Here's What I Like About Men (Page 2)

[MCheetah]

Thank you for this. You don't know how rarely men get a "thank you" in society from anyone.

[Aakash_Hangargi]

You used the forbidden word "Females" my god😂

But nice post thank you

[Aakash_Hangargi]

I had posted a question relating to same topic but I was really disappointed the no. Of responses I got from women you know felt like men are nothing worth just more than a tool

Have you ever appreciated your Man Be it your Father Brother friend Husband Lover? ↗

[AmandaYVR]

Yeah, sorry you didn't get any takers on that.
I'm still pondering why.
Theories?

[Aakash_Hangargi]

I would like you to explain the above comment in much simpler sentences😂🤣sorry

[Aakash_Hangargi]

OK got it, it was wrt to my post

[loveslongnails]

" I like your ability to compartmentalize ". LOL Not so fast !

That's the number ONE reason a guy gives to explain why he had sex with someone outside the marriage ! "Honey, it was just a little oral sex. I'd had a few beers, she was really hot and she just wanted to give me a blow job. It's not like I love her (or even know her), it was just a blow job. All the guys got one !! Cmon !!"

You mean like THAT kind of compartmentalization? :)

[AmandaYVR]

Good god no. Like, I want to work on one task at a time, compartmentalize. And, in this argument I don't remember all the past stuff you're bringing up (aka 'kitchen sinking it.')

The sexual stuff you're talking about... I don't know. Not going to tackle that one. I think that's for men to discuss or debate, not me or us pinks. We're not in your brains. But if you want to divulge any of that, be my guest. You think the others who say that are just full of shit, eh? So all the ones who say that are lying to us?

[loveslongnails]

Oh no, ... that's how a lot of men think about sex, especially if the sex falls way off in their marriage. The rationalization goes like this: I've been a good provider, make a good living, been an ok husband and father, did all the stuff I was supposed to. But the wife just isn't into sex anymore. I mean, she doesn't even offer to give me a hand job and I'm not going to beg for it. I mean like, she just doesn't seem interested. And she's put on some weight. Of course I love only her, but I need some sex, and I don't mean with myself. "

So if an easy opportunity comes up, and he takes it, then it's "well, what she doesn't know won't hurt her and I KNOW I still love her and it was JUST about sex, and she wouldn't understand. "

By the way... every woman I explain that where it hasn't happened says "not my guy". Every woman that is HAS happened to says " if he loved me he wouldn't have done that". So I ask "and the last time you had sex was what... 5 years ago?" I'm not saying this happens to all marriages and there's no way of knowing how often it does but the couple stays married, whether he is found out or not. What we do know is that 30 out of every 1,000 marriages in the USA end in divorce. I would guess that at least 2/3's of them have something to do with cheating, and the other 1/3 with abusive behaviors. If you want to fund a study, I'll do one for you :)

[AmandaYVR]

Ay yay yay.
Well thanks for that, Loves. You definitely know some things about marriage/relationships/how men think.
"I would guess that at least 2/3's of them have something to do with cheating, and the other 1/3 with abusive behaviors" - I would disagree on those numbers, I think the actual numbers are lower, but still significant. You are getting into a very large topic here. I think it is overly simplistic to say that marriage (all relationships) end "have something to do with" cheating. The cheating can be a one-off, or it can happen later once one of both people know that it's going down the plug hole anyway, or it can be a symptom of other issues, such as disconnection, one or both parties changing/growing apart, values and priorities in life no longer aligning (based on new experiences they have out there in the world, over a period of years) and therefore they don't really want to be with each other anymore, living the same life (style.) Lots of things.
Labelling the demise as cheating is the easy way out - the way to scapegoat the end on one action (although it could be a period of many years, which is a bit of another story. And that certainly happens too, which can just obliterate any future trust.)
Anyway, I don't really want to muddy up my positive take here. There are so many questions/topics that veer off into anger. I'm a bit full up on those atm.

[loveslongnails]

I'm sure I could research more deeply into the precise causes. Whether cheating caused a disconnect, or the other way around, we're both just guessing at the numbers. My intent was to enlighten you a bit to "male thinking". I will message you some other things.

[Lanawolf]

Totally agree! Love you guys! Please know that you are appreciated x

[TadCurious]

Very, very well done. I truly appreciate this, not just for the message conveyed but also for how well it was expressed.

[chris_987]

You should listen to Alyson Armstrong she talk about men in the same way that you do

[AmandaYVR]

You're right! I hadn't heard of her, checked out a single podcast interview, literally the first click, listened to the whole hour, and I'm hooked. She's great. I don't agree with all of her ideas (that's almost impossible, right) such as the concept of princesses and princes and kings and queens, but I really do relate to her thinking in many ways.
And the interesting thing was, of all the many links I could have clicked on, I happened across one that 100% applied to my husband and myself (about a mid-life crisis.) He and I made our way through it without the benefit of her or anyone's knowledge, but I agree with everything she said about this. Guess she even wrote a book on it.
So thanks very much for the recommendation.

[chris_987]

Yeah well I’m glad I could help, I feel like if everyone thought the way she and you do about the opposite sex, you know like finding things to appreciate about each other rather than finding things to hate on, the world would be full of so much love.

I also used to watch her workshop when they where free on audible but unfortunately it’s no longer free for me, but she has some really good stuff on audible too.

[AmandaYVR]

Thank you, I appreciate that. Very much. I agree.

I don't have Audible but I'll keep that in mind.
You should check out Radio Public. It's a free app. On there, there is 'Where Do We Begin' by Esther Perel. She is my absolute favourite on this topic of relationships. Her mind is so impressive, I can't even tell you how stimulating and pumped I get listening to her. Her therapy sessions, I am not such a big fan of, what she says to the clients, her lectures and Ted Talks are better, but Where Do We Begin is fascinating audio recordings of her patient sessions, doing these approx. 40 min exerpts from pivotal discussions her clients had. I used to go for long walks, when I was tired of all my thousands of songs in my music library, and just listen to people in therapy with her. Fascinating.

[wouterv]

This made my day my week my month maybe even this dissaster of a year thank u

[AmandaYVR]

Yay. I'm so glad. 💛

[Anonymous]

Thanks for writing this. It's refreshing to see a woman who will say some positive things about men in this day when it is so unfashionable to do so, even though, as seems to be your usual style, you couldn't resist turning at least a few of them into backhanded compliments. But they are appreciated nonetheless.

[AmandaYVR]

Oh, you saw them as backhanded compliments? I've been thinking about this.
My gut reaction is I think it's something else.
I wrote the above quickly and spontaneously as it came to me, and this is how it organized in my head, naturally. I knew that I was saying some of those things (and I did briefly consider not typing them), but I actually loathe spending a lot of time editing, reworking; it's boring and tedious, and I used to be pretty fine with that but not anymore. I want to get on with things, get them done. It's more enjoyable to me to write fast and hit submit. So what I write is honest, as it is in my head. But yeah, I do carefully consider, 'Did I say it clearly, accurately?' With brevity, I'm still trying to work on. That one's tough.

I know what you're saying about my writing. But I left them in and here's why. I feel it would be dishonest or insincere if I didn't. Or pandering or glossing over things or like a sycophant. And maybe you know me enough by now, I don't know, that I hate surface shit. I do this in person too. When someone asks me a question, esp if it is very personal or direct q about how I feel about them, they know that I will be honest, and detailed, and they can trust I am not just skating over the surface of things, but wanting to acknowledge the complexity and the thought process, and I have arrived at this conclusion or opinioin, having considered it all up to this point. It's probably both a blessing and a curse.

[AmandaYVR]

As I've gotten older I don't tend to look at men as so foreign or in opposition, with differing goals to women/girls. They are different than me in thinking, quite often, but not nearly as different as I used to see them up to my early 20s, or whenever. So when I say something, for instance, about men being so succinct, not giving as many details (especially of conversations, the minutia of all that), I mean it both as an observation and initial frustration in the past, but also an acceptance and respect that these differences are inherent, will always exist, and can be of benefit. I truly now believe men are not as bogged down by the details of such things, minutia (personaity differences aside, of course.) And I think girls need that, to balance them out. So I mention it to show the full scope of my thinking, a fuller picture, where it began and where I am now, appreciating these differences in men. Cause I honestly don't need more of me, and I get along really well with a couple of girlfriends but I get them, they are similar. I enjoy the differences in men. It's a relief in some ways.

I'll ponder what you said some more, but I honestly feel these things I said weren't meant with criticism.

[Opinion Owner]

It has nothing to do with organization or taking the time to edit, and everything to do with your opinion of men, and a bit of dishonesty. I have just noticed after reading many of your posts that you seem incapable of saying anything positive about men without also expressing your disdain for them. Perhaps an example would help illustrate.

Women are amazing, and here's why:

- Women can be beautiful, though it seems most today are overweight.

- Women are naturally nurturing, although it seems today's women have largely lost that trait.

- Women are very good communicators, although they have a tendency to talk way too much and lose their audience after a while.

- Women can sometimes be "helpful" when you're trying to organize an event.

Can you see how that feels a little dishonest? Don't write a mytake about what you like about men and then use it as an opportunity to express all the things you dislike about them, or give the reader reason to think you don't mean what you say.

[AmandaYVR]

Look. I can see we have some very different ways of looking at things. And now that this exchange is getting this long, I'm honestly not motivated anymore to continue because you are anon. Context is important. You obviously know something about me but I know nothing about you, and while you are an actual live person out there in the world, I can't care about your opinions because of the anonymity. (Which is being generous, because many people wouldn't give two thoughts about an opposing opinion even if it wasn't anon, but instead with an avatar and pseudonym.) There. I did it again. This is an example of what you would label something akin to "a backhanded compliment." Except that this time it wasn't a compliment, was it, it was a statement.

Sorry, but your writing (your examples to illustrate your point) are not helping.

"Women are amazing, and here's why:"
I would not use the word amazing because that is a higher state and would seem odd to be placed adjacent to the other things I wrote. I chose "like" very deliberately. If a guy wrote a mytake about why women are amazing, he would get absolutely clobbered by a some of the men. They would say he was a white knight brown noser and was being controlled by the power of the pussy. I would not say any of those things, obviously, but I would question who he was somewhat. I mean even Disney movies have conflict. In what world is something more honest when it is stripped of all negativity?

"- Women can be beautiful, though it seems most today are overweight."
Well that truly is just not nice. And it's not meant to be. This person is disappointed/put-off generally by women's apperance today and would not write a positive mytake about women. It just wouldn't happen.

[AmandaYVR]

"- Women are naturally nurturing, although it seems today's women have largely lost that trait.
- Women are very good communicators, although they have a tendency to talk way too much and lose their audience after a while."
These are fine, however you are ending on a negative, which is different than ending on a positive. Very different. So the entire thrust of this article, or whatever it would be, would be overall negative. It's obvious. I don't think you understand writing to that degree.

- Women can sometimes be "helpful" when you're trying to organize an event.
I don't know for sure why you're writing this one, but I used "helpful" in quotations recently for humour sake and because in the context of how I wrote it, the man thinks he's being helpful but the woman does not. And did you know that within gag you cannot use certain brackets or greater than/less than within gag (it treats them as HTML code), or I would use them more. If so, I might have written the word wink in there right after "helpful."

[AmandaYVR]

I think you don't like me. Fine. I think you think I am not being truthful about how I feel and I actually don't like men. I completely disagree. In fact I think my writing proves the antithesis of that, I am usually very supportive, particularly when it's a response to an individual on a question, and that I am not deluded or starry-eyed. I think you are sensitive to criticism. I don't believe in the concept of perfection. For all things, including myself. Incidentally I would speak in this same way about myself, and others right to their face, and movie reviews, etc. etc. etc. It is how I think. I will not concede on your implication that I actually wrote this to criticize men. Absolutely untrue.

[Avicenna]

Excellent Take, very thoughtful. Especially agree about problem solving.

[Anonymous]

Fuck. You've restored my faith in women. Thank you.

[AmandaYVR]

👏💛

[COMMODOREII]

Your husband is so lucky. 😭😭😭😭😭😭

😋😋

Thanks love 😂

[Guardian45]

I concur!

[standingUP]

Logic over emotion.
Solution over illusion
And conclusion over confusion

[cereal_muncher]

Yo I genuinely really appreciate this, thanks for the reassurance mate.

[Ratmuffin]

Thats very sweet and thoughtful of you. Thanks. I need a cigarette now.

[Bogoboj]

This is such a nice and positive message. I thank you for your consideration of us men.🤗

[Anonymous]

why do you bother writing a mytake about what you like about men if you're just going to qualify everything with the things you don't like about men? it feels very disingenuous

[AmandaYVR]

"Disingenuous"? This is the antithesis of disingenuous. You know what would be? - You men, you're all perfect, I've loved all of you right from the start, you've never given me any grief, you're all equal, and your personalities are the same, and I've never had any conflict or differences of opinion with you, and we totally undertand each other all the time, and relationships are easy, and we'll all live happily ever after behind a white picket fence. Oh and women are perfect too.

What are you, one of these new generation 'everyone gets a trophy kids' who can't handle anything other than unequivocal and total praise, needs only positive affirmation or they fall apart, hides behind pseudonyms and avatars, and thinks everyone is against them?

I'm flawed, you're flawed, we're all flawed, and then we have differences of opinion, and often wish whatever each other is doing would be done another way. But somehow we figure out how to compromise. That's what it is to be in relationships. To notice the differences, but appreciate them. You accept people for their differences, the things that sometimes make you crazy, and you make jokes about them and yourself, just to make it all a little more bearable, and hopefullly fun.

I wasn't being mean or snarky. I was being realistic and honest and very, very complimentary.

[coolhandroo]

I second Amanda on this one. Sack up dude

[doeadeer123]

i agree entirely. the anon was pretty rude tbh

[spartan55]

If my ex would have subscribed to even 25% of this take I'd likely still be a married man... 🙄

[J2ohhhhh]

This is how I have to find out that nobody is impressed by being able to write my name in the snow.

[cth96190]

It is so unusual for a female to say anything positive about men.

[certifiedalphafemale]

And this is the exact reason why I love my boyfriend! 🙂<3