Girls don't wanna hear the whole truth..

[Anonymous]

It's a cliche...girls asking guys for their "honest opinions" on how we look...does this make me look fat, are my boobs too small, do my stretch marks bother you.

But the truth is we don't want honesty when we ask these questions. We want reassurance. We know we're flawed. We know that our bodies aren't perfect. But we all want confidence and to feel safe opening up physically and emotionally with a guy we like.

If a guy tells me, say, my boobs are too small I automatically lose interest. And it's not because I think another guy won't think that it's because he didn't care enough to lie to me, and my mind will automatically question whether he's really interested in me and all my confidence goes right out the window.

We're not stupid. We know when you tell us we're a complete 10, or that we're flawless, or that you love everything about our bodies you're not being 100% honest. But it's still valuable because what we take away isn't any kind of illusion that we're perfect...just that you think we're beautiful and valuable enough to TELL us we are.

[lumos]

1. Speak for yourself
2. it's really stupid to ask someone to tell you the truth and then expect them to sugarcoat it/lie to you. If you can't handle the truth, don't ask for it.
3. if girls stopped being so insecure, then maybe, just maybe, they would stop putting guys in this awkward and shitty spot where they don't know if they're supposed to lie straight to your face in order to make you feel better about your stupid insecurities, or be honest/blunt because you told them to be honest.
4. fishing for compliments is stupid af.

[Yc2K15]

You go girl!

[molan]

You are right, however most girls if not all, does to some point kills the massager for telling the truth.

In fact I have never known a girl who doesn't at some point blame the massager for telling the truth, girls say they want the truth, but often they want reassurance instead - very common problem.

But it depends on many factors like, how well and trusted to man is in case, how confident she is etc.. But being told a unpleasant truth, will more often than not make the receiver feel a bit less pleased with the truth giver, even though the truth giver isn't really to blame.

But it really should be as you said, but is reality it hardly ever is.

[lumos]

@molan thanks for the unnecessary rant

[molan]

It isn't a rant, just my opinion...

[Bandit74]

Eh , I can't do that. I'd rather be honest. Just because someone doesn't lie and say you're perfect in every way, doesn't mean they don't care about you. It means they respect you enough to be real with you.

[Tdieseler]

yea.. real lies lol

[kangy]

I agreed.

[Byakuyarko]

if you are unsure about yourself, no amount of external validation (sincere or otherwise) will boost your self esteem in a healthy sustainable way. If you ask anyone to judge you (male or female) you're essentially giving them power over you. You have to be secure in your desirability to form healthy relationships... I know women who are perfect 10s when it comes to physical attractiveness who are knackered with self doubt and feelings of inadequacy, constantly seek validation by shamelessly attention whoring themselves on social media... The arseholes and losers flock to them, hoping to score with them, while the self assured alpha males just cringe and ignore them. If you want to date a loser or a jerk, go ahead, anesthetise yourself with fake compliments and Facebook likes.
If you feel inadequate in any way... see if you can change it with reasonable effort and if you can't, accept yourself with all your flaws, superficial or otherwise. Wear your inadequacy like armour and it can never be used against you. There will always be people who will love you in spite of finding you lacking in some way.
And just so you know, I'm plenty insecure myself. I'm universally unattractive. While I do not love myself as much as much as a healthy person should, I don't hold others' opinions of me as any currency of my own opinion of myself.

[BuchitaBuchys]

This take is a reason I wish we could have some sort of feature to "agree or disagree" with it.

Chiquita Banana, speak for yourself! Just cuz you think this way, not all of us are annoying like this.

I was raised to be brutally honest or tough love. If you don't wanna know the answer, don't ask the question. I don't want my guy lying to me. WTF?
I don't like to be coddled with lies.
Cuz then it's shit like that, then if he cheats "Aw babe, I was only lying to protect you." Really? No. Fuck outta here with that dumb shit. Go date little girls who like to be lied to. Not me.

Please, speak for yourself. This take was honestly really bad and you should feel bad.

[molan]

The question is, are you delusioning yourself now or not.

You want the truth, sure, but how do you react when told a unpleasant truth?

[BuchitaBuchys]

@molan if I don't want to know the response, I will not ask the question to begin with.

[molan]

That is certainly how it should be, and you may be that way and so does, let's say 10% or 25% of all women, but still the majority of women are not like that and makes the assumption a fairly safe bet.

[BuchitaBuchys]

@molan I feel like that statistic was pulled out of your ass. I know it's probably derived from your experiences, but sometimes our experiences are limiting.
In my circle of friends and family, the man cheats and the woman did not. Except 4 of my friends who decided to play cheating hot potato. Their bf cheated, they cheat back, their bf cheat again, they kept doing this until they eventually broke up.
One of my friends was faithful while her bf cheated so she just decided to make it an open relationship.
The rest of us were faithful while our bfs cheated. My mama, my sisters, my bff, my many friends, my cousins, aunts.
My dad was a horrible womanizer.
My 2 ex boyfriends cheated on me. I never did.
So would it be safe based for me to say that 90% of men cheat while maybe 10-15% of women cheat back or cheat?

[molan]

The term let's say 10% or 25%, is defiantly a way of saying my guesstimate. I never claimed otherwise, so had it been at factual number I would have said so.

A fact, you claim a and the OP claim B, non of you can prove anything, so both are just claims.

[BuchitaBuchys]

@molan yours is just a claim as well.

[molan]

I never said anything else, all opinions are just claim, that's why it's pointless to even go there as you did.

[CommieDearest]

In principle this is true, but I need to say this:

People who consistently ask these types of questions, whether on gag or to their friends/lover... need to mother fucking stop. Now. It's annoying and mentally exhausting to have to constantly reassure someone. When you're asking someone the same shit like this over and over and over you're basically saying you don't trust what they say or that they're lying.

It's a true sign of self obsession AND selfishness for this to be a perpetual behavior. I don't doubt self esteem issues, but I look down on people who feel justified in thrusting that upon others on a consistent basis.

Of course everyone can use a boost sometimes but on the flip side of this take I really implore people who do this too often to think of someone other than themselves for once.

[Sigma88]

So... lie? Wouldn't it be better to simply tell you that whatever perceived flaws YOU THINK you have are beautiful because they're part of you? That I get you might not feel pretty at that moment, but all day, everyday, you're beautiful to me? That I would proudly "show you off" because I want the world to know how lucky I am?

I don't need to lie, to tell the woman I love she's beautiful to me. My opinion won't change when we love each other. I'm too socially awkward to be "cool" enough to lie. I'll stick with telling her the truth. She deserves to know she's as perfect, to me, as a real woman can be. She needs to take my word for it. And if my word isn't enough, maybe I'm not enough for her.

[myTake Owner]

Well this is more for the "early stages". After you're more settled and secure in each other that's a different ballgame.

But yeah if a guy gives me a criticism early on it'll probably kill it just because having confidence to open up is important early on.

[Sigma88]

Still doesn't apply to me. If I'm spending time with her, in an intimate setting, it means I'm attracted to ALL of her. I can avoid lying while giving her reassurance that she's amazing just the way she is. Maybe I'm strange, but I've never had an issue. And I'd have a problem if the one I'm with wanted me to lie to her.

[kambo_trick3y]

It's a human thing.

People believe what they WANT to believe, not what the actual truth is.

Perfect example.

Boy/Girl gets caught doing a criminal act (thievery, murder, stealing, etc), what's the FIRST thing the parents always say?

"My baby would NEVER do that. I don't care if they caught him red handed on camera with finger prints on the gun and running outside of the store with a bag full of cash, they're INNOCENT!"

Denial is a VERY powerful human obstacle. It warps the reality around you and is arguably the greatest human evil.

[LaDouleurExquise]

I'm blunt and honest with girls because they deserve the truth. Whether they want it or not. I'm not going to placate you to get into your pants, you lose my respect that way. Its not what you need and it doesn't help either of us. You think you want to be lied to, reassured but the truth is, you don't know what you want. You NEED someone to be honest, to keep you humble, and so when they say nice things about you, you actually accept those things instead of knowing the guy is just blowing smoke up your ass so he can sleep with you. If you really expect guys to reassure you, DONT BE SURPRISED WHEN IT WAS ALL A LIE AND HE LEAVES YOU AFTER SEX.

[Tdieseler]

oi oi oi... they like smoke up their asses lol...
im blunt and honest too but i work mine to get the girl not push her away. (trade secret)
but i am loving that last sentence of yours, don't you just hate that shit?

[LaDouleurExquise]

well i mean it works on the right kind of girl obviously. there's nothing more manly than unflinchingly telling it like it is. if it puts a girl off she's probably full of shit.

[emilyg25]

I can definitely see where you're coming from, but I think the same can be said for guys and girls, and that it depends on what the lie is about. I don't want to be lied to about things I can change. If I'm being too bitchy, critical, asking if I looked like I gained a little weight, etc. I'd want him to be honest. In a nice way though. Back up criticisms with a compliment. Not say anything too harshly. But, there are some things that should be little white lies or not put a big emphasis on. Penis size, breast size, height, etc. can't be changed. Why bother making a point about it if nothing can be done about it.

[molan]

I'll have to say this is where guys on a whole is better than girls, taking the truth - girls can speak the truth but are on a whole bad taking the unpleasant truths without blaming the massager - of course there are always exceptions, but overall.

[Yc2K15]

Im really sorry to say this but you are the exact problem with women.
what the hell is wrong with you? how can you sit there and openly say that you want to date a liar, someone fake? If the guy you are with has a problem with the way that you look then leave him you moron!
There is no such thing as TOO SMALL when it comes to tits!!! god dammit your getting tits confused with penises.
and also when it comes to how you feel and your self esteem. ITS CALLED SEFT ESTEEM... ITS ESTEEM OF YOUR MOTHERFUCKING SELF... stop trying to fit in and just be in.
I tell my partner every day how beautiful she is to ME! not to fucking womans day magazine. she is definitely not a 10 and she knows it. But she also know that in my eyes she is a 100 and she always looks amazing because she IS.

get a grip of yourself please and stop sharing this fake emotion around the web!

[loveisbeautiful]

I will admit that I do lack confidence and I do always ask people
for the truth and with that, sometimes my feelings get hurt. However,
I've also been lied to by a lot of people. So, for me the truth and
honesty is important, even if it hurts. Besides, I would never want
man who's gonna tell me I'm beautiful, if that's not actually how he
feels. Why would any woman want some guy to stroke her ego and
tell how great she looks to her face, but then go and tell other people
something different? Why would anyone want that?

[Tdieseler]

You would be surprised. And take it from me honey... take owner here is right. you don't want Complete Honesty... there is such a thing as TMI, and there are some things you DONT want to know and you might think that you can handle it..."... even if it hurts" but guess what.. feelings build up after each and everyone of those miniature "hurts" and one day you will snap. take the mini lies.. they are good for a relationship. Me on the other hand, i tend to Enjoy telling the truth in situations where most men would lie, it amuses me, and the looks on the girls faces is just Priceless.

[ledcube]

The problem is that when we give honest compliments. For example of my girlfriend isn't looking that pretty and if tell her you're not looking that pretty she will become upset and sad. So we need to use word in a such a way that what we want to say is conveyed without hurting. I think its a part of girl psychology which I am trying to understand but I am not able to find out the reason why it has to be this way or is the wiring of neurons in that way, it's complicated. So I give honest compliments or I don't compliment or I use word in the way I mentioned before.

[luvme56]

doesn't it reflect your insecurity? If you had confidence you won't ask this questions! And i guess confidence is not earned by compliments its is earned by believing in yourself!

Ok... i know you think i am talking nonsense... here is an example

an ugly looking girls is always said that you look flawless (as you said)... And a day comes; when a very honest person comes and tells her she is damn ugly! she would be totally broke and her confidence level will degrade more than it was before... You r wht you are you can't change it

its better to feel the real you than a fake one!

[Anonymous]

I'm just saying, the whole "Does this make me look fat?" question is something I legitimately want to know, if I've asked. Some clothes can be really unflattering, and I hate when people let me walk around looking terrible. It's more upsetting to feel embarrassed later, when I realize how bad I looked.

As for the other questions like that... yeah, I still would want honesty. I don't ask those questions, because I know my flaws, but I don't value that kind of lying because it makes every nice thing he says meaningless, and for me, worthless.

Of course there are plenty of women who don't want the whole truth, but don't lump us all together. :P

[PiuBelloAmante]

And this is why there is millions of young confused men,
Women claim they want honesty when really all they want is to feel good about themselves and receive positive attention
I have gotten into so many arguments with past girlfriends because i told them to change their clothes... I would rather upset them and help them make a smart decision than have them look like tramps

[dartmaul15]

In short, you're fishing for compliments and asking us to feed your egos.

Now, would you gals mind if we did the same? Used that to test if it's safe to open up emotionally? Because from experience you answer juuust like us guys; with honesty.

and isn't the whole fishin for compliments liek this jeopardizing the very foundation of a healthy relationship? You are after all being dishonest towards your partner.

[myTake Owner]

Its not really phishing for compliments its more appraising another person's interest or how much they value you... like I said it more applies to early on than an established relationship.

Also... this wasn't just referring to when you're asked directly. I was talking about unsolicited opinions too
If a girl shows you her body you say its lovely even if there's a couple things you dont like otherwise it shows you don't really respect her or want her that bad.

[dartmaul15]

still asking us to lie, or modify the truth.
That's why i personally practice 5 to 1. 5 good things, and one thing that can be improved. And that one thing should (when it's clothes) be something that can be easily fixed.

But i do agree on the last paragraph, you do focus on the good parts of it.

[Would_You_Kindly]

I hate to say it but if you really need us to tell you how you look that's a self esteem issue not a it's our fault issue. I try to be honest with girls and even my own mother hates that about me, but the truth is if a girl ask me how she looks %100 of the time I will say "You look great!" because it's the truth.

[whitespider10]

if you don't want to hear our honest answers, why ask in the first place? if a man tells you the truth, then you will loose interest but if he lies, you feel good about yourself... the amount of game women play these days are unbelievable and yet somehow we men will be at fault

[Imupforit]

The art of paying a compliment is in the wording, not the degree of truth.
Stretch the truth too far and the compliment loses its sparkle. Too much truth in a compliment and it turns into poison.
If you get the words right the truth in it is neutralized.

[Jbunch]

Dude, no one wants to hear the honest truth all of the time.

As an artist and asking for HONEST critiques, it can really hurt your ego because there is always something that can be improved. It helps, but it hurts at the same time.

I drop half truths usually. I tell them what I think they need to know, but don't take it far enough that it would potentially hurt their feelings... I don't know if that is a good thing tho

[Kyndra]

Just because you're insecure and can't handle the honest answers doesn't mean we all want people to lie to us. Some girls respect honesty. I already know what's what, someone's lie won't change what I think. It'll just make me trust that person's opinions less.

[molan]

You don't want lies, but it doesn't mean you won't to some extent put the bad feelings about the reality on the massager.

If you ask me if think you are a bitch, and I honestly say yes, you will most likely hate me for thinking you are a bitch, even if it is true - this a just an example, I don't think you are a bitch.

That is what the OP is really saying, so I am afraid she is right to some extent.

[Kyndra]

@molan Her mistake is using words like "we", "we all", etc. She might be that way, her friends might be that way, doesn't mean I am though. It'd piss me off if my boyfriend read this take and started lying. I actually love how he tells me when I look bad or act weird, it means he respects me enough to be honest with me, and pays enough attention to notice.
The same thing would go for you as well, if you told me I was a bitch I'd ask you why you think that, and if you had a point then I'd respect you for being honest, and pointing out something that I might want to fix about myself.

[molan]

Great that is the way it should, unfortunately a lot of girls are not like that.

[Tdieseler]

You are just realizing that NOW? My motto for damn near a decade was "if you want to destroy your relationship, be 100% honest in it" ... I've been aware of the illusions BOTH sides carry in their heads and the need for lies for a long time. sad part is when guys are told, we work to make it a reality, when girls are told, they work to get rid of the teller lol