Two Reasons Why I Hate (Or Even ENVY) Men Sometimes

Anonymous

I posting this Anon because I want what I write to be honest. These are the top 2 reasons why I just can't stand guys sometimes:

They Can Compartmentalize So Effortlessly:

I think that we're in <3. Then it turns out he never really liked me. Or that he just saw me as a friend, that he may fuck sometimes. But all the important moments I thought we had? They were just him being *friendly*. Yeah, guys who do this are usually players. But the fact that it's even POSSIBLE to be so detached from someone, is just so amazing to watch sometimes. Let alone experience it. To be totally honest, I envy that guys can do this. It gives them so much control over everything, including our relationship. I'm the one who's supposed to have all the sexual control. But if he's skilled I can never win against him.

They Can Hide Their Emotions, and Feel OK Too:

I can hide my emotions too, and I do all the time. But that doesn't stop me from obsessing about whatever is bothering me. Guys can genuinely feel better only a few minutes after something bad happens. Even if it's violence or a fight. Even the most sensitive guys that I've met, have a completely different approach to handling emotions. Or, they may even say that whatever happened genuinely doesn't bother them....and they're really telling the truth. I can't make myself do that.

Two Reasons Why I Hate (or even ENVY) Men Sometimes

Two Reasons Why I Hate (Or Even ENVY) Men Sometimes
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  • Anonymous
    I envy women because they get
    -patental rights
    -rape victim support
    -abuse support
    -endless groups, clubs, scholarships, funding, government programs, etc just for being women.
    -school system is geared toward them
    -less to no punishment for crime
    -able to falsely accuse a person of something just to get revenge and be taken seriously
    -can financially screw a guy in a divorce and still be called the victim

    The list is endless.
    If you envy males for not being emotional... I will swap you anyday.
    Is this still revelant?

Most Helpful Girl

  • ClariceOwen23
    The second one doesn't sound like an advantage at all. In fact, it seems like one of the bad parts of being a guy. They're not expected to show emotions so they hide it. I don't think they actually feel better so quickly.
    Is this still revelant?
    • M_A_X

      No, no we don't.

      "They're not expected" vs "They're expected to not"

      Very different meanings, by the way.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • AleDeEurope
    I'm guilty of point #1, and I'm not a player... well, not anymore. Thing is, many women see things that aren't there. Just because I like spending time with you, doesn't mean I saw you as more than a friend. I never played with your feelings, I never told you I had feelings for you, I just simply treated you like a great friend, you made up all that scenario where I had feelings.
    Something like this happened to me in HS many times, and even in my prom night, when I was made out with a girl, she then asked me "what about (name of female friend)?". I was like "... she's just a friend, I never wanted anything with her...".

    I think what you should envy about us i the fact that we don't make up weird situations like women do.

    About point 2: we're taught since little kids to repress our emotions, that's why we're good at moving on, BUT, many times, we just act like we're good, and we end up building up until we have to explode. I kinda envy that women are allowed to express their feelings, and are so in touch with their emotions.
    • I think it's terrible that society makes men repress their emotions, like if a guy cries than he is assumed to be weak and not "manly" enough. I think that is why heart attacks are more common in men than women. Very unfair:(

    • @Vicka-Sophia I agree with that too. That's something I envy about women, they're more in touch with their emotions so they don't build up so much anger like men do.

    • Anonymous

      About point 1, I think you may be right. I should have asked him if he'd be willing to be with me... he never directly said anything or lied to me either.

      What I meant was that to me, all of the experiences we had were forming a relationship. But yeah that was an assumption I made.

      I feel the exploding feeling too a lot. I can't really get angry a lot or people will tell me I'm a bitch. And not take me seriously, because they'll say I'm too emotional.

    • Show All
  • Fugue
    It's interesting that you mention violence. Guys can dismiss violence because we are so used to it. We are raised to accept violence from other males. There is a name for this psychological phenomenon, I forget what it's called, but essentially it refers to how people deal with experiencing violence. In a nutshell, when you get affected by close-up violence, but it doesn't end up affecting you, that much, you lose the fear of it. When you are sheltered from violence, and only hear about it, you imagine the worst. Of course, when you are the most affected by violence is when you get seriously hurt, but the previous two groups are the interesting phenomenon. Guys can blow off minor violence because we grew up that way. We also grew up to blow off emotional alarmism. So, it's not so much that we are more capable of doing it, necessarily, it's that we had no choice in doing it. Boys that break from those norms are called faggots, etc. until they conform. Women, in general, never need to conform to those norms (in this society).
    • FatherJack

      Very true , you are FAR more likely to be attacked if you are male ( by BOTH genders ) , despite the crap that feminists spout saying that all men want to harm women

  • MrOracle
    This is true - and even though this bothers you, you're doing better than many women who don't even believe that it's possible to do this. Many are in denial, and then they think men are just lying to them about it.

    Men and women are DIFFERENT in a lot of ways, and those differences can run VERY deep - like in your example. So many men don't "get" why women are so emotional, or why they can't have casual sex without developing feelings, or why a "little thing" bothers them for weeks - because they simply can't grasp that women FEEL in different, and often more profound ways than men do. And many women can't understand that men evolved to suppress their emotions (can't be getting the "feels" in the middle of a battle or while hunting a dangerous animal - that could get everyone killed) and keep them under control.

    These differences can make relationships difficult for all of us, but being aware that these differences really exist, and how profound they are, will help you navigate your relationships far better than most. It won't eliminate the confusion, but it will greatly diminish it.
  • BrittBratt2416
    I envy men because they can go to the gym and loose weight like crazy and at the same time make muscle gain while I'm over here struggling to lose 10 pounds or more. When it comes to getting in shape, men they have it easy.
  • MusicMayhem
    Nah, with me if I've been wronged by someone, it can take me months to get over the emotional hurt. I'm open about my feelings. If people have a problem with that its their problem. Hiding emotions gets you nowhere, especially in relationships whether friends, family, or a significant other.
  • Cookies_AndMilk
    Why would you be envious of that? There's nothing wrong with having feelings. Why not learn to love and appreciate men instead of being jealous you aren't like them?
  • Noxifer626
    If you want to not care better, just think "Would I die over this? Would a war start over something like this?"
    • This is the best answer. I work in the medical field, but I had a job working with lawyers (all women). Every now and then they would start running around like chickens with their heads cut off yelling "emergency, emergency" I'd look at them and ask, "who's dying? " of course they'd say,"no one." In medicine if everyone's able to breath and not in immanent danger of dieing, there is no emergency.

  • Stacyzee
    I'm like what you described.
    I knew I was born the wrong gender !
  • AndyOh
    True guys are not emotional and we can put our emotions on the back burner. I find that women tend to run on emotions and expect us guys to be like that, but we aren't. We are practical thinkers, with our emotions way in the back. I cried when my cat died, things like that. But to verbalize my feelings is a little hard.
    And that probably answers both of your hates about men.
    On the other hand, women experience life on an emotional level that few men will ever feel; the joys and sorrows, we men tend to only touch upon. Probably why you stay with men who are tough to get along with and deal with child birth. You feel the deep love that men only wish they could.
    I might be talking out of my head, but that is how I see it.
    • James19

      I am emotional and I cry. Men are not naturally hard emotioned

    • Tdieseler

      its the conditioning mate, its the conditioning. girls are taught to access theirs, and guys are taught to hide theirs.
      You never hear parents tell a girl that scraped her knee to "walk it off", they hug and console. but if its a boy, he is told to "man up"...
      guys don't get preferential treatment. women do. thats why i like guys that don't give a shit if its a woman or not lol... we still do/say what we want to. they wanted equality... they got it.

  • Azara
    a guy not loving you doesn't mean he's compartmentalizing. if you didn't love him and he loved you he'd feel the same as you do.

    and you have no way of knowing how a person feels unless you are them.

    obsession isn't based on sex. its based on neuro-chemicals and environment. you say be obsessive compulsive. blaming your sex, will prevent you from seeking treatment.

    though being in love for a short time does resemble being drug addict. for any one of any sex. basically you are bummed about a guy not reciprocating your feelings. no reason to turn to stereotypes for an explanation.. your heart is broken. thats human. not female.

    incidentally, 'crimes of passion' are overwhelmingly performed by men. and majority of murders of women by men in the united states, are bfs or husbands. 90% of rape is of women by men.
  • Lynx122
    It seems like you just need to relax a bit and put things in perspective.
  • SunsetRose
    Men should be able to express their emotions more often.
  • KRIEL55
    thats just based on you. not every guy is like this, just like not every girl is like you. i know plenty of girls (including me) who half the time just couldn't care less. many females constantly reject guys because we just dont care enough to be with them. like i love going on dates but the majority of the time i just stop talking to them after and they keep trying to reach me but can't. and not every guy is detached. like when i lost my virginity, he was a virgin too before me, he became extremely attached and became so clingy that i broke up with him within a week. and everyone is emotional, guys just hide it more because it's expected of them. but i know a lot of guys who seem more emotional then me like they always want to talk about their feelings and im just like why..
    it all depends on the person, not their gender.
  • sp33d
    All the important moments you had? Might be special to you. Are they special to him? What happened, exactly? It is possible to be "detached" - was never Attached in the first place. Mystery solved.
  • Hal2002
    I find it easy to compartmentalize, because when I am told something I take it at face value and go from there.

    If a female tells me, she is not ready to be serious and just want to have fun. We have fun, and I do not look beyond having fun. I will do a lot of boyfriend things, but I don't get involve my emotions. Because I was told, " I am not ready to serious."

    Most men, can separate sex and emotion. We will do what we have to, to get sex. But that does not mean, we are investing out emotions in the one we are having sex with.

    Most men are not good at hiding our emotions, women are the masters of that, not men.

    When a man is involved emotionally, you know it. The difference is, that men do not hold on to things that are not important when they are over. We in time forget about things, not hold on and dwell on them years later.
    • Anonymous

      I don't understand how men can just let go of bad memories like that, and get over the helpless feelings.

    • Hal2002

      It is easy, once you accept that you can not change things that have already happened and that you can not control everything. So if you can not change what has happened, why worry about and dwell on the past. Once you learn you can not control everything, you don't feel helpless when you get into situations you have no control over. What you do, is try to make sure you don't get into those situations.

      Women on the other hand tend to dwell, on things they can not change and resist changing the things they can change.

      The thing about men and women and dealing with things, is that men look at themselves and try to see of they are to blame for what happened and if we find fault with ourselves. We make changes, so that we do not end up in similar situations.

      Most women will look at themselves, and when they find they are to blame. They will go to friends, and those friends find a way to take the blame off her and transfer it to someone else.

  • TwentySomething
    Being able to write our names on walls with urine is pretty cool. That and we don't have to squeeze a baby out of our junk, that's nice.
  • koko124
    Yeah fam. Get rekt lmao :--D

    Seriously though, it's just what testosterone does.
  • BertMacklinFBI
    ain't no thang but a chicken wang
  • Bea123
    True, true
  • zagor
    They can pee in the snow...
  • SIGguy
    Hasty generalization, much?
  • Other_Tommy_Wiseau
    that's it?
  • IceEverest
    Nice take... whoever you are...
  • Anonymous
    I don't envy men because my orgasms feel better and they deal with crazy ass women. Nope. I don't envy them one bit. I pity them.
  • Anonymous
    I'll give you the truth from where I come from. One of the first things I learned at a very early age was to never lead girls into a relationship if they truly didn't interest me. A guy should never lead a girl on especially if he's not really interested because if he does he will have h*ll undoing any damage letting her go and if he's stupid enough to jump in the sack with her and she get preggers he's in a minimum of 18 years of trouble. So, not all guys take advantage of girls emotions some guys aren't that stupid. Now as far as hiding emotions or not having them, I don't have them much more if any these days because I've been through so much hell it's been enough to over power a thousand guys easily. I would have rather fought in a war got shot and just got it over with than to have faced as much hell as I've been though, so far.
  • Anonymous
    Emotions MUST be condemned!!

    Fuck feminists who say "men have emotions too".
  • Anonymous
    we can hide our emotions, but it doesn't meant that we feel ok.
  • Anonymous
    I don't know if this will help but I think the best explanation for what you describe is biological. When people say they have feelings for someone effectively they mean they want some kind of control over that person, they want them to do something or act in a certain way. The feelings serve two biological purposes, they may act to engender a sympathetic response which will actually give you a measure of control over the object of your affection and they act to overcome your inhibitions because when your body has found a suitable mate it wants you pregnant. Your brain might not want that but your body does because you are only here because every one of your female ancestors had a strong enough drive to reproduce to risk a very high chance of dying in the process. It takes some strong instincts to overcome that kind of disincentive.

    Men don't need that kind of powerful drive because they generally risk very little in mating, so they don't have it. They are much better served by charm for long enough to convince the woman to couple. A guy needs emotions which can be explosive and violent when necessary but containable when violence would get him killed. He has to be able to harness his emotions to fit in with the other males in his group. Men have better emotional control because it is more useful to their mating strategy to have it. They are descended mostly from fathers who could charm the panties off the ladies but not be controlled by them. It's a sort of biological arms race.
  • Anonymous
    what i hate and feel envy towards girls is how they can just sit back and relax and have shit happen to them, that us guys have to be the initiators, here is the summarization of the basic formula everything us guys have to do if we want to get dates or especially get a girlfriend:

    “Normally, you are the one who has to begin the initial conversation; you are the one who starts touching her, who takes her number, who calls her up, who tells her where to meet you for a date, who initiates a hug the next time you see her, who takes her to a café, who touches her hand across the table, who goes in for the first kiss, who leads her home, who undresses her, and so on through the many small steps all the way into bed.
    You are responsible for making things happen since you are the male, so advancing is all on your shoulders. Whenever you feel you are not getting anywhere with a woman, or that things are moving slowly, it is because you are not advancing. If you ever catch yourself thinking something such as, “I am not getting anywhere with this girl,” or “I do not know if she likes me,” then it is time for you to make a move. She will not do it, not even if she wants you, and if she does make a move then she is seducing you, not the other way around.
    If you are thinking, “Well, but if she wants me, why doesn’t she make a move?” it means you do not understand women very well, what they want, or that you as a male are expected to act like a male — and that she is thinking the exact same thing.
    All over the world, females grow more frustrated by the day because males they know are interested in them are afraid or do not know how to show it by making a move. Many males lose women because they fail to make a move when they have the chance. When you do have the chance but do not take it, the woman is thinking “Why isn’t he doing anything?” because her mindset does not include the option of doing something herself. She will start thinking that you do not like her, or she will park you in her let’s-just-be-friends spot and look for a real man.” W. Anton

    When one guy said to me: "You're coming at this from a little boy's perspective.

    Stop it, it's not healthy.

    "It's not fair that I have to take initiative and do the CHOOSING, it's not fair that they can stay passive and do the WAITING. I'd much rather wait around for someone to choose me than go out and take it myself"

    Seriously, i really felt like fighting and beating up that guy who said that to me
  • Anonymous
    The first one is true only once you've started actually dating or doing anything sexual or intimate. Before that it's the complete opposite. At least you were able to get as far as having SOMETHING happen. That's better than nothing.
  • Anonymous
    On the first, women actually do this more. Men are much more likely than women to interpret the same exchange as sexual/flirting/romantic vs friendly. If you're in a friends with benefits scenario, that's different, and yes in that situation it's more often the male who is detached.

    On the second, men are trained from a young age to ignore their own feelings. They are taught that their feelings aren't important. When this works, it helps them not ruminate and move on. When it doesn't[ work, its disastrous.
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