I've heard thousands of conversations between women, and I'm convinced that most of the advice they give each other is nothing more than the often repeated thoughts of other people. That is to say, most of the advice men give men about women and women give women about men, and even the advice of the professional or expert, comes out of the mechanical process we call thought, which is little more than the person’s accumulated knowledge and memories of past experiences from childhood to the present day.
As a woman, you are no different from a man when it comes to your basic self-image or identity and the mechanics of how thought has shaped you and your opinion about men. What you must first understand is you and the men you have attracted into your life are one and the same.
I sensed something shifting inside some of you when I said that. For many of you, there was a natural impulse to resist that statement because thought brought up memories about some of the men you dated and said something like this to you: “I’m nothing like them. I didn't cheat on them, they cheated on me. I was committed to the relationship; they couldn't make up their mind about what they wanted. He was a user and a liar, and I'm nothing like that.”
Oh, really? Let's find out if that's true or not.
It sounds like you see yourself as someone completely opposite from that shady character who betrayed your trust. Perhaps you have always gone along with the wives' tale that says opposites are attracted to each other and not, like attracts like. I don't want to lose you right here by becoming too metaphysical or too deep (as some say) with confusing concepts. But if you get what I'm talking about in this article, it will be life changing for you.
I must warn you, though; once you grasp what I'm talking about you will never be the same again. The information I'm about to share with you is frightening for most people. That is why most men and women will never walk down the road you are on. There are women out there who are destined to remain in a perpetual cycle of moving in and out of bad relationships because they don't want to take a serious look at themselves. You must take a look at yourself if you want to avoid a stupid man.
I made the statement earlier that you and the men you have dated over the course of your life are one and the same. That is, you are not opposites. One of the most fundamental spiritual laws of the universe is the law of sowing and reaping. Others might call it the Law of Karma or the law of cause and effect. Today, the buzzword is the 'law of attraction.' The law simply says: Whatever you say or affirm, either in conversation with another person or through contemplative self-talk, you will attract into your life. The law also says, whatever you think about--that is, whatever you focus your attention on--will eventually come into your life. And finally, the law says, whatever you do to or for another person will come back to you.
In addition, within this principle or law is another principle Evangelicals call, “The Law of Seed, Time and Harvest.” What this means is there is a window of time before you ever see the manifestation of the seed you've sown into your universe. The seed must be planted, given time to grow, and then it is harvested or manifested in one's life. The only thing you should be concerned about right now is the window of time. The window, or space of time, presents you with the opportunity to change the course of your life.
A lot can happen within that space and you can use it to your advantage. However, you must first face the real you. Like it or not, you are what you think about, you are what you talk about, and you are what you consistently do.
Now, I want to ask you a question, and I want you to take your time before you answer it. Don't try to answer too quickly, but sit back in your chair and think about the question for a moment before you try to give me an answer.
Who are you?
Surely, a woman who wants to avoid a stupid man can answer this question without hesitation...right?
Surely, a woman who can recognize the stupidity in others knows herself well enough to know that she is not stupid. Surely, she can answer the question without stumbling around for an answer...right?
Wrong!
If you are like most people, you are confused by the question, and, if not, you should be. Why? Because the question cannot be answered by any past answers we are accustomed to giving. For instance, if you say to me, “I'm Mary Doe.” I'll say, “That's the tribal name your mother gave you, but that doesn't tell me who you are.” Likewise, if you say, “I'm Mary Doe, and I'm a nurse,” I'll say, “that's your tribal name and your occupation, and that still doesn't tell me who you are.” If you say, “I'm Mary Doe, and I'm a nurse and mother of three,” I'll say, “your tribal name, your occupation, and your ability to produce offspring still doesn't tell me who you are. Even animals produce after their kind.”
Your gender and physical capacity to carry and give birth to a child has nothing to do with who you are. It only means that you have been given the marvelous physical capacity to participate in the wonderful process of physical co-creation. But even in this creative process, you are only a co-creator simply because you must have some contribution from a man to pull this creative process off. Without a man, motherhood is impossible.
The bottom line is this; biology; gender, names, occupations, and the like do not define us. It's impossible for any of these things to tell us who we are. Get the picture?
Nevertheless, if you don't know who you are right at this very moment, how will you be able to know when Mr. Right is really Mr. Right? How can a woman who has no clue about herself be of any worth to Mr. Right even if he was to drop into her lap? You must address these fundamental questions because they mean all the difference between living a fulfilling happy life and existing in a world where you can never expect any happiness to come your way.
If you cannot tell me who you are, then I will do it for you.
You are the sum total of all the accumulative knowledge and experiences inputted into you since you gained consciousness in this physical world.
You are the past. And every decision you will make today is based upon some past experience, knowledge or memory. Unless you are able to see that you are nothing more than the accumulated knowledge of your parents, your community and the society you live in, you are doomed to repeat unhealthy patterns of thinking and behavior for the rest of your life.
Think seriously about this. You are conditioned from birth. Ever since you were a child, you have been told what to think, what to wear, how to act, what's good behavior, what's bad behavior, and so on. But it doesn't stop there. During adolescence, young adulthood, and even in middle and late adulthood, your society continues to introduce and indoctrinate you into the community mind. You are told what group has your best interest in mind, what political party to vote for, what political systems or rules of governments are good and which are not, what jobs to take, what colleges to go to and so on.
In addition, you are further bombarded with all kinds of advice about men and relationships. The problem with the information we receive is that it is someone else's information. In other words, the information your parents gave you came out of the mind of someone else, which came from someone else, which came from someone else. Misinformation carries on forever, and it never stops unless you challenge the status quo. As an experiment, the next time you sit with your mom or dad ask them the same question I asked you. They will probably look at you with a puzzled look and say something like: “What do you mean, who am I? What kind of question is that?”
You are going to find out that most parents never address issues surrounding their identity and self-image. And if they've never addressed it, is it any wonder why you are just approaching the threshold yourself?
Now, I want to make something perfectly clear about what we are discussing: Just because thought is movement, a flowing stream or system of past reflexes, it doesn't mean that all the information we've received from other people has no value. Some of the information does have merit, and some of it does not. When you begin to have an awareness of how thought operates you will at least know error when you see it, which in turn will save you from a lot of heartache in relationships.
I know it seems that I've gotten off the track a bit, but I need for you to hang in here with me. Since you now know that you are a product of not only your thoughts, but the thoughts of other people, and have acted in a mechanical way for most of your life, (that is, you've done what most people said you should do, listened to the advice of your mother, girlfriends, talk show hosts and an assortment of other gurus) and since you had very little to do with shaping your own self image, it's time for you to define yourself. And for the purposes of our discussion, it's time for me to become a little less metaphysical and more practical so that this will make sense to you.
I told you earlier I heard thousands of conversations between women in which one is attempting to give the other some supposed fact or secret about men. From where does the advice that women give other women about men come from? You should already know this by now. From the very beginning of time, personal experiences are transmitted down from the parent to the child. The only problem with this handing down of material is that it is held to be factual when nothing may be further from the truth. Their bad experience with a man was only true for them; it doesn't have to be for you.
Nevertheless, when you listen to people talk about their experience, and you are drawn in to accept their experience as truth, it becomes your truth. This erroneous truth is then stored in your subconscious and added to the mechanical stream of your thoughts. When you personally experience a bad relationship (for instance, a man who was unfaithful to you), you draw upon the recorded information you received from others and associate it with your pain. For instance, you may recall the memories and stories you heard about your friend's unfaithful boyfriend, or conversations you had with your mother about your father’s unfaithfulness. Unknowingly, your brain is undergoing a transformation, and not for the better.
In addition, the supposed truth about a man's inability to remain faithful is even more solidified by relationship experts, psychologists, therapists, and research statisticians. They further cement the thoughts of infidelity in your mind by talking about the percentage of men who cheat on their mates, and so this information goes into your conscious mind and sinks down into your subconscious mind, where it too becomes part of your stream of thoughts.
From this polluted stream, you form your opinions and perceptions about men and your relationships to them. This faulty information (faulty because the bias to confirm the suspicion is always present in the observer) also shapes and forms your identity and your self-image. Therefore, all future relationships will be weighed by the faulty information stored in your stream of thought. The truth of the matter is this; you would not even recognize a good man or avoid a stupid man because your stream of consciousness is polluted with bad information. (I'm only using cheating as one example). Nevertheless, there is good news for you.
The good news is this: There are good men out there and there is someone who is specifically out there waiting for you. Like you, he has begun his inner journey. Nevertheless, just because you find common characteristics or habits in some of the men you dated, that doesn't mean all men are the same. If anything, you now know that most men are in the same boat as you were before you started reading this article. That is to say, most men are unaware of how the system of thought works. They too are unaware that they are living out of a polluted stream of consciousness, the junk of their male predecessors.
Yes, men have been fed much of the same junk you have. They've been told how to think, what women like, what women don't like, what's good, what's bad and so forth. Like you, they've been fed misinformation about who they are. When men face the fact that they have lived out most of their life in a mechanical, conditioned way, they are left empty, and the thought of this emptiness terrifies them. This is why some of them continue to distract themselves by running from woman to woman. Running in and out of relationships occupies their time, so they don't have to ask themselves the hard questions.
They know that something is missing in their life, but they don't know what it is. They're inwardly searching to find identity and meaning, but they are too insecure to tell anybody about their inner longings, or, to ask for help. Why are they like this? You already know why. Like you, they are conditioned to think in acceptable patterns of thoughts. Their stream of consciousness has some of the same useless material yours has. They are stupid. They lack clarity of mind.
Furthermore, the stupid man has been fashioned by the men and women (yes, women) who came before him. The stupid man is a being of shared experiences. He believes he must be emotionally and mentally strong because someone told him this is the way he should be. He believes he must be a provider and a fixer because the group has identified that these are his roles. And, most importantly, he believes that he cannot show any signs of weakness because he’s been told a woman doesn't want a weak man.
Stupid men operate under the assumption that you want provision first and love second. They'll shower you with gifts (at least, some of them do) and fail to simply enjoy your presence. How many times in your past have you known a man who only wanted to spend time with you without any distractions? How many men in your life turned off the television when they saw you walking through the door after a hard day's work, just so they can find out what happened during your day?
I'm not talking about all that gooey stuff that goes on during the initial dating period when both your body chemistry are going haywire. I'm talking about enjoying you in this way consistently over time. When men and women live out of the paradigms of conditioned thought, you can see why men and women, who were destined for each other, seldom find each other. It's an uphill climb for him as well as it is for you. And it all has to do with thought, identity, and the erroneous images we have about each other.
Stupid men and women don't know who they are. But try telling them that. Who wants to find out they don't know who they are? Coming to grips with the fact that most of us are prefabricated persons without identity is gut wrenching. It takes all the wind out of our sail. Nevertheless, like you, the stupid man must find out who he is because no one else can tell him.
As a woman, you are no different from a man when it comes to your basic self-image or identity and the mechanics of how thought has shaped you and your opinion about men. What you must first understand is you and the men you have attracted into your life are one and the same.
I sensed something shifting inside some of you when I said that. For many of you, there was a natural impulse to resist that statement because thought brought up memories about some of the men you dated and said something like this to you: “I’m nothing like them. I didn't cheat on them, they cheated on me. I was committed to the relationship; they couldn't make up their mind about what they wanted. He was a user and a liar, and I'm nothing like that.”
Oh, really? Let's find out if that's true or not.
It sounds like you see yourself as someone completely opposite from that shady character who betrayed your trust. Perhaps you have always gone along with the wives' tale that says opposites are attracted to each other and not, like attracts like. I don't want to lose you right here by becoming too metaphysical or too deep (as some say) with confusing concepts. But if you get what I'm talking about in this article, it will be life changing for you.
I must warn you, though; once you grasp what I'm talking about you will never be the same again. The information I'm about to share with you is frightening for most people. That is why most men and women will never walk down the road you are on. There are women out there who are destined to remain in a perpetual cycle of moving in and out of bad relationships because they don't want to take a serious look at themselves. You must take a look at yourself if you want to avoid a stupid man.
I made the statement earlier that you and the men you have dated over the course of your life are one and the same. That is, you are not opposites. One of the most fundamental spiritual laws of the universe is the law of sowing and reaping. Others might call it the Law of Karma or the law of cause and effect. Today, the buzzword is the 'law of attraction.' The law simply says: Whatever you say or affirm, either in conversation with another person or through contemplative self-talk, you will attract into your life. The law also says, whatever you think about--that is, whatever you focus your attention on--will eventually come into your life. And finally, the law says, whatever you do to or for another person will come back to you.
"You are what you think about, you are what you talk about, and you are what you consistently do."
A lot can happen within that space and you can use it to your advantage. However, you must first face the real you. Like it or not, you are what you think about, you are what you talk about, and you are what you consistently do.
Now, I want to ask you a question, and I want you to take your time before you answer it. Don't try to answer too quickly, but sit back in your chair and think about the question for a moment before you try to give me an answer.
Who are you?
Surely, a woman who wants to avoid a stupid man can answer this question without hesitation...right?
Surely, a woman who can recognize the stupidity in others knows herself well enough to know that she is not stupid. Surely, she can answer the question without stumbling around for an answer...right?
Wrong!
If you are like most people, you are confused by the question, and, if not, you should be. Why? Because the question cannot be answered by any past answers we are accustomed to giving. For instance, if you say to me, “I'm Mary Doe.” I'll say, “That's the tribal name your mother gave you, but that doesn't tell me who you are.” Likewise, if you say, “I'm Mary Doe, and I'm a nurse,” I'll say, “that's your tribal name and your occupation, and that still doesn't tell me who you are.” If you say, “I'm Mary Doe, and I'm a nurse and mother of three,” I'll say, “your tribal name, your occupation, and your ability to produce offspring still doesn't tell me who you are. Even animals produce after their kind.”
Your gender and physical capacity to carry and give birth to a child has nothing to do with who you are. It only means that you have been given the marvelous physical capacity to participate in the wonderful process of physical co-creation. But even in this creative process, you are only a co-creator simply because you must have some contribution from a man to pull this creative process off. Without a man, motherhood is impossible.
The bottom line is this; biology; gender, names, occupations, and the like do not define us. It's impossible for any of these things to tell us who we are. Get the picture?
Nevertheless, if you don't know who you are right at this very moment, how will you be able to know when Mr. Right is really Mr. Right? How can a woman who has no clue about herself be of any worth to Mr. Right even if he was to drop into her lap? You must address these fundamental questions because they mean all the difference between living a fulfilling happy life and existing in a world where you can never expect any happiness to come your way.
If you cannot tell me who you are, then I will do it for you.
You are the sum total of all the accumulative knowledge and experiences inputted into you since you gained consciousness in this physical world.
Think seriously about this. You are conditioned from birth. Ever since you were a child, you have been told what to think, what to wear, how to act, what's good behavior, what's bad behavior, and so on. But it doesn't stop there. During adolescence, young adulthood, and even in middle and late adulthood, your society continues to introduce and indoctrinate you into the community mind. You are told what group has your best interest in mind, what political party to vote for, what political systems or rules of governments are good and which are not, what jobs to take, what colleges to go to and so on.
In addition, you are further bombarded with all kinds of advice about men and relationships. The problem with the information we receive is that it is someone else's information. In other words, the information your parents gave you came out of the mind of someone else, which came from someone else, which came from someone else. Misinformation carries on forever, and it never stops unless you challenge the status quo. As an experiment, the next time you sit with your mom or dad ask them the same question I asked you. They will probably look at you with a puzzled look and say something like: “What do you mean, who am I? What kind of question is that?”
You are going to find out that most parents never address issues surrounding their identity and self-image. And if they've never addressed it, is it any wonder why you are just approaching the threshold yourself?
Now, I want to make something perfectly clear about what we are discussing: Just because thought is movement, a flowing stream or system of past reflexes, it doesn't mean that all the information we've received from other people has no value. Some of the information does have merit, and some of it does not. When you begin to have an awareness of how thought operates you will at least know error when you see it, which in turn will save you from a lot of heartache in relationships.
I know it seems that I've gotten off the track a bit, but I need for you to hang in here with me. Since you now know that you are a product of not only your thoughts, but the thoughts of other people, and have acted in a mechanical way for most of your life, (that is, you've done what most people said you should do, listened to the advice of your mother, girlfriends, talk show hosts and an assortment of other gurus) and since you had very little to do with shaping your own self image, it's time for you to define yourself. And for the purposes of our discussion, it's time for me to become a little less metaphysical and more practical so that this will make sense to you.
I told you earlier I heard thousands of conversations between women in which one is attempting to give the other some supposed fact or secret about men. From where does the advice that women give other women about men come from? You should already know this by now. From the very beginning of time, personal experiences are transmitted down from the parent to the child. The only problem with this handing down of material is that it is held to be factual when nothing may be further from the truth. Their bad experience with a man was only true for them; it doesn't have to be for you.
Nevertheless, when you listen to people talk about their experience, and you are drawn in to accept their experience as truth, it becomes your truth. This erroneous truth is then stored in your subconscious and added to the mechanical stream of your thoughts. When you personally experience a bad relationship (for instance, a man who was unfaithful to you), you draw upon the recorded information you received from others and associate it with your pain. For instance, you may recall the memories and stories you heard about your friend's unfaithful boyfriend, or conversations you had with your mother about your father’s unfaithfulness. Unknowingly, your brain is undergoing a transformation, and not for the better.
In addition, the supposed truth about a man's inability to remain faithful is even more solidified by relationship experts, psychologists, therapists, and research statisticians. They further cement the thoughts of infidelity in your mind by talking about the percentage of men who cheat on their mates, and so this information goes into your conscious mind and sinks down into your subconscious mind, where it too becomes part of your stream of thoughts.
From this polluted stream, you form your opinions and perceptions about men and your relationships to them. This faulty information (faulty because the bias to confirm the suspicion is always present in the observer) also shapes and forms your identity and your self-image. Therefore, all future relationships will be weighed by the faulty information stored in your stream of thought. The truth of the matter is this; you would not even recognize a good man or avoid a stupid man because your stream of consciousness is polluted with bad information. (I'm only using cheating as one example). Nevertheless, there is good news for you.
The good news is this: There are good men out there and there is someone who is specifically out there waiting for you. Like you, he has begun his inner journey. Nevertheless, just because you find common characteristics or habits in some of the men you dated, that doesn't mean all men are the same. If anything, you now know that most men are in the same boat as you were before you started reading this article. That is to say, most men are unaware of how the system of thought works. They too are unaware that they are living out of a polluted stream of consciousness, the junk of their male predecessors.
"Just because you find common characteristics or habits in some of the men you dated, that doesn't mean all men are the same."
Yes, men have been fed much of the same junk you have. They've been told how to think, what women like, what women don't like, what's good, what's bad and so forth. Like you, they've been fed misinformation about who they are. When men face the fact that they have lived out most of their life in a mechanical, conditioned way, they are left empty, and the thought of this emptiness terrifies them. This is why some of them continue to distract themselves by running from woman to woman. Running in and out of relationships occupies their time, so they don't have to ask themselves the hard questions.
They know that something is missing in their life, but they don't know what it is. They're inwardly searching to find identity and meaning, but they are too insecure to tell anybody about their inner longings, or, to ask for help. Why are they like this? You already know why. Like you, they are conditioned to think in acceptable patterns of thoughts. Their stream of consciousness has some of the same useless material yours has. They are stupid. They lack clarity of mind.
Furthermore, the stupid man has been fashioned by the men and women (yes, women) who came before him. The stupid man is a being of shared experiences. He believes he must be emotionally and mentally strong because someone told him this is the way he should be. He believes he must be a provider and a fixer because the group has identified that these are his roles. And, most importantly, he believes that he cannot show any signs of weakness because he’s been told a woman doesn't want a weak man.
Stupid men operate under the assumption that you want provision first and love second. They'll shower you with gifts (at least, some of them do) and fail to simply enjoy your presence. How many times in your past have you known a man who only wanted to spend time with you without any distractions? How many men in your life turned off the television when they saw you walking through the door after a hard day's work, just so they can find out what happened during your day?
I'm not talking about all that gooey stuff that goes on during the initial dating period when both your body chemistry are going haywire. I'm talking about enjoying you in this way consistently over time. When men and women live out of the paradigms of conditioned thought, you can see why men and women, who were destined for each other, seldom find each other. It's an uphill climb for him as well as it is for you. And it all has to do with thought, identity, and the erroneous images we have about each other.
Stupid men and women don't know who they are. But try telling them that. Who wants to find out they don't know who they are? Coming to grips with the fact that most of us are prefabricated persons without identity is gut wrenching. It takes all the wind out of our sail. Nevertheless, like you, the stupid man must find out who he is because no one else can tell him.
"How many men in your life turned off the television when they saw you walking through the door after a hard day's work, just so they can find out what happened during your day?"How can anyone tell you who you are when they don't know who they are? The stupid woman must also come to the knowledge of the self and the role that images play in her relationships. Understanding the self and the self-image will help you get in alignment for your soul mate. We’ll pick up on this in the next' How to Avoid a Stupid Man' article.
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