Although I refuse to admit it myself, it seems like I was born an introvert. My mother, and my father when he was still alive, always assumed I was an introvert. During the time I was growing up, I kept refusing the fact I was one, and still do at 24 as well. I don't like it. I feel like introverts tend to get respected less, and they are often weaker.
Anyway, below I will mention how to correct your introvert traits. It might not work to everyone though, but I believe they do more or less at least by some degree.
HATE YOURSELF BEING AN INTROVERT
This is the most important thing if you want to correct a flaw of yours. You must start hating it. For example if you are fat and you want to lose weight, then you must start hating yourself being fat. Same goes here with being an introvert. Start hating it, and don't accept it.
GO OUT EVEN IF YOU DON'T HAVE FRIENDS
I don't have any friends personally. I had in the past though, but we cut ties. But even though, it's better to go out solo than staying at home doing other things. Going out in crowded places it might make you get used to after a while. You don't have to talk to anyone, just wander around in your spare time. And if in case you are a female, chances are higher for a stranger to talk to you. If it happens just handle it gracefully, instead of being scared of "small talk".
DON'T GET BITTER IF SMALL TALK OCCURS
If some stranger initiates conversation with you, don't feel annoyed, but pretend to enjoy it even if you actually don't. Keep the talk going. After all you won't be busy to go somewhere in time, since you were supposed to go out in your spare time. If you are a guy it would be harder for someone to start a conversation with you. But as a guy it would be a good idea to start a conversation with females and not males. So avoid talking to females online because it's easier to you. Put everything you learnt from YouTube videos, movies, etc. to talk to a girl, although it requires practice.
BETTER AVOID ONLINE DATING
Online Dating, is a type of dating especially designed for introverts mostly as it seems. Since introverts tend to express their thoughts better via writing than speaking, it might be easier for them to succeed in online dating. Yet choosing online dating as an option, it means accepting the fact you are an introvert, which is a bad thing if in case you want to stop being one.
NEVER ADMIT YOU'RE AN INTROVERT
It's important as well. Defining yourself as an introvert it will make you believe you are one as well. So it would be better to avoid thinking about it.
Of course you won't stop being an introvert from one day to another. To see accurate results, it might take like 2 or 3 months at least.
The Negatives Of Being An Introvert, And How You Can Correct Them If You Want
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
I don't agree to the hating yourself part. It never works. Hating yourself is the same as someone else hating you who at the same time wants to force you to change. So you probably won't respond to it. I'm an introvert. But I discovered something about myself accidentally. I'm sooo interested in what's going on inside my own head, that I easily lose interest in whatever communication signals my partner in conversation is sending. These signals can be words, body language, facial expressions, emotional expressions, etc. The entire range of human communication tools. And the problems start from there. I get bored, I don't receive information, so I can't respond properly even if I knew what to say or do. They also sense my uninterest. And from there on, the connection breaks. Unless I make So, before any kind of social interaction
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Opinion Owner
+1 y
Unless I make a great effort which leaves me feeling drained, anxious, and of course results in my not enjoying the social activity. So, before I participate in any social activity, first I take the time to listen to myself carefully. This is a new method to me, and I'm still learning, but writing in a journal helps. So does good sleep, specially an afternoon nap. Or a good movie. Or talking to a counselor. Or talking to a close friend, which I feel more socially comfortable afterwards. If you know of any good methods, please let me know. Also I've noticed that most of the thoughts that distract my attention from the ongoing social situation, are negative self-defeating ones. So by learning to first identify those thoughts, and work on healing them over the course of time, I can free my mind to focus on a social interaction. Getting counseling & also "Mindfulness Meditation" helps a TON! Or solving my life problems.
However, like you, I hate to admit to being an introvert. I just think it's wrong to "label" yourself with such a limiting word. Because life is so "liquid" and life is in the eye of the beholder. There is no right or wrong interpretation of a certain situation. So if you label yourself as an introvert, you are giving yourself the message that this situation is set in stone, and so it is unchangeable. And this mindset will greatly sabotage your efforts to improve the situation, because it will make you feel hopeless. So I prefer to think this way: Today I am not feeling very sociable for these reasons (1, 2, 3, etc). And I would like to change that. (Do NOT use improve instead of change, because it automatically sends a negative message that something is wrong with you, because we all naturally feel that only when something's not good enough, it needs improving). And who knows, maybe when you are done listing...
... listing the reasons for not feeling sociable, by listening to your inner voice, you will notice that those ARE actually acceptable reasons for not feeling sociable that day, and so you will stop pushing yourself and beating yourself up to accomplish the impossible, and that way you will feel better. You might even start feeling more sociable again! :-)
Wow I'm a lot like you. I think too much when I'm trying to talk to people, and then don't know what to say because I haven't been paying attention in the moment enough. Going to try meditation more!
I think it's cool you don't want to identify as being an introvert! I've heard of extroverted introverts, so why put yourself into a category? I think this piece you wrote is great :)
I'm glad you added "if you want" at the end because there is nothing wrong with being introverted. That being said, being socially inept and being introverted are two different things.
You don't seem to understand what an introvert is. First off, you can be both, naturally, just be leaning towards one side more so in general or at specific times. One of my friends is more introvert leaning but when he's around other people, is outgoing and very extroverted. But he recharges by being alone. And that's what it is at the core, you feel recharged and rejuvinated by getting some good quality time alone. That's not weak or a negative quality. It just is. Extroverts feel recharged by spending time with other people and get energized that way. They feed off that, and can't really stand being alone at all.
I can agree with your point about going out alone, that can be empowering and fun to do anyways. But not about viewing it as a negative trait, never admitting to it, and online dating. Also, I disagree with you advising to hate it to lose it and comparing it with losing weight. I found that after months of wanting to lose some weight I lost it when I started to love my body regardless because that motivated me to care for it by eating healthier, drinking more water, and working out. I've also found myself to be more open to small talk and meeting new people through accepting being an introvert. I make sure I get and enjoy the time I want alone guilt-free and feel more refreshed to socialize after. There's balance. Not only that but I realize my limits and that it's ok that I feel the way I do, that puts less pressure on myself and I've found smalltalk to be easier.
Furthermore, being an introvert doesn't really correlate to having friends or not. Being anti-social or suffering from social anxiety could, but being introvert does not necessarily correlate. Again, I know a lot of introverts who are well loved and have huge friend circles (my best friend and one of my roommates), but are definitely introverts or have introvert qualities.
I personally love being an introvert and wouldn't want to be an extrovert, although I my extrovert friends. I love pursing my interests alone, daydreaming, living in my own world, and I'm hardly ever bored alone. I disagree with your Take, I think it advocates misplaced and misinformed self-hatred. Sorry.
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myTake Owner
+1 y
OK, I respect your opinion.
Also since you mentioned about body weight, I lost lots of weight by HATING my body personally. It worked in my case.
It seems like you don't quite understand what being an introvert is. Being an introvert isn't the same as: - Being extremely shy - Being socially inept/awkward - Hating conversations - Hating going out - Hating large crowds - Not having any friends - Not being capable of maintaining friendships - Preferring messages over talking out loud - Self-hating
None of those things mean you're an introvert. The only thing that truly defines whether you're an introvert or extrovert (or ambivert) is how you relax. Do you relax by withdrawing yourself after hanging out with people? Or do you relax by going out with your friends to have a good time? Introverts can be social, confident, intelligent. Introverts are good listeners and don't always feel the need to talk or interrupt others. The only thing that sets introverts and extroverts apart is that introverts, at some point, feel overwhelmed after being with a bunch of people and prefer to relax alone, in peace, maybe with a good book. Whereas extroverts get anxious if they're alone for extended periods of time and find it relaxing to finally meet people. There's nothing wrong with being an introvert. A lot of people are introverted. Introverts don't automatically lack self-confidence, and they're not always shy lone wolves. They can be, but that has nothing to do with the fact that they're introverted.
This is accurate. My girlfriend is an extrovert and needs company to feel good. I am an introvert and need solitude to feel good. We balance each others need but we always do the same activities like going out into clubs, restaurants, beaches, public, quite coffee shops, hidden restaurants. At the end of the day I feel good because I can relax at home with her only and she feels good because she spent the day amongst people. So this response is legit.
Exactly. Introversion and extroversion have nothing to do with your actions or personality, it's what situations you need to regain your energy. I'm an extremely outgoing introvert. I work in the theatre and am constantly around actors and performing artists. I'm engaging and do enjoy parties and social events. Just at the end of the day I need to go home and lock myself in a room alone for an hour or so before I can spend time with my husband.
Some of this is good but it seems to apply to a certain kind of unfriendly person. Im generally introverted but I never show it. I talk to strangers and my friends would all describe me as friendly and having a good sense of humor.
The real move is pushing yourself to go out and that's where your first point is great for those wanting to break out of their shell more. Once you're out and among people on a regular basis, it will help calm your anxieties. When I was much younger I was scared to talk to strangers for any reason, eventually I went on a long summer trip backpacking where I had no choice but to converse with strangers and sometimes they didn't even speak English.
I wanted it to change though and some people are OK with the lives they lead isolated from people. After most social events, I come home drained and tired but I value the time spent with family & friends and getting to know new people.
I wanted it to change though and some people are content with the lives they lead. Afterocial events I usually come home absolutely drained just because of my nature but I value the experiences I have much more than when I'm alone.
Everything's good except #1 and #5. You should wear it as a badge of honour, not the star of David on your right arm in Nazi Germany. Anything else will be perceived as a sign of weakness. Introverts are strong, they can hold pregnant pauses and not feel uncomfortable. They don't speak unless they feel it is relevant or necessary. Most people just blabber because they feel uncomfortable and even the more confident extroverts just speak their nonsense with a greater sense of self-belief. As an introvert you believe in yourself AND what you say ACTUALLY. MAKES. SENSE. If you don't want to be social it's probably because the people trying to be social with you are idiots. If you'd rather go out and do things by yourself it's because you know you'd have a better time than you would with some people's company. If you'd rather do online dating, it's because you know you've got a shot at actually getting the girl to stop and LISTEN for a change. Give it a try: be a confident introvert, none of this self-hatred.
The term "introvert" is often a term applied with little understanding of what it really is. For one thing there are about 8 types of introverts.
One hallmark of Intoverted personalities is that they process information internally. The term "think for themselves" applies well to introverts. Extroverts require/desire other people's input to come to a conclusion. Listen to an extrovert speak and you will often hear. "What do you think?" They really want to know! Introverts may ask for conversational purposes, but in the end they will go with their own decision (which they probably knew all along.) Also people are rarely, if ever, 100% "introverted" or "extroverted". Most have traits of both and those traits shift depending on how you feel, who you are with, etc. If you REALLY want to learn more check out Meyers-Briggs personality inventory. You can find free tests online. Or check out Elizabeth Meyers-Briggs book :"Please Understand Me". It's The Book on the whole thing... been around since the 1940's, is easy & interesting the read, includes the test and explanation if results.
Most importantly... embrace who you are. There is only ONE like you, has never been another, and never will be again. That's pretty cool... go with it!
Actually, I'm an introvert who happened to grow up with a narcissistic and abusive mother who tried, quite successfully, to break my spirit as a child. It took me a long time to actually appreciate, and like who I was. So I don't mind being an introvert. It helps you to see through peoples bullshit better, because introverts are more observant. But honestly, why the hell would I want to go back to hating myself after all I've been through? I was made this way, but that doesn't mean I don't talk to people, or hate small talk. Maybe, you should try appreciating who you are...
My mother was the same way, not only that, i was bullied by peers. She actually broke my spirit, which is why i pretty much am an introvert, and I actually do hate people/being around them. Imagine coming home everyday from being bullied by classmates, only to be bullied by your own family.
@trellbrown23 I still go through it working in retail. One thing I realized though, and this has helped me a lot, is that it's better to just open up your mouth and be honest. By not holding back what I think or feel, it has helped me to open up to people more. It has also helped me to stand up for myself against people, and gotten some pretty funny reactions out of people too.
Doing that has helped a lot since my mom has passed... but in the process, I've lost a lot of support and friends because they are either insulted by my brashness, bluntness, and sarcasm. To tell you the truth, i really don't care anymore. I avoid people now by staying in my apartment. I can tolerate my co-workers for only so much before they too, irritate me.
Just because you're an introvert doesn't mean that you're horrible at dealing with people or impossibly awkward in social situations.
I'm an introvert, I LOVE hanging out with people and being in social situations. I'm pretty good, socially speaking. I simply don't feel the need to voice my opinions every other minute, or to be obnoxiously loud about how I feel.
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myTake Owner
+1 y
I was the same person who asked you if I can use your MyTake. As you can see I don't like introvert characteristics.
hm, ok. No thanks, I have no desire to change my introverted characteristics. I see no issue with keeping to myself versus babbling like an obnoxious idiot.
I don't even know where to start with this article, it does not represent a huge or any significant portion of the introvert population, it is so far away from what studies show on introverts, and so far from my experience. I know you put a lot if thoughts in your article. It seems more like a personal experience and your journey away from embracing your introvertednesd. Let's name a few great introverts, Bill Gated, Steven Spielberg, Rosa Parks, Isaac Newton, Mark Zuckerberg, Abraham Lincoln, Warren Buffet, Micheal Jordan, Charles Darwin, Mahatma Gandghi and so many more. In her famous Ted Talks, Susan Cain states that there is actually no flaw in being introverted. Yet, our society down plays the positives of being an introvert due to how successful many of them have turned to be. Introverts have shown the potential to be great leaders. ( Marsha Pinto's article 6 reasons why you should appreciate introverts- Huffington post Oct 2013).
I have my introvertedness , I consider myself a creative philosopher clown. I make everybody laugh, though I never seek a stage to be the comedian, I can go in crowds and have fun, but I seek to be alone or with very few people. I get re-energized in solitude to be creative. I am almost always alone when away from work, but at a work seminar, I'll keep the group in stitches with my comedy, I have embraced who I am, and so have many others. Barack Obama is an introvert, I guess if you are a Republican, he might not be your cup of tea, he does really well when speaking in a crowd.
Bad article: 1) Introversion is just a part of whole person's personality/behavior. You can be extraverted charming person, you can be extraverted jerk. You can be introverted charming person, you can be introverted jerk. It's just 1 part of person's personality/behavior, not a life sentence.
2) Hating yourself/others, anger is a great catalyst for creating cancer or other tumor cells in your body. So if you want to get cancer or other body disease, feel free to practice hatred of yourself, anger, instead of loving, appreciating, working on yourself. Just be aware of consequences of such unhealthy practice.
definitely an intresting MyTake. Although i agree on most things, i don't agree with the fact that i can't define myself as an introvert. What if i can accept the fact that i am an introvert? I admit that i admire myself for thinking that i am who i am and nothing can change that however, i also see progress towards being more extravert in the little things. but that doesn't mean im no introvert anymore.. The fact that i can't speak freely about my feelings and vent whats on my heart means that i am an introvert. I've always been this way and i don't see change now nor in the future. The fact that i do not in ANY WAY ask for help in public does not only mean that im stubborn but also indicates that i am introvert. The fact that i am defending myself right now also indicates that i 'fight' for who i am.
I don't agree with the hate yourself part. Being happy with yourself by accepting the good and bad part of you. So face yourself but never hate or reject any part of you.
I'm a huge introvert but when you have great friends you're always up to hang out with them. Some days Iwanna be alone but that's ok it'swho I am and what Ineed to feel better
Feck off! Being an introvert isn't bad, We simply just enjoy company in smaller groups and like thinking to ourselves and zoning out. That's all there is to introversion! We don't need correction, we just need fools like you to understand what the hell you're talking about! Please, and thanks in advance!
There's a difference between being shy and being an introvert. Shyness is fear, and it is a weakness that should be worked on. Introversion is the way your brain is wired to prefer more alone time, to prefer small groups over large gatherings, to prefer a few close friends to a lot of superficial friendships, to think before you speak, to listen more than you talk. Those aren't weaknesses.
Haha wow, you are a dumbass. Though I am mostly what you'd call an extrovert, "Introvert" simply means you derive energy from within yourself (intro + vert), and not have to go out of your way and socialize just to get that rush of energy. Everyone has different ways of deriving that energy. I have no idea where the negative connotation comes from, possibly from retards like yourself.
1. Do you know what an introverted person is like? You seem to be completely ignorant on this matter.
2. Being an introvert/extrovert is not a choice. It's something bound to one's persona. You're making things tough for yourself if you think along the lines of ".. the Negatives of being... what ever".
3. Noone can just will a change. The conclusion is not "seeing accurate results" but a different character brought about by change in one's values and lifestyle.
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
+1 y
I'm an introvert and like certain social situations, but I'm horrible at asking women out. I'm very shy in that aspect of my life, and I hate that part of myself for that. No matter what I try or do I cannot overcome that part of my life. Guess it's the single lifetime for me.
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3 Reply
myTake Owner
+1 y
Indeed... it SUCKS!!! I have to be drunk to ask out a woman!!!
I respect your view, you don't like it and want to change. As for me, it just seemed to work for my personality/nature. Any discomfort or misgiving I had about myself never involved being an introvert. I suppose it is a case of the saying "Different folks, different strokes".
Your issue is you think there is something wrong with being introverted. Being introverted is not worse than being extroverted. Society does cater to extroverts but society has a long history of being really shitty.
@HookingSwan So what? If you like an introvert guy, then go on. But you have to hit on him, since it's tough as nails for an introvert to hit on a girl first.
I was talking about myself. I have many introvert traits
I also struggle with some of the less positive things, myself. But I can't see myself hating something that is so fundamentaly me. I try to embrace the less positive things too. They are not completely bad. And I always strive on doing better.
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