Regarding the myth that "guys aren't allowed to talk about their feelings"...

[ForteExe]

So I've heard the claim (exclusively from women) on more than one occasion recently that "men are shamed for talking about their feelings due to society" and wanted to refute this. For clarification, it's not that we're ashamed; we just rarely want to share or feel that anyone actually gives a shit.

There IS however, mass societal shaming on men for things we do that are frequently misunderstandings or false assumptions. For example (based on a Reddit post I read), if a guy talks to some random kid he's assumed to be a child rapist, but if a woman does it no one blinks. Lots of guys avoid/ignore kids because they don't want to be pegged as a pedo, and if they're upset about this then they usually just stay in their own lane and deal with it silently for two reasons. First, saying "I'm sad because I like kids and but can't chat with them in the playground" sounds like something a pedo would say and sharing invokes the same fear as the problem itself. Second, and this is true not just for fear of being labeled a pedo, is that guys are natural problem solvers. When we see a problem, we prefer to just deal with it ourselves instead of leaning on others. It's built into our DNA to work out our own shit.

Guys also don't get the same sense of catharsis from talking their problems out that girls do, so it's less beneficial to us to share.

I've never in the course of my 27 years alive been shamed for sharing my feelings, nor have I been told to man up and deal with it or that guys aren't supposed to show their feelings.

I've also never had anyone actually come along and offer to let me vent, or give a shit in general when I was visibility upset (except my parents [sometimes] or my girlfriend). People just avoid me when there's something wrong, or dismiss my problems as no big deal when I do share. I'd share if I felt like anyone actually gave a shit, but since people rarely do I just keep it to myself most of the time.

[englisc]

Yeah, this is something I've not really noticed myself. The men I know are all comfortable talking about the things that really bother them. We usually do it quietly, one to one with a guy we trust. And we never give each other shit for it. I've never experienced this thing that women think happens where a guy calls another guy a pussy for talking about something that bothers him if it's something worth being bothered about.

I think that the reason women think that way is because men don't talk about feelings as much to women, so they assume that we're the same way around other men. Really though, the reason guys don't share feelings as much with women is because women are actually more likely to react negatively when a guy does so. They like to think that they're the more empathetic sex, that a guy can't go to his stupid guy friends so he should come to her instead - but the opposite is true. Many guys have experienced a girlfriend pushing them and pestering them to open up and then leaving once they do. That doesn't happen with male friends.

Look at the way women react whenever men complain about anything. They're the ones who speak the most about encouraging men to be more open, but also the first to call those men whiners and losers.

[ForteExe]

I pretty much agree. I have found some women online who seemed genuinely concerned on our behalf about the supposed "societal stigma" against guys who feel, and while those women were likely brainwashed by feminists to a degree they didn't seem nearly as malicious. I wrote this largely in response to them.

[englisc]

For women on here it's almost an obsession for them to encourage men to cry more. They speak endlessly about this "social stigma" but yeah, I think it is just them parroting feminist ideas. I think on one hand they think it seems like a good idea but they don't realise how their actions elsewhere contradict the things they're saying.

[ForteExe]

Agreed. People generally are pretty shit at thinking big picture anyway. This is no exception.

[namelessyoungold]

Everyone, I'll give you an actual answer: society plays a role but testosterone often prevents you from tearing up, physically.

[AmandaYVR]

I'm reluctant to write anything here cause I'm really not in the mood to be attacked by another mysogynist, but fyi a bunch of guys on here complain "nobody cares about us men" and "we never get to talk about what's important to us" and, I presume, show emotion. If a bunch (I don't know what proprotion of men feel that way) are complaining very loudly about this, you can't blame the women who are trying to get men to open up. They do it because they care about the guy, not for any alterior motives. I've never known a girl to say she was turned off and disappointed when her man showed emotion. But yeah, their reactions are not always the best. That's a tough one.
Honestly, I don't know wtf has happened to society and why there's all these disconnects. It's exhausting.

[ForteExe]

So only things I could think to say to this is when you start out by going "... another misogynist" it's really off-putting, and often attracts the sort of attention you don't want. If you truly want to avoid dealing with rude comments, it's in your best interest to presume that whoever responds to you won't be rude. You're currently playing into a self fulfilling prophecy. I took an atypically long time to respond to you because my initial reaction to reading your post was "ughh, another feminist bitch" and was preparing a rant that at the time I didn't want to think about and you probably didn't want to hear. I actually forgot about your post until now and by chance decided to give it a read, and found out that while I don't completely agree with your train of thought you didn't say anything that could be construed as negative. That's in some part why there's so many societal disconnects, as you put it (although there's obviously more to it than that). I don't get the impression that the girls who talk about guys not opening up are saying this out of compassion like how you described, but I know there are girls who have men they care about and seeing those men so upset and tormented is extremely difficult. Unfortunately that's not the sort I had in mind while writing this.

[dianagirl]

AmandaYVR: But like it says in "Woman to Women", free from archive. org, a lot of people will accuse others of that which they are guilty of themselves. So when a guy says "nobody cares about us men", maybe it's the man who doesn't care about others.

[ForteExe]

@dianagirl No it doesn't mean that, and that's a pretty arrogant and selfish line of reasoning.

[UnicornLobotomy]

Competition mating strategy for males, hypergamy for women. There is your answer. Its encoded via our DNA. Have you ever heard women (as in more than one-one time) say "OMG, he turns me on sooo much when he cries, hearing him open up to me and tell me about his problems and how much he needs me to love him or he would be lost, omg, my knees get weak and I'm frothing at the fish flaps as he cries on my shoulder, all 125 pounds of his thin frame soaked and sobbing all over me, omg girl you have no idea, my god what a man."

[ForteExe]

Not sure what question you're trying to answer, but what you're saying is on point at least.

[Kiran_Yagami]

It doesn't matter how loud people try to scream that men should be allow to cry or share their feelings, none of those people are willing to listen to men cry or shed their feelings. Women are repulsed by sensitive men. Greatly so, so any time a woman claims that men should be more open with their feelings those women are either lying or talking to men they already don't find attractive.

[ForteExe]

Always nice to see another Kekistani native.

[A-man-22]

I think the issue is that the people who say, men should be allowed to talk about their emotions, either bat them away, can't take the emotional baggage or just don't want to listen to them.

If you say men should be allowed to do this you should also be willing to listen when they spill their emotions and shouldn't take it against them when they do.

[ForteExe]

Pretty much.

[Anonymous]

"men are shamed for talking about their feelings due to society" That's a cop-out. Men need to be men. If they want to talk about their feelings, go ahead.

[ForteExe]

I wouldn't say it's a cop out because I haven't heard any men saying it. It'd be a cop out if guys were saying that to make excuses for themselves. I agree it's bullshit though.

[midnight_1443]

My wife tends to like when I cry. I just don't cry much, because I don't feel the need. I have been shamed once for crying, by a very drunk man. Some people are rude, just as some men cry more than others. Everyone's different, if we were all the same it would be boring.

[Garlan]

The only ones shamining man for expressing their feelings are the very same feminists that claim that men need to share their feelings more often

[namelessyoungold]

I don't know where you heard this shit, but that's not feminism. Could be being a feminazi.

[Garlan]

Not true scotsman falacy

[namelessyoungold]

Yeah, completely related.

[ForteExe]

I don't see much difference between a feminist and feminazi, honestly. Even if you're not full blown psycho, if you go around supporting the same ideology then you're as much a problem in my opinion. That's like saying "most Jews should live, but Hitler was pretty on point about everything else". It's not super convincing. Feminism in any form is toxic as far as I'm concerned.

[namelessyoungold]

Yes, wanting equal rights is toxic.

[Garlan]

Wanting equal rights is not toxic. pushing for laws that punish men in all walks of life more severely than women, using bullshit statistics and shamining manipulation on media is toxic.

[namelessyoungold]

That is what a feminazi is. That's what I said.

Wanting equal rights was being a feminist, years ago. That's the actual thing.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I hope I was able to make you understand what I really meant.

[Garlan]

Tell me, are you a christian?

[namelessyoungold]

I'm not

[Garlan]

Seriously? Why are you such an evil person? Why do you hate the poor?

[namelessyoungold]

I can't even at all this idiocy.

[Garlan]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I hope I was able to make you understand what I really meant.

[anametouse]

Shit my guy. I wear my heart on my sleeve. If no one cares that's fine. At least I care about my own feelings. I'll be my own friend

[ForteExe]

I do too to a degree. If someone asks me a personal question I'll rarely refuse to give an honest answer, but I don't talk when no one wants to hear it. I don't like being ignored, so I won't set myself up to be ignored when possible.

[anametouse]

I understand that. Fair enough honestly

[Anonymous]

Yep, I think it's pretty obvious at this point that women just don't get it. They've got this idea which they tell each other, particularly in feminist circles, which is that guys are shamed for their emotions and shit like that, and that "society" should "allow men to let it out" as if that's going to solve everything -- and as if those women are not society.

[AilsaGourly]

Becuase men try to act tough always and of they just started crying becuase they were sad they think that it's un-manly

[ForteExe]

It's not as if we're holding back our tears half the time. It actually takes a lot to make me cry. I heard recently that men have larger tear ducts than women so they store more tears before they overflow and run down our faces. I can't say if that's accurate or not, but it makes a decent amount of sense to me. Wouldn't surprise me if it were true.

[ForteExe]

I also don't think it's unmanly. You're kind of the point I was making though. I only heard stuff like what you're saying from women.

[midnight_1443]

It's human to cry

[singleshooter]

It's painful it's probs the main reason I drink and smoke the way I do just to not have to deal with that kinda shit

[Anonymous]

Men have no problem talking about their feelings when they're shouting at a woman or a child!

[Clinton321]

Nice speech👊

[happy122]

We should share our feelings