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Being followed by a stranger for the first time (Page 4)
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Erry time im walking in the same direction as someone else I worry they feel like this. Caring too much about ppls feelings is worse than just telln a girl she's hot and having her get self conscious. If he was hot ud b singin a diffrnt tune
If he was hot or our type, probably. It always a plus if an attractive guy finds you attractive too. But not at this time of the night.
If he was not our type, or ugly as you implied, we would be worried.
Research shows that women are attracted to a person regardless of looks and more of personality. Sure the looks are a 'bonus' if I can say that. But men, they won't be attracted to you if they don't find you hot.
So tell me if an attractive woman came up to you in the middle of the night and said that she found you hot, what would you do?
You'd probably be interested but still wary, right?
Now imagine if it was someone you found ugly.
What would you do then?
You'd probably want her to back the hell up, and walk in an opposite direction from this scenario. You'd probably not want to be there at home and probably same in your own home or something.
It's the same with women.
And keep in mind all the stuff about rapists on the internet. It's so much worse for women out there, out HERE.
I hope you can see the issue with your comment.
@just_an_oxymoron well you've certainly made me see the error of my ways!
NOT! LOL. There is no problem with my comment. To my eyes, reading this story, the guy seemed to back off right away when she wasn't interested, I see no issue.
Sorry about the typos.
*be there at all and probably be in your own home...
Stuff like that sticks with women because we are worried of getting raped and/or killed...
The issue is her wondering if she handled it well and what she should do if it happened again and something went wrong.
The point of this app if for people to ask the opposite gender what stuff like this means and if she handled it well. She was worried because it's a new strange and creepy occurrence for her and she wanted to find out if this was normal and to get an opinion on it.
Now she is out here getting attacked by people, men and women. And some people don't take into consideration that it is not a normal thing and she is still young and she wants confirmation or reassuring on the issue
@just_an_oxymoron not sure what your definition of an 'attack' is, maybe you need to re read my comment? This kind of shit is totally normal, I don't know about Europe, but in north america, this is just known. In all honesty if you aren't capable of defending yourself you shouldn't be walking around at night. Women who carry guns don't get all anxious and worry about whether they made the right choice
I never said you attacked her.
Also she just turned 18, where would she get a gun from?
It says that people don't use guns because they aren't needed. That's why she was worried. It was strange, weird and uncommon for a guy to do that.
@just_an_oxymoron it ent strange weird nor uncommon
It is in her country
@just_an_oxymoron if a hot girl called me hot in the middle of the night I wouldn’t be worried, if Be over the moon n ask her if she wants to fuck,
If an ugly girl called me hot in the middle of the night I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it like you girls do and make out I wasn’t violated, I jus wouldn’t be interested,
I’d jus be like oh ok look, I don’t find you hot tho so can you go away please”
See... guys handle things much better, we don’t make a big deal out of nothing and pretend we were violated, why can’t y'all girls jus be straightforward like us?
@just_an_oxymoron Thank you so much for understanding that I am worried I didn't handle this right.
I mentioned this quite a few times now in the comments but I really wish I just laughed about it or something similar.
I was too scared in that moment unfortunately.
If I had asked a question, I would have went about writing this differently, but since it is a myTake I thought it would be clear that this is MY experience and MYSELF didn't handle this well at all.
I wanted to know what I could have done differently but there aren't really and comments on how men want to be treated in situations like these.
My fault, because this wasn't a question.
@Shamalien It wasn't night, it was 17:05, it was dark because it was winter but it's not my fault that school doesn't end sooner for me.
you're not too sensitive, being followed is never fun. I've had quite a few follow me because i have a "nice smile" and im too polite. I know when to be rude now though
This guy's approach was not ideal for sure. But your reaction to it is WAY over the top.
The guy paid you a compliment, nothing more. To say you were disgusted and felt violated is just weird.
That she what she felts
@kim45456 What?
You are a little too sensitive but being cautious is advisable. Would it really matter if he were hot?
Time to get some pepper spray and learn Krav Magra.
Guess what, this is the direction Europe is headed. Next time, when someone asks about language and you do not want to talk to them, indicate you do not speak German, etc.
See this is why I never tell a girl who is by herself that she's hot. I would only say it to a girl who has friends next to her.
It depends on the culture honestly. She said the behavior isn’t the norm.
I think you’re right. Do you think he was just American that speaks German? I know we generally use that word much more loosely.
Born and raised in Germany, you hear that immediately when people speak German
Since you mentioned that it was your mother language, I figured it may have been a non-native speaker.
@tallandsweet what’s the giveaway when someone non German speaks it? is it just not having mastered the accent yet
@aangelena a big thing is using the wrong tense or grammatical gender
@matt57 yes, and you can tell from the accent, using cases wrong, having a different pronunciation etc
@aangelena
If this is the worst thing that's ever happened to you well, you're pretty sheltered.
Sounds mildly creepy, due to the setting, but you majorly over-reacted.
I agree. That's why I was expecting help with future situations like these.
Yes because the #1 greatest threat to women is men. Stayi g alert and with resting bitch face will definitely help keep you safe and alive.
By laughing off sexual harassment you draw a line in the Sand. Be prepared to have to deal with that same level across the board wether at work, school, or just out in public. Any man who initially engages conversation with a woman is trying to fuck. Even gay guys will have sex with female friends when there are no other moist warm holes available for insertion. Let me reiterate what I wrote previously, because it's not my opinion, it's a fact that statistically, the #1 threat to women on this planet is MEN.
Statistically, the biggest threat to women in HICs is cancer.
Being told it, is not wrong, it's where and how that is the problem...
You make that guy sound really creepy, and he probably was. It could also be that he just wanted to make you feel better. Eitherway, you probably did the right thing by walking away.
Once, I saw a girl crying her eyes out on a public bench. I started walking over to her, but hesitantly because she was a complete stranger. I sat down at the other end of the bench, and asked her if she wanted to talk about whatever bothered her, but she just told me to go away, so I did.
You should consider how all these German women felt being sexually abused and raped on new year eve in Germany by Muslim men. You would have been in a far worse situations.
@kidcashew Funny you're saying this because quite frankly I was 200m away from the area where this happened last year. I didn't mention it because it holds no importance to me, it's on my way to school and home, but assuming I don't feel bad for those women is too much.
Köln: de.wikipedia.org/.../16
Vienna: www.diepresse.com/.../vergewaltigung-in-der-silvesternacht
I read the newspaper but thanks for telling me what's happening in my own country lol.
@kidcashew I said that most people here start clubbing at 14. I've never been to a club before.
Lesson learned. Guys you can't win. Here a guy is -- at worst -- indelicate and forward, but she reacts with fear and disgust.
"I wasn't going out/clubbing/partying, I didn't wear something tight or looked available at all."
I think that's your mistake to think that those things are what get reactions.
This amounts to "only talk to me when I want you to talk to me." But we don't get to know that until we speak.
Why even try?
Why even bother to whine in the comments?
You just described ever persons right to want and not want whatever they want or not. There are more tactful and less tactful ways of doing something. If you are next to someone on a subway and are talking for instance or when you are at a cafe and something notable happens around you that begins/ strikes conversation that's appropriate. What she is describing is wildly inappropriate. The appropriate manner to get someones attention is not to chase them down haha. It shouldn't matter if she is a girl or not. This is about awareness and decency. If a girl followed me a 6' 3" man for some distance and then yelled at me that I am hot and when I expressed disinterest continued to follow me I would be fuming.
Some dudes need to learn how to read social ques and be respectful. Persistence isint admirable we dont leave in so Roman catholic Shakespearean world where there is no such thing as being inappropriate. This call to action "Guys we can't win" statement is ludacris a person is not anybody's to "win" people like you or they dont, get over it, have some self respect.
@keithdaves "You just described ever persons right to want and not want whatever they want or not."
Not sure what point you're trying to make here.
"There are more tactful and less tactful ways of doing something."
And just because an interaction happened not to be doesn't mean it's appropriate or healthy to flip out over it.
"If you are next to someone on a subway"
Well, we've heard that's inappropriate too. So you just fucked up and now you're a creeper too.
"something notable happens"
So you have to wait around for something notable to happen and if it does, pounce on it? Does that sounds like a reasonable why to live a life? Not that you can't comment on such things and progress from there, but that's not a way people can reliably live their lives by. Being direct has an element of tact in itself, it's weirder to sit around waiting for something to comment on and hope it goes somewhere.
"The appropriate manner to get someones attention is not to chase them down"
I wouldn't call that chasing them down, but like I said, at worst it was indelicate and forward. My point is that it's no reason to flip out and especially cry "violation." That's at least as inappropriate.
"continued to follow me I would be fuming. "
Okay, but that didn't happen here, so I feel like that doesn't apply.
"Persistence"
There was literally one attempt, what are you talking about?
"a person is not anybody's to "win"
It's a simplification that means you can't do anything right, as a generality. It is to say that even with the best intentions and efforts, you can be accused of a "violation" and suddenly you're a loathed creeper for the slightest infraction of arbitrary guidelines.
"people like you or they dont"
That's misrepresenting the issue. People can not like you, sure. But the problem is in the exorbitant damnation in response to something innocuous.
I think the awkward 19yo guy just *convicted* of sexual assault for touching a girl on the arm and then waist to get her attention sums up the draconian nature of the problem. The court stated "We can think of no motivation for you to touch the victim other than sexual." He had googled "how to make a friend" and figured that touching someone on the arm to get their attention was normal, and I think it is, or maybe was. 5-10 years ago it would have been fine, but now apparently touching a girl to get her attention traumatizes her for weeks and her say so is enough to get a conviction. This is the direction we are headed.
@tallandsweet "Why even bother to whine in the comments?"
Why bother to comment if it was just 'whining'?
I was making a point about the zeitgeist -- and I think the guy facing jail just for trying to get a girl's attention is demonstrative of how people are flipping out over nothing and are going insane.
You didn't even capitalise Zeitgeist, that hurts my eyes. You were whining and that's low on a question like this. Join the other people whining, but you don't need to write another opinion for that.
@keithdaves you're right, it was creepy and I'm sorry it happened and how I reacted. But the opinion owner is also right, he didn't follow me after I told him that I wasn't interested in a conversation.
Nobody is facing prison, dear opinion owner, that's the American in yourself (are you American? If not, just ignore this) thinking in circles. I have never heard of a class action lawsuit here, that's something resulting from an anger-driven system, namely capitalism, where some are rich and others don't even have money for electricity.
I would only go to the police if a guy continued to follow me at least TWICE or if someone raped me.
Stop making assumptions.
Capitalizing zeitgeist is for Germans. Suffer my English grammar!
You flipped out over a guy paying you a compliment... saying you feel violated... and you think *I’m* the one who’s whining? Wow. Just wow.
No, I’m actually bringing a valid criticism to the table and it seems like you perceive anyone who is not pandering to your delicate and entitled sensibilities as “whining.”
That’s really ironic, just sayin’.
Maybe try reflecting on that.
And just because you didn’t go to the police doesn’t mean it’s not reflective of a problem. *You* may not have on this occasion, but people getting accused over bullshit is getting more common and more ridiculous and that’s the real point. The ideological trajectory we are on is the problem.
If a girl called me hot I'd take it as a compliment. If you don't like him just move on. No need to be afraid of compliments
SHE SAID SHE WAS FOLLOWED
@kim45456 if a guy was followe by a girl
He wouldn’t care
@kim45456 maybe he had to follow her to talk to her because she wasn’t stopping and he jus wanted to flirt
@kim45456 Did you ever think he MAY HAVE BEEN GOING THE SAME DIRECTION BEFORE HE SAW HER? Crazy, I know.
@Yadoighnut it is irrelevant if a guy care about being followed. Just because you like being followed, does not justify your actions
No one likes being followed its just not a big deal
Stop making illegal shit normal
No ones making it normal just saying don't shit your pants and freak out and take a stand if it turns out to really be a threat. I couldn't count the times I was walking behind someone who was going the same way and would not blame them if they thought I was following them but really I'm just going home
@kim45456 It is not illegal to walk the same direction as another person sweetie.
If that's the think get ready he will take u one day in his bed soon lol
So I do not get your Question..
Is he creepy... Maybe
Is it rude to call someone hot?
Are men- nit all- are in the comment section stupid? HOW IT IS A COMPLIMENT TO FOLLOW A WOMAN AT NIGHT?
Thanks for the language lesson. Now i know how to freak out german girls
Oh trust me there are much better ways to do that lol
Well I'm sorry. You are right about questioning your safety. He wasn't that much older if you are saying he was 25. So if he wasn't trying to catch up with you at night how would you of reacted?
You should of started screaming rap and had him put in jail how dare he chase you down and tell you your pretty in a different words guy today they are out of control
Why do you follow a stranger?