Certain topics drive directly into your self-worth and are frequently met with unreasonably emotional responses. You've identified one of those issues that are often a hot-button for insecure guys - and if you think about it, the reason why should be obvious.
Just so you can relate, a similar issue might be if a girl likes a particular guy (and thus cares what he thinks of her), and then he tells her that she isn't attractive for some reason (too fat, too short, wrong shape, butt too small/flat, wrong hair color, etc.), many girls are going to be DEVASTATED, and will be similarly emotional.
Most women have men hitting on them constantly - or at least, showing some kind of interest in them, so the loss of that interest from a few guys is rarely anything for her to be concerned very much about, so of course, girls generally don't get worked up over that.
Men, on the other hand, have to take the chance, and have to put themselves out there and face rejection - rejection that is often cruel and public, especially early on (think: Jr High/High School years). Guys who are more attractive tend not to get rejected very often, and so they become confident, but lots of guys are "average" and, when they first start getting interested in girls, they often get rejected cruelly, which crushes whatever confidence they might have had, leading to them perhaps working up the courage to ask out another girl only once every year or two - and that's a LONG time to actively want a partner and not to even risk ASKING. And with such little experience and confidence, they usually only get rejected again, extending the cycle.
For these guys - and there are a LOT of them - this is their single biggest failure in life, and it runs contrary to everything they were taught to expect - the movies always depict high school as a big party and a great time, but for many guys, it's a time of loneliness and rejection, and that makes them feel like they aren't even a man. It completely undermines their self-confidence and is a source of daily pain - it a raw nerve.
And when a girl pokes at that nerve, the guy is often going to lash out, because, to him, you are telling him that his pain isn't important, and that he needs to "get over it." That's like telling a rape victim to "get over it" - big emotional pain just doesn't work that way.
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I think it's the same as it is with women as men. With men you'll say "ego", with women it's "insecurity". I don't think my ego is fragile. Being married it gets bruised a bit haha but never to the point of being fragile.
I don't think guys who act like that do so because their egos are fragile, they do so because they're narcissists who cannot fathom that another person doesn't understand just how amazing they are. Narcissistic rage is what's behind these recent shootings of girls who've rejected guys.
By contrast, guys with fragile egos are more apt to accept the rejection as a sign of their lack of worth and then skulk away and pout about it. It isn't just guys who do this, though. Girls do the same thing, but we just don't take as much crap for it when we bitch to our friends.
I can really care less about men's feelings, we don't owe them anything yet they act like crybabys when we go for what we want.
So what if some 5' 9", balding, overweight excuse for a man can't get a girlfriend? The way I see it, his rotten genetics are being kept out of the gene pool and we can hopefully have a healthier, smarter and more attractive society in the future as a result.
If a man doesn't meet our standards, we have every right to trample on his feelings. They're men after all, they're big and strong, they can take it.
I think rejection hits men incredibly hard, because part of their own self identity as a man is tied up with success with women and sexually. Think about it men can go crazy after suffering repeated rejection, in some ways I think they are less resilient than women.
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It's a multifaceted problem, deserving more analysis than I will probably be able to give it in one night. That said...
1. As a rule, boys tend to experience rejection as a form of repeated trauma, from which recovery is a slow and delicate process. Imagine approaching someone for a hug, only to get hit in your most sensitive spots over and over and over again. The pain builds faster than you can heal, spreading from the site of the injury to the rest of your body and thereby rendering you weaker than before, in all senses of the word.
2. Boys are trained to tie their masculine worth directly to the suppression of pain and to view women as the one and only tangible source of compassion in their otherwise dark, harsh, lonely lives. Life is a trip through the Sahara and Woman is the oasis that makes it bearable, or so the thinking goes. One of my classmates summarized it well when he said, "A man is never a man without a woman!" If not even Woman can be bothered to care about him... where does that leave our desert traveler? And then there are the lighthearted references to penile mutilation...
3. The reason behind the "I deserve a chance because I'm nice" phenomenon is directly traceable to the fact that all too often, reliable, loving men with hearts of gold (yes, even handsome ones) find themselves rejected in favor of thugs who possess absolutely no redeeming qualities of any substance. This would be baffling enough if women weren't constantly preaching about what they want and deserve from men, but they are, and their stated wishes directly contradict their own choices. It's rather like watching someone proclaim their undying love of and divine right to chocolate and then fish for it in the toilet. Yes, there is a kind of method to be found in the madness, but it is the perfect opposite of straightforward and it leads the male mind into very dark places... places you do *not* want it to go.
4. With all these things in mind, telling a man with this kind of history that "women aren't obligated to like him" is in effect adding insult to injury. The more unfortunate he is in his dealings with women, the more that kind of remark is going to rankle. He is going to feel, and not without reason, that you are joining ranks with every woman who ever hurt him.No its not fragile, the same could be said about women (how many on this site alone need constant validation of their looks?) Imagine getting rejected again and again and again each. Now imagine that the entire world tells you if your a nice guy women will like you, and then despite being a nice guy, women reject you specificly for that reason. Its mixed messages and coupled with multiple failures bitterness is bound to happen. It happens to men more because men have the burden of approaching women women do not so they are the ones most exposed to rejection. They also are given completely random rules to go by in order to pick up women and date women so that also causes issues.(example: if he is a nice guy he is only pretending to be nice to get in her pants, but at the same time women claim to want a nice guy; when on a date, if he doesn't pay he is cheap, if he does try to pay he is sexist. Their are no more rules, each person is so completely different and the end result is usually disasterious.)
How you approached the subject of this question is very similar to the question itself. Let's examine your question. "Men, why are your ego's so fragile?" The issue with this question is that it already implies (if not outright states) that men's egos are fragile. It's a question that leaves little room for other explanations/reasons for why men respond the way they do to certain stimuli. What if you phrased it this way: "Men, how do you feel when such and such happens?" This question allows the reader the freedom to examine how "such and such" would make him/her feel without feeling accused or locked in. Of course I would not respond well if told that I'm doing something wrong and that I should do something else instead. First off, I would already know that what I am doing is not working, so rehashing that only reinforces the negative emotion I was feeling that's centered around the issue. From that point on, I am not listening to any solutions, as I am responding negatively to you. This isn't unique to men alone. People in general react negatively to negative input. It's my opinion that your input would have much greater success in reaching someone if you were to reconsider how your approach is affecting them. A: Are you actively hearing what they want? Try active listening/reading. Look further into what they are actually looking for when they posit a problem. B: Relate as factually as possible what the issue is in order to show that you are indeed understanding what the problem at hand is. C: Identify the emotional response and understand that EVERYONE is entitled to their emotions. Using this kind of approach will earn you good faith with your reader and establish trust in such a way that they are much more likely to receive what you are offering.
You don't understand because you aren't a dude. We carry the burden for initiating relationships. If we fail to do so with the girl we like, we get labeled as lame, ineffectual, socially awkward, undesirable, etc. And these labels stick within a social group, so that a rejection by one girl at school will be noticed and mocked by every other girl in that group.
Girls, on the other hand, have the privilege of sitting back and critiquing guys' approaches like judges at a talent show. You can do this because you have zero burden in making relationships happen. When they don't happen and you're left single for a time, you get to gripe about how lame guys are. Then, all of your friends and family will agree and tell you that you're so beautiful that you probably intimidate men.
So point being, it's really a situation that's stacked in favor of the girl. Y'all assume zero risk and have zero skin in the game, so of course you don't care if things fall apart. You can simply blame the dude for being lame, even if you were, in fact, largely to blame for the way things fell apart. Not everything in life falls in men's favor, despite what feminists will tell you.Generally I find men to be calmer than women, I think most people will agree, but the issue of rejection is probably the worst topic you could pick. there's a hell of a lot of resentment and bitterness when it comes to that... yeh i've been guilty of it too
I wish many of these guys would just stop and consider what do these ladies bring to the table. Its always about what he can do for them, but never what they can do for him or is required. It ironically makes you seem more like a doormat if u dont have standards, an thus less attractive. They focus on the wrong things, and maybe always have. Probably why those types would be fragile as well. But my personal experience it has always been girls no doubt, who have gotten easily more and more often offended, but sure seen many guys online who are yes.
It's not a particularly helpful response. Just because someone is upset they are single and are a nice person does not mean they believe women are obligated to date them like they are objects. They just wish someone would give them a chance. All you really did is pretty much tell him he thinks women owe him things and he has to Find someone who will give him a chance (which is what he's looking for to begin with). I'm not entirely sure how he shouted over the internet besides typing in all caps but it doesn't really matter does it? It's one person getting angry over the internet.
your example is very understandable to me, because as a guy, you are supposed to do the first step. a lot of girls don´t appreciate it and are rude if they are not interested. it happens to us guys a lot and we are only humans. it hurts us! so if we are whining about how bad we feel about all the girls rejecting us, the last thing we want to hear is that it´s not our right to complain xD... feels like our feelings have been invalidated. it´s like for once we dare to show weakness end all we get is a "well fuck you, you don´t deserve it".
i know you don´t mean it like that but that´s what it feels like to us. one is more vulnerable when he´s allready down and on a self pity trip. i bet you understand that.Maybe if you stop falsely accusing men of "deminding" things from women, they won't be so hostile towards you. Honestly, a woman vents and everyone is supposed to agree eith her, and tell her how pretty she is, but men are always in the wrong.
There's loads of dudes with fragile egos on here lol
I've noticed a trend of dudes on here who feel entitled to women because they're nice but don't stop to think what they can offer women.You're right. For the most part, men have fragile egos and are quick to anger. It's mostly hormonal. When a man feels himself being criticized, it goes into a part of his brain that tracks his mating potential. And when a short coming of his is pointed out, it is like a direct blow to his manhood. He can't help it. Me, I don't act that way at all - I'm just lucky that way. But most men have no control over it.
Well you're right you can't forcibly make someone like you, so women are certainly not obliged to like a guy and they guy must accept that and carry on with his life, well usually men are more relaxed and calmer compared to women, but some men have too much of pride, ego and plus rejection is something that's hard to swallow so they may react that way.
Not sure how true this is. I think it's often the other way around. Females are more sensitive to criticism than guys, and they hurt more when they get rejected because they're taught that as women they'll always get a guy, so when one turns her down it hurts more than a guy getting rejected. And I think it hurts women more to know they're no good in bed either.
So I wouldn't say guys egos are more fragile, no.Because we are sick and tired of being judged because of our looks or disability that is why, especially as you women complain when the same is done back to you and we are condemned for it. also women only do it to get their own back on men for supposodely doing it in the past.
Umm... Everyone has an ego, so it's not a male exclusive thing. It's like when a girl asks you: Do I look fat? And you answered very nicely "Well, you can certainly use the gym", or even "You can lose some weight", whatever you say other than "yes, you look fat" will bust their "fragile egos" too.
98% of women will NEVER understand of the feeling, of NOT ONE TIME being sexually desired, by the opposite sex.
I have noticed most women simply cannot fathom how this feels, and this is a big disconnect on this topic.We can say the same thing about women. But that sounds more like he is just being a dick. If a guy even mentions a girls looks in a nonposative way all the women in the group will jump on his ass about it.
Guys are very competitive, no one likes losing or being a loser. Guys hate losing more than they love winning. The you were talking to was in a losing situation, it's best to let him cool off on his own.
I can't speak for other men, but I personally do not have a fragile ego. I sure did when I was younger though lol.
Well I have no big ego to bruise.. so I do not worry about things like that.. some guys that I know have as big an ego as Tom Brady.. they also like to cheat
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