How will a guy act around a girl he likes but who he thinks is "out of his league"?

[Anonymous]

I invited this guy to hang out sometime. He did not say no explicitly but he did pretty much turn me down. I won't get into a description of his behavior, but I'll just simply say that for quite a while now he has definitely acted like he a has a crush on me (usually somewhat in a shy way), to the point where other people were noticing and commenting on it to me. So it's not just in my head.

What throws me is that most of the time he tries to avoid contact with me, and when he DOES have to be near me, he gets pretty clearly nervous. Talking to me, he stumbles on his words and can't make eye contact and all of that. (But the smile when he does!! Man...) So here I am, figuring I (and others?) have read him wrong somehow. An unbiased guy friend listened to my super long story and said he definitely sounds like he has feelings for me, but that because he gets so nervous around me, he probably thinks i'm out of his league. If that's true, WHY on earth would be turn down an invite to hang with me? Wouldn't that make him happier? I don't understand this "league" idea.

Anyway. How might a guy act around a girl if he has a crush on her but thinks she is out of his league?

[PaintMeARiver]

Then as it stands there is nothing you can do in this situation unfortunately. This is an internal battle he is dealing with within himself.

For whatever reason he may feel he is undeserving of you. That is not your fault that he feels this way. It sounds as if you two may be quite young and a bit inexperienced when it comes to the social world of dating.

It appears he has still some growing to do in order for him to be comfortable with dating.

You can be direct and ask him why he does not want to go out with you. That would be the only way you'd know and even then they may not give a direct answer. However if you ask you will at the least know whether to keep holding on to hope of dating this guy or if you should move on to more suitable prospects.

[Asker]

I started somewhat ignoring him (not ignoring, really, but just not being as obvious about looking at him all the time and such) since he turned me down, figuring that was that and what's the point of focusing on him anymore. But since he is STILL acting this way toward me... I don't know if I should continue to appear to ignore him/pay less attention, or continue letting him see me look at him here and there? If he really does think he doesn't deserve me (crazy boy...) I don't know if ignoring him would help or make it worse. He pretty much started withdrawing a bit when I started showing interest back. Maybe I scared him or something, I don't know.

[PaintMeARiver]

If the more interest you started to show him and he withdrew in response then you have your answer right there. If he really wanted to be with you he'd have reciprocated your interest. I'm not sure why he is behaving the way he is if you have given him ques to show you are interested.

I would suggest not to waste anymore thought on this than you already have. Its not fair for you to be going through this when you've done all that you can to show him you like him. I don't want you to think that you have to throw your self at men for them to know you like them because that is far from the case.

An emotionally healthy male will reciprocate expressed interest if they girl they like has given them the opportunity to do so.

It's not for figure out what is going on with him internally. That is for him to sort out himself.

[Asker]

Thanks, I really appreciate your advice :)

[kingarthas]

my crush invated me to hang out sometime well actually i didn't know she is my crush untill i went xD than i text her some. I asked if she has boyfriend and she said yes after an hour. It was so disapointing for me. But i didn't think she is out of my leage tho so i can't answer your question exacly.

[Anonymous]

He probably thinks you'll reject him so he doesn't want to waste his time

[Asker]

Even though I literally told him I'd love to hang out with him and he *knows* I like him back?

[Opinion Owner]

He might be insecure, thinking some guy more attractive than him will sweep you away from him. I think you should be a bit more aggressive in this case and show him that you like him

[Asker]

I've been paying him less attention since he turned me down... I figured, I did all I could, he basically told me no, I don't want to push it. Are you saying ignoring him isn't going to help? Paying attention to him doesn't seem to help, so...

[Opinion Owner]

Ignoring him won't help, it just reinforces what he already thinks. He doesn't feel worthy of your attention/affection

[Asker]

But he doesn't want to talk to me, either... should I just keep letting him see me glance at him here and there and leave it at that?

[Opinion Owner]

I would recommend just showing him that you like him

[Asker]

How?

[Opinion Owner]

Ask him, tell him directly, initiative conversations, etc.

[wolfie12]

Scared of rejection most likely.

[Asker]

But he should KNOW he wouldn't be rejected since I flat-out told him I'd love to hang out with him. Right?

[wolfie12]

Well, we men are sometimes stupid and then hate ourselves later... Maybe ask him on a date?

[Anonymous]

I'd be nice, but never try anything

[Asker]

What if she flat out told you she was interested in getting to know you?

[Opinion Owner]

Probably think in a friendly way