Men, why are your ego's so fragile?

Question

I know how it sounds but I mean it in the most gentle way possible. I find that when I talk to men about things, they get so angry heated very quickly. For example, just a moment ago I had a conversation with a man who had been rejected by many women and felt he deserved a chance with these women because he is a nice man. I told this man that women aren't obligated to like him and that he should try and find a woman who will give him that chance. His response was to shout a few things and then block me and continue to comment on the question (yes it was on this site) so that it appeared to show he outsmarted me lol I could care less but it made me wonder why men are like this. Not all men mind you, my boyfriend and many of my male friends aren't, but some are and I wonder why. Could it just be this particular topic is tricky? Would you react this way? Does it have to do with being wrong? I also know some women like this but I find it happens more with men.

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

Certain topics drive directly into your self-worth and are frequently met with unreasonably emotional responses. You've identified one of those issues that are often a hot-button for insecure guys - and if you think about it, the reason why should be obvious.

Just so you can relate, a similar issue might be if a girl likes a particular guy (and thus cares what he thinks of her), and then he tells her that she isn't attractive for some reason (too fat, too short, wrong shape, butt too small/flat, wrong hair color, etc.), many girls are going to be DEVASTATED, and will be similarly emotional.

Most women have men hitting on them constantly - or at least, showing some kind of interest in them, so the loss of that interest from a few guys is rarely anything for her to be concerned very much about, so of course, girls generally don't get worked up over that.

Men, on the other hand, have to take the chance, and have to put themselves out there and face rejection - rejection that is often cruel and public, especially early on (think: Jr High/High School years). Guys who are more attractive tend not to get rejected very often, and so they become confident, but lots of guys are "average" and, when they first start getting interested in girls, they often get rejected cruelly, which crushes whatever confidence they might have had, leading to them perhaps working up the courage to ask out another girl only once every year or two - and that's a LONG time to actively want a partner and not to even risk ASKING. And with such little experience and confidence, they usually only get rejected again, extending the cycle.

For these guys - and there are a LOT of them - this is their single biggest failure in life, and it runs contrary to everything they were taught to expect - the movies always depict high school as a big party and a great time, but for many guys, it's a time of loneliness and rejection, and that makes them feel like they aren't even a man. It completely undermines their self-confidence and is a source of daily pain - it a raw nerve.

And when a girl pokes at that nerve, the guy is often going to lash out, because, to him, you are telling him that his pain isn't important, and that he needs to "get over it." That's like telling a rape victim to "get over it" - big emotional pain just doesn't work that way.

MadeInAmerica · Accepted Answer

I think it's the same as it is with women as men. With men you'll say "ego", with women it's "insecurity". I don't think my ego is fragile. Being married it gets bruised a bit haha but never to the point of being fragile.

TayTay21 · Accepted Answer

I don't think guys who act like that do so because their egos are fragile, they do so because they're narcissists who cannot fathom that another person doesn't understand just how amazing they are. Narcissistic rage is what's behind these recent shootings of girls who've rejected guys.

By contrast, guys with fragile egos are more apt to accept the rejection as a sign of their lack of worth and then skulk away and pout about it. It isn't just guys who do this, though. Girls do the same thing, but we just don't take as much crap for it when we bitch to our friends.

Loligirl · Accepted Answer

I can really care less about men's feelings, we don't owe them anything yet they act like crybabys when we go for what we want.

So what if some 5' 9", balding, overweight excuse for a man can't get a girlfriend? The way I see it, his rotten genetics are being kept out of the gene pool and we can hopefully have a healthier, smarter and more attractive society in the future as a result.

If a man doesn't meet our standards, we have every right to trample on his feelings. They're men after all, they're big and strong, they can take it.

misscocobutter · Accepted Answer

I think rejection hits men incredibly hard, because part of their own self identity as a man is tied up with success with women and sexually. Think about it men can go crazy after suffering repeated rejection, in some ways I think they are less resilient than women.

Setsu · Answer

It's a multifaceted problem, deserving more analysis than I will probably be able to give it in one night. That said...

1. As a rule, boys tend to experience rejection as a form of repeated trauma, from which recovery is a slow and delicate process. Imagine approaching someone for a hug, only to get hit in your most sensitive spots over and over and over again. The pain builds faster than you can heal, spreading from the site of the injury to the rest of your body and thereby rendering you weaker than before, in all senses of the word.

2. Boys are trained to tie their masculine worth directly to the suppression of pain and to view women as the one and only tangible source of compassion in their otherwise dark, harsh, lonely lives. Life is a trip through the Sahara and Woman is the oasis that makes it bearable, or so the thinking goes. One of my classmates summarized it well when he said, "A man is never a man without a woman!" If not even Woman can be bothered to care about him... where does that leave our desert traveler? And then there are the lighthearted references to penile mutilation...

3. The reason behind the "I deserve a chance because I'm nice" phenomenon is directly traceable to the fact that all too often, reliable, loving men with hearts of gold (yes, even handsome ones) find themselves rejected in favor of thugs who possess absolutely no redeeming qualities of any substance. This would be baffling enough if women weren't constantly preaching about what they want and deserve from men, but they are, and their stated wishes directly contradict their own choices. It's rather like watching someone proclaim their undying love of and divine right to chocolate and then fish for it in the toilet. Yes, there is a kind of method to be found in the madness, but it is the perfect opposite of straightforward and it leads the male mind into very dark places... places you do *not* want it to go.

4. With all these things in mind, telling a man with this kind of history that "women aren't obligated to like him" is in effect adding insult to injury. The more unfortunate he is in his dealings with women, the more that kind of remark is going to rankle. He is going to feel, and not without reason, that you are joining ranks with every woman who ever hurt him.

hellionthesage · Answer

No its not fragile, the same could be said about women (how many on this site alone need constant validation of their looks?) Imagine getting rejected again and again and again each. Now imagine that the entire world tells you if your a nice guy women will like you, and then despite being a nice guy, women reject you specificly for that reason. Its mixed messages and coupled with multiple failures bitterness is bound to happen. It happens to men more because men have the burden of approaching women women do not so they are the ones most exposed to rejection. They also are given completely random rules to go by in order to pick up women and date women so that also causes issues.(example: if he is a nice guy he is only pretending to be nice to get in her pants, but at the same time women claim to want a nice guy; when on a date, if he doesn't pay he is cheap, if he does try to pay he is sexist. Their are no more rules, each person is so completely different and the end result is usually disasterious.)

Almostoverit · Answer

How you approached the subject of this question is very similar to the question itself. Let's examine your question. "Men, why are your ego's so fragile?" The issue with this question is that it already implies (if not outright states) that men's egos are fragile. It's a question that leaves little room for other explanations/reasons for why men respond the way they do to certain stimuli. What if you phrased it this way: "Men, how do you feel when such and such happens?" This question allows the reader the freedom to examine how "such and such" would make him/her feel without feeling accused or locked in. Of course I would not respond well if told that I'm doing something wrong and that I should do something else instead. First off, I would already know that what I am doing is not working, so rehashing that only reinforces the negative emotion I was feeling that's centered around the issue. From that point on, I am not listening to any solutions, as I am responding negatively to you. This isn't unique to men alone. People in general react negatively to negative input. It's my opinion that your input would have much greater success in reaching someone if you were to reconsider how your approach is affecting them. A: Are you actively hearing what they want? Try active listening/reading. Look further into what they are actually looking for when they posit a problem. B: Relate as factually as possible what the issue is in order to show that you are indeed understanding what the problem at hand is. C: Identify the emotional response and understand that EVERYONE is entitled to their emotions. Using this kind of approach will earn you good faith with your reader and establish trust in such a way that they are much more likely to receive what you are offering.

BigJake · Answer

You don't understand because you aren't a dude. We carry the burden for initiating relationships. If we fail to do so with the girl we like, we get labeled as lame, ineffectual, socially awkward, undesirable, etc. And these labels stick within a social group, so that a rejection by one girl at school will be noticed and mocked by every other girl in that group.

Girls, on the other hand, have the privilege of sitting back and critiquing guys' approaches like judges at a talent show. You can do this because you have zero burden in making relationships happen. When they don't happen and you're left single for a time, you get to gripe about how lame guys are. Then, all of your friends and family will agree and tell you that you're so beautiful that you probably intimidate men.

So point being, it's really a situation that's stacked in favor of the girl. Y'all assume zero risk and have zero skin in the game, so of course you don't care if things fall apart. You can simply blame the dude for being lame, even if you were, in fact, largely to blame for the way things fell apart. Not everything in life falls in men's favor, despite what feminists will tell you.

26ukdude · Answer

Generally I find men to be calmer than women, I think most people will agree, but the issue of rejection is probably the worst topic you could pick. there's a hell of a lot of resentment and bitterness when it comes to that... yeh i've been guilty of it too

Tanuron · Answer

I wish many of these guys would just stop and consider what do these ladies bring to the table. Its always about what he can do for them, but never what they can do for him or is required. It ironically makes you seem more like a doormat if u dont have standards, an thus less attractive. They focus on the wrong things, and maybe always have. Probably why those types would be fragile as well. But my personal experience it has always been girls no doubt, who have gotten easily more and more often offended, but sure seen many guys online who are yes.

Doofey · Answer

It's not a particularly helpful response. Just because someone is upset they are single and are a nice person does not mean they believe women are obligated to date them like they are objects. They just wish someone would give them a chance. All you really did is pretty much tell him he thinks women owe him things and he has to Find someone who will give him a chance (which is what he's looking for to begin with). I'm not entirely sure how he shouted over the internet besides typing in all caps but it doesn't really matter does it? It's one person getting angry over the internet.

genericname85 · Answer

your example is very understandable to me, because as a guy, you are supposed to do the first step. a lot of girls don´t appreciate it and are rude if they are not interested. it happens to us guys a lot and we are only humans. it hurts us! so if we are whining about how bad we feel about all the girls rejecting us, the last thing we want to hear is that it´s not our right to complain xD... feels like our feelings have been invalidated. it´s like for once we dare to show weakness end all we get is a "well fuck you, you don´t deserve it".

i know you don´t mean it like that but that´s what it feels like to us. one is more vulnerable when he´s allready down and on a self pity trip. i bet you understand that.

genuinlysensitive · Answer

Maybe if you stop falsely accusing men of "deminding" things from women, they won't be so hostile towards you. Honestly, a woman vents and everyone is supposed to agree eith her, and tell her how pretty she is, but men are always in the wrong.

RedThread · Answer

There's loads of dudes with fragile egos on here lol I've noticed a trend of dudes on here who feel entitled to women because they're nice but don't stop to think what they can offer women.

USMC-Crossroads · Answer

You're right. For the most part, men have fragile egos and are quick to anger. It's mostly hormonal. When a man feels himself being criticized, it goes into a part of his brain that tracks his mating potential. And when a short coming of his is pointed out, it is like a direct blow to his manhood. He can't help it. Me, I don't act that way at all - I'm just lucky that way. But most men have no control over it.

ManOnFire · Answer

Not sure how true this is. I think it's often the other way around. Females are more sensitive to criticism than guys, and they hurt more when they get rejected because they're taught that as women they'll always get a guy, so when one turns her down it hurts more than a guy getting rejected. And I think it hurts women more to know they're no good in bed either.

So I wouldn't say guys egos are more fragile, no.

serious · Answer

Well you're right you can't forcibly make someone like you, so women are certainly not obliged to like a guy and they guy must accept that and carry on with his life, well usually men are more relaxed and calmer compared to women, but some men have too much of pride, ego and plus rejection is something that's hard to swallow so they may react that way.

TimeSplitters123 · Answer

Because we are sick and tired of being judged because of our looks or disability that is why, especially as you women complain when the same is done back to you and we are condemned for it. also women only do it to get their own back on men for supposodely doing it in the past.

Humping_Tornadoes · Answer

Umm... Everyone has an ego, so it's not a male exclusive thing. It's like when a girl asks you: Do I look fat? And you answered very nicely "Well, you can certainly use the gym", or even "You can lose some weight", whatever you say other than "yes, you look fat" will bust their "fragile egos" too.

Prof_Don · Answer

98% of women will NEVER understand of the feeling, of NOT ONE TIME being sexually desired, by the opposite sex.

I have noticed most women simply cannot fathom how this feels, and this is a big disconnect on this topic.

Dim_121 · Answer

We can say the same thing about women. But that sounds more like he is just being a dick. If a guy even mentions a girls looks in a nonposative way all the women in the group will jump on his ass about it.

The_Advisor · Answer

Guys are very competitive, no one likes losing or being a loser. Guys hate losing more than they love winning. The you were talking to was in a losing situation, it's best to let him cool off on his own.

jman46241 · Answer

I can't speak for other men, but I personally do not have a fragile ego. I sure did when I was younger though lol.

poopedmypantsagain · Answer

Well I have no big ego to bruise.. so I do not worry about things like that.. some guys that I know have as big an ego as Tom Brady.. they also like to cheat

Silver119 · Answer

Yeah I will admit, "Boys" are like this. Men don't care if they get rejected because men know their worth. However to show that this happens as much with the opposite sex. I used to work with this girl (notice I said Girl) who liked me but I didn't see her that way. She tried it on with me at a work night out and I told her I only wanted to be friends. She then took to social media to slate me. So essentially it goes both ways.

MrZylister · Answer

It's because men have no one to vent to. When a women feels down she can literally just vent to ANYONE and they will always come to her aid and if they don't they are looked down upon, but if a man is feeling down he's told to "man up" or "take it like a man" this is why men hold in these feelings and when they finally do vent they sound bitter and angry as hell... can you blame them?

skeptic007 · Answer

it depends cause if the guy was sitting right next to me I would tell you ohh he's ugly or he has emotionally issues

cause lets be honest if the guy is a fat fuck and ugly his chances of getting a super hot girl is LOW unless he has money

or he could look like a normal guy and not be ugly but just act uncomfortable around women so it's either one of those two

HunterGuy15 · Answer

Gee, I wonder why men get upset when I try to emasculate them with muh feminsims! They should smile and nod because thats what normal, stable men do right?

Sabretooth · Answer

some guys, they have always got by with minimum, only to meet to meet a girl that you've really taken a shine to, leaves as you're working up the courage to get to know her better, search nonstop for years, screw up, and watch some clown get to enjoy all the things he knew he could be enjoying with her. guys have mistreated her, and been forgiven... but not you... for the 1st time, in your life, you put in actual effort...

Living_Dollxx · Answer

The answers though😂

Anyways, what you stated remind me of this one guy.
He gets angry for the slightest sh*t. I think it's testosterone or something. Just like women; When a man say something about us, we'll probably nag about for hours until then... Maybe.

But not all men are like that though. Probably the ones you encountered.☺

BertMacklinFBI · Answer

even I'll admit my ego is fragile as fuck. I just do the best I can. trying is all I can do. and I don't blame anyone else but myself.

Dingsbums · Answer

#losers
frustration/desperation
Low self esteem
Hate all girls because some reacted them (they think that all are gold diggers and so on...)
Just ignore it.
I think I'm lucky that the down vote button doesn't exist anymore

immaguy · Answer

LOL he isn't a man he's an immature male. Value men who can control their feelings and respect others even if it's not what they want.

Araya · Answer

I would say that one of the reasons for this state would be insecurity. A man who is confident in himself wouldn't have an easily bruised ego.

Jackblue · Answer

Some men are just very self entitled, Elliot Rodgers is the best example he feels he is entitled to have women swarm around him and if they don't they are denying him what he is owed.

ZionOrtov · Answer

I have found that the ego's of most people are fragile and scared of reality.

jjmarvin · Answer

Oy vey this again. Does my answer matter? Any disagreement with your belief about "the fragile male ego" will just be used as evidence to prove your point. It's a catch 22.

Righttobeararms83 · Answer

Lol tell a woman honestly tgat she could lose a few pounds and she breaks. Everyone has their buttons.

singlebee · Answer

Well maybe he is a self proclaimed nice guy and he thinks girls should date him because he is nice.. Lol.. :-D ignore him..

Krillanr · Answer

Many don't know how to deal with their stress, so they get moody and lash out. Develop mental instabilities and what not.

ted22 · Answer

I think its more to do with being a Dick than having a fragile ego.

Balcazaurus · Answer

I think it's because we have been raised with this romantic view of being man is supposed to be.

DaddyRollingStone · Answer

I wouldn't say my ego is fragile, but I do have anger problem, I guess that is not the same thing though.

Tarvold · Answer

LOL... If you think men's egos are fragile, you should try calling women fat.

UhDopeDude · Answer

I think some of us are just like that... It's constsntly being challenged

IcyBastet · Answer

I think some guys are only "nice" to get a woman anyway. If you're not nice in general life with no ulterior motive, then you're not a nice guy.

pavlove · Answer

lol to be fair you seem like the type of person who enjoys getting a rise out of people

Woodyyyy · Answer

There's nothing guys can write that will make you understand. You'd have to be a guy to know.

Polocrew · Answer

Someone's little too sexually frustrated lol aka OP

Bandit74 · Answer

Fragile egos aren't exclusive to men.

RomansToPhilemon · Answer

Women tend not to respect men's egos. Why is that?

YusiBear · Answer

What is an ego and where can I get one?

tyber1 · Answer

Being rejected hurts.

apple24 · Answer

Its just gag I think!

MarkTwain · Answer

No one can hurt me, I have no feelings

blondfrog · Answer

Yeah you're right good job kid you win.

ThatBritishLad · Answer

Sometimes, it's all we have.

sp33d · Answer

Not mine. Good luck breaking that

robs5u · Answer

Hakuna matata!

Men, why are your ego's so fragile?

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Why do guys have such fragile egos?

Men, why are your ego's so fragile?

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