These are my thoughts. Comment whatever you want, I don’t care.
Mainly talking about guys, but I guess this can apply to anyone of any gender and sexuality.
10 Things Only Jerks Will Do
1. They Raise Your Self-Esteem.
Jerks give you compliments, they take note of your appearance. They may call you beautiful, sexy, unique, special, a “keeper.” Aren’t compliments indicative of admiration you may ask? Yes, and no. If he is truly a jerk, he will use his words to build your self-esteem. But, why? Read on. Because he wants to make you feel really good. He wants you to feel special under his presence. After a few dates and you go home, you crave the way he made you feel.
2. OR, They Will Degrade Your Self-Esteem.
They will subtlety pick your self-esteem apart. They may laugh at you for silly things or call you names, appearing to be playful. For example, if you forgot the name of something and he keeps asking “you really don’t remember, seriously?” Small things like that. What this does is it highlights the image of him. It makes him appear more confident and bigger. This is a manipulation tactic jerks use to assert big-dick energy.
3. Talk About The Future With No Real Intentions Of Having A Future With you.
He may say “someday we should go skydiving. Wouldn’t that be fun?” Sure, they could be honest when saying that, but the jerks aren’t. They will say this to manipulate you, especially if you are really naive and inexperienced. If there is no action or effort attached to making what they are saying happen then their words are meaningless. When a jerk dumps you, you will feel really upset because you thought that they genuinely wanted to do these things with you. You will internalize it, thinking that you scared them away. Jerks will literally say anything to get what they want.
4. Destroys Your Boundaries Like A 5 Year-Old Destroying Their Sand Castle.
First of all, I still do that. I am an adult and I still build sand castles and destroy them. No shame in that.
Secondly, jerks will find ways to break your boundaries even when you don’t know it. This could look like: touching you in places that make you feel uncomfortable. They may try to persuade you to do something outside of your comfort zone like pressure you to drink. If you let them break your boundaries, you are putting their satisfaction before your own.
Also, if a guy (or jerk) touches you (anywhere) and you feel uncomfortable with him doing that, make your boundaries clear. Verbally tell him, don’t just slide his hand away because jerks don’t take signs. Their egotistical personality doesn’t pick up on hints or gestures. Use your voice. Honestly if a guy even does this, is he really worth it? Probably not. It means he doesn’t respect you.
5. Dates Other People But Makes It Seem Like You Are Exclusive.
He doesn’t explicitly tell you that you are together, or exclusive; however, his actions imply it—at least, in your mind. He makes you feel like you are the only girl he is seeing. How does he do this? He tells you that you are special and unique, he gives you something to look forward to (like the possibility of going sky diving in the future, or meeting his family), he may even tell you that he is the only girl he is seeing at the moment. If you met him online (dating apps) and he is a jerk, then chances are he is talking to multiple girls.
Tip: never assume that you are exclusive, until you have a talk with him about it. If he gives you a “you’re the only girl I’m seeing at the moment” answer then you need to ask “are we exclusive?” because “at the moment” is ambiguous. Ask for clarity and if his answer seems shady, that is your instincts screaming: jerk... run. He’s a jerk.
6. Gets In Your Pants And Then He Dumps You.
This is a classic jerk move. You guys have consensual sex, or maybe not. Maybe you don’t go that fair, intimately, but you were still intimate. After sex happens, the excuses happen. You had another date planned and he canceled last-minute. He hasn’t initiated a text, or maybe he hasn’t responded to your text. You decide to text him. What happens? You either get a dumb simple-word response, or you don’t get a response. Jerk move.
What did he do here?
Well, firstly, I hope that the sex was consensual. If both of you had sex, then you both benefited; however, his actions after the sex are important. Listen, a guy can back out of a date whenever he wants. I say this because I believe that it’s only fair. A woman can back out too. But... there is a but. If a guy has sex with you, with no intentions of having seeing you in the future, then he is a jerk. I’m just going to leave it at that because it can get complicated. I don’t even know who is reading this either.
To put it simply, if a guy has sex with you and fades out after the sex, then he is a jerk.
Tip: If you want to be exclusive before getting intimate, tell him that. If he isn’t a jerk, he will respect that. If you don’t care about exclusivity and just want to have fun, knock yourself out. Sex is great. Care for your feelings too :)
7. He Makes You Feel Like An Inconvenience To Him.
You start to feel like you are interrupting him from his job, responsibilities, self-time. Maybe you have been seeing each other for a few weeks and his texting behavior gradually becomes off. His regular texting habits become irregular. Maybe he is just super busy, you may be thinking. That could be the case. When a guy truly likes you, he will find ways to talk to you.
Unless you are bombarding him with texts, if you start to feel like an inconvenience to his time, then that is a problem. How is he a jerk? He is a jerk when he makes you feel like the inconvenience. You text him, “so what did you think of that movie last night,” and a few hours, or days, later he replies with “sorry I was busy.” Or maybe you ask, “do you want to go out on another date?” Because you haven’t heard from him. He responds with “yeah sorry, I am have surf lessons these next few days. Going to be busy.” Come on, a totally jerk move.
Now, it is important to not make assumptions with online texting/not-in-person contact. If he texts you and his texting behavior changes, he may actually be very busy. You never know unless he is a jerk and he makes that obvious with his responses.
8. He Brags About Himself And His Accomplishments.
When you ask about what he does for a living, or his hobbies, he talks about how he won employee of the year, or how he stayed first-place in Mario Kart for one year in a row. Okay, now listen closely.
If a guy really likes you, he is going to brag to impress you. The fine line can be drawn when he only talks about his accomplishments. He is caught-up in his world of accomplishments. What does this mean?
It just means that he is really egotistical, which is a dominant trait of a jerk. When a guy dwells in his accomplishments, just save your self the dignity and move on.
9. He Talks Too Much And Doesn’t Listen To You.
He can’t stop taking about himself. Maybe you will ask him about X and he goes on a long tangent about the time he got lost in Iceland, then talks about the time he accidentally killed his Grandmothers Garden, then talks about the time his cat ate a pigeon, and then he says “I’m talking too much. Tell me about yourself.” He acknowledges that he is talking too much because he can see your attention drifting. If a guy doesn’t have control to stop talking (I mean, a little rant here and there is okay, but I am talking about excessive talking), then he is a jerk. When a guy talks, he is taking away time from learning about you. Or he could just be trying or impress you. Where do you draw the fine line between the two?
When you speak, pay attention to how he listens. Pay attention to his body language. Does he look like he is paying attention? Is he interrupting you to talk? (by the way if a guy ever does that, you tell him “don’t interrupt me.” Same goes for you, guys, if a girl interrupts you). If you say something and he changes the topic, or doesn’t add on to the topic, is he really interested in what you have to say? Jerks aren’t.
10. Lastly, He Dumps You.
It’s not good to stay in victim-mentality; however, if you find yourself a jerk, you may be the one dumped. I should rephrase this. If a guy dumps you for a lame-add reason, he is a jerk. If a guy dumps you without giving you a reason, he is a jerk. You may say WeElL A GgUuY DoEsNtT NeEDd a REeAsSon. Well, you’re right. A dead body doesn’t need a casket either, but the world would be a happier place if there were dead bodies everywhere. If a guy dumps you for a foolish reason—ex: “I don’t really know what I’m looking for” or “I don’t think I’m mature enough to date right now”—sure that is a reason, but it is lame. Better to give an honest reason than one that is sugar coated by a jerk.
[The End]
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Conclusion:
To the ladies: You may have come across a jerk. If you find a jerk, know that they aren’t worth your time.
To the guy: If you find yourself a jerk that happens to be a girl, forget her. She doesn’t deserve your time either.
A message to the jerks: You can definitely un-jerk. That is always a solution: stop being a jerk.
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