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I'll never forget the early mornings Mother would wake me up for school. I would jump out of bed, get dressed, and rush out to catch the bus with my grandma. I was a straight A student and had a huge imagination that inspired me to be the best I could be. I had dreams, beliefs, an imagination full of fairy tales I dreamed would come true one day. Although as a child, I never knew what I wanted to be I always had a drive to succeed in my studies and pushed myself forward to new and exciting things. As my last day in elementary school came and went, I thought about all I had achieved in that school. How many wonderful teachers I would leave behind who taught me my colors and numbers. You know the basics every little kid learns.
As I approached middle school, I started having doubts. I didn't like the school, the kids, the teachers I felt as if everyone hated me. I didn't fit in like I was supposed to. There was a bell that would ring and I actually had to switch classes. All the sudden, I went from one teacher to 5 teachers. It was so overwhelming and I dreaded each day, each hour, and each second until I could go home. I made it through the 4th grade successfully, and continued on to 5th. By 6th grade I did this 360 into a bad child. I skipped school, started drinking, smoking, and became depressed.
Mother seemed to be at work all the time where I was left alone with my drug dealing brother from 6am-11pm. I fell into this deep depression knowing that my life was going down. Now I didn't have a Mother, or a Father to look up to. Instead, I had a pregnant 15 year old sister, and a crack smoking brother who practically lived in the living room since Mom wouldn't let him have his own room. I would sit in my room for 12 hours straight with my pen and notebook writing about how messed up my life was. I always wondered what happened to the old me. What happened to the little girl one who was once creative, smart, and outgoing? That little girl who wanted to be someone in life because she knew she could.
By the time I was 13, I had been in lockup, on probation, and in DSS custody more times than I can count. It seemed as if every week I was in trouble. I would stand outside the Juvenile Court House in the freezing cold, waiting for that cop with 3,000,000 keys clipped to his belt loop to come unlock the door. Once inside, they would send us through 5 metal detectors. I was always scared that the police man would check my pockets and find the 200 pictures I had stashed in my coat pocket. I always carried them to court with me in case the judge took me away and put me in lockup. I was only 13 years old and I felt like a criminal. No one ever understood how I was feeling and I always ended up in the same situation over and over again. I had no support and it was my biggest problem.
Sometimes, if I was lucky enough, I would get the nice lady judge who I wouldn't have to speak a word to. Other times, I wasn't so lucky and got lock 'em up Larry. All the kids would refer to him as that because he would always lock everyone up. When my last day of court came, I was 15 years old. I thought they would start being easier on me since you had to be 16 to legally drop out of school. Nope. Lock 'em up Larry wasn't letting me go that easy. He put me in a boarding lock down school where I would have to live for a whole six months. While being at this center for the bad kids, I really improved. I tried to show the people who worked there how much of a great kid I really was. I did my chores on time, cleaned my room, and helped the other children with homework and so on. After two months of doing this, they actually let me have my shoes back. To me, this was like getting a new Christmas present on Christmas morning. They would take our shoes away in case we tried to run away. Again, I felt like a prisoner with no rights. I guess technically that's exactly what I was.
After I finally got out of that place, I went back home to the same home I was in. Everything was so wrong in that house and I knew it wasn't okay to live there. It wasn't okay that I had to deal with this and take the consequences that came along with it. I wasn't a bad kid. I never did anything wrong, I simply adapted to my surroundings like any kid would do. I was always scared to tell anyone my real problem. I was scared of Mom getting in trouble and me going back to lockup. I never said anything.
When I turned 16 I knew I had to do something with my life. I tried to get jobs, but no one would hire me. Then again, who would want to hire a 6th grade drop out? I had absolutely nothing to offer myself, or any employer. I decided to attend a vocational school where I completed Medical Assisting, Phlebotomy, EKG, CAN, and Billing and Coding. I left with cover letters, thank you letters, and a wonderful resume. I wanted to attend college but, I wasn't allowed! I had no basic education. I studied for 3 years and finally earned my GED. I never thought a piece of paper could mean so much to me. After that, I applied to a wonderful small community college where I double majored in Nursing and Psychology. I wanted to be them people I hated most when I was a child. Why? So I can be better than they were. So I can stand in these kids shoes and actually see where they're coming from.
After graduating with two associates degrees, I wanted to move on to continue my education. I had a 3.875 for a GPA, I had tons of experience, tons of leadership skills, and I was in the honors society. I had so much going for me. My Mother kept telling me to apply at some small nursing school I just wasn't interested in. Although I was afraid, I went ahead and applied to Yale. Who in their wildest dreams could ever see me going to Yale? But guess what? I did. I got accepted, and I'm still attending. I've learned that if you want to be someone, only YOU can guide yourself. Although many think I'm not too smart I'm probably not. I'll admit I don't have perfect grammar or vocabulary. I'll admit that I have no idea how to do 7th grade math. But, I will admit that I became someone important. Children's lives are in my hands everyday when I do internships, and I absolutely love them because I was once in their shoes. So just remember, no matter how many times you fall, you can always pick yourself back up! You can be anyone, but only if you try!
As I approached middle school, I started having doubts. I didn't like the school, the kids, the teachers I felt as if everyone hated me. I didn't fit in like I was supposed to. There was a bell that would ring and I actually had to switch classes. All the sudden, I went from one teacher to 5 teachers. It was so overwhelming and I dreaded each day, each hour, and each second until I could go home. I made it through the 4th grade successfully, and continued on to 5th. By 6th grade I did this 360 into a bad child. I skipped school, started drinking, smoking, and became depressed.
Mother seemed to be at work all the time where I was left alone with my drug dealing brother from 6am-11pm. I fell into this deep depression knowing that my life was going down. Now I didn't have a Mother, or a Father to look up to. Instead, I had a pregnant 15 year old sister, and a crack smoking brother who practically lived in the living room since Mom wouldn't let him have his own room. I would sit in my room for 12 hours straight with my pen and notebook writing about how messed up my life was. I always wondered what happened to the old me. What happened to the little girl one who was once creative, smart, and outgoing? That little girl who wanted to be someone in life because she knew she could.
By the time I was 13, I had been in lockup, on probation, and in DSS custody more times than I can count. It seemed as if every week I was in trouble. I would stand outside the Juvenile Court House in the freezing cold, waiting for that cop with 3,000,000 keys clipped to his belt loop to come unlock the door. Once inside, they would send us through 5 metal detectors. I was always scared that the police man would check my pockets and find the 200 pictures I had stashed in my coat pocket. I always carried them to court with me in case the judge took me away and put me in lockup. I was only 13 years old and I felt like a criminal. No one ever understood how I was feeling and I always ended up in the same situation over and over again. I had no support and it was my biggest problem.
Sometimes, if I was lucky enough, I would get the nice lady judge who I wouldn't have to speak a word to. Other times, I wasn't so lucky and got lock 'em up Larry. All the kids would refer to him as that because he would always lock everyone up. When my last day of court came, I was 15 years old. I thought they would start being easier on me since you had to be 16 to legally drop out of school. Nope. Lock 'em up Larry wasn't letting me go that easy. He put me in a boarding lock down school where I would have to live for a whole six months. While being at this center for the bad kids, I really improved. I tried to show the people who worked there how much of a great kid I really was. I did my chores on time, cleaned my room, and helped the other children with homework and so on. After two months of doing this, they actually let me have my shoes back. To me, this was like getting a new Christmas present on Christmas morning. They would take our shoes away in case we tried to run away. Again, I felt like a prisoner with no rights. I guess technically that's exactly what I was.
After I finally got out of that place, I went back home to the same home I was in. Everything was so wrong in that house and I knew it wasn't okay to live there. It wasn't okay that I had to deal with this and take the consequences that came along with it. I wasn't a bad kid. I never did anything wrong, I simply adapted to my surroundings like any kid would do. I was always scared to tell anyone my real problem. I was scared of Mom getting in trouble and me going back to lockup. I never said anything.
When I turned 16 I knew I had to do something with my life. I tried to get jobs, but no one would hire me. Then again, who would want to hire a 6th grade drop out? I had absolutely nothing to offer myself, or any employer. I decided to attend a vocational school where I completed Medical Assisting, Phlebotomy, EKG, CAN, and Billing and Coding. I left with cover letters, thank you letters, and a wonderful resume. I wanted to attend college but, I wasn't allowed! I had no basic education. I studied for 3 years and finally earned my GED. I never thought a piece of paper could mean so much to me. After that, I applied to a wonderful small community college where I double majored in Nursing and Psychology. I wanted to be them people I hated most when I was a child. Why? So I can be better than they were. So I can stand in these kids shoes and actually see where they're coming from.
After graduating with two associates degrees, I wanted to move on to continue my education. I had a 3.875 for a GPA, I had tons of experience, tons of leadership skills, and I was in the honors society. I had so much going for me. My Mother kept telling me to apply at some small nursing school I just wasn't interested in. Although I was afraid, I went ahead and applied to Yale. Who in their wildest dreams could ever see me going to Yale? But guess what? I did. I got accepted, and I'm still attending. I've learned that if you want to be someone, only YOU can guide yourself. Although many think I'm not too smart I'm probably not. I'll admit I don't have perfect grammar or vocabulary. I'll admit that I have no idea how to do 7th grade math. But, I will admit that I became someone important. Children's lives are in my hands everyday when I do internships, and I absolutely love them because I was once in their shoes. So just remember, no matter how many times you fall, you can always pick yourself back up! You can be anyone, but only if you try!
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