I went though my boyfriend's phone and he told another girl to stay beautiful and said a girl was literally perfect?

[Anonymous]

I have really bad trust issues since I've been cheated on a lot (by my boyfriend now years ago) and while my boyfriend was sleeping I went through his phone. I know that that's crazy but I never look through it and for once I knew his password. Anyway, I didn't find anything really bad but I did go through his Instagram messages and he dmed a girl with a lot of followers saying "glad to see you still follow me stay beautiful chica" about a month ago. Also, in his texts with his friend he sent him pics of another hot insta girl and said that "she's literally perfect". I know these things aren't too big of a deal so I didn't get super mad but the next day I asked to see his insta messages and he went into the bathroom then came out and let me see them. He showed me the messages with the girl who he told to stay beautiful (the messages before that were "thanks for the follow" and "no problem") and he had deleted the stay beautiful message. I called him out for deleting it and he lied multiple times and said he didn't delete anything until I told him I saw the message and he apologized for deleting it. He said he loves me to death and would never hurt me but I don't know if I can trust him now. I didn't find anything else or evidence of him cheating but are these things I should worry about or be mad at? What should I do?

[oiiiiiiiiii]

I thin you shouldn't stay with him. if he privately dmed his friends saying "shes perfect" then yes it hurts but its not cheating, men are very visual creatures and if they see a woman they like they will stop and stare, no matter how much they love their girlfriend. but the fact that he dmed HER, the girl himself and he FLIRTED, yes that's cheating bc its flirting. he could've just thought to himself "ooh damn happy she's still following me" but he actually reached out to her with the intent of letting her know he's flirting with her, and that wasn't necessary he could've kept those thoughts to himself. I can only imagine this makes your trust issues worse and I'm really sorry about that. i thin you should dump this guy but just know there really are nice guys out there. I have been cheated on too before but now I have a new guy and recently this happened to me with the new guy but it was just that he followed her and it wasn't a big deal but it bothered me and my friend told him without my permission that I was sad and he quickly VOLUNTARILY unfollowed her after finding out it made me unhappy (he never even liked her pics). what I'm saying is that I think u should dump him bc as a girl who aslo has trust issues, there ARE good guys out there (I just gave u an example; I never thought id find someone like that) and you're just wasting your time with this guy, u deserve better. goodluck :)

[Anonymous]

Do you trust him? Do you love him? Is he worth all that pain he may cause?( I'm assuming he's the one that cheated on you years ago) You can't love someone and cheat on them, how could you do that to the person you love? I couldn't. I'm sure that your a beautiful smart and kind person that doesn't deserve a man that could do that to you. Fair enough he showed you the texts but love has to have trust. Why would he need to flirt with other women in the first place when he has you? What if it were the other way. I mean if your truly happy together then stay that way but you know what you want in your heart. Years down the line you could meet someone that you love just as much that loves you just as much and he could be different Sometimes we can be blinded by love, and we don't want to accept the truth because it hurts too much. Do what feels best. Whatever you do I hope it all works out in the end.

[xxmamichulaxx]

If he had to go through the trouble of deleting something so you wouldn't see, he knows it was wrong. It wasn't innocent. His behavior right now doesn't qualify as cheating but its sneaky he had to delete something and then lie about it until he found out you already knew. Also I'm confused , you said he DID cheat on you a few years ago, correct?

[Warmapplecrumble]

I agree with you

[samhradh_leannan]

Exactly. His messages were very flirtatious, and even HE knew it was wrong. This isn't normal harmless boy stuff. Interacting with real people has very different ramifications than, say, watching porn. The people who are brushing this off as being nothing are either very reasonable or very stupid, and it's honestly impossible to know which it is until after we've seen whether or not he would have ended up cheating.

[Asker]

@samhradh_leannan yes he did cheat years ago with multiple girls. He is also very sketchy with his phone aka I'll pick it up to check the time and he'll grab it from me or something. And i never go through it it was a spur of the moment thing

[Warmapplecrumble]

The fact is he has a password...

[vonasaurus]

while his lying to you is definitely a red flag, you are also in the wrong for going through his phone.

if you don't trust him without access to all of his stuff, ditch him and don't even think about dating until you've 1) sorted out your issues and 2) learned healthy boundaries.

[samhradh_leannan]

AND found a guy who actually isn't hiding stuff.

[vonasaurus]

@samhradh_leannan it could be argued that "everyone is hiding stuff".

people overshare via social media, and anyone who doesn't is regarded with suspicion because keeping anything to yourself these days is considered 'weird'. anyone who expects me to give up my right to privacy because s/he craves validation is out the door immediately~ if you don't trust me without access to all of my stuff, you aren't someone i want to be with.

it's not the guy's job to "fix" our issues; we have to do that ourselves. and yes, there are plenty of ways to earn trust that don't involve violating your partner's personal space. a scumbag cheater is going to be that way whether you have access to his/her phone or not.

i have nothing to hide. but, if someone thinks he's entitled to my privacy, he's out of his mind and i can guarantee he won't be around for very long.

[ravedave]

Honestly this seems pretty harmless. Commenting on pictures is a FAR CRY away from actual cheating. You need to focus on getting over your trust issues, because if my partner went through my phone like that without telling me, I'd honestly break up with them.

[Watermelon15]

Im not sure he will trust you so much after this. You looked through his personal stuff without permission. If you dont trust him, he won't trust you either. And if he starts to feel suffocated in the relationship with you because of you nagging at him constantly thats usually what leads to the real cheating. Anyways it does look sketchy with his messages, so if you are having doubts then dump him. It might be better for the both of you

[lovydoey]

Question. Was the girl a model or someone with high profile? (public figure). Or someone he might know that just has a lot of followers?

And just dump him. I will not be with someone that hides things from me. Just one day, talk to him and leave him.

[Asker]

She has like 70,000 followers, not famous or anything. She might model I'm not sure

[lovydoey]

Well if she is a public figure then is not cheating.

Is like u liking a actor, singer, model picture and commenting "baby 😍". It means nothing becase u are just looking up to the person but not maintaining a relationships.

If she is a model then she gets those messages from everyone guys and girls I'm sure. Is not a big deal

My advice. Bring up your self esteem. Work on ur insecurities because that attitude will push him away. Bevause no one likes to be question their honesty every second. U have a problem and instead of being babied ur insecurities, build yourself up

[peachblossomluck]

There's something wrong if you're going through his stuff like that and mistrusting him in the first place. I'm not saying it's your fault but something is not right here.

[Anonymous]

part of a relationship is trust and you don't have it. I'm sure he's hurt by that.
I'm not trying to take his side but I feel like you aren't even giving him a chance to prove himself. those messages aren't ideal and will eat away at your conscious but if you don't give him a chance then it's time to do some self evaluation single

[ObviouslyBored]

He didn't do anything... Nothing at all. being encouraging and social is not a crime. Men like to look at pretty girls. "Shocker" if he is arranging meetings and sending dick picks be mad. Until then. Chill.

[samhradh_leannan]

I see it as a red flag. Personally, I don't think that behavior is appropriate when in a relationship. But only you can decide what the right choice is or whether or not you can continue to trust him.

[vladz]

It's inappropriate to compliment someone while in a relationship? Lol...

[samhradh_leannan]

@vladz It's all about the circumstances and the intention behind it. Who you are complimenting, what you're complimenting them on, why you're choosing to actively make the effort to compliment them, how you know them. If a compliment is lewd or flirtatious, then that's inappropriate. Complimenting girls on the internet who you only follow because you think they're attractive? That's lewd and flirtatious, and it's unnecessary if you intend to remain faithful to your relationship.

[vladz]

Good point. I didn't notice that part of the story.

[xokittyxo]

AMEN

[Nerd_modeon]

you know your relationship won't last long if you don't trust him n he doesn't take conscious steps to establish that trust

[Anonymous]

I would be very concerned as if he knew it was wrong he wouldn't do it...

[Anonymous]

You're not married so he's not vomited to you and can see other women.

[samhradh_leannan]

A relationship can be committed without marriage.

[Paultaters]

how's middle school?