I am that kind of guy; the shy one, the non-talker, the one who keeps himself to himself and to be perfectly honest, I hate being this way. But I don't know how to break out of it and as a man due to go into the big wide world, this really worries me. I've been this way since childhood; being introduced to new people was a nightmare, parties were my immortal enemy and the thought of being picked to do something in front of the class at school had my stomach in knots. I've always wanted to be this confident, outgoing guy but I just can't. I hate the way I am and this has led to me having lots of worries about my future; several of these from different aspects.
Making New Friends
Since I left school three years ago, I've gradually become more distant from those I was friends with at school. This has led me to become more withdrawn and due to my declining sociability, I find it much harder now to make new ones. This also means that I take longer to form acquaintances and friendships with people, meaning I might leave it until too late as people might think of me as a man who just wants to be by himself and can't be bothered to make the effort.
Finding "The One"
This is probably my biggest worry. I do want a relationship and to one day get married, have children and do all that stuff but I fear that my reluctance to come out of myself might mean that I never find anybody and this frightens me because I don't want to end up alone. This is another situation where I wish I was just a completely different person so I'd find it easier. I'm never going to be that guy at a bar or a club that goes over to a woman and starts flirting with her and chatting her up because I would just never have the audacity to do it. Instead I'm just clutching at straws hoping one day it'll just fall into place (and let's face it, in the real world that never happens).
Could my introversion have been prevented?
Throughout my childhood from a very early stage, my parents weren't social at all and never encouraged me to make friends. They never pushed me to put myself out there and show people who I was and I was just content to go along with that and do my own thing. I'm worried that my parents lack of a social life led to me being anti-social too; they never had any friends round and they never went out so I always had a comfort zone that was rarely ever breached. I think I needed to have that comfort tested more regularly to make me come out of my shell and maybe this made me content with not bothering to make an effort to go out with friends.
Have I wasted my childhood?
You only get one go around in this life and you need to make sure you make the most of it. Unfortunately, I don't think that I have done. I spent most of my teenage years up in my bedroom talking to people online rather than actually going out and seeing people in the flesh. I rarely ever went on nights out and when I did, even though I really wanted to enjoy them, I was just waiting for it to end. Most people of my age will have wild stories to tell when they are older and because I decided to hold back and be anti-social, I unfortunately won't and this makes me quite sad to be honest as I'll come across as a boring and won't have anything to contribute to conversations.
Will I always be this way?
A big big worry of mine is that I will never break out of this habit of not wanting to do things and then missing out on potentially big experiences. I really don't want to be this way and I know that I myself have to make those changes but I've withdrawn myself from practically everyone I've known. How am I going to possibly salvage a life for myself and get back on the social ladder? Plus the people that do know you see you as this quiet, off person that doesn't ever want to do anything and perceptions are extremely hard to change. Starting afresh sounds easy in your head but for people who find it hard to break out, it's very difficult to release a different personality to cope with this change.
In conclusion, being an introvert is worrying and it's not an aspect of me that I like at all. It’s something I want to change but don't know how. Hopefully I'll find the answer and turn it around.. someday.
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