Are Women Emotionally Immature?

Are women emotionally immature?

I recently stumbled across a used copy of a really interesting book by journalist Jack Kammer. He interviewed several different female therapists, activists, professors and others.

One of the women, therapist Laurie Ingram, said that women often flatter themselves that they're more emotionally mature than men, and that women's emotions mature faster. But in her professional experience, Ingram thought that a large percentage of women were functioning at the same emotional level as a nine or ten year old child: a combination of deeply insecure, entitled and arrogant, and passive-aggressive communication.

I thought Ingram's comment was very intriguing, and has a lot of truth to it. Not all women, certainly, but I've known or dated many women who Ingram seemed to describe.

Any thoughts?

Here's the Amazon page for the book: link


Most Helpful Girl


    Honestly though, to demonstrate my maturity, I'll blame it all on society.


Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 4

  • Well society makes girls insecure by enforcing the importance of unachievable perfection and beauty. And if you are seen as pretty it makes those girls have big heads and so they feel like they should be given everything like Megan on Megan wants a Millionaire. Then the passive-aggressive communication comes from the idea that men don't like aggressive women. They shy away from aggressive women because they don't feel as masculine around them. And if they are aggressive the women is call arrogant and a bitch.

    So I blame girls emotional levels on guys because guys wants girls to fit their unattainable imaginations yet refuse to try to be what a girl might want them to be and get upset about the whole situation. Guys need to get over their double standards.

    • Interesting ideas about the entitlement. I think you're on to something.

      FYI, numerous scientific studies show that women have _far_ more power to influence men in relationships than the other way around. See Kammer's book for more detail, and also note that women file for divorce in 60-70% of cases.

    • Yeah once in a long term relationship girls tend to have more influence because the men become passive but the initial start of the relationship the guys have more control.

    • Did I just read that guys have more control in the relationship at the beginning starglazer? I strongly disagree. Based on societal norms, women have all the control at the beginning of the relationship IMHO. They are often the ones pursued, and being pursued puts you in a position of control. Men often act with the woman's taste in mind so I really do need an example of how men have control at the beginning...

  • Personally I don't agree.

    I've dated guys my own age (I'm 22) and I'm tired of them they're way too immature! So older men all the way. A GUY (not a girl mind you!) once told me that if a guy is 20, his emotional age is really 16 or 17 whereas if a girl is 20, she'll usually be that emotional age.

    Men can separate sex from love- most women cant. Another immaturity. Most men don't want to deal with their emotions so if they're depressed they'll more likely to commit suicide than women. It is proven by statistics etc. More men cheat than women. Why not just break up with the girl? if a guy goes off a girl, he'll stop calling. Also some men will neglect their families in pursuit of career so the kids end up hating them. some men put greed ahead of their family.

    I wouldn't say women are emotionally immature but I do think a lot of women wait for this knight in shining armour to "save" them when they need to save themselves. No-ones going to do it only themselves. Also if a girl has issues with her father, they tend to f*** up her relationships with men a lot. Women aren't perfect but its a bit much to say emotionally immature.

    Men have the upper hand in so much in life that we're just trying to claw back our fair share of the power and gain equality! Women earn up to 25% less than men and there are less women in top management. women ARE discriminated against because we have children/may have kids. I think your whole argument is incredibly biased so its really hard to judge whether it has any validity. Any argument ought to be at least objective. in some countries, women are oppressed and have less rights than men. How is that mature on the part of men?

    maybe you're just dating the wrong type...ever thought of that?

    • Don't generalize.....I'm a guy and I won't lay the pipe unless I'm in a relationship. lol My maturity is actually working against me. I admit it.....girls say I'm very attractive, but when it comes to dating nobody is interested because many of them want to go out in their skanky ass cocktail dresses hoochin it up and don't want a relationship. That's immature.

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    • contd... Men still like to go out after college and drink but men grow up after college, we become more social drinkers, yeah we still like to get drunk every now and then but were more ready for our long term girlfriends especially when our friends get into serious relationships, engaged to be married and or are married and starting families. A lot of women in their 20's to early 30's still act very immature, so non committal, and a lot think they are men and or wants to be treated as a man

    • contd... UGH such a huge, HUGE turnoff these days when women complain so much about how they want to basically be MEN. NOOOOO we men want LADIES, GROWN UP LADIES, LADIES that pull up their grown up panties and THINK like an adult.

  • I think that sometimes, everyone is emotionally immature, be you a man or woman. Men have just as much potential to be insecure, arrogant, and passive-aggressive as women do. It's good that you didn't generalize and say all women; I think that it depends on the person, the individual. Some women are whiny, spoiled & manipulative, and even sometimes engage in pointles, childish bullying and gossiping, but the same can be said about men. Sometimes it does have something to do with outside influences; media, childhood, status, etc. But it's always up to the individual as to who they want to be. I just perceive adults as older kids, really. I think that we all retain some childish qualities throughout our lifetimes. It helps to know when it's time to put away childish things, though.

  • Ah another misogynistic idea. They never get old.

    • Care to elaborate?

      And if so, what's your basis for concluding that Ingram's master's degree in social work, and her 17 years of professional psychotheraputic expertise are somehow misogynist?

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    • Ah, another immature woman who can take serious debate.

    • @freudian_lisp ruthless, but I agree. Disagree or show a proven natural difference between genders and it's misogyny. Disgraceful. Feminism gone wrong.

What Guys Said 7

  • I think this is very interesting and does make sense from my experience. I also think this might attract a lot of hatred from those of a 9 year old emotional maturity level, as do many of my answers.

    • Good answer, thanks.

      I thought Ingram's comment explained a lot of dating headgames, too. Playing hard to get reminded me a bit of tossing pebbles at a playground crush, then running away and calling them a poo-face

    • Dela111 you actually know what you're talkin about man! I don't think girls are understanding the 10yearold maturity level theory, it just covers the way they act insecure and passive agressive etc, not their actual intelligence, an amazingly intelligent woman could still be insanely immature like others but they choose to go with their insecurities and just flip at the idea and call us misogynists which further gives evidence to this theory

    • Yea, can't live with em, can't live without em I guess.

  • Not only are women immature, they are completely self-centered, and have no idea of how anything works. They have no empathy for anyone but themselves. They constantly compare themselves to others and are intensely jealous of those who they think have more material wealth or beauty. Women are so insecure, they need a man to constantly lavish attention on them or else they feel unwanted. They need a huge social network of ass kissers and liars in their lives at all times. They can't bear to stand on their own two feet.

    • Right on man! Well said... So true and it just pi**es men off when a lot of women act like you described even though they are grown up, graduated college and then still think it's OK to act like you described... A lot of women these days for some reason think it's a turn on when they still act like you described after the college life (adult life) and it's just the opposite. It's a turn off for a lot of grown up college adult men like men in their 30's.

    • I think also one thing I would add to your comment is grown up women in like their mid 20's to early 30's that still also have that total pettiness attitude. That pettiness is also not attractive to men.

  • Dude, 90% of North Americans are functioning at a 6th or 7th grade level, in just about every respect. Men, women, the elderly. It's mental. Go to Europe or Africa or Asia if you want to see how well-developed people behave.

    • Hahaha yeah :) but not Europe lol, those lot are weird :P

    • Some of them are, but some are really wonderful human beings. I can vouch for England and France and Switzerland.

  • Women are very immature, all they do when they don't get their way is exaggerate and not improve the situation. I have never met a mature women in my whole life, not even moms. Granted most guys are awful too, but we are at least smart enough to stop getting into arguments all the time in the relationship.

    • How the hell did you come up with this generalized nonsense? None of it stands to reason. When are people going to learn that all humans are individuals, and grouping them based on biological sex and trying to predict behavior based on that is meaningless?

    • @Mesonfielde welcome to the real world. Generalizations are the norm, no pun intended

    • @Ricknew2 it causes people a lot of grief without them ever realizing it

  • To be precise they are emotionally unstable.

  • I totally agree with Laurie Ingram's statement "Ingram thought that a large percentage of women were functioning at the same emotional level as a nine or ten year old child: a combination of deeply insecure, entitled and arrogant, and passive-aggressive communication."

    I also agree that a lot of women are not like this but a good majority still do and man it must be so embarrassing when women that act like Laurie Ingram described go to see their nieces and nephews and some women that are in their mid 20's to early 30's act like the nine or ten year old nieces and nephews and yet some of those nieces and nephews act more mature then these mid 20 to early 30 year old women. I'd be embarrassed as he** if I was a father and my grown daughter in her mid 20's to early 30's still acted like nine or ten year old child with the (deeply insecure, entitled and arrogant, and passive-aggressive communication).

  • I think women are extremely emotionally immature. Sure women mature faster- maybe. I dated a girl who was very insecure, sought acceptance through sex, and developed an elitist attitude. I pampered her, treated her well, basically put her on a pedestal- and it got in her head. She is arrogant, and very passive-aggressive. Someone unfortunately is going to hurt her emotionally very badly, possibly as bad as she hurt me. Maybe that will teach her to be more humble.

    • Probably not.

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    • You could'nt of said it better, sometimes girls or women don't know what they have infront of them man. Later on when there with some jerk who ends up breaking their heart, that's when they start to remember the good guy like you and me, and how they broke his heart and threw him away. Good luck man and be stronger than strong there.

    • You too brother, thank you for your kind words. Us good guys in the end will win out. I don't wish my ex bad at all, I actually wish her nothing but the best. But she will have a very hard time replacing me in treatment, as will your ex! I look forward to ten years from now when I am happy with someone, have a wonderful growing family and a good life. We'll see where all the others end up then!

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