Do swingers ever settle down?

[Anonymous]

I know a guy who has a very successful career and he has a healthy relationship with his family. He is looking for relationship but he can't seem to make commitment.

I I guess he is torn apart between his desire for a "normal" life and swinger habit

can they ever settle down? What makes people want to go to swinger party anyway? Addiction to sex?

[araelee]

Occasionally they do, but by the time they do, they have been with so many different women they will have lots of memories stored up and still fantasize about them. They will only settle down when they are getting older, uglier, and decide to let themselves go. Then they will appreciate a good woman sticking around but never respect you because they think you're dumb for being with them since they have lost respect for themselves. When these Guys Choose to validate their worth by the amount of women they have sex with, instead of the amount of good deeds they do, they often spend the later years of their life reminiscing about the "good ol days" like that guy who always talk about the high school touchdown pass they threw... ANNOYING. The other women will be the pass they threw.. and you'll end up being the "bar buddy" he spends his nights with... RUN. Run Now. And don't look back. You can do better. Even if you have acne, no legs, and a penis growing out the side of your head. There ARE GOOD MEN that Love and Respect women for who they are and how they feel. Just because he is a swinger doesn't mean he is desirable. .. it means there are a lot of lonely people out there that screw around with each other to feel good about themselves. He's an idiot.

[Asker]

I'm not dating him he is just a friend. I'm simply curious about this kind of life style and what motivates them. I don't intend to try it myself. I have too much respect for myself to just let anyone do it with me!

Yea I think you right.. these kind of people will be ready to settle down when they are 80 LOL

[CommieDearest]

Swingers can actually settle down as swingers and often times they have a primary partner. There's nothing wrong with being a swinger so long as you're dating others who are also swingers.

Otherwise it's just cheating. I don't think swinging means one has a sex addiction, it means one has a strong preference that is a bit taboo... nothing more.

[foxloversi]

You can 'settle down' and be a swinger at the same time.

Some people have their brains wired in a way they prefer monogamous lifestyle. Others prefer non-monogamous lifestyle. Both groups are normal and can live a normal, happy life if compatible with their partner.

[LibraPisces66]

You're sure he actually going to swinger parties?

[Asker]

yup he told me that. he told girls he are dating that he is monogamous because he is afraid it would scare them away.

[LibraPisces66]

Wow, probably a good call on his part. Lol. I thought those parties were for married couples. Either way, that's just creepy. I can't imagine that scene... yikes.

[Asker]

yea he asked if I wanna go I was like mm no thanks... I guess his conflicting desire must be tearing him apart.. I also think once you are a swinger it will be almost impossible for you to go to monogamous life style.. that's why he never had long term healthy relationship

[LibraPisces66]

I think you're right. I bet it could become addicting certain types of guys, and even some women. Especially if they like gangbangs. And I doubt they settle down as well. Sad that all the intimacy, and magical moments of intense connection and passionate between two committed lovers is lost to them. Seems like very low vibrational sex and being-ness.

[LibraPisces66]

That's kind of rotten and irresponsible to hide it from the girls he's dated.

[Asker]

I feel sorry for him deep down, cos from the surface he seem to have it all. I think there's some deep sorrow inside to bring him into that life style. Only he can help himself.

Yes it's irresponsible to hide it from girls he dated. Honesty is the most important thing, whether you want relationship / fling / marriage / friendship. Always be honest with your intention.

[LibraPisces66]

Yes, absolutely. I admire your thinking. More than the honest perhaps is the health jeopardy he exposes himself and the girls to. Condoms and tests are not a guarantee of anything, so he is playing a pretty messed up game bringing unwitting partners into that mess.

[Asker]

Why thank you. Yes health jeopardy is another BIG thing... I hope he didn't catch anything or spread anything. The more he is addicted to it and live a double life the more lonely he feels at heart. People always assume people with good looks/ family / jobs are happy. That's not always the case. Everyone has problems to deal with. No need to get envy or jealous of what others got.

Always be honest with others and yourself and fill yourself with love. That's a bit off topic but that's how I feel may be that's why I never feel the need to have someone with me or the urge to try swinger party LOL

[LibraPisces66]

Exactly. And not off topic to me. I deeply appreciate your heartfelt words on this, and the evolved view. Fill your self with love... yes. Perfectly put, and music to my ears and soul. Bless your kindness, compassion, and empathy. We need to shine these qualities brightly into the world to help dispel the darkness, and to help others remember who they are, and what they are in reality, which is a spiritual being having a human experience. Somehow we collectively decided to forget this sacred truth over the aeons.

[Asker]

Thanks not many people appreciate my way of thinking though. they think I'm being momsy or boring. That's what I believe surroung yourself with love, not people. I hope I can help him in some way, but only he wants to be help.

[Asker]

*surround*

[LibraPisces66]

Momsy and boring... Yes, well that's what happens when many people and popular culture goes to sleep, forgetting what is real and true. What is lasting and of value. Just like our swinger friend. And these folks go out and fill their emptiness with attention and closeness/sex with others who are essentially just as empty. But no is filling anybody, with anything soul-awakening, in most cases. It is absolutely true that we can help those who want help, and are actively asking for it. In the meantime we can indeed only surround ourselves in love. Shine. Hopefully they can sense what is good, pure, and true. I was once told after being frustrated with a woman who was a mess, and unbeknownst to me had turned out to be using meth, that I was a being of Light, who in turn attracted those stuck in the darkness. Truer words were never spoken. That is a deeply profound statement and fact. I applaud and salute your momsiness! Let the sleeping call it whatever they want. They don't recognize it.

[Asker]

haha thanks I can be very immature sometimes. I guess I'm extreme.. either I'm momsy or I act like a kid. did your fried ended up quitting meth? it is VERY destructive.. not that i know anyone who does that.. I just think one of the homeless woman near my work place does meth base on her skin condition.. it's very sad.. last year I gave her a sandwich she nod at me and she look about early 20s.. I saw her this year she look like she is in late 30s.. smoking with blood shot eyes.. I'm not judging her, there must be a reason she ended up in this way. I just hope she can get her life back on track.. also looking at people like this reminds me of how blessed I am.

With your case I guess you are a care giver? giver often attracts taker. You have to have strong sense of self to not let the "darkness" consume you or influence you.

As for my friend, when we first met and I gave him some natural remedy for his stomach bug he thanked me for caring him. Since then I'm still caring when he tells

[Asker]

me that he is sick, but he doens't respond to it or he would pull back. I guess somehow care and closeness frightens him. He probably is addicted to that life style feeling like a stud and everyone just use each other. When someone gives them genuie care they probaly feel like they don't deserves it and pull away they might not even be aware of it. Anyway if he wants to talk I'm here as a friend.

[LibraPisces66]

No she didn't, at least as far as I have been given info on her, since I had to move on for obvious reasons. I studied meth's effects and fallout. It basically boils down to you either go to jail (she did penitentiary time long after I was gone, and still didn't quit), you die, or you get sober. Unfortunately only about 13% can quit for good, with most relapsing. It's so sad too, and was reminded of it's effects just the other day when while in a store I saw a woman who was clearly my age, but who absolutely looked at least 70, and whose skin looked like an OLD baseball glove. Hideous drug. Robs your youth, your health, your happiness. You literally stop manufacturing dopamine, and that's usually permanent, so can never really feel happiness again. Yes, and almost always with smoking! Ugh. So utterly unattractive, thus causing them yet more fallout in that no one really wants to be with them, at all. My friend lost her kids, who went to live with their dad, who was really no better!

[LibraPisces66]

Yes, I am very caring and sensitive, so I did my best to help her. Her kids loved me, tried tell their mom that I "was the bomb", so it was heart breaking to watch, even from a distance while suffering the after effects. It really depressed me in a serious way. But I eventually climbed out of that hole, as I am a happy soul, and I choose to be happy in the moment, and not live in lingering bitterness, confusion, or self pity.

[Asker]

That's right. Life is too short for bitterness. No one can be happy 24/7 as life is meant to have ups and downs.

It's not what happen to us that determine our life. It's how we chose to deal with it

[LibraPisces66]

Yes, and all of it is just lessons in increasing our compassion. :-)

[LibraPisces66]

Thank you for giving my opinions MHO!

[Hellboy]

Once a swinger always a swinger, just like you can't turn a stripper into a house wife

[Anonymous]

Most people aren't worth settling for. I understand the hesitation.

[Anonymous]

Its not the addiction to sex. Its just the fun of it.

[hypno-trip]

I'm not sure I'm not at that stage of my life yet.