Can you make a guy want more than Friends with Benefits? If so, how?

Question

We spend time together, he has dinner at my house a lot, chats to my mum, texts me about once a day, compliments me, I know his friends, he knows mine, we see movies and go to dinner together. To me, he's not wanting to commit because he's getting all the benefits of a relationship but I have no power to be angry if he sleeps with anyone else and he can come and go as he pleases. I've considered withdrawing myself as well as the sexual aspect and telling him that it's not fair to me because I'm starting to develop feelings and I feel as though it won't go in the direction I want it too. He's a lovely guy and I don't want to not have any relationship with him, I'm just curious as to if I can get my message across and potentially have him step it up a bit?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

It's the P word: personality.

The one way it's not gonna happen is if you threaten him, withdraw sex, tell him he's being unfair. He's not being unfair. the fcat that you've developed feelings is your issue, not his. clearly he's a charming guy. otherwise he would never have gotten you. if you break it off, he can just find someone else. its not a case of either he owes you a relationship or you break it off. sometimes we have to earn things in this world through conscious effort, and thats not necessarily a bad thing. guys have to do it all the time. to put it this way, if a guy became a really good friend of yours, helped you a lot, supported you, then one day he says have sex with me or we're not gonna be friends anymore, you'd say no, right? on the other hand, if he started showing you a different side of himself, acted in a more charming, confident seductive way towards you, maybe, just maybe, you'd start wanting more too. see what i mean?

as i said, p word. do you really have nothing more to offer? I'm sure you do. are you kind, caring? can you make him feel loved and looked after? thats something he's not gonna get unless you're emotionally committed to each other in a relationship. i'm sure you can offer that. but you've got to be sincere and not so entitled. good luck :)

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

While a small percentage of guys who have a friends with benefits will eventually want more, the vast majority of guys are perfectly happy to continue as friends with benefits forever, or until the girl doesn't want to anymore. In a FWB, the guy gets everything he wants (unless he wants an emotional connection and relationship with you, but for many guys, friendship and sex is enough) and has no responsibilities, commitments, or limitations. It's the best of all worlds, so why would he want things to change?

This is where YOU need to be realistic with yourself, and ask yourself "am I a friends with benefits type of girl, or am I a relationship type of girl?" If you are the latter, like most women, and it sounds like it, then you must not get into friends with benefits relationships, because you'll always want more. Instead, you need to hold out for guys who are actually looking for a relationship, and any other guys need to be sent on their way before you get attached. If you fail to do that, the person who will end up being hurt is YOU.

Elena_the_Star · Accepted Answer

Its 90% no... I have my experiences believe me...  friends with benefits  is very stupid ( remember I have been there too), there is a reason it doesn't last. You have said it yourself... he is getting everything he would want from you already so why come in a relationship? he will probably leave you one day if he meets another girl who he falls in love with. HOWEVER, there is a chance he falls in love with you, which is very slim but nevertheless there. Try getting him to hang out with you other than for sex, text him randomly etc... but I would say get out of it before you get hurt... its a tricky road girlie...

findingdreamland · Accepted Answer

I can't say yes, I can't say no. Well I will be honest.
He has all the comfort in this relationship. He has it all. He doesn't need to put any effort.
Men likes challenging, difficulties sometimes. But there is no challenging in your game.
The only thing you can do is , stopping what you are giving to him, emotionally, sexually, mentally. Step back and put a distance. He will miss you and come back to you by accepting all your wills, or he will completely be cold to you and leave you. This is the risk you have to take if you really want him.

KatyKat · Accepted Answer

It really depends of if something was there to begin with. You will know if he is interested in more because he will change his behavior. If he wants to stay friends, sex will be short sweet and to the point. If he wants to be more he will take more time and tends to stick around longer afterward and "cuddle". That is just from my experience. My husband was once my friend with benefits, so it can happen.

Helloanswer · Answer

It really depends on the age... Most guys my age at least have testosterone in mass quantities haha as us men progressively get older the level decreases and we start to mature more and realize the benefits of having a significant other and look to settle down... If he's used to this behavior he probably won't change. Its just a phase. I can suggest though to do things that might make you seem worth it to stay with. Do things a girl would do In a normal relationship... even if its small things.. these small things go a long way..,,, might give him a wake up call and realize your more than just a friend with benefits. If. If he doesn't then its his loss really. Good luck.

WesTheGuru · Answer

If he hasn't committed after everything that is happening, even his "commitment" will be pointless. You can force him to say the words, but unless a guy truly wants to commit to you, he'll just lie and go behind your back.

You are FWB, and until he wants to be exclusive, he knows he has you and that you don't ever want him to leave. Your parents like him, your friends like him, he's too big a part of your life for you to just cut contact with. And if you stop having sex with him he'll find someone else. This situation is your fault.

Ms_Williana · Answer

If it is looking like you only want benefits, he will use you until you "become old hat" (meaning not giving him a tease any more) and you discart you as a paper cup in the trash. What you must do, if you think that there is something more than just a sexual only attraction, not give in any time that only he wants.

You can take interest that you both have in common, and "kind of see" where it will take you. If he is married, or has a close girl-friend, and you want something more than a physical relief, which it really is, then drop him. There is no future in taking it further, as you will get no where. And if you do, you will shortly, more than likely, find out that he has another friend with benefits while with you.

It depends upon what you want. If he knows the benefits are great (pleasurable) he might just be open to considering a romatic relationiship. But if it starts immediately with benefits before a warm friendship, it is not going to last long.

sxh967 · Answer

I'd say no not a chance. It's like if you give someone a car for free and let them drive it around for 5 years and then one day tell them they need to pay the full 5 year ago market price for it in order to keep driving.

Unless he REALLY likes you (in which case he would already have made a move) it makes more sense for him to just move on.

TonyRyan · Answer

Not me, at least not right now. I don't want a full on relationship at the moment, I am happy with the  friends with benefits  things. More space, less questions, less nagging, less constant updates, etc.

Anonymous · Answer

No, I don't think so. In all Friend with benefit relationships I've been in, it's clear that we're there for the sexual desire and intermacy. Once you try to take it further, it will fall, very fast. Not saying it can't be done, its just a very very very... delicate thing to do. Do it at the wrong time and its history.

ixi10 · Answer

If he sees you as nothing but a sex buddy then that's all he's going to see you as. In his eyes, you're never be more then a piece of ass. The stupidest thing anyone could do is have sex with someone in the hopes that they'll like them. They never will

LittleSally · Answer

Yes, but only if he already has this attraction towards you. It's already there within him, you just have to awaken his emotional side...
I don't know you two so I don't know how you tick... so I can't say for certain.
If he's seeing other girls, then probably the answer will be 'no'.

northernligths · Answer

Its hard to say. I dont think you can change his mind if its not what he wants. You need to ask him hat he wants. You need to know what you want. If its not the same thing... you will be hurt. You may have to lessen the amount of time you spends with him so you dont get more attached. If he is really a great friend remain friends. Find another guy who can fulfill you more intimate need so you won't feel that he needs to fill it.

madhatters4 · Answer

you don't make people want something. at least a part of them has to want whatever it is. if the guy is fine with just a casual sex relationship then the chances are he won't change his mind. if a part of him wants something more then there is a chance he will consider more.

terrificale · Answer

depends on the guy i guess. but if he really wants to be more than that he would have done something by now, as you describe your situation heenrolls a lot with you like a bf but hasn't asked you to be more is because he's not interested, sorry babe run away before its too late for your heart.
Sounds cliche but if you want a relationship act like you mean this :)

trentbent · Answer

Just be real with him. He'll show his true colors (not saying it in a negative way).

mario1321 · Answer

If you want more than  friends with benefits  than stop being the benifits part untill he is serious about a relationship

JustinCaseUDontKnow · Answer

That is the whole idea of Friends With Benefits they can leave you say good bye and go to the next girl and have sex.. With Friends With Benefits there is no strings attached always remember

Marinepilot · Answer

I think you can. Your support systems are in place. I believe you need to broach the subject. Obviously you're quite attracted to him. You can't hit the ball with the bat on your shoulder !

jacquesvol · Answer

If you're playing it well he might like to become a FWDB (friend with double benefits)

dee_lachea · Answer

no, all guys want sex and no commitment at the end of it all, personal experience.

spammy · Answer

Stop giving him what he wants when you work it out let me know I have a similar situation

Can you make a guy want more than Friends with Benefits? If so, how?

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