This post is inspired by JG and AM, who are in fact an 18 year old and a 28 year old I know. Both girls, of course.
What did they have in common? They both were baffled at the notion that guys wouldn't want girls who slept around.
I had been texting JG and made a remark about girls who sleep around a lot and then want to settle down.
Her: "You're saying guys don't want girls who had fun?" (fun, being they had 13 sex partners already.)
AM, is a different story. I literally had a conversation with her one week, and she talked about how she wanted to get married, have kids, be serious in life.
And she has a friends with benefits, as well as enjoys a lot of hook ups and things like foursomes with her pall M. That's current, by the way. As in, she probably was at a hotel this past Saturday night after work for an 11pm booty call.
My reaction to her wanting a serious boyfriend while she has hookups every weekend...
Girls, you're not going to like this. You're not going to understand this. And rest assured, a lot of thirsty 20 year old male virgins who watch too much anime are going to post things like "If a girl ever dated me I wouldn't care if she had sex with 100 guys before as long as she was clean!" But we're talking about real life, not internet virgin land.
You don't get to be a slut who hooks up, has a friends with benefits, is generally a trashy slut, and still want some guys to look at you as girlfriend/wifey material. #Sorrynotsorry You don't. You have to pick.
I know. You're wondering why not both.
See, I know, for whatever reason women have (I'm sure there's some reason... somehow...) many women, maybe the average woman, doesn't mind if a guy was a player or had 20 partners before her. In my opinion, the world would be a better place if women started wanting virgin guys or shunned guys who slept around, etc. (Note: this only works if you start at a young age, not after you had your slut phase.)
See, we men don't work on that. If we're your first romance, and if you're our first love, then that's just amazing. Naturally it probably won't work out like that, God gave us free will. Thing is, we men don't want to hear about past lovers. Ever. We don't care if your ex had his life changed by having sex with you.
But, everyone over the age of 16 I guess has exes. We cope. Just don't mention it to us, act classy enough, be classy enough. See, we have this strange thing in our minds, it just doesn't work both ways--imagine you found out your boyfriend had gay sex. Or visited hookers. For a TON of women, that's basically a dealbreaker, because women have things that don't work both ways too.
See, some women, like AM who I know (she works as a cashier by the way, in Cobb County GA) think you can both be a total shameless slut in front of some people, and then when you meet some guys who you think you like, they'll date you as serious girlfriend material.
See, you have every right to have foursomes or threesomes or five hookups a week. Literally no one will stop you. BUT. Guys have our own rules. If you decided your body's value was some cool texts or a beer or a guy who knows how to sext... we're taking your word on it, and you don't get to choose all over.
See, if you were a girl who had a few serious boyfriends, no hookups, and you didn't have sex with your boyfriend until you had dated for 6 months, you're declaring your value there too, and it's higher--you're more girlfriend material.
"Well screw that, I can do what I want and the hell with what guys want." Some girls might say.
Well, that's correct. You can choose whatever you want. And the marriage rates reflect that relationships are indeed a two party agreement.
Granted, maybe you're fine just living with a guy, or having a long term boyfriend. Good for you. But maybe you don't want to be like AM, single at 28, a cat, and no real hope of a serious boyfriend. Call me Peter Pan, but like Peter Pan, guys have an innate sense of fairness. You don't get to give it all away to random guys, and then expect that another guy will pay a ring and a lifelong commitment. It just doesn't work like that.
So choose wisely. You can have a ton of lovers and hookups, or you can have a few boyfriends, and ideally one husband. You can be wifey material, or Ms. Booty Call. It probably seems unfair, and the idea seems alien--but guys are different than girls, and in the end, your idea of marrying and having kids requires a guy who's okay with your past--so don't be a girl who lies to make it sound like you weren't a slut, and then gets a divorce when the truth comes out, sooner or later!