My boyfriend raises his voice?

Question

We have lived together for about 4 months (been together for 2 years) and he's always had a bad temper, but sometimes he just starts yelling at me for the dumbest things. Like he's going to the gym and needs a towel, but there aren't any clean ones left of the big ones he uses - and then he'll just go off and yell at me for not washing enough and being like "I NEED A TOWEL! YOU NEED TO WASH MY FUCKING TOWELS! YOU'RE SO LAZY, YOU JUST LIE THERE AND DO NOTHING".

I just feel like such a little scared girl when he talks to me like that, and I can't understand why he can't simply just tell me this in a normal sane voice.

Am I overreacting for feeling like shit?

Levin · Accepted Answer

Hmm, I suppose he learnt this behaviour growing up, that's how his family behaved, and thus it seems normal to him. If it indicative of some other resentment towards you? Seems an odd thing to blow his top over. Anyway, you have to challenge his behaviour (or you don't have to, it's your life, but I presume you want it to stop). You have to let him know that it is unacceptable, setting firm boundaries. It's up to you when you do it, you may not wish to inflame matters when he's in that state, or you may wish to stand up for yourself in the moment. But you literally need to tell him, 'you're blowing things way out of proportion, and I won't accept you speaking to me like that. Those things that you're saying about me are utterly horrible.' Also, if you objectively tell him how it's making you feel, such as that it's hurtful and such, that may also make him sit up and take stock.
You need to put your foot down and tell him that he needs to learn to control his anger, and that there will be firm consequences if he keeps it up. The alternative is that you just roll over and continue to be disempowered. Which I presume is undesirable to you...

Actually, reading it back. I've been far too kind. If someone said that to me, I'd put a stop to it immediately, and possibly break up right on the spot. That is a dreadful and horrible thing to say. And he only says it because he can get away with it. Where are your boundaries?

madhatters4 · Accepted Answer

no you aren't overreacting he's overreacting. he clearly has anger issues and needs to learn how to control them. i think you have to address this with him. explain that he can be frustrated but he needs to respect you nonetheless and anything less won't be tolerated

rachaculation · Accepted Answer

you're not overreacting, he is. sounds like he has anger issues... I've been in many abusive relationships & can positively tell you, this is abusive. I hope it doesn't escalate from here, but for me, this was always the first sign of worse things to come. Do something to nip it in the bud now... leave & show him you won't tolerate that shit (hopefully he'll see what he's done, stop it & beg you to come back) or seek professional help - for you both as individuals & as a couple. If you wanna chat about this privately, let me know. All the best xo

Lostintheecho · Accepted Answer

He can't raise his voice at u. Talk to him about that. U should do some home tasks but it doesn't mean that u are a robot. U gotta slipt works with him cause he lives in that house too -.- !

SaltAndLime · Accepted Answer

I don't know, I get that everyone needs to vent at times, but name calling and yelling because your towels didn't clean themselves... that would not be ok with me.

TheRebel69 · Answer

No, he's a big hairy assed man child who can wash his own fucking towel. I mean if you're being a lazy no good I can see why someone would react like that. Do you help around the house? Or do you do nothing and actually give him a reason to complain? If you actually contribute he's a cunt, if not, then I don't blame him.

super147 · Answer

Since when did you become his maid? Can he not wash his own towels? Anyone that would speak to you like that has zero respect for you, it really doesn't matter how nice he might be in between arguments. Tell him to wash his own damn towels and to stop being a little child.

Anonymous · Answer

You're not overreacting. But also don't let him talk to you like that. Why doesn't he wash his own towels.

Pretty sure if you two live together it's safe to assume he's a big boy capable of operating a washing mashine.

When you do it for him it's a favour or a kindness NOT your duty in any way. Tell him he's being unappreciative and aggressive when he's calmed down ☺️☺️

Smmyskittles · Answer

Seriously can't tell a troll from a non-troll anymore. Whatever. Anyway.

He does raise his voice. You better tell him "shut the fuck up", pick up a DIRTY towel off the floor and throw it at him. SMIRK and then walk away.

*muwhahaha*

yatogirl · Answer

oh oh, that's not a good sign. it only gets worse from here on. you dump him or you'll end up in the ER with three broken ribs and a broken jaw. just get away from him.

MadeInAmerica · Answer

I don't think your overreacting but both of you are going to raise your voice from time to time it happens. As long a you feel he respect you then I don't see it as a big deal. Now get off GAG and wash some fucking towels. Jk.

peachblossomluck · Answer

That's a loser/abuser just warming up. I'm thinking meth or steroids? Get tf away from him NOW, even if he apologizes.

lualesca · Answer

You should consider to run, fast and far, very far.

Sheaisbored · Answer

I think he is on steroids. Sounds like roid rage... I dunno weather your overreacting but I would be nervous if I was a female.

Usersame · Answer

Do you trust him? Do you like him? Talk to him for God's sake! Too many people here talk about stuff they should be talking with their so.

OrangeBoy · Answer

Seems he needs to get a reality shock. His mummy isn't there for him anymore. Now, you two should plan and split home tasks. So, talk with him. But it's not cool to talk like that.

Sel22 · Answer

he's abusive and probably taking steroids which make it worse

datgirl · Answer

Wow, if my man talked to me that way I would not consider staying with him a second longer.

Anonymous · Answer

I think it is fine. He just loves you a lot. Stay with him. You are over reacting.

selmo93 · Answer

No your not. He shouldn't be shouting at you

LaFemmeFatale · Answer

In your place I wouldn't stay with him.

Ahrixxa · Answer

you should grow a back bone and yell back at him

Anonymous · Answer

wtf id dump his ass

My boyfriend raises his voice?

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