A few months ago I was hanging out with some friends, we were discussing the well-being and life choices of a mutual person we all know, we all care about this person and we were trying to think of ways to help him mature/grow up. We were talking about how he was hanging around with high school kids & delinquents and how they were just using him to boot alcohol or buy cigarettes, and when confronted about it his reasoning/excuse was "I missed out" and "I never got to party when I was a teen" (something I can relate to). One of the guys during the discussion said "it's pathetic that he's hanging out with these kids, he should be hanging out with people more his age, what does he have in common with them?" AND that's when everyone stopped and looked at me and the guy who said that apologized because everyone in that room was either 23 or 22 and the person they were talking about was still 21... and I'm 30
I don't really know how to summarize being alive for 3 decades, to be honest I'm quite perplexed by it, it feels like time/life just keeps marching forward no matter how much I'm stumbling or how far behind I am, it's unrelenting.
The placebo effect I had in my 20's has completely worn away, I got really good at pretending I have more time than what I actually have to accomplish goals/dreams (even if those goals/dreams are heavily reliant on youth & prosperity/popularity). The comfort and newfound ease I found in my mid/late 20's has evaporated *note there's more to it than just age that created this feeling of being lost* but a lot of what I was trying to do just seems pointless now.
I feel a calm sense of panic reminiscent to when I was in my late teens and early 20's, it's a kind of uneasy tension, a daily reminder that whatever I hoped to do or accomplish - I better do it now, like right now. It reminds me of when a bartender announce last call at a bar or a club but with more of an incentive and way higher stakes (basically the quality of the remainder of my life).
A lot of people I come across mistaken me for younger than what I am, but I'm starting to feel it's not because of the way I look but rather how immature I behave.
For the majority of my 20's I'd tell myself that "I'm a late bloomer" but now with my struggle to lose weight because of a slower metabolism and my temples on my forehead slightly receding/maturing, I definitely can't use that excuse anymore.
I feel like I spent a lot of the last few years trying to prepare and understand what growing up is, but now trying to learn what it means for me... and don't quite have the answer yet.
When I started writing this last night I was in a bit of a doom & gloom mood, and after having the day off work to focus on some important things like cleaning my entire living spaces (bedroom, jam room, bathroom... etc) and going to my monthly medical appointment (I'm a singer who hurt his voice and I've been doing rehab treatment to get my voice back in shape, maybe I'll write a mytake about it lol) I'm feeling a lot better.
*Also I realized I should probably have a conclusion for this to make it worthwhile, hopefully haha*
So what is growing up?
I have no idea but I don't want to pretend age is a magical number with no meaning because it isn't, it has great significance and our time isn't finite - same with what is available to do depending on age.
So with that being said whatever you want to do, do it now!
Because who knows when the opportunity will fade away. I don't know if I'm going to manage to accomplish my goals but god damn at least I'm gonna try.
Thanks have a nice day ✌️
**What is growing up mean to you?
checkout my last mytake - Why am I writing this...