Update to myTake: Sexual Harassment at Work and What Men/Women Can Do About It

[Anonymous]

I am the writer of the take "Think Every Woman Lies About Harassment in the Western World? Think Twice" and I would like to give you a follow-up incident in this take. You can click on the title provided above to reach my previous take mentioning my very recent experience with sexual harassment.

In that take, I told you earlier that I quit my job after the manager's attitude towards me claiming that I am supposed to please any customer wishes, and I should not make it a big deal. After several calls and talks, I got back to my job as I need the job and as I got an apology from the manager for his attitude. I am sure he only apologized because he is too lazy to go through the hiring process and training a new person since another girl who worked at my shift got fired after constantly calling in sick and showing up on social media doing things other than being sick.

On the first day I got back to the same job, unfortunately and unluckily, the same man who caused all the trouble came for having another bulk order for the same thing. Since we had his design for the order on the system already, we didn't spend much time. I had a coworker next to me, who recently started working and I was training him; and I had my manager who stopped by the store for the installation of new computers. He is a big guy, basically muscular, and about 6'4; like much bigger than the customer.

Conversation between me, manager and customer

(Cu:Customer, S: Me, M: Manager)

Cu: I talked to this lady last week. I want to do a bulk order but she gave me a very high price.

M: What was the design and price?

Cu: Same design but I will bring my own clothing, I will not buy from here.

M: (..calculating) It will be $10 a piece.

Cu: (Looking at me) See? I told you it will $10 a piece, not $30. That was what Person XX who worked here last year charged me.

S: Sir, you said you will buy your sweatshirts from here. You did not tell me you will bring your own. That makes it $30 a piece. (me looking at manager)

M: Yes, she is right in that case.

Cu: I was gonna divorce my wife and marry you but after you trying to overcharge me, I don't think I want to do anything with you. But you know my number, you can always call me for satisfaction. (touching my arm and waist while I am hanging new clothes near him)

.....

Me speechless, manager is smiling, coworker is turning his head away acting like he didn't see (but clearly shocked).

There were basically two guys in the store, who witnessed what happened, who heard what had been said, and who had seen how he basically touched me and made me uncomfortable but none of them are MAN ENOUGH to say stop and kick the customer out.

What to do if you witness sexual harassment at work?

These are steps I identified what to do in case I witness any type of sexual harassment, whether verbal, physical, or emotional. Feel free to come up with and share your "To-Do"s as well.

1. Intervene personally to stop the perpetrator.

This may not be easy, and maybe you are intimidated by the size and strength of the perpetrator. But remember, when you intervene to stop the harassment or bullying, you are basically outnumbering the perpetrator by 2 v 1. You and the victim vs. the perpetrator. And plus, you are at a work environment where there is security.

2. Simply say "That's gross" to your colleague (or perpetrator if not colleague)

If you don't know how to offer help, or what to say without offending anyone or if you're not confident enough, simply say "What you do/say or how you treat him/her is simply gross and unacceptable." You don't need confidence or charm to say simple words like this.

3. If you're not sure whether something is harassment, simply observe victim's behavior.

I know nobody is a mind-reader and you may be scared to evaluate the situation in a wrong way, or you may not know whether something is sexual harassment. In that case, simply observe the victim's behavior. If the victim is uncomfortable or look upset, you may need to intervene and call out on the other person whether colleague or customer.

4. Simply approach the victim and offer help

In the first time, you may be scared to say something and you may not prevent the harassment from happening. However, you may always approach the victim, ask him/her whether s/he is fine, and you can offer help and emotional support.

5. Educate yourself on what is harassment and what is not

Clearly, there will be people who would like to abuse the situation and accuse you or others of sexual harassment. Or you may witness something that you're not sure if harassment happened. You did approach the victim as I suggest in #4, and you got an answer. Yet, maybe the victim said everything is fine because s/he is ashamed of what happened, and may be in shock, and blamed him/herself for what happened. In this potential case, always make sure to educate yourselves on the situations whether the situation is harassment. There are many resources on the internet to read, watch, listen, and also there is Human Resources to grab a flyer or document about that.

6. DON'T BE A BYSTANDER.

Don't keep quiet, if you see something, simply say something. Don't close your eyes. Remember, if you keep quiet today, others will keep quiet tomorrow WHEN YOU ARE THE VICTIM!

To sum up:

Of course, these points may not apply to situations or incidents that occur outside the work environment. You may need to intervene at night clubs, house parties, in the parks, recreational facilities, and many places. Under different conditions, you may have different threats, and may feel strongly to close your eyes and pretend nothing is happening. There are solutions how to intervene in those cases, and I will be writing another take regarding how to stop sexual harassment in those places.

Thanks for reading my take.

[Anonymous]

"Victim" is carrying a lot of weight there. Why can't you say " yo cut that shit out " and just move on. I had a girl make advances to me at work, she would touch my back and arms, even sending me very , very inappropriate texts. How did I deal with it? I told her straight up to leave me alone and ignored her.
I guess women are more sensitive to these things so I understand you can't really standup for yourselves so you feel helpless... I don't know I just don't really make a big deal out of these things. Anyways good Take.

[myTake Owner]

Physically men are stronger than women, and when a man twice your size tells you and threatens you to cut the crap, I would be scared as a 5'2 105 pound woman. Similarly if a man 6'0 200 pounds with tons of muscles comes and harasses me, i can't simply say "yo cut that shit" as i am intimidated and silenced. Got it?

[Opinion Owner]

" I understand you can't really standup for yourselves so you feel helpless"

[HamAndCheese]

I agree with this to some extent. Not to say that your manager isn't a buffoon. Maybe you were scared to say something... but perhaps your manager was too. We tall folks aren't impervious to fear, you know?

[Anonymous]

There was a girl who reported a guy at work for secual harrassment, I testified that she was lying and got her fired

[kevincash158]

I fundamentally disagree with every word of your take. While I do agree that acting in the face of physical violence is a noble thing to do, most men react instinctively to these situations.

As supposedly "empowered" women, you should have the ability to properly defend yourself, especially in the work place, against "sexual harassment."

Frankly, it is contradictory and insulting to women to call on men's help for your - what you consider to be - problems. After all, are not women supposedly as strong as men? Indeed, I know many beta-males and effeminate "men" - you know exactly what I mean do not deceive yoursefl - and the idea that they could protect you any better than another woman or you could protect yourself is laughable.

A man's primary purpose in the workplace is to do work. And while he should respond to violence and clear abuse, it disturbs me that you want to vigilante the workplace because of your beliefs.

There is no clear definition of sexual harassment. And you cannot expect everyone to agree that, just because he made you uncomfortable, he committed harassment.

[kevincash158]

"The Author like your post"

- The commentator likes the author's post.

: )

[Anonymous]

One possible reason why the two witnesses did not take any action is because a lot of us get taught to avoid getting involved with something that can hurt us. We are taught to call police or whatever we can think of without risking our own lives. I'm not saying that's the real reason why your witnesses did not do anything. It's just one of many possible reasons. Maybe they were just watching for entertainment, I don't know. If I was in your situation, I would talk back without sounding too aggressive or threatening. You don't want to become the suspect by attacking him. Security cameras will prove that you are the attacker. If the customer is twice your size, at least you got backup this time. I guarantee they would all get involved if the customer pulled out a knife or something.

[myTake Owner]

I agree with "being intimidated" and that's why i said in mytake it is understandable that you are intimidated by the size or possible strength of the attacker. But it is generally a problem outside work environment where there is no immediate security forces to call or cameras to prove what happened.

At work environment, it is your moral and ethical responsibility to stand against it. Some may be intimidated by the position and power of the person in the company. He may be scared of being fired. However, still there are other ways to intervene. I will be writing a take regarding how and why to intervene instead of being a bystander

[0112358]

Yeah. In particular we've taught boys for a long time (my generation included if you grew up somewhere progressive) not to step up and intervene. Then we act shocked when they don't/

[Jayson101]

Do you ever stop to think that women are abusive and have absolutely no responsibility for it in the modern world before you go on your diatribes? ANd why do refer to her as the 'victim'? Huh? As if 'victim' is the default position for a woman top be in. You are a hypocrite and a cruel lying person and you make me sick to my stomach.

[myTake Owner]

4. Simply approach the victim and offer help
In the first time, you may be scared to say something and you may not prevent the harassment from happening. However, you may always approach the victim, ask him/her whether s/he is fine, and you can offer help and emotional support.

I wrote him/her s/he stating that a victim can be a man or woman, and so are perpetrator. Throughout the take, I did it the same way to not blame all men and victimize all women, but rather trying to tell all that i believe any gender can experience harassment.

However, my example is based on my own experience, and I happen to be a woman while perpetrator and audiences are man.

You are a hypocrite for commenting on something that you haven't even taken time to read.

[Jayson101]

No you did not. I can read.

You specifically referred to a person as a 'victim' regardless of whether or not they were victimized. You referred to someone in a sexual situation as a 'victim' which is a puritanical and repressive Victorian approach to sex and liaison. If there is a man or a woman in a sexual courtship with each other, who are you describing as the 'victim'? Not the man. You made an equivalence between SEX and the INITIAL ASSUMPTION of victimhood. You have made a FALSE equivalence between sex and victimhood.

[myTake Owner]

You just don't seem to understand what you read, and so try to fit things into your own imagination and explanation in the best possible way that suits your opinion.

[Jayson101]

You don't understand what you write.

Listen.

Argument are based on 'assumptions' right? You are basing all of your scenarios on the 'assumption' that sexual victimization is the most likely conclusion. Why would anyone assume that in any of your given situations, someone is being sexually victimized or harrassed? They would NOT because that is not what is happening.

Grow up you are not the center of the universe. Few people actually care that much about you (as with most of us)

[oddwaffle]

Well, somebody gotta stand up for themselves. I am not going to poke into someone's else business unless I think I got my ass covered. No. Correct that. I will leave the room and leave you two together.

If you don't like the other guy lewd advances just tell him that. Of you are too scared then how do you expect a random guy to intervene? Look, it's equality. Men can get scared too. I don't really want to go into mortal combat with a 6'2" 250lbs dude.

[Onlythisone]

I think people put too much thought into what people say, if someone was standing around reporting everything someone said to me that could be considered sexual harassment they'd have a full time job and I'd be in trouble for all the retorts. Trying to control what people say just means you can't say anything back.

[taleswapper]

yeah, I used to think this was a good idea, but I got shut down too often by the woman involved for "sticking my nose in her business." So unless there's a clear indication that the attentions are unwanted, I'm not going to intervene. Too many counter-examples.

[lest125]

all i can say guys, if you have a female manager good luck as your words will fall on deaf ears. not sexist as this happens in every job i had where management was female or mostly female.

[JastyForLife]

Yes. Don't just try to take action after sexual harrassment. If you see it occuring stop it and protect the person. Don't just help the person "deal with it"

[Section]

The way you described the witnesses not being "MAN ENOUGH" to help you makes it seem as if your idea of a man is someone who just goes out of their way to serve women.

[myTake Owner]

"man enough", "man up" etc. is a societal term just like "stop crying like a woman" because this is what is attributed by society "women the weaker form" vs. "men stronger form". I did not come up with the terms, society did, and i am using the language.

Clearly if you fucking read the steps i wrote you would understand i am calling for both men and women to say something if they see something. And I used him/her s/he in almost every sentence to say every witness women or men have moral and ethical obligation to intervene whether the victim is male or female.

You just wanted to write this down because clearly you are on your way to become like many miserable 30 something male G@G users who are butthurt and hateful towards women and think everything a woman says over here is to praise femininity and serve women and glorify everything about femininity while despising masculinity, which in this take neither in my life is something i would ever support or mean.

[Section]

Its always interesting to read a plotless novel.

[BaileyisDarcy]

3 paragraphs is hardly a novel. That wouldn't even get a passing grade for an essay.

Fuck people are illiterate these days

[Section]

@BaileyisDarcy It's a figure of speech you raging autist. How did that even fly over your head. An evenbigger question is how some sperg like you got to be an editor. That title must hold no weight if you're one (just so you know, titles don't actually have a mass, I was using another figure of speech).

[BaileyisDarcy]

... really dude? You jump right into "autistic"?
Wow.

You insinuated that 3 paragraphs is a long read with your term "novel" my response was making fun of your obvious lack of patience and literacy.

Anyone whos ever actually picked up a book knows 3 paragraphs is not long. And you would not have made the comment of "plotless novel" if you HAD ever picked up a book, or had the respect to actually consider an objecting opinion rather than jumping atraight to put downs in an attempt to hold yourself sstrong in your positio.

Which also indicates you're weak in your own argument since you made no attempt to defend it, instead making an attempt to distract the opposer from the point.

[Section]

@BaileyisDarcy Whag part of figure of speech do you not understand?

[Section]

@BaileyisDarcy Also don't blame me for calling you autistic blame society, they came up with that term im just using it xDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD lol.

[BaileyisDarcy]

What part of psychology do you not understand?
Figure of speech or not your message read loud and clear that you think 3 paragraphs is a long read which only speaks bad about you whether you believe it or not.

And you shouldn't use mental issues as insults is disrespectful as hell.

[Section]

@BaileyisDarcy What the fuck is this mental gymnastics? Compared to what I wrote it definently was a novel in the figuritive sense. Ever heard of quality over quantity? And how is what I said disrespectful? Maybe it is to you, fucking retard.

[BaileyisDarcy]

You called me autistic insinuating that autism is a negative trait to have which, managed well, is often contrary to the case! A lot of our most intelligent scientists and researchers are autistic.

So yes. What you said is disrespectful.

[Section]

@BaileyisDarcy This kid is practically the next Einstine: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yTU8WbTbZMI
Also nice job derailing the enitre "argument".

[async]

What if you work alone and inadvertently sexually assault yourself, who's at fault there and should I intervene and kick my own ass or just chock it up as a self flagellating masturbatory existential crisis?

[BaileyisDarcy]

... what?

[sean1234]

Oh trust me, if I was there I would have bee your knight in shining armor. I was there for my female friends in high school. An ass hole is an ass hole, some things I just can't stand.

[Regular1]

Sorry, sugar tits. You wanted feminism, and you got it. I am not going to get involved in any way shape or form. Defend yourself. Not my problem.

[Anonymous]

I'm not your fucking enforcer or personal guard. People won't dirty/bloody their hands just to make you feel good about yourself. Grow up !

The guy will not lose his job you you can feel good about yourself. He's not going to go on career suicide just for you.

Beside you girls hate white knight anyway.

And if the role would be reverse you would join in with the other person to make it worse and tell him he's not man enough.

[myTake Owner]

"And if the role would be reverse you would join in with the other person to make it worse and tell him he's not man enough."

What do you even mean by reverse?

[Opinion Owner]

Rejecting the sexual advance (Because that's what it's called when a woman do that to a man) of your friend or you.

[Opinion Owner]

Or you spread rumor that he's gay.

[Water_Bottle]

Excellent job. Looks bang-up on paper.

(Watches as the world does not change)

[Anonymous]

my job at work is to do my job, not protect or involve myself in things that don't involve me

[myTake Owner]

Ok let someone rape a woman or a man and continue doing your work if you witness that.

[Opinion Owner]

your safety is your responsibility, not mine

[DaddyRollingStone]

So sexual harassment is basically just saying mean things to women?

[myTake Owner]

Uh-huh that’s what i meant

[BaileyisDarcy]

No. Thats not what sexual harrassment is. Boo to the OP for making it look as though women are that weak.

The sexual harrassment was the innapropriate comment and the unwanted touching.

Not being a dick.
We call THAT being a dick.

[Jayson101]

Your scenarios were insipid. You know full well that if you really don't want someone to behave in a certain way you can influence your situation.

[DaddyRollingStone]

@BaileyisDarcy Touching someone without their permission is either battery or sexual assault, a separate charge. Are we even talking about crime though?

What the person in the store said to her could easily be seen as he was just joking with her and she didn't find it funny.

[HandsomeGuy500]

This is bullshit. Women, mainly feminists, are always playing the victim and looking for something to whine about.

[myTake Owner]

Yes, for sure I talked about bullshit by explaining "how to intervene sexual harassment at work environment."

And you make no sense. I would not be surprise if you are a single virgin woman-hater 33 year old man still living with parents.

[HandsomeGuy500]

Feminist women think everything is harassment. Always playing the victim and whining about men. Give it a fucking rest.

[RolandCuthbert]

www.gstatic.com/.../p36173_p_v8_ak.jpg

[Anonymous]

Thank you for sharing with us

[kayeleva]

kill all men?

[myTake Owner]

How did you come to this conclusion from the take? I believe you didn't even read a single word.

[kayeleva]

nope women are too poor to afford to sue a harasser and Virginia passed a law if you get harassed by a high government employee and lose which probably she will she will get slaped with a bill from his lawyer.

[myTake Owner]

So what's your point?

[kayeleva]

my point is women are too poor to afford to come out an report sexual harassment or rape evey time a women do come out they assume she is a lying whore because of all thos idiots on the internet saying not all men in 2013 Clark County, Nevada an police officer made a women take off her top and then when she told the judge all the police officers tried to make her take it back but when she insisted she got jail and her 2 year old daughter got taken from her only 3 month later they found the tapes and she was proven not guilty so even if a women speak out men are the law in many cases so it pointless really.