing as a zone where somehow attractive potential lovers are trapped despite their exceptional aptitude for romance and partnership. Whether or not someone wants to be with another individual is just a simple matter of attraction, it is there or it is not! We cannot help who we are attracted to nor can those that we pursue or desire.
Thus the first step to leaving the “friend-zone”… is realizing it is a fabrication us modern folk have concocted to explain why it is that some men and women are not attracted to us. Now, I am sure I’ve already angered plenty of people that consider themselves “trapped” in the zone but please hear me out for a moment!
Let’s paint a picture of how this scenario comes to pass… and then feel free to comment afterwards. Two people of whichever gender or genders meet. One of these people is attracted to the other; however the second person does not see the other as a prospective partner. Therefore, one attracted to the other, but the feeling is not mutual! This is when people throw up their arms in defeat and start to proclaim “FRIEND-ZONE!!!”
WRONG! It is just a simple… basic matter of attraction. For some reason in particular person A does not see person B as a potential partner. There is no zone, or barrier… Or wizards pulling strings from another realm to foil your attempts at finding romance. The first thing you need to grasp, accept and own is that there is NO “friend-zone” and while others might find you appealing, this person does not.
Now that we have owned up to the fact that we are just not cut from the right cloth for this particular person we have some options in front of us, and escaping the “friend-zone” is not one of them. We can either A). Move on and accept our fate or B). Make ourselves more appealing to said individual.
(Or... perhaps that little space is just the simple fact a man is not attracted to this woman. This is not a crime, nor should it be taken as something offensive. We can't help what we find appealing or unappealing! For every man or women that does not find you attractive, there is another out there just waiting for you to come knockin')
Personally I am of the mind that if someone does find me appealing as is, that’s that. I fully encourage people to recognize when attraction is a one way street before you begin to develop more complex feelings. You are only taking yourself off the market for the men and women out there just dying to steal you away! Yet, with that said, I know some people are quite literally hopelessly in love with someone that does not feel the same way. I really don’t want to get into advice on how to alter your current self to cater to someone else’s partnership preferences so I am going to skip that step… because really, think about how much time you are spending or have spent having feelings for someone that just isn’t into you. Think of the months, or the years you have spent taking yourself completely off of the market. The missed opportunities that you didn’t even see pass you by, the love and the joy you were blind to.
Just because you are a nice guy, or girl, does not entitle you to a relationship with the person of your choosing. Being nice, kind, caring or compassionate does not equate to being attractive as a life partner. These are qualities that we look for in lovers yes, but there is much more to it than that. However, someone that has all of the aforementioned qualities sounds like a pretty good friend to have around, do they not? Being nice does not mean you are destined to “finish last” folks. However being just nice while lacking other qualities that someone might seek out in a life partner… that sounds like a pretty damn fine reason to be single and ready to mingle.
(Rather than finding and labeling an excuse as to why someone will not date you, just accept that they do not find you attractive as a love interest. Being a great listener, talented and a "real catch" does not mean everyone you want to be with will feel the same way. Turning yourself into a victim of something imaginary does you NO good what so ever. You are merely crippling your efforts to find someone that shares a mutual interest in you. I cannot stress enough how terrible the "friend-zone" label is. Receiving positive reinforcement from someone does not equate to an emotional connection!)
Please feel free to engage me in a debate, question the logic behind this conclusion or just plainly ask questions about the “friend-zone”. Above all else I came to this website to help when and where it is possible. I know enough to know what I do not know, but I do know a thing or two about the “friend-zone” and what it really entails.
PS. Please forgive any grammatical or spelling errors throughout this take. I sadly do not have the time nor patience to comb through everything I write! :(
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