So Are You Really A Nice Guy?

Mesonfielde
People always consider themselves a "nice guy". We have this duality of "nice guys" and "bad guys", right? Nice guys are the ones who are caring and loving, and who would never do anything that would harm their significant one. Bad guys are the ones who don't care about anything (including the issues of their girlfriends), and yet their girlfriends are all over them, despite that he's a complete total jerk. He's the one who violates all the rules, does things that a normal human would never do. These are the stereotypes.

But let's not forget - people are subjective about themselves. Sometimes, we are all blind to our own errors - we might be arrogant at times, we might be jerks at times, there are times when we don't care, and there are times when we do all these negative things. Well guess what, those who claim to be "nice guys" usually tend to be jerks themselves as well, they just don't realize in the spur of the moment. It's always easier to see the whole picture from the outside.

But the fact that we are biased against ourselves as we tend to believe our erroneous actions are "normal" and "not unusual" is not the real point I am planning to make. Of course, it is important that if you always obey every single rule, you will never cause any excitement - and most people consider excitement as the base of "fun", which causes "happiness", so they say. But, the real point is - the actual base of attraction is not completely on the scale of morality. It resides on various other axises.

First of all, we have this over-clich├ęd thing called Confidence. You can be as loving as you want, but if you are not sure about yourself, if you don't project to the world that "here I am, and I am awesome" (not with words, but with your actions, and how you do actions), most girls won't love you. Confidence is a trait taught by society that it is meant to be attractive. Therefore, most girls, especially those who had a happy life, will be looking for that.

Confidence is everything in your appearance - both your physical and your mental appearance. To be physically attractive (have nice clothing, have a nice haircut, have a nice body - and of course have a nice face and all, but you cannot really alter that), and to be fine with yourself, to be happy about yourself. To be sure of your actions, and not to worry if they are right or wrong. Not to be uncertain. Don't worry if they are right or wrong - because everything you do should be right when you do it. By worrying about it, it will be done in a wrong way - and that turns girls off.

Why is this so important? Because if you don't need to pay attention to yourself, then you can start paying attention to others. And people just LOVE attention. Therefore, attention is something they like to be given, but they don't want to give to those who they don't feel worthy for. And people prefer to give only if they are hinted to, but are not forced to. If you are absorbed in yourself, and therefore direct your attention to yourself and other people's attentions to yourself, people might throw you a pity party, but in reality, no one would want to be with you as a "mate". The reasons are, that trying to patch up someone who hates themselves merely because they love to hate themselves to get the sympathy from others, they eventually drain the energy of everyone around them. It's like an emotional black hole. It is exhausting to be constantly giving attention (especially if it does not make any results). The second reason is of course, that people are trying to be happy, and if you just ruin the good mood with your entire existence, people will think of you as a burden. This is due to that you direct everyone's attention to yourself, and to your negative side. Your insecurities. However, everyone is insecure to some level, but most people don't need to and don't really want to know about your insecurities. In reality, almost everyone has some insecurities - they just don't show them to the world around them.
Only insecure and shy people would want to know your insecurities, to ensure that you are just like them, for being similar and being compatible - but let's not forget. Secure guys want secure women, insecure guys want insecure women, and insecure women want secure guys. Oh wait, did I break the pattern? Well, guess what. Girls are looking for someone to fill out their own errors, while guys tend to look for someone with the same errors so they won't feel they are inferior. But if you are equal, you cannot be superior. Which is why you should seem you are better than the girl - but not by telling her that you are better, but by being sure of what you are doing. And this is confidence. The ability to show off that "having you" will overcome her insecurities by being with you. That you can supplement her errors.

That was the original base of attraction that everyone knows about. But there is a catch. We don't always think our actions through as if we were in the place of that other person we are doing things to. What do I mean, by that sometimes we don't run things through your "empathy"? Well, apparently there are times when we think we are doing the best thing we can do for someone, and in reality, if someone did the same thing to us, we would be just as intimidated - we just don't realize this as we are doing it to someone else.

And this is where the real "Nice Guy" thing comes in. If you are overly loving and affectionate, you can find yourself trying to be with a girl all the time, to express your love, and to feel happy because she is around. But this is the real problem. If you haven't really been in a relationship, then you don't know, that even if YOU want to be with the given person at every single second of every single day (given that you don't have anything else to do), your CONSTANT presence is UNWANTED. If you spend every single second with the person "of your desire", you will eventually drain off her energies with your presence. You will "suffocate" her. You will intrude her "personal space" constantly, and with you being around, she would be limited in her actions - she would not always be able to do what she would originally want to do. And people dislike being limited on what they want to do.

Therefore, if you want to constantly stay around the girl, then you are what they call, "CLINGY". Clinginess is one of the most ANNOYING aspects in a human, so they say. It's not about attractive or unattractive, it's just UNWANTED. People don't want you to be always around them to show them how much you love them. They want you to be there when they want you to be there, not when YOU think that you should be there. You are so self-absorbed in what you think is right, that you don't realize you are suffocating the needs of the other person. You force yourselves upon them, and don't realize what you are doing is wrong. So if you always try to spend more and more time with a girl... You should notice that it's not the right thing to do.

This is the first article I've written, and I've hope you've found it useful. With some introspection and reflexion, you might see some errors you haven't noticed before. If you've read it, I'm glad that you did - if anything comes up in your mind, feel free to comment.
So Are You Really A Nice Guy?
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