Why do men get possessive?

[Anonymous]

my boyfriend is acting very possessive. I commented on a male friends post on Facebook because he was headed to my state so I told him what city I live in because it would be nice of him to stop by and visit while he's here cause I haven't seen him since I was 9 years old. mind you my boyfriend has female friends that he talks about going to visit next year. anyways. my boyfriend completely freaked out on me. got very upset. I had to have my male friend tell my boyfriend that we are only friends. I mean my boyfriend still hasn't even told me "I love you" yet. he admits he doesn't want to say it cause he's terrified of saying it. what's the deal? I know he's completely fascinated with me and he always reminds me how amazing I am. but now he's being possessive! he didn't ask me before jumping to conclusions when I posted on my male friends post. made me so mad. he's 50 years old and I'm 28.

[Anonymous]

In the past year, I’ve had no less than five different girls cheat on their boyfriends or husbands—or attempt to cheat—with me. I’m not talking about seedy hookups on Tinder where I found out the girl was attached after I banged her, but normal girls I knew socially who decided I was the man they wanted to have an affair with. Some examples of the girls I’ve encountered:
●An Ivy League-educated housewife in her early twenties who tried to make a move on me when I visited her and her husband some time ago. She later divorced her husband so she could shack up with a friend of mine (and fellow manosphere blogger), then dumped him to get gangbanged by a bunch of survivalists in Wyoming.
●A young groupie of mine who flew out to hang out with me in upstate New York without disclosing the fact that she had a boyfriend back home.
●A girl who sent me unsolicited nudes despite having a boyfriend.
I’m not going to argue the morality of banging other mens’ wives. While I don’t take the view that I’m a moral innocent in these affairs, I’m also not going around looking for these girls; it was they who went after me. I don’t know exactly when my life turned into a Charles Bukowski novel, but I figure I should at least teach other guys what I’ve learned so they don’t end up with a jilted boyfriend’s baseball bat to the face.
Here’s how to tell when a girl you know socially is angling to suck your dick.
1. She drinks
People hate it when I (or others) point this out, but it’s the truth. If a girl drinks anything other than wine, Twisted Teas, or girly cocktails like daiquiris, she will cheat. It’s physics. It’s inevitable.
Alcohol is the lubricant that greases the cogs of male-female relations. It’s no coincidence that cultures and religions where drinking is verboten (e. g. Islam, Mormonism) are seriously screwed up. But when a girl drinks, her id is unchained and her superego is banished to the darkest corners of Hell. Her long-suppressed fantasies and desires come bubbling to the surface, and if you’re part of those fantasies, you better watch out.
2. She hates other girls
Girls who talk about how they “hate” other women or prefer hanging out with men (for example, one of the girls who cheated with me told me that she’s “afraid” of other women) are prime candidates for infidelity. These girls have more masculine personalities (even if they work harder at appearing feminine)

[Opinion Owner]

..., and the greater ease they have in being social with men makes it more likely they’ll end up in bed with one of them. Essentially, these girls have a best-of-all-worlds special: the thinking style of a man and the rationalization hamster of a woman.
3. She seeks you out to be your friend
The reason I’m being specific is because if it’s the other way around, she’ll never sleep with you. Girls who seek men out for platonic friendships always have an ulterior sexual motive, even if they don’t consciously recognize or act on it right away. A friend of mine put it best (paraphrasing): it’s impossible to have a long-term female friend, because if you’re really such good friends, you’re going to end up fucking sooner or later… which isn’t what friends do.
I’m coming around to the idea that it’s almost impossible for men and women to be “just friends,” because most non-familial male-female relationships have a sexual undercurrent that eventually explodes.

[Opinion Owner]

... Whether it’s a dorky dude getting friendzoned or a desperate housewife in dire need of a good deep dicking, men and women can’t keep their minds off their genitals. If a platonic friendship lasts, it’s only because one or both friends are afraid of the consequences of sleeping around.
4. She tells you, “I’m not going to sleep with you”
This goes for any girl, but doubly in the case of taken women. If a girl says that she’s not going to sleep with you, it means she’s thinking about sleeping with you: she blurts the line out as a last ditch attempt to stop herself. Variants on this line I’ve heard from girls include “My husband trusts me to drive you around alone, he knows we’re not going to sleep together” and “You like [HUSBAND’S NAME], he likes you… nothing’s going to happen between us.”

[Opinion Owner]

5. She was sexually abused as a child
Girls who were molested as children—particularly by a family member—are fundamentally disconnected with their sexuality, which makes them more apt to sleep around. For example, a great many porn stars, strippers, prostitutes and other “sex workers” were sexually abused as children, and this sexual disconnect enables them to do their jobs.
6. She has tattoos or piercings
Do I really need to elaborate on this one?
7. You’re more of a man than her significant other
As much as I hate manosphere sperg talk like “sexual market value,” it’s perfectly appropriate here. If you’re a better prospect than her boyfriend or husband (e. g. because he’s an unkempt slob, lazy, has no ambition, or is a spineless pussy), expect her thoughts to wander towards straying.

[Opinion Owner]

8. She’s a writer or artistically inclined
I’ll let one of the girls I’ve slept with explain this one: “Writers are shitty people, because we’re experts at rationalizing the shitty things we do to others.” Girls who are involved in other artistic endeavors (e. g. art, music) are also suspect, but writers are by far the worst when it comes to infidelity.
9. She has a personality disorder or a history of mental illness
Pretty much all the girlfriends or wives who’ve slept with me weren’t playing with a full deck. Whether they were narcissists, codependents (“inverted narcissists”), or full-blown borderlines, every unfaithful woman I’ve known is whacked in the head. Any girl on antidepressants or antipsychotics is one bad day from jumping on another man’s cock.
Again, I’m not arguing for or against screwing taken women. Moral dilemmas are easy to think about in the abstract; when you’re actually thrust into the middle of one, things tend to get messy.

[Opinion Owner]

... But if you pay attention to how women around you act, you won’t be taken by surprise when one of them plants a kiss on your lips.

[StarsInTheEyes]

I don't agree your generalization about women who don't drink alcohol will cheat is true. Both of choosing not to drink and not cheating are consistent with integrity.

[Opinion Owner]

@StarsInTheEyes women who DO drink alcohol are more likely cheat than those that dont. How many women get drunk and sleep with another guy? And whats do most cheating women have in common? Thats right the alcohol that lowered their inhabitions that normally would keep them from cheating.

[StarsInTheEyes]

Okay got you. I misunderstood. My apologies. Yes, you're right. Alcohol impair decision making, which can make people (both men and women) cheat on their partners. :)

[JohnDoe3000]

It's instinct: he doesn't want to get cucked. He's probably extra paranoid because he's 50 while you're 28 and your friend is much closer to your age.

[PinkMichae]

Sounds like he may not fully trust you yet. That's what you need to say to him. Reassure him that he is the only one you want and he needs to trust you that no matter what situation you end up in you're gonna do the right thing by him. I would also introduce your friend to him. Let him see how you two are together so he can be comfortable that your friend isn't gonna make a move on you. I know that he should just trust you but at his age I'm sure he's experienced more heartbreak and unfaithfulness. That makes a person learn that trust needs to be earned. Or at least to trust and not be blind to possible redflags. It's not easy to be in a long distance relationship and trust because you don't see your partners actions. You two need more physical time together to learn each other more. Relationships really take a lot of work learning to communicate, listen, and compromise. So if you love him don't give up on him. Just get him to understand that he needs to work on himself to figure out why and learn to trust you. Trust takes time to build so be patient. If he refuses to believe that he doesn't have a right to be upset about you seeing your male friend then that's a major red flag. We can't change what we don't acknowledge.

[StarsInTheEyes]

My partner is possessive as well. He's my first, so I guess he thinks he took my first time and owns me. He likes to say I am his, and only his.

Sometimes I think it's a turn-on that he's possessive, because it's good to feel desired, but a few times he will question me about things that I have not done. For example, if I talk to a male friend. His questions just came out of nowhere.

I would simply state the fact that he talks to other females and I don't question him, and that i don't have anything with my male friend (specific one who he questions), he doesn't need to be upset.

However, I don't show too much excitement or enthusiasm for my regular male friends, that's why I can justify my action when he questions.

[Anonymous]

Girllll I'm honestly not trying to be judgmental or anything but that's a really big age gap? Do you think it'll work like are you both on the same level in life because he's 50 so he might wanna settle and stuff I personally think it's too much of a age idffrnce like I remember myself i was talking to this guy who was 30 and I'm 19 and we liked each other but I stopped talking to him because we were at different points in life because of the age difference and I still act quieter young lol but hey who am I to say anything if you're happy that's what counts but him being possessed is definitely not a good sign!

[TheCreativeMan]

19 vs 30 is no even a big deal... it still ok

[Sabretooth]

Most girl think a gay, rapist, pedophile'll work.

[Opinion Owner]

@TheCreativeMan we were at different points in life tho, like he wanted to settle down and stuff and well I'm still 19 and In college so I'm definitely not ready to settle down but I do wanna date and the other thing is he wanted a family and stuff and well I don't want kids

[disgustingweebtrash]

Casually reading then I read "he's 50 years old"
i.memeful.com/media/post/PRoemwo_700wa_0.gif

[disgustingweebtrash]

He is probably scared you'd go for your friend because he's younger than your boyfriend so he feels inferior in that way.

[dudegrt09]

LOL...

[Centurion20000]

Your boyfriend is right to be worried. 50 year old seeing a 28 year old girl makes for fun but doesn't have any future so he's going to hold on tight.

Do you want kids with this man?
Do you want to be his nurse in his old age?
Do you want to put him in the ground if you sticl around?

If yes to all 3, then you might have a future with him. Otherwise one of y'all are wasting time.

[Asker]

yes, yes, and yes. I am very much in love with this man

[Centurion20000]

The toe the line and don't irritate him. Oh and enjoy it. :)

[TheCreativeMan]

Nice answer man

[WalterRadio]

it means he is insecure.

It is rather unusual that someone his age would be insecure like that, and that should be a red flag for you.

[jjesica346]

ik, young men play insecurity games... not older.

[Cosytoasty]

There is a healthy level of protectiveness and then there is sheer insecurity. He knows he's struck gold landing a 20 something year old and he is terrified that he'll lose you.

[Tdieseler]

50-28 huh... i guess he doesn't like to compete with those young whippersnappers lol.

[Asker]

we haven't even had sex yet and he's being possesive.

[Tdieseler]

at that age, its not about the sex... what are you doing with 50? gold digger? fetish? daddy complex? what?

[Asker]

no. none of that. he's just handsome and sweet and I love it

[Tdieseler]

So daddy complex it is lol...
well, like i said... competition. i'd be possessive too.

[Asker]

ugh daddy complex sounds so awful. I don't know why it's like that. my biological father and step father both love mr

[Asker]

me****

[Tdieseler]

just like mommy complex/issues... it can be construed two ways. you can't win either way.
the way some people will state it..
you have 2 dads, both love you (and you dont fuck em), why not add one more who does, and not fuck em either? lol..
OR
One or 2 dads who were, well, below par, and now you cling to this one in the hopes that this one will love you.

Its really interesting to see the way morons think... just to prevent people from winning.

[Asker]

That's not the case here though. Shit I crave sex but we are in a long distance relationship and haven't had sex yet. but I'm going to. and I don't hope for him to love me when deep down I know he does. who wouldn't love me? lol

[Asker]

jk. a lot of people probably don't love me but I know my man does and that's all that matters

[Tdieseler]

probably a daddy daughter thing for him. 😒 😑

[Asker]

He's never had any kids and has never been married

[Tdieseler]

so i AM right... daughter he never had :)
lol... I don't know why im yammering all this nonsense but i always find it intriguing when i see people dating people old enough to be their parents... hell, in this case grandparent...
im All for dating older but that has its limit and for each year i grow, that limit goes up by 1. but 22 years older?, yea, im not dating that. Thats sugar mommy status... and i'd be the gold digger happily.

[Agirlwithalemon]

Okay, why can't you accept that YOU wouldn't date someone who is 22 years older but accept that OTHERS will, have and do. I feel a lot of people let how THEY feel get in the way of how they see others choices and decisions. She's happy in her relationship even though she has this issue at the moment, so let her be happy. Don't dictate others happiness.

[Asker]

but the thing is, I don't have a daddy complex. I have a dad. two of them actually. I just fell in love with a man older than me. who treats me super good. so what?

[Agirlwithalemon]

I don't think you have a daddy complex, some people just want to label others and make them feel bad for their decisions. If you're happy, just be happy and ignore everyone else.

[Asker]

exactly. some people jump to conclusions without knowing the full story. I don't like men around my age cause let's face it, they are full of lies, games, and shit and I just want someone who's gonna treat me like I'm a good woman. and my man does just that

[Tdieseler]

Its easy to do that from a distance darling, i mean, to treat someone "good"...
@Agirlwithalemon Im just poking around, getting the full scope of the story while throwing in a few trends in there. So back off. the conversation is between me and the asker. Also if you noticed, its been light n I've been laughing, till you come in here barking mad While talking about other people involving feelings (the irony)... im just asking questions. So can you stop putting words in my conversation partner's mouth.
Asker not once did i say you weren't happy, i mean, hell, its gotta be something if you choose not only 22yrs older but LDR and so sex. Gotta be something. Im just feeling around, i haven't made any conclusions. Im actually trying to understand... maybe you know something I dont.
I understand you about the people my age tho, i didn't go single by choice for a minute if there were more good ones out there.

[Agirlwithalemon]

First of all, this is an open conversation that you are having on the internet, therefore this conversation between you and the asker is at jeopardy for ANYONE to join in. Secondly, you may be asking questions but I've read your replies. You keep hovering over how YOU can't understand this person's relationship. I'm sorry that you feel she may have some issues, but that's you. And you can keep on thinking that. I don't think she has any problems given that I've been in LDR because we're human beings we fall in love with whoever who fall in love with. Nowhere in either of my statements do I come off as barking mad, and even your "conversation partner" agreed with me. She's happy, leave her alone. You can't always understand why someone does something. Just respect it and move on.

[Tdieseler]

@Agirlwithalemon
First off.."how YOU can't understand this person's relationship"... umm... why do you think im ASKING the questions?
Secondly.."I don't think she has any problems given that I've been in LDR"... didn't say anything about her having problems.. and no one gives a hoot about your LDR... also, how did that end up huh? just like 94% of LDRs... break up and in the past.
Thirdly..."Nowhere in either of my statements do I come off as barking mad", ... you really need to read your first comment again. Screw what the asker said. Im a guy n i say barking mad.
Fourth..."You can't always understand why someone does something"... Just because you have limited intelligence and understanding doesn't mean someone else does.
Im asking questions because I WANT to understand, thats why most of you females are morons, you dont even TRY to understand. Now can i go back to asking my questions to get a better understanding?

[Agirlwithalemon]

Your point? Most marriages don't last and they get to see each other everyday. Besides, not everyone is statistic. I don't need to reread any one of my comments because I know full and well what and how I was feeling when I typed them. If you want to learn, shut you mouth and listen when someone is talking, you condescending ass hole. I don't have a limited intellect, I'm a grown woman and I understand that not everyone thinks like I do and that I don't need to go around giving my disapproval to someone who differs from me. Lastly, nobody gives a damn if you're a guy. You NEED to get your head from out of your ass.

[Tdieseler]

@Agirlwithalemon and the name calling begins...
any who... Asker where were we? How did y'all even meet if it was a distance thing?

[Relentless_Hippie]

You have to protect what's yours. I'm really possessive of my boyfriend. I gotta keep those hoes far away. He's MINE.

[bloodmountain1990]

That's quite an age gap.

But he's probably possessive out of jealousy and insecurity. I dated 2 girls like that this year who were so possessive and controlling that I couldn't hang out with friends and do hobbies without them accusing me of seeing others and playing them. It was insanity.

[Anonymous]

"he admits he doesn't want to say it cause he's terrified of saying it"
So he's basically saying he loves you but is terrified of actually saying it? Forget he's also 50 years old, it just sounds a bit pathetic.
But you're bothered he's possessive instead... like most guys, whether they show it or not.

[Anonymous]

Guys who weren't possessive raised other men's children and died out of the gene pool.

[Djaaaay]

Possessiveness in the slight is natural for all males , although over possessiveness becomes negative and a threat to relationships. It does spell insecurity once breaching over that thin blue line , which can spell all different types of problems.

[Djaaaay]

I really think it's a form of competition with him knowing about other males you admittedly mentioned

[SovereignessofVamps]

I think girls get more possessive honestly. guys just show it more openly. But I think this happens because people feel competitive.

[ikissedtheskyonce]

Probably for the same reasons why women get possessive.

[Espolareisback]

Girls are just as bad and it seems these days that cheating is a normal accepted part of society

[Shawn58]

Being possessive is a good thing lmao once a guy has had sex with you and had been with you for a long time he feels like your his and that's finale lmao. But can you really blame him

[Asker]

we haven't even had sex yet and he's being possessive

[Shawn58]

Oh lol maybe it's because your so much younger he's probably obcessed

[Asker]

lol well that may very well be the case

[Shawn58]

Lol well if you ever want to obcess over someone younger hit me up

[Anonymous]

Some men just have a protective nature. However, being truly "possessive" is a negative quality and signifies a jealous or insecure partner. That's something you should steer clear of.

[Anonymous]

Nononono honey
Men doesn't get possesive
He does
And it's red flag
Fuck the all the biological things he can test to know he's father or not this 2016
It's just huge sign that he can be abusive and opress you some day

[TheGOM]

I'm not really sure why this is so confusing to so many people. Simply stated it has to do with basic evolutionary psychology surrounding jealousy.

[Iron_Man]

Because a girl gets a wild hair and starts doing things to make us men suspicious

[Agirlwithalemon]

Talking to our male friends is suspicious? You do the same exact thing but the moment we get jealous or upset over you talking to other females, we're crazy bitches.

[Iron_Man]

I don't have female friends

[Agirlwithalemon]

I highly doubt that. You don't have any female friends what so ever? You don't even converse with other females even if they're only acquaintances? Even so, that isn't always the case for other males. If you want to tell your girlfriend/wife not to talk to the opposite sex, even though I feel someone else doesn't have a say in who someone else talks to, you have to apply the same rule to yourself. If I can't talk to males, you don't get to talk to females.

[Iron_Man]

When I was younger I had this older lady she's a friend, she's a vitamin lady. But back then I was single of course and when I got a girlfriend she told me to dump her. No I don't have any female friends, the only girls I talk to is waitresses when I eat out we flirt

[Agirlwithalemon]

Wow. That's craaaaazy.

[Asker]

exactly. I brought that up too that he doesn't see me getting upset when he talks to his female friends so why is he getting upset when I talk to mine? made me so mad

[Asker]

my male friends*

[Iron_Man]

I work alone I don't have female friends at work

[StarsInTheEyes]

Yes I agree. My partner said I'm only his, as if he owns me and doesn't like any guy to be around me, and I cannot text my male friends.

However, I know he talks to lots of girls and maybe texts them, since he's always active on Facebook messenger. He also has told me that other girls aroused him, and he likes to see other girls wearing extremely short skirts that covers 3/4 of butt.

I think those girls don't have integrity. I wear skirts or dresses occasionally, and all of them cover my butt and most cover 2/3 of my thighs, but if I wear skirts, my partner would tell me don't wear that, or that other men can get excited.

[StarsInTheEyes]

In addition, he thinks I'm crazy if I asked him about some unusual interaction he had with other females, but he questioned me and accused me of things that I haven't done, simply because I have male friends.

He can say I'm seeing another man when I am not at all, but if I asked him whether he's seeing another girl, he would say I asked because that's what I'm doing, therefore feel that everyone is doing the same as I do.

He doesn't apply the same rules he places on me, and doesn't think from my perspective.

[Iron_Man]

If he's aroused by other girls and he has admitted it to you, why dont you just drop him like a bad habit?

[StarsInTheEyes]

He told me about that when we were first together, so it was before he met me.

It does bother me though, he likes to see other women dressing provocatively but wants me to cover myself. But I have heard my female friends say the same, that their partners like to see other women who show their bodies, but want their girls to be the kind of girls you meet in the library.

[dudegrt09]

That is male animal instinct to be posessive about his mate. Also he's old as fuck so that explains the insecurity

[Trestolone]

same reason crazy women date men that are old enough to be their dad, they have issues and they can't get with anyone better. Needless to say, guys your age will be much calmer.

[Asker]

Funny how you think you know me. you are completely wrong. and men my age are good for nothing. my age and younger are good for nothing. you're dismissed

[Trestolone]

I don't know you, but I know you're morally ambiguous enough to date someone twice your age. Under no circumstances is that ever ok or normal. Men your age are at least:
Able to have kids
Get an erection
Do physically demanding tasks
Not be on their deathbed in 25 years
Raise children without people thinking they are their grandfather
Actually relate to you because they were born in the 90s not the 60s
But hey, I mean, they're totally worthless right? Honestly, it sounds like you just have daddy issues so you go for old men to fill the gaping hole in your life.

[Asker]

again you're wrong lol c-ya

[Trestolone]

mhm... how am I wrong exactly?

[PinkMichae]

Have you ever dated an older woman twice your age?

[Trestolone]

@PinkMichae I'm not interested, sorry.

[PinkMichae]

Well I wasn't asking you to date me so no need to apologize. I asked because how can you know that relationships with people that have a big age difference only do it because of issues. Just because you don't understand it doesn't mean there's something wrong with it. You oviously have no experience with it so pretending you know all about it doesn't make your argument look good.

[Trestolone]

@PinkMichae Oh, well I know because my older sister was in a relationship with a guy in his mid 50s when she was 19-22 (24 now) and he manipulated her, got possessive, emotionally abusive, used her for sex and guilt tripped her into doing things she didn't want to, kept her from seeing family and then just left her when he had his fill.

[PinkMichae]

I do understand that there is a potential for people in their 20's to be manipulated by someone older because at that age we can be more naive. But it can happen with anyone younger or older. I do believe you do have a greater chance of being manipulated with a large age difference but it could very well be the younger person manipulating the older person as gold diggers do. But it doesn't mean that's the case in every relationship like that. I'm sorry for what your sister went through. I had an experience similar to hers but it was with a guy my age. Some people just messed up with the way they treat people.