Girls: You Don't Get it Both Ways.

Girls: You Don't Get it Both Ways.

This post is inspired by JG and AM, who are in fact an 18 year old and a 28 year old I know. Both girls, of course.

What did they have in common? They both were baffled at the notion that guys wouldn't want girls who slept around.

I had been texting JG and made a remark about girls who sleep around a lot and then want to settle down.

Her: "You're saying guys don't want girls who had fun?" (fun, being they had 13 sex partners already.)

AM, is a different story. I literally had a conversation with her one week, and she talked about how she wanted to get married, have kids, be serious in life.

And she has a friends with benefits, as well as enjoys a lot of hook ups and things like foursomes with her pall M. That's current, by the way. As in, she probably was at a hotel this past Saturday night after work for an 11pm booty call.

My reaction to her wanting a serious boyfriend while she has hookups every weekend...

Girls: You Don't Get it Both Ways.

Girls, you're not going to like this. You're not going to understand this. And rest assured, a lot of thirsty 20 year old male virgins who watch too much anime are going to post things like "If a girl ever dated me I wouldn't care if she had sex with 100 guys before as long as she was clean!" But we're talking about real life, not internet virgin land.

You don't get to be a slut who hooks up, has a friends with benefits, is generally a trashy slut, and still want some guys to look at you as girlfriend/wifey material. #Sorrynotsorry You don't. You have to pick.

I know. You're wondering why not both.

Girls: You Don't Get it Both Ways.

Girls: You Don't Get it Both Ways.

See, I know, for whatever reason women have (I'm sure there's some reason... somehow...) many women, maybe the average woman, doesn't mind if a guy was a player or had 20 partners before her. In my opinion, the world would be a better place if women started wanting virgin guys or shunned guys who slept around, etc. (Note: this only works if you start at a young age, not after you had your slut phase.)

See, we men don't work on that. If we're your first romance, and if you're our first love, then that's just amazing. Naturally it probably won't work out like that, God gave us free will. Thing is, we men don't want to hear about past lovers. Ever. We don't care if your ex had his life changed by having sex with you.

But, everyone over the age of 16 I guess has exes. We cope. Just don't mention it to us, act classy enough, be classy enough. See, we have this strange thing in our minds, it just doesn't work both ways--imagine you found out your boyfriend had gay sex. Or visited hookers. For a TON of women, that's basically a dealbreaker, because women have things that don't work both ways too.

See, some women, like AM who I know (she works as a cashier by the way, in Cobb County GA) think you can both be a total shameless slut in front of some people, and then when you meet some guys who you think you like, they'll date you as serious girlfriend material.

See, you have every right to have foursomes or threesomes or five hookups a week. Literally no one will stop you. BUT. Guys have our own rules. If you decided your body's value was some cool texts or a beer or a guy who knows how to sext... we're taking your word on it, and you don't get to choose all over.

See, if you were a girl who had a few serious boyfriends, no hookups, and you didn't have sex with your boyfriend until you had dated for 6 months, you're declaring your value there too, and it's higher--you're more girlfriend material.

"Well screw that, I can do what I want and the hell with what guys want." Some girls might say.

Well, that's correct. You can choose whatever you want. And the marriage rates reflect that relationships are indeed a two party agreement.

Yeah, I'm sure you're going to say
Yeah, I'm sure you're going to say "I know plenty of girls who had lots of fun and still married!" Sure you do. And I'm suuuuurre they will still be happily married in three years. You want to play the odds? You're just betting your future family. Remember, IVF has minuscule success rates!

Granted, maybe you're fine just living with a guy, or having a long term boyfriend. Good for you. But maybe you don't want to be like AM, single at 28, a cat, and no real hope of a serious boyfriend. Call me Peter Pan, but like Peter Pan, guys have an innate sense of fairness. You don't get to give it all away to random guys, and then expect that another guy will pay a ring and a lifelong commitment. It just doesn't work like that.

Girls: You Don't Get it Both Ways.

So choose wisely. You can have a ton of lovers and hookups, or you can have a few boyfriends, and ideally one husband. You can be wifey material, or Ms. Booty Call. It probably seems unfair, and the idea seems alien--but guys are different than girls, and in the end, your idea of marrying and having kids requires a guy who's okay with your past--so don't be a girl who lies to make it sound like you weren't a slut, and then gets a divorce when the truth comes out, sooner or later!

RationalMale is a GirlsAskGuys Editor
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Most Helpful Girl

  • I can't wrap my head around that Oscar Wilde quote. The idea of wanting to become a man's "last romance"... makes my skin crawl.

    • I thought it was rather apt, really.

    • Show All
    • Normally I'd say have some xper points, but we can't exactly redeem them for rewards anymore, can we?

    • Thanks :) Honestly, I would have never noticed if you had not pointed it out

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • If you're a man whose slept around a lot it's not realistic or fair to expect to wind up with a woman who's never been with anyone. Conversely, if you're a woman whose slept around a lot, it's not realistic or fair to expect to be with a man whose never been with anyone. Because both people in that scenario have contributed to the pool of people who haven't been with a lot of other people.

    Before I got married or even involved with my husband he knew that I'd had 40+ sexual partners. Does that make me a bad wife and mother or my marriage a bad marriage? No, because since I've been with him I've only been with only him. He's had significantly less partners than me. When we developed feelings for each other it wasn't based around who or how many people we'd slept with or dated.

    If you bypass someone who besides that thing would be a good partner to you, then that's just silly.

    The notion that women can't be sexual and still be decent people is archic and wrong. I've slept with probably triple the number of people you've slept with. Does that make me trashy? No, that made me a housewife, apparently.

    People are dynamic and can and do change their behaviors all the time. To expect a person to be exactly the same at 16, 26, 36, and 96 is ridiculous.

    "I ain't gon' marry no ho," he says, while sleeping with 3 different women a week. That's hypocritical.

    • Hmm flip side is more past promiscuity=much more likely to cheat.

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    • @AZC90 The madonna/whore attitude is deeply embedded into the genetics of men. "Whores" are non-human objects, and Madonnas" are wife material. If you hear the behind the scenes talk between men, it is clear that men don't see women in the world, they see one of two different creatures, and the way they treat/respect the two are very different.

    • Would you ever say "If someone is a good match for you, sexual history shouldn't matter" about, let's say, a rapist? Or a pedophile? Because those are examples of sexual history too.

  • I couldn't agree more with this take. Sone guys just dont like dating girls with multiple partners fir there own reasons. Anything pass 4 or 5 means the person aren't as stable. If you think its being judgmental. Fuck it, let it be. But can't argue the truth.

  • Wow... judgey much? lol!

    There is truth in what you write but there is also a lot of wrong. Starting with assuming women do not mind hearing that their boyfriend has had a lot of sexual partners in the past or/and they had some incredible sexual experiences before they met you.

    Noone likes to hear that and it fucks with everyone's mind whether they have had a lot of sex in the past themselves or not.

    You need to slow your roll. Just because a woman may have had more sexual partners than you does not mean she is a bad partner for you.

    And the older you get and the longer you stay single, this will become more and more a reality you will have to deal with. And you can't just dismiss it by having a tantrum and wishing things were a different way.

    At some point, you need to be an adult and face reality for what it is... not what you hope it will be. :(

    • Now, I have a question. Are you single at 45? And were you a promiscuous youth?

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    • Simple. If you were married or in a happy 10 year relationship you would have said so. Instead you go "let's forget my experiences" as you tell me that slutty girls are still fine relationship material.

    • The reason I have not shared my experience is because I succeed. I succeed in having casual relationships that are successful and I succeed at having significant, long-term relationships like the one I am in now. And I do all this even though I have a lot more sexual partners than my significant other.

      I did not share this experience because my experience is in direct contrast to your point.

      I have been asking you this and you have been avoiding it but I really want you to answer so please do...

      If a normal non slutty girl tries to have a real relationship with someone and assuming she has not taken a vow to not have sex before marriage, then she will end up having sex with some men.

      So assuming you do not meet the one in the next decade or so, when you do meet the one, she will probably have had more sexual partners than you and you will need to just deal with it.

      Will you be able to? That is my question...

  • Yeah I agree, no man or woman could expect anyone to commit to another who so recklessly threw around their sex organ to all and sundry. I'm trying to figure out why you been associating with am and fm in the first place.

    • Met Aleina on tinder and she introduced me to her coworkers Janea and Jeanelle.

    • Yeah I never used tinder before, definitely stick to churches to find girlfriend material. Funny posts too, I have enjoyed the read.

  • I do love that Oscar Wilde quote! There is some pretty strong truth in it...

    • Which is insane, really, for me as a guy. Mind blown. I mean, I've heard Taylor Swift even sing it, but no guy wants to hear "I had lots of partners but you'll be my last." It's like asking a guy, "Would you rather have a brand new 2019 Chevrolet Camaro (like marrying a gorgeous 21 year old virgin) or a 1990 Camaro with 300k miles on it?

    • Show All
    • Contrarily, the alpha fucks/beta bucks method just is bad overall. The "exploring my sexuality/living life" in teens and 20's and then "finding mr right" at 30 has awful impacts on many things and many people. Having your cake and eating it too doesn't work out well for most. Granted, you are hot, so you probably did okay. A lot of women definitely won't.

    • ah thanks for the compliment?
      I do agree with you in many ways. One certainly can't have one's cake and eat it too. That's what the saying is all about :)

      Just so you know, I am 32 and I am single, and, in some weird way, I rather enjoy it.
      I had an almost-marriage experience about a year ago, and after crying a little, I am pretty happy with myself and my single status. So I had my piece of cake. :)

      Anyway, take care and I hope you find your own little piece of um... happiness.

  • Great take. You've revealed a huge difference between the perspectives of men and women. Most people don't know how the opposite sex thinks about this until it is "too late". On a tangential point: Most women don't want to have first time sex with a guy who is a virgin, and most guys don't want to be have first time sex with a girl who is not a virgin. Very weird.

    Later in life, when kids are not really in the mix anymore, this "morality" loosens up for men. Men stop caring about the sexual history at some point, and focus more on the companionship and likelihood of commitment.

    • by the way Some of the most over-the-top promiscuous women become the least tolerant of men coming on to them once they enter a relationship with a man they are serious about.

  • Women are sluts because of TV and Netflix promoting the degeneracy

  • Yeah, there's definitely some truth to this.

  • Great Take.

  • Thanks

  • I think I may have worded it differently but I do agree with your point. Many will see this as a rant from some guy unable to get laid who’s insecure about his partners count but I don’t. TBH people really aren’t that different and if you ask people why did your relationship work they say things like we just worked at it or they say something along the lines of Soulmates or love at first sight. The whole soulmates thing doesn’t happen with people who have a large number of partners because by that point you’ve been faced with the reality of human flaws and it becomes difficult to separate one from the pack. At best you can conclude that they are better in some specific and very important ways and that’s what you want/need right now but the more partners you have the less likely there will be someone that feels like they get every inch of you. You’ve most likely feel like you’re too unique of a person. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. On the other hand if you’ve chosen to work on a long lasting relationship taking the more serious and practical route most people won’t believe you can stick it out if your list is long. I mean your reputation would imply sticking around isn’t your strongest skill set. So of course racking up a long list in your 20s and shifting gears in your 30s won’t work as planned. It’s possible and people do it all the time but the skepticism doesn’t just disappear. Love is great but it’s never a blank slate like the movies want you to believe. Now of course when you’re starting to get up there in years and things start happening to your body and you become hyper aware of your impending age everyone becomes less restrictive when it comes to dating. But I’d argue it’s not that they’re okay with the behavior but rather they find impending death more worrisome then the threat of being with someone with a long history. That and who cares if you can’t trust them you’ll be dead soon. But people don’t like harsh realities. It’s far to easy to explain them away as perspective which they technically are but c’mon.

  • I actually don’t care and I’ve gotten laid a lot. Most girls I know I doubt slept with even 30 guys. It’s weird and insecure the way you think not trying to sound mean.

    • I’ve gotten made fun of many times and called a manwhore so I have some sympathy towards them.

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    • I can meet my own standards haha

    • Makes sense

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