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Why are guys so emotionally unavailable? (Page 2)
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Us guys tend to not be as emotional as girls, it's in our biology (the phrases emotions get you killed... we need to be able to protect ourselves from dangers back from when the cloest thing to humans were apes), that said a lot of guys i know (inc myself) are very emotional
Because as a man, people aren't moved by your display of emotions unless its out of anger. At the same time, it takes a certain amount of skill and effort to identify and sort out the reasons behind what you're feeling.
True.
We might be if the girls stopped believing they are superior to men. Stop the sexual war, we need you BUT you need us so no more sexual wars, lets kiss, make up and go where the world is good (bed).
Lol if you say so
Guys are taught not to show their feelings. Whether the girl wants to admit it ot not, a guy showing is emotions often will appear weaker compared to other guys because he's letting it get to him enough that it's visible.
When I say show emotion I don't mean to burst out crying in front of a room full of people. I mean being able to actually tell me if something bothers him without being too prideful. Or at least showing that he cares when I express myself to him.
My point stands. Emotions = showing vulnerabilities, vulnerabilities indicate a weak spot, weakness is bad.
Ok well you're entitled to your opinion. Thanks for your input.
That's not true for a real man they will show you no matter what it may take awhile to open themselves up to you but when they do an if they unintentionally hurt you and thier honest give him another chance even if you have been hurt, lied to or cheated on. Remember he is not the same as your previous
He didn't unintentionally hurt me. Calling someone a nosy bitch is pretty intentional.
if a guy care less for a girl they like or even they dont know this girl well.. THATS not a guy sorry to say that but that would be an ass.. because guys are humans and we do have feeling and emotions. we act tough we act strong but we still humans
Men are taught to be tough. So opening up is difficult. It is not something men are comfortable with. It makes them feel vulnerable. It simply takes time.
Understood. As long as you're willing to try then I'm fine with that.
Read my response to a question like yours, take a look through the comments too. It's the one that starts with the line "Opening up = girl loses attraction/respect":
www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1256105-are-guys-afraid-to-admit-their-feelings-for-women
i don;t know about this but my guyfriends cry over my shoulders like babies when you take their candy they cry cry and cry and i comfort them whenever they have a problem we always chat about our feelings and they never have a problem expressing their feelings and it is just so cute
Lol my guy friends don't. They'll come to me to complain about a girl or to tell me about a hookup but it's very rare that they come to me with serious stuff. Once in a blue moon.
lol nah my guys are just so cute no matter how big or strong they are just like children but i won't lie i am worse i am always complaining and crying on their shoulders too
Lol I have one guy friend that I've seen cry real tears. The others have been upset and they've come to me, but it was just to get away from our other guy friends while they were "emotional" lol. And their idea of being emotional was sitting in my room or car in silence.
We are socialized to be that way... otherwise being very emotionally driven is seen as "girly".
Guys like me do not know how to care. I get mad when a girl comes crying to me and I think it's because I don't know how to handle it
Why get mad? Why not just say "hey I don't really know how to react when you're upset" instead of being like that and coming off as a jerk.
I would like to understand why "men" have to be angry and stamp around... when some of the time we just want an answer or not even that. Most of the time we just want someone to hug and hold us to make us feel safe. Someone who wants to make us feel better not worse than we already feel.
I agree. Guys can get really pissy when a girl is upset and I think that's because they don't know how to handle it. They overthink what we want and what to do. That or they're super nonchalant which bugs the hell outta me.
Well first off, you never know how a girl will respond. I feel like saying nothing is always best if anything
I don't think any guy will tell a girl "hey, I don't like when you cry". I mean I hope I'm not sounding selfish
You'd be surprised when we're by ourselves were very emotional but when we're in the presence of others it's hard to show how we really cause we're trained not to really be emotional
Lol yea that's the general consensus that I'm getting from guys. I get that that's how they're brought up but when do you break the normmmm?
It's not that we don't care how a girl feels, we just don't let iur emotions run U. S. or control us. We're not emotional creatures by nature.
There's a difference between letting your emotions control you and just not having any to begin with.
Oh we have feelings. We're just not in touch with our emotions. I like the fact I'm not. I don't like to cry and can't remember the last time I did. I just keep cruising along :)
Like if my girl forgot our anniversary or my birthday, I wouldn't cry about it. I'd be a little upset but I wouldn't cry
Lol I'm not saying you have to burst into tears everytime we talk but on occasion I'd like to have a heart to heart without feefeeling like I'm prying information out of you or feeling like you're not even there.
And I wouldn't cry over a missed birthday or anniversary. I'd be pissed.
Why do you want a heart to heart with him? We keep our emotions in check for a reason
And that reason being?
Oh and if I'm in a relationship with someone I think it's healthy to sit down once in awhile and just clear the air. Again i'm not saying cry your eyes out. I just mean talking. Nowadays eveeven that is too much to ask for.
I don't mind conversations. But when something is bothering me, and I clearly do not want to talk about it, leave it be. There's just some things I don't want to discuss. Or I will when I'm ready to.
And I get that! I'm the same way. If you tell me you don't wanna talk about it then I'm not gonna force you. I don't like when people do it to me. But if that's constantly your go-to answer/excuse then I'm sorry but I have a problem with that.
But what if it's something so bad or hurtful or traumatizing that he just doesn't wanna discuss it?
Listen, I'm big on respecting everyone's privacy. Like I said if you don't wanna talk about it right then and there then that's perfectly fine. But if I ask you about it later on down the line and you still don't want to talk about it, it kind of raises a red flag. And still I'll respect your privacy. Where it becomes an issue for me is when everytime I ask you about something you tell me you don't wanna talk about it. Then it's a problem. There can only be so much privacy in a relationship before things start getting janky.
Totally agree with you on that. Key part of a relationship is communication. But I don't feel the need to voice every thought in my head lol. Cuz in my head, there really isn't that much to begin with lol
Lol that's my point. I don't want much but I need to be able to communicate with you and if everything is a secret then it's a problem. I definitely get where you're coming from tho. Thanks for your input!
your welcome!
Are you my fiancé or something? She's aid these exact things to me lol
Lol nooo I'm not your fiancee. Great minds just think alike.
Oh sheesh! :p
Lol 😉
They were raised that way. The media makes it seem like guys have to be macho and strong and have no feelings at all to be a real man. A lot of people don't realize how big of an impact the media is on us when we're little, it changes us forever.
Media does have an impact but that can't always be our scapegoat. At some point we need to make the decisions to be ourselves, set our standards, and know that it's ok to go against the grain.
Its better that way. Often times when people wholely invests themselves then they get hurt because the person honestly just doesn't care that much. If she wants to know how I feel she is going to have to work for it.
Its like how at a party you talk to bunch of girls, but you never really invest yourself into one of them until they reciprocate. Sure be friendly, be out going but never be dependant on another's affection, cause who knows if its going to be there.
I agree that you shouldn't be dependent upon someone else's affection. I mean you shouldn't be dependent upon another person period. But being in a relationship with someone means you should at least feel comfortable opening up and expressing yourself to them.
They can express emotions although being with their partners brings out that quality. Being together helps complete all the missing traits among each other. So anything that is absent will be slowly and steadily gained by their partners... Without each other one can never be complete.
Man I could say the same things about girls at bars. Anyway.. the reason why guys do not express emotion is because we are taught that whomever lacks emotion has authority. Not authority in the sense of domination. It is the power to be rationale in emotionally tense situations. So if you were ever to have shitty periods vs me. I think I would probably be calm as ever. Now in regards to feelings, then some guys aren't really emotionally intelligent. It really depends on the guy
Because we all tried that "get emotionally involved" thing with the first girl we were smitten for, got royally screwed in the head, and learned not to put ourselves out there for that, lmao.
This exactly! I felt like I should hold back a bit, but I still opened up. I even felt like she accepted me for a while but I got too invested and got absolutely crushed. Know them feels bro.
Maybe we hide our feelings because we are even more fragile that girls if we let ourselves go. Girls have an easier time when it comes to dating so perhaps one reason we have to steel ourselves extra hard is to cope with a higher degree if rejection.
Look past the dating phase and into the relationship phase because that's what I'm really talking about. Once you're in a relationship it should be easier to communicate your feelings. But there are still guys that get into relationships and don't wanna even try.
I do have a lot of them. But i show it to those whom I really love (either as friend or more). If i see that he or she is a fool, then i don't waste my energy.
That's all I'm trying to say. If we are friends or in a relationship you should be able to express your feelings to me.
So if you are in a relationship then he should express his emotions to you. If not, then something is wrong with your relationship.
Culture, talking about your feelings makes you seem like a weak male. Guys want to look strong and manly. Appearances are important to them.
But you're talking about them with a girl. It's not like you need to sit around your friends and tell them about your feelings. But at least express them to the girl.
its all bravado. men hate getting hurt as much as women.
men are brought up not to talk about feelings/emotionsl whilst women are
Understandable but at some point you have to learn to express them. I mean guys don't have an issue expressing sexual feelings...
society teaches men to bury their emotions which is not healthy.
Not at all
that's why there is forums like this as girls and guys are brought up different and think different. not everyone thinks like you.
I know that and I'm totally fine with it. I asked the question because I'm genuinely looking for some insight on it.
blame society/their upbringing than the actual guy who might not be intelligent like you ame to realise what they are doing is wrong.
Oh I do blame society. But I also expect guys to not use that as a crutch. I get it though. I'm not ignoring the fact that this is how most guys are brought up.
do you like men? do you get on better with women or men?
Is that a serious question?
its easy to spot you are frustrated with men. is this down to past relationships?
It's not based solely off of my past relationships but they do play a part.
It's just the bad guys. And those are the guys girls want to be emotionally available, but they are not.
Lol I used to but it's not like that with me anymore
I think it's hard for a man to express his emotions in a way, that you'll notice it, he feels it, but can't really express it well in my opinion.
More romantic guys may be different, there are mixes too i think. I'm a mix for example.
Can you elaborate on the mixtures?
Hard to describe, but i think you can see it on his face, and what he sais to you.
So for me it can be difficult to express emotions in words, but you can see them on my face a lot of the times and, if i pay attention to you, that means i'm listening, and i can understand what you are feeling.
Something like this :)
Lol I get it. Kind of.
Because they're afraid of being "unmasculine" and getting made fun of.
Because that's how we were raised/taught to be. It's in our nature.
I get that. But at what point do you realize that at some point that can't be an excuse anymore?
That can be an excuse as long as we continue to raise our kids like I was raised.
Ok well when you're in a relationship you need to be able to communicate and express how you feel without me playing the guessing game.
If you can't access your significant ones emotions then you are probably not very compatible... but whateves.
Or maybe he needs to grow up but whatevs.
not all guys are like that. the ones who are have mommie issues.
Lol no not all are like that. Most of the ones I've encountered and lots of my male friends. Could stem from mommy issues too tho.
because man always try to be a strong man in front of his partner because he always try to be a hero in front of his girl but in real love girl will treats her man as hero and man will treat her like an angle and his princess
I don't know about others, but personally baring your emotions as a guy gets them torn apart. Then again I've always been harrased and treated like shit anyways.
But baring your emotions to your S. O is different.
I'm tough but I have feelings, every time I get dumped I cry, I care a lot about a girls feelings, I would never shut down when it comes time to talk about feelings. I'm not like most guys
Lol no, if that's true then you're not like most guys.
Lol it's true
I show how much I care for someone frequently and people like me for that but sometimes and maybe often I just can't seem to care I don't know I am just that way
So you show that you care frequently, but often you can't seem to care? So which is it?
I show people that I care with indirect actions but if someone comes to me and starts telling me about something that annoyed them or made them cry I'd just say "that's stupid" or something equivalent but less rude.
When you've been hurt as many times as I have, you just don't care anymore.
We've all been hurt tho...
My sister has never been hurt. And she never will be as long as I'm alive.
I'm sorry but you're not going to be able to save her from everything.
Apology accepted.
Would girls actually like guys that were more emotional? I think it's partly to do with our upbringing and societal pressures, it's the 'manly' way to be.
I'd like a guy who was comfortable expressing himself to me.
After you were in a relationship or a guy that's like that with everyone?
Mostly after we were in the relationship.
coz thats when girls take you for granted, see you as weak and then run away
Some girls*
i love talking about how im feeling to a girl exspecially when I like her but it usually only puts me in thr friend zone that's why guys who aren't sensitive the girls love it keeps them mysterious and wanting girls to know more about him.
Yes that works when you're trying to get her. If you've already gotten her then it shouldn't be that way.
Oh, but we do. I do. It just depends on the guy. Some do and just simply keep it to themselves like I tend to do for the most part and some just let it show and are made fun of or put down by society.
Because there's no reason to give a fuck about how others feel and because talking about feelings is a waste of time.
Who hurt you?
Why do you think someone hurt me?
Because you seem angry and bitter. And that usually stems from being hurt.
Its the culture they come from... Or theyre just not very emotional about it.
Don't pretend you don't love it when we act like we don't care.
Lol oh I love it.
Most men are taught that if they show or express emotion it's one of the worst things they can possibly do. . Men are conditioned to not show happiness, saddness, or anger.
Yea that's the general consensus in this thread. I'll say what I've been saying. At some point that has to stop being an excuse.
I wouldn't consider it an excuse. There's extremes that are taken in some households. For me, personally, was beaten for displaying emotions. My favourite being, stricken until I stopped crying.
That's unfortunate. And a prime example of what I don't want to do to my kid. But just how those events and actions made you not want to show emotions, having someone constantly telling you that's it's ok to open up and that you're there for them should have an effect too. I know it's hard to break habits but if you can't even show me that wanna try then I'm sorry but that's gonna make me upset.
Like I said, it's conditioning, not habits. A habit is stopping chewing your nails or itching yourself. Changing conditioning, that's like suddenly deciding that one day deciding that eating people is right because we eat other meat. Everything you know (should) say doing that is wrong and one of the worst things in the world, but if you look at it in a wider spectrum, there's not much reason not to. What if someone asked you to do that? Same thing. And no, it's not an over-comparison.
I get that it's conditioning. I really do. But I feel like guys hide behind that and use it as a crutch. And an excuse to not even try.
Guys just like to think that they are tough and have their friends think that they are tough. Although, alone or to friends that they trust they tend to let it out.
This is true.
It's not TRUE at all!! It's what we were taught, by fathers, and uncles, and friends, growing up!! Some of us question, and wonder why, others just accept it, and perpetuate the 'Myth' and the Stigma. . .
I'm fed up with guys not showing thair feelings.
Because that's how you act socially as a male. One of those things that feminazis tend to forget :l
You're so barking up the wrong tree with that statement.
Wuh?
I'm not a feminazi or whatever the he you said.
I never called you one :O
Well it seemed like you did.
I'm not sure how to express how I feel emotionally. I feel like expressing emotion is pointless because honestly no one else cares about how you feel.
But if I'm clearly telling you that I do care then what? I understand that it's risky. It's risky for everyone, but in a relationship you should feel comfortable enough to open up.
It's just something as guys we don't talk about. We don't want people to know how we feel or what we are thinking. It feels very invasive if someone can tell how I'm feeling,
That's understandable. Things should be different once you're involved tho. That's all I'm saying.
I've been involved for a long while now. I just don't see the need to push my emotions on my girl. It isn't anything she needs to worry about.
So you never tell her about how you feel?
No, she knows that I love her and I tell her it every now and again. However, I don't about how I feel.
Don't tell her about how I feel emotionally happy/sad/angry...
Ok. Well that seems to be working for you guys. To each his own. I personally would have a bit of a problem with it. But thanks for your input!
Girls can't deal with emotion unless they're the ones being emotional...
Negative.
Sorry to break it to you, but guys know better on this one than you. We know from experience... I probably know more than many men and still don't give a shit (it hasn't changed me) but I do understand the reality of it... Women do like our emotion, passion, etc. at times and in moderation on their terms, but the large majority can not deal with intensity. They do actually fear it. They do run when they're faced with it as other guys have mentioned. They many times come back and sometimes stronger than ever, but they definitely do not know how to deal with it. Most do not want to deal with it. They want a guy they feel is stable/solid, which basically translates to emotionally unavailable.
So men know more about what women can handle then women do? Oh ok. Never knew that.
Yep collectively we do. You're one woman saying all women are like you (are totally open to emotional men) despite the fact that you have countless men who have dealt with numerous women each telling you otherwise...
ignoring the data in favor of your own emotional position backs my statement up even further...
If you look through this thread I have said numerous times that I'm speaking for myself! I'm not ignoring anything. The way you worded it makes it seem like women are incapable of determining what they can or cannot handle because of their emotions. I simply disagreed. That doesn't make me emotional.
You were not speaking for yourself unless you think you are the only woman in the entire world...
"Girls run away. Women don't."
Ok so girls run away, THIS woman doesn't. Is that better for you? You can call me out all you want, but I don't agree with what you said.
Not all girls or women run away, but a hell of a lot do. It conditions a lot of guys to just keep things to ourselves. You being accepting or craving of emotion makes you the odd one out, just like the guy that is willing to be moody and not give a shit. Neither of you are likely to get what you want very easily.
I just feel like if we're in a relationship, you should be able to communicate how you feel. If I every time I ask you about something, you say you don't wanna talk about it then when do we talk? I don't think of that as craving emotion. I feel like as adults in a serious relationship that's to be expected. It's clear that we don't agree. And that's fine.
Well like I said most girls can't deal with intensity... If a guy is emotional in a positive loving way, a lot of girls think he is obsessive, clingy, putting her on a pedestal, etc. which will trigger her to either go OMG he likes me too much I'm out of here or it can trigger her to test him to see what she can get away with/determine if he's a push over which will likely be something disrespectful towards him. Either way the guy is on the losing end of that engagement. If he's honest in a negative way when things are bad, then he's seen as insensitive/mean and most girls can't deal with truth in situations like that. It pierces them and many just can't deal with stings like that and will never let it go. It's too harsh for them, and they will either leave or passively aggressively try to get even with him. There are a lot more emotional states where men lose out by sharing but those are two examples...
I do understand what you're saying. Although it's not always the male that's on the losing end. At the end of the day I just wanna be able to talk to you without being completely shut out or having you shutting down. Honesty is honesty tho. Sometimes the truth hurts, and that's ok. As long as you're telling it. I personally can take it, even if it hurts me.
Same here, but we're in the minority...
That we are. I really appreciate your insight tho. And my apologies if I came off as bitchy in the beginning.
all peapol have feelings, but some guys hide there feelings fore some reason , or becaus they did not learn to show what they feel, they just keep it to themselves
It's largely due to the fact that from an early age men are taught that to be a real man who is tough, you can never show any kind of emotion that isn't deemed masculine. To do so, in a sense, would be socially unacceptable.
Mostly because
1. That's how a lot of us naturally are
2. Women prefer more emotionally unavailable men
because people taught their sons tonot cry and i see that stupid
because we are not women; we get it most of the time, but we just don't react to it like women do.
No, you just don't react at all.
that does not mean we don't care...
You may be right but no resxtionreaction to me is like you don't care.
In retrospect, in my past I have had the hardest time getting girls to let me know how they feel about things. Like they don't know what they want; so it's hard for us to react to that. Men would tell you if they don't care care; so if we are around still, we care... even if you think we don't
Hmmm. I don't want you around if you're gonna just be a robot. At least be able to communicate how you feel if I'm asking you.
Men don't want to be in a ugly emotional roller-coaster. Obviously we are going to answer if you ask, but there are a few things men will not compromise for their manhood. Depends on the question...
The question was "what's wrong." His answer was "I don't wanna talk about it." And I always left it alone after that but it became a pattern. And he was in a bad mood for an entire week. But he wouldn't talk to me.
I am I just wish I could find more girls like you that are looking for it
We're definitely out there lol.
Where though
The same place all you "emotional" guys are hiding lol
I need a girl like u:)
Lol maybe.
Wish you could go unannoymous so we could get to know each other
Lol I'm actually thinking about it. Just because it's really no need to be anonymous.
Cause you seem sweet what's your name
Your probably dating Dbags, these types of emotionless guys are usually looking for the next girl to sleep with.
We were together for a year and a half.
Guys are always pouring out their emotions to me... you've just got to be receptive and open minded.
In my investigation, most guys are more emotional than girls but they just don't show it
they are thinking what word suits the situation for sure... if they say wrong it would be bad cause maybe got bitch slap like in the movie lol
Because its what we are molded to be like
That's a total cop-out excuse!! You can be who you want to be!! It's WAY too late to play the 'I'm a dude, and dudes don't feel nothin'!!" card!
Man up, and deal with you feelings, and figure out how to express them, normally without the OLD social stigmas that are so last decade!!
What he said lol.
No but I get that. I completely understand that males are conditioned to be that way. But at some point you have to decide that that can't be an excuse anymore.
Same reason that women can be. Men may be still more genetically prone to be a loner or "follow the herd" type but nature and nurture has much to do with it.
Nice guys get taken advantage of and treated like crap
Not by me.
Well usually when a nice person male or female gets lied to and used they become emotionally detached so they can't get hurt
Oh trust me, I know.
Hmmm Maybe because if we open up show our emotions we could get mocked or something like that. And who knows after break up someone might find our weakness out :P
Maybe the girls your age do that lol but if I break up with someone I'm not gonna go around and tell all his secrets.
This is not even worth my brain waves, so I'll leave it at that
Then you probably should've just kept scrolling. Thanks.
Hey, don't get mad at me. You're the one with the bigoted question.
Oh I'm not mad. Thanks for your opinion.
We aren't at all, it's just the guys you go for.
That's not the general consensus that I'm getting from this thread but ok.
If you really think all guys are unemotional robots, you have limited experience with guys.
It's not just guys that I've been involved romantically with, it's majority of my guy friends as well. But I never said that I thought all guys were emotional robots. I don't think that.
They're just hiding their real emotions from you so you won't think they're pussies. Or, you just gravitate to unemotional guys. Guys run the full spectrum, from sappy little puppies to emotionless terminators, just like women.
Ignorance mainly, compounded by modern philosophy