Why are guys so emotionally unavailable? (Page 3)
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Opinion
111Opinion
I LOVE it when a girl opens herself to me.
With me, my girl can cry as much as she wants and vents as much as she wants, I'm always available. In fact I take it as my primary responsibility to take care of her emotional health.
We show the world that we're tough, but every guy has a soft side which your guy has not opened up yet.
While that sounds awesome, can you allow me to do the same? Would you feel comfortable enough to let me take care of you when you're upset? Would you even tell me?
That comes in the very much later stages of the relationship.
A guy will show you his emotions and share his emotional problems only when he trusts you very much.
He'll tell you all about himself like this only when it's proven that you love him.
I guess that makes sense. Buy even then it's still hard for them to break the habit.
Yeah, they'll talk about it only if you ask them.
And that was the problem. There would clearly be something wrong but when I would ask he would brush me off.
Yeah, you gotta persist and he'll tell you.
Kiss him, hug him and he'll melt.
But it'll only work if he loves you.
Well I guess he didn't because we're not together right now.
In my thoughts, men don't carry their heart on their shoulders. Many women tend to hurt guys and use them, so guys can be reserved and hold in a lot of things to avoid that. Of course there are guys who are just assholes and could care less about anyone's feelings. takes all kinds i guess, just look for the real men out there, they care.
Men hurt women. Women hurt men. It's like a never ending cycle lol.
Why are guys so emotionally unavailable?
Likely conditioning from patriarchal traditional gender roles where being emotional is a female flaw/hassle.
" It's so annoying and frustrating."
To you and some gals (how many is a toss up). To me it's a huge plus seeing as I find I already have a society going on and on about what guys want I don't really desire to hear guys talk about their feelings.
Looks like you're trying to prove something.
@Roycaryn
Looks that way to you. Bit curious as to what it is I'm trying to prove... o. o
@Opinion Well, to frame it in other words, deliberately disregarding the complex feelings of individuals by boiling them all down to a convenient "patriarchy" soundbite does make you look like a really shitty individual. The downvote also seems to support me in that regard.
@roycaryn
Framing it in other words didn't answer the question: 'what it is I'm trying to prove'.
It seems like you were just making some snarky comment probably due to being butthurt.
It also seems like you lack reading comprehension because I didn't boil down any feelings.
The patriarchy soundbite you're likely so butthurt about is saying guys are probably seen as unemotional because of those gender roles of what is manly/masculine. Something pretty much every answer here says in a way.
Others downvoting me doesn't mean they came to the same conclusion you did. That's quite a logic leap of yours to appearingly think 'downvotes = you look like a really shitty individual'.
LMFAO @ you seemingly using sheep mentality for support.
Alright, I think you're trying to prove to yourself of some preconception that all men mock, dismiss, and belittle women and their thoughts/feelings the first chance they get like's its a national pastime.
I know better to be butthurt about a comment like this. Given what you read above, I'm curious as to how accurate my "snarky comment" really is?
Are you suggesting what drives mens' reluctance to be upfront about their feelings is because the patriarchy teaches them that doing so attributes them 'inferior' female characteristics? How is this not oversimplifcation? Of course, society's conditioning of men to be doctors, lawyers, etc, (anything "professional" and/or high-status) plays a part, But its more complicated than that.
You do have a point with the downvote button. Ofc if I made a post with an overused MGTOW cliche, the women would likely not react so strongly. Contrast this with the fact that a typical man must face emotional rejection by society his entire life.
@Roycaryn
How from my answer that traditional gender roles dissuade guys from being emotional and I don't really care to hear guys feelings did you get 'preconception that all men mock, dismiss, and belittle women and their thoughts/feelings the first chance they get like's its a national pastime'? o. O
Are you seriously asking me to seemingly contrast gals being so used and normalized to sexist belittling misogynistic commsnts to the 'emotional rejection by society' a guy must face 'his entire life'? If so you are aware you just showed that gals are also being emotionally rejected by society to the point it's just another thing to dismiss to them?
I think you are butthurt as it seems you have some male victimhood complex with your so-called 'fact'
Consider it an educated and as I said it is my impression of what I thought you were trying to prove. Judging by the contents of your second paragraph, it certainly seems that way.
Getting into a debate over which gender suffers more by society's standards is pointless since pain, heartache, etc. are entirely subjective. I said that men are expected to be able to jump through an endless series of professional, social, and romantic hoops in order to function in society. This is, at heart, the main reason most men try and settle down later in life; to escape all that. I simply don't see how I've all of a sudden got some "male-victimhood complex" by pointing out that men have problems too.
@Roycaryn
The contents of my second paragraph are pointing out the logical fallacy of your scenario that gals not reacting so strongly against MGTOW.
Do tell what judging method are you using to get 'all men mock, dismiss, and belittle women and their thoughts/feelings the first chance they get like's its a national pastime'?
You're unnecessarily pointing out men have problems. Nowhere in my answer did I state, suggest, or imply men don't have problems... because I didn't even mention it.
Yet here you are reading some off the wall projection into my answer that you felt you had to go on an on about how 'men have problems too'. ... keyword too as if I excluded guys from having problems when I wasn't even talking about gender problems in the first place.
What I was getting at there is that most women recognize the deulsional views that MGTOW apparently have of women and that these men are a small minority, hence not worth giving a fuss over. I could still be mistaken about that.
How were you not talking about gender issues when you said that girls being belittled, normalized etc. and comparing that to what I mentioned about men?
Perhaps through the same way you concluded that I was butthurt.
Are you trolling or deliberately obtuse? When I stated I wasn't talking about gender issues in the first place I meant I wasn't talking about gender issues in my answer.
I only just began talking about gender issues because of your contrast scenario was a gender issue.
Nowhere in my answer was any gender issues or any need for you to harp on 'men have probkems too'.
Don't try to bs as if I've been talking about gender issues when I only made a single statement due to your gender issue scenario where you asked me to contrast.
I've had plenty to conclude you are buuthurt with a male victimhood complex.
1. I state guys seem unemotional because of traditional gender roles and I don't care to listen to guys feelings... and you get 'all men mock, dismiss, and belittle women and their thoughts/feelings the first chance they get like's its a national pastime.'... O. O
(I'm still waiting on how you got that logic leap)
2. I didn't make any gender issue statements... and you create a scenario to contrast what women go through vs what men go through.
3. I didn't state, suggest, imply, or mention men don't have problems because I wasn't even talking about any gender's problems... and you go on an on about how 'men have problems too' as if I excluded men have having problems.
any compari
So enough of your bs (I won't be responding any more except to laugh) unless you:
1. Show me where in my answer was I trying to prove 'all men mock, dismiss, and belittle women and their thoughts/feelings the first chance they get like's its a national pastime.'
2. Show me where in my answer I exclude men from having problems
3. Show me where in my answer I talk about gender issues
These "most guys" are likely at the lower end of the spectrum for intelligence and independent thinking. To have a stone (or one's stones :P) for a heart is the result of the ideas that are impressed upon us since early days, or more specifically, the result of accepting and abiding by those ideas. Commonly, a smarter fellow will question these notions of masculinity and emotionlessness and, seeing reason, reject them. So you see, there are guys out there comfortable in their emotions.
Lol well said. I don't doubt that there are. They're just few and far between.
So too are desert oases, but one would be foolish to just flop down in the scorching sand and be content.
Touche.
Being emotional = not being able to handle certain situations = not being dominant = not being fit to lead
Girls want a guy to lead, ergo they don't want an emotional guy. Let's face it, girls are more emotional than guys, and if a guy can't handle his own emotions then how could he handle a girl's emotions?
I think guys will continue to be emotionally unavailable as long as the burden of leadership is pushed onto them.
I disagree. Being emotional does not mean that you're incapable of handling a situation. And you're basically saying that if you're emotional then you can't be a leader?
I'm not saying it, society is. It's a social stigma. Look all around you. Look at all the leaders in society. How do they act? Are they blubbering little emotional men? No. They're calm, composed, stoic. They know how to handle things and nothing fazes them. Otherwise the whole world would fall to shit (more so than it already is).
Fuck society. I'm pretty sick of that excuse.
So you gave a reason as to why women can be in professional powerful positions
can't
Honestly, I dont even know what that means on the level that you are asking. I guess I am not emotionally available. But, know that i will open up after I have some drinks like half to three quarters of a bottle of wine if we then talked about things like my mom's death or other close to the heart topics. i won't be happy with myself the next day but if you handled it right I might continue to trust you and open up more. Perhaps this insight will help you, perhaps not.
because we have to protect ourselfes from emotional harm caused by multiple rejections (we are the one expected to make a move and we get rejected all the time). if we didn´t do it, most guys would suffer from depression or even be suicidal. you better learn to deal with that frurstration... dealing with the pain of rejection is much worse.
I have dealt with rejection. How the depression that stems from keeping stuff bottled all the time.
yeah so could you imagine being rejected that often, that you chose not to have feelings for guys you´d be with anymore? cause i think that´s the case for some guys.
Ok so if you're in a relationship you don't show emotions?
well i never was in one XD i am not used to show emotions though. i´d have to get used to it.
Lol well yea, you would.
i can understand though why one might choose not to.
Women lose respect for a vulnerable man. They say they dont but from my experiance they do.
I partly agree with this. A lot of women want a manly man, which collectively acts a form of social construct. Making men see vulnerability as the enemy.
We dont see it as the enemy. I can be vulnerable withfriends but a women I fuck aka dominate then I can't be vulnerable
@ForeverFSixteen that's why I kinda feel like if someone specifically states that they want their partner to be "manly", then I trust them less.
@Mesonfielde I think being a man includes being able to fully accept all of your emotions. Regardless of what they may be.
Yes accept your emotions and deal with them accordingly.
Basically time meet place
Totally agree with this dude man
Women only want that from guys they're married too, or in a serious relationship with. Not from the guy they're having casual sex with. From a guys point of view it's not worth it. Women don't respect that. On the same note, it's silly to think a guy that isn't emotionally open eventually will... via a long drawn relationship.
It's the female version of trying to make "a ho a house wife"... trying to make a cold, emotionally closed off dude sensitive is unrealistic.
We were in a serious relationship...
Men don't necessarily have emotions the way women tend to. Their brains often don't work that way. Yes, social conditioning may enhance that aspect, but it's often fairly innate.
Some of this conditioning is done by the women they like. When they can't take a man expressing a negative emotion about himself (which is just about always), it helps reinforce a that emotions are bad. And if an emotion is felt, that it shouldn't be shared with a woman.
It's like a neverending cycle. Too often we (men and women) let situations and circumstances with other people set the tone for every situation and circumstance in the future.
If your boyfriend is soft and shows or tells his feelings you have a girlfriend men are there to work and put food on the table. Especially where I'm from we work oilfield and after getting a cussing or cussing at someone it's hard to be all cute and touchy when we get home. That's why whiskey was invented
Ok because that's not sexist. I can work and put food on my own table. I don't NEED a man for that. I do need for the man that I'm in a serious relationship with to be able to communicate.
They were probably taught at an early age to toughen up and man up. I think that's unfair. When my abuela (my dad's mom) passed away, my dad didn't even show his feelings at all. He just stood there acting strong and tough. Same with my brothers.
Yea. It's sad. My dad did the same thing at aunt's funeral. He sat next to me like a statue. I was crying my eyes out next to him and didn't even look at me, comfort me, offer me a tissue. Nothing.
Maybe because they're taught to suppress their emotions at a young age.
Yea I get that. At some point that has to stop being an excuse.
It's not an excuse, it's a legit thing. See it as a form of brainwashing.
I get that that's how they're brought up and that's how society expects them to be. But if we're in a relationship and you can't communicate to me that you feel a certain way, then that's a problem.
Obviously. But you have to understand that it's not like flipping a switch. They can't go from suppressing their emotions to spilling all the beans within seconds. That's not how it works. It's a very slow process, and what you need patience and understanding. Otherwise they won't be able to open up to you.
I understand that. Please don't talk to me like I'm stupid. I know it's not as simple as flipping a switch. Like I said, I don't need you to cry on my shoulder and all that. But if I'm in a relationship and you can't express anything then that's a problem for me. I don't know about anyone else, but that's just me.
Of course it's a problem, for most people it is. It's frustrating to be in a relationship, that's supposed to be emotional and intimate, with someone who refuses to talk about their feelings.
Very frustrating.
its all a theater. an ugly theater. society. its not only men that are nurtured this way though. we had a sensitive shy poet guy in college and most girls went like "are you gay or something"? what do you expect then from men? no its not only nurtured. its fukin gained experience dear.
Does he have to be overly sensitive? No. Does he need to cry on my shoulder every night? Nope. Does he need to be able to communicate and express himself like an adult? Yes he does.
Some guys are not even taught it it just comes naturally because as they get into more and more relationships and shit goes to hell and the guy fell in deep infatuation or love with the girl they go through so much shit and so much cold feelings from their ex then thats when they learn to tighten up and never feel again until that person who has the key comes and unlocks the gate to the hear with so many chains from over the years.
Mmmm, well I have troubles figuring out how I really feel till after something has happened, so that might be why? Unless something is either so good or so bad it completely overwhelms me I don't express it cause even I don't know it or it showing emotion isn't what's wanted, at least I don't think anyone wants to see it
guys are considered the stronger sex. it is a weakness if people know how to get him to cry or so.
all in one it is just a self defence mechanism put up, same as for the girls who reject almost every guy cause she has built up a barrier to.. eh-em "filter the good guys from the bad guys".
girls almost never date the romantic, poet, sensitive, shy guy, or some do for a short amount of time. when you choose the agressive macho a-holes you get what you wished for. at least you'll have a better time for a while down there. or so, some women say...
and you choose them for various reasons. they are go getters, they have leadership, usualy a good job, a strong panty wetting aura, and money. or if they are fortune hunters you want them for a while for their bed. but thats all you'll get from the later category. these narcissistic sociopaths aren't capable of feeling much...
Well I can't speak for all women. I personally migrate more towards those types because I have more in common with them.
Guys have emotions but they don't usually show them to other people and keep it to themselves. Because that's the way society teaches them to be from a young age. Nevertheless i think guys care about their parteners feelings as much as girls but just don't show it as much and many feel it kinda awkward to have those emotional talks...
Understood. I just feel like after a while the whole "that's what society teaches them" thing becomes a crutch.
I mean you can tell him anytime that you want to have a talk about feelings. Just because society tells them thats the way to behave doesn't mean they should blindly follow it...
You get it. At some point you have to make your own decisions.
Guys aren't emotionally unavailable, but guys do not feel the same way girls do. And for a guy to open up he really has to trust you. And some guys just don't ever... they aren't mature enough or reflective enough.
Hmm. I guess that's one way to look at it. I mean I get the whole trust thing. That goes for me too. It's like you said, some guys never do. No matter what a girl does. Which brings me to the question of how you can be involved with someone and not be willing to open up?
they want companionship and perhaps sex if they are getting that... but nothing more. IT means you have to decide if that is all you want, and if not move on. That is why they say to guard your heart. Don't give it to someone that can't take it or doesn't want it.
This is true. And I don't give it away easily, which is why when I do and things like that happen, I get frustrated.
I think girls are more open about their feelings, especially to other girls.
But believe me, if you'd be sitting next to me and feel bad, I would care and I would make time to listen to you. For sure!
Lol well that's good to know. Thank you!