He keeps apologizing for being awkward?

[Anonymous]

I've been on seven dates with this guy who has been very nervous and hesitant about showing affection, but anytime he does, he apologizes about how awkward he is. I mean, when we were kissing on our last date he must have said it like 5 times.

[vishna]

Saying sorry cause you guys kissed... hmmm... that is very... awkward.

I was really nervous when I started talking to my boyfriend. We would talk on the phone for hours and in the beginning I would say things that I thought were weird. So, I would say things like 'I'm so weird' and he would assure me I wasn't. For me, it was just nervousness. Plus, I am really weird and silly. So, it was kinda a warning, haha. But also, it was nerves.

So, maybe he is just really nervous because he doesn't want to mess anything up. Just reassure him that the kiss was good and move on with the date.

[Asker]

I mean, we were actually making out, but I think he only apologized for one kiss I think when he missed my mouth.. lol. The other times were when he got a bit more touchy-feely. I don't mind it at all, but I was just curious. When he says it, I just try to reassure him by telling him that it's alright and that I'm awkward too so it balances out. I mean, he was afraid to hold my hand and it was our seventh date.

[Asker]

We met online so I wasn't sure if that was a good sign that he really likes me, or if that's just how he is with being affectionate in general. I mean, he said he didn't like PDA, but a few dates later our first kiss was in broad daylight next to a busy road- second in a mall parking lot.

[vishna]

I don't know him. But from what I'm reading, it seems like he's shy. He may be a little awkward, but it's probably shyness and also nervousness around a woman he really likes.
He wants to give physical affection, like holding hands or kissing, but he doesn't know if he's moving too fast and scaring you away. So he apologizes and says how awkward he is because he's apologizing and his nerves are all jumbled up.
I think this will go away once you guys get more comfortable :)

[Asker]

It just sucks, because I'm shy too.. but I really like him. It just threw me off because the other day I checked his online profile out of curiosity and he's updated his self-summary since we've started dating. Mhm.. I mean, when I really like someone I stop looking, but it has only been a month (with 7 dates) and we haven't talked about relationship stuff at all yet.

[vishna]

I think you can ease his mind though. It has only been a month, and you guys met as strangers, so there is a lot to get to know about each other. And I wasn't completely comfortable with my boyfriend until a few months in, because we too met as strangers. But it will get better, step by step, until you guys are more comfortable. And I bet his awkwardness and shyness will disappear around you. And he changed his information because he really likes you and doesn't want attention from anyone else. It's sweet, in my opinion. It's great that you found someone who likes you just as much as they like you.

[Asker]

I mean, he just asked me my last name on our last date.. and yeah, he started the question with "So, this is going to be awkward, but..."

He's going away for school in the fall for like 3 months, so I'm a bit perplexed as to where this is going and by the pace. I wouldn't be so hesitant to talk with him about it if he hadn't told me on our second date about another girl he used to date that he had to end it with because she was "too demanding". I don't know what that means.

[vishna]

The distance in the fall is something you guys could talk about soon (if you know you want a relationship with him now) but if you guys are still feeling each other out, then I understand if it's a conversation for a later date. Hmmm, the demanding thing is something you guys should also discuss. For some guys demanding is wanting material things or being pushy but for others it can be wanting to spend a lot of time together or wanting to text everyday.
He seems really nervous. :)

[Asker]

I mean, he updated his profile description in a sense that before it was more essay formatted and now it's much shorter and bulleted, and he added in a few new things. He told me that he originally joined out of a morbid curiosity, and because he goes to school in Europe in a place that nobody really speaks fluent English.

It's just weird to me... I mean, he was insanely gentle and affectionate on our last date (hand kissing, tight bear hugs, forehead kisses, staring into my eyes until one of us caves and cracks a smile, etc) and didn't push for sex or anything- even when I invited him to stay the night (I did so with innocent intentions, but still). I mean, he remembers little details about me, sets dates for activities that he knows I enjoy ( I like fishing, and even though he isn't into it he wants to go to my fishing spot with me this week because I like it so much), he gives me the "deer in headlights" look when I approach him when we meet up on dates.. I just don't know what to do

[Asker]

Also, we've been talking online since mid-February... so we were opening up to each other for like four months before actually meeting in person. I was away at school myself, and he was home, and it didn't seem to phase him.

[Asker]

But yeah, the seventh date I had invited him to my house to watch movies to help make it easier for him. He doesn't get along with his mother so he wants me to come over and spend the night when she goes away in a couple weeks, but has hinted that he wants to come over to mine again before then.

[vishna]

If you guys have known each other for that long, I really think he's just nervous to finally be on dates with you. If you continue to go on dates with him, I'm sure he will get more comfortable with you and won't second guess his actions. A lot of times, people freak out over what they do when they are eager but don't want to ruin anything. Ah, it always sucks not getting along with parents. Why don't they get along?

[Asker]

His dad had actually just passed away when I first started talking to him in February. He had hinted in the past about having to do things just to appease his mother because she's overbearing, but he seems like he just wants to get away from her. He said she's psychotic and never leaves the house. I get that and all because my mother is insane too, it's just the dating profile thing threw me off.

[vishna]

Sorry, I thought you said your mom. Also, I missed the second part of your comment when you said all the things he did for you and his affection and stuff. Wow, what a sweet guy :)
I think if you two really like each other then go for it. Even if he's awkward, he still has eyes only for you. Of course it's your choice, but he seems like a good guy. And besides his awkwardness, he's doing all the right things.

[Asker]

Eyes only for me? Even if he updated his online profile like that? I've never dated before and just got out of an unhealthy 3 year relationship last year. I haven't "liked" many guys and after that last relationship I'm a bit cautious... I really like this guy, and don't want to scare him off if he's already unsure of me. Because that's the thing.. he's so sweet and I'm not used to that, so I'm confused as to whether or not guys will be that way with any girls their dating. We see each other at least once a week, but I have no idea if he's seeing anyone else. He was so ridiculously nervous on our first date that I almost doubt it.

[vishna]

Oh, I thought he updated it to be in a relationship/talking to someone. I think he likes you a lot. And I know how bad relationships can make you question something good. If you don't feel like you're ready for something serious, then you should tell him. But if you are ready, I don't think his awkwardness will last forever. And he seems very into you. From what you're describing he's being very great :)

[vishna]

thank you for mho by the way

[Asker]

No problem- Thank you :)

Yeah... it kind of caught me off-guard. But yes, I said on my profile I was looking for something long-term, so I am definitely interested in something serious with him. I guess only time will tell

[vishna]

Things are off to a great start, even with some awkwardness haha :) I'm wishing you the best

[Our_Dilemmas]

Sounds like he might just be shy. I guess you can tell him there's no need to apologise and over time he might come round.

[superphily]

Work with him and work through his insecurities. Does he have little experience with girls?

[Asker]

He has brought up his ex and some girls he's dated, but from what I could tell from his profile his ex cheated on him. On our second date he told me he had been dating a girl at one point, but ended it because she was "too demanding". He looked me in the eye when he said that too.. but I just smiled and nodded.

It just threw me off because he's so nervous around me and he behaves like he genuinely likes me but is just extremely shy, but yet he updated his online dating profile description not too long after we started dating (he drastically shortened his self-summary and added in a few new things). He said that he made it originally because he didn't have anyone to talk to over in Europe (he goes to school there) and wanted to give it a shot out of curiosity. I can't complain since we haven't had any "talks", but still? He's so shy that he didn't try to hold my hand until our 7th date, and even then it was like 2 hours into the date and we were alone in my room.

[superphily]

he is a really uncertain guy, hopefully you can give him some confidence or comfort.

[Asker]

It's just confusing, but I like him and he's worth it. His behavior is making me uncertain as well. Based on his profile I don't think any of his past relationships have lasted more than 6 or so months, though.. if that. Not sure what to make of it, but it makes me wonder. But yeah, his confidence level isn't particularly high. I had to initiate our first hug (and first physical contact) on our 3rd date, and our first kiss was on our 5th- and by then I was in disbelief because at that point I didn't think he was interested. But he clearly wants to spend time with me because he hints that he wants to come over to my house again, and invited me to sleep over at his house in a couple weeks when his mom is on vacation. But the profile thing.. that caught me off-guard, and I don't know what to make of it. Then again, dating is new to me, and so is online dating.

[superphily]

That is really odd that he is so shy. Is he a sensitive person? Don't let it make you uncertain between you and him. He himself just feels uneasy.

[Asker]

I mean, he acted really sensitive when we were making out.. like cuddly and stuff. But he's going back to school in the fall so I don't know what's going on. He keeps saying things like "yeah.. I need to do ___before I go back" or whatever, so I can't tell if he just considers me his "summer buddy" or not. I don't know if I should/how to bring it up with him if we've only been dating for about a month, considering how shitty our communication has been so far. I don't even know what he's looking for right now.

[Asker]

I mean, he hasn't even addressed me by my name yet.

[superphily]

that does not sound very good. Maybe he is not looking for commitment. I am unsure.

[Asker]

Yeah, I'll have to stop being a pansy and talk to him about it.

[samsw]

maybe you could ask him why he's nervous and/or feels awkward

[Asker]

lol... I'm my experience, that makes the nervous person feel more awkward. I usually react by smiling, giving him a kiss and reassuring him that I'm awkward too to let him know that it doesn't bother me.

[samsw]

ha ha... fair point :-)

[Anonymous]

i will break up with him honestly

[Asker]

Erm.. why?