He touches other women comfortably, but not me?

[Anonymous]

I have a mega crush on a guy I work with and we have shared a lot of sexual tension. I thought he felt the exact same way as I did. It's very intense the pull that I feel when with him.

Anyway, he seems really comfortable touching other women (not sexually!), on the shoulder, arms etc if leaning in to talk to them about something. But he never dares touch me, ever.

Do I have this all wrong and is it all in my head?

[holograph]

I can't add anything new here - he's either not interested in you or, because he IS interested in you, he's far more nervous about offending you and so he's more cautious around you. Can't say which.

Or maybe he heard (either properly or via some strange misunderstanding) you say something negative about people touching you or something that caused him to believe you wouldn't like it.

I will say this, though - these days acceptable and normal for women to do the same sort of flirting back to men, so feel free to give that a try if you like.

[Asker]

We've flirted like mad, but I definitely know there's times he's nervous around me. And me around him. There's a male colleague (happens to be his best friend), that is freely hug when meeting/departing but I'd never dare do that to this guy. I have touched him gently on the arm before though. And then one on the base of his back when trying to pass him 😂 I'm such a coward. He tends to be the instigator with the flirting so I'm just finding it a bit confusing

[Fuentes]

If i like a girl or even have a crush on her and i touch her, i would think she'd take it wrong and think im a creep, it's self doubt but with girls i see as friends im ok with playfully touching them

[Fuentes]

Well self doubt only at first until i know she feels the same way

[Asker]

We've been back and forth quite a bit, I obviously have the self doubt too. He has said he likes me... (I assumed he meant platonic!!! 😂) - but don't know if he meant romantically or not. Would a 34 year old man tell a woman he liked her if there wasn't anything romantic?

[Fuentes]

Breaking on 26 i would not tell a girl i liked her if i didn't mean that i liked her in a dating way, and i also flirt with my crushes but i never touch them cause i could be thinking since were at work your just playing with me or thats just your personality

[Asker]

So chances are it was romantic/dating then

[Fuentes]

Yea id take it as that

[Asker]

I actually feel the same way about him... i wouldn't have a problem touching anyone else but I really struggle to do it with him, even though I desperately want to.

[Fuentes]

Lol give him a back massage like alil one not like a full sessiom but that could wake him. up real quick i remeber a girl that liked me just started giving me random back massages i swear i fell in love with her hhahaha but that broke the touch barrier quick

[Asker]

I would never have the balls to do it!! Ever

[Fuentes]

Just ask him if he wants one wnd give him it lol i swear it'd work haha

[Anonymous]

It's really hard to tell if he's into you or not. When I first read your story I felt that maybe he was just really shy to be able to touch you. After thinking about it, it's possible he isn't into you. Judging by what you said, it sounds more like the first one. I would need more info to be able to give a better oppinion. Sorry

[luvstoned4him]

Maybe he is really into you and you make him nervous but he is at ease with the other because he isn't crushing majorly over them.

[momo770]

I don't know why this would bother you at all to begin with.

[GoblinKing]

It's because the stakes are much higher when sexual/romantic tension is invovled.

To touch you in a mechanically identical way he does with a friend is entirely different gesture, especially if he knows you're interested--one he's not sure he wants to make.

[NaultD]

It's a good sign for you acts different from you because you're different in a good way.

[Asker]

Let's hope so!!

[Thatoneguy5526]

It sounds like he is trying to make you jealous. He might want you to come forth and talk to him about it. I am assuming the two of you talk to each other frequently since you mentioned that you experience a lot of sexual tension around him. Is this assumption true? If so, you should talk to him about it. If not, then ask him out to lunch or something so you can get to know him better!

[HaveNoName]

It could go either way. May be he feels so much sexual tension with you that he almost feels guilty to touch you.

[Asker]

Maybe. I was so certain he was into me as much as I was into him so it's just a bit confusing

[Asker]

His eyes always seek me out. Even when he's stood having a conversation with someone else. And when he catches me eye, he locks his gaze

[HaveNoName]

I would hate to put you in a position where you make a move only to discover it was a bad judgement or bad reading of his gestures. You may have to take a more direct approach OUT OF OFFICE :)

[Kimosabe]

Yeah, what he said--more direct out of office--if you can get a minute even in the parking lot, put it to him first that you really don't want to mess up your work relationship or make things more tense, but you're wondering if you both have a stronger attraction that you want to act on. I think you'd have to go over this little speech/question pretty carefully in your head, so nobody gets put at any risk, and you both can save face if your suspicions aren't right, or he doesn't want to act on it. Good luck.

[Asker]

We don't work in the same office but we're seeing each other in a few weeks!!! I'm so nervous, incredibly nervous about it. We shared a couple of emails about a month ago and I've had alerts that he's opened them so I'm hoping that's a good sign. He opened them the day our meeting was confirmed (it's a work thing) so I'm hoping it shows he's thinking about me

[Anonymous]

I’m in a similar situation with a guy I work with. He seems comfortable casually touching others like pats on the back or shoulders, even my younger sister, but he never dare touches me either. I’m wondering if it’s because he’s not interested or if it’s something else. Why would he be comfortable touching others like it’s nothing but seems so dif around me I don't know

[ananias_05]

can be his nervous or repulsed by you, test the waters and touch him gently on the shoulder. if you break the touching barrier he might start doing it back.

[Asker]

I did try twice but he still didn't. He's actively flirted with me and he became what seemed to be fairly comfortable with me at times. There's a lot of times I can tell he's nervous with me (and me with him).

[Asker]

That's why I can't see that I've read it wrong. Would nerves stop him touching?

[ananias_05]

That could be the case, but he seems to be confident in himself cause he touches other girls. So I don't see why he would hold back. Maybe it's cause you're both co-workers and he doesn't want to get in trouble

[Asker]

Then why flirt? I don't get it

[Asker]

I get proper "come to bed" eyes. Really intense and prolonged eye contact

[ananias_05]

Don't mistake kindness with flirting, being kind is so rare that people always get confused. Or maybe he is into you but already has a woman. That actually seems more deemable

[Asker]

It's definitely flirting!!! 😉 not much kindness in it at all. Teasing, innuendo, outrageous flirting

[ananias_05]

Then he might have another woman. Alfa personality but not willing to take a risk. Seems theirs something holding him back.

[Asker]

Yea maybe, or maybe it's that we work together or maybe it's that it's too strong. Or maybe he's just not interested. God why are things never easy !

[FýrdracaDócincel]

Sexual tension can cause a guy to overthink shit. He's probably being cautious with you but not with other women because there's no reason for him to be.

[Anonymous]

Make the first move. Believe it or not he might find comfort in friendship with a woman but has a slightly more difficult time when it comes to someone he actually likes.

[Totally_A_Dude]

Sounds like he has a thing for you. He sees you as different than the other girls. If he didn't, it would be called the friend zone.

[Justinaveragedude]

He has a mega crush on you and is afraid of touching you because he won't want to stop.

[Anonymous]

It really depends on the guy. Does he seem shy and reserved? If yes, its likely that he really likes you and is just scared of touching you.

[Asker]

He's very shy and reserved with me
Most of the time. It takes him a while to come out of his shell but once he knows people, he's fairly confident

[Ram0n83]

If he knows that you like him, he might be taking a step back so as not to tease you or lead you on.

[omykb1_one]

he is probably trying not to pressure you but it may be a bit backfiring..
chat it with him

[emerald77]

Maybe he gets nervous with you.

[Asker]

I can tell he sometimes is nervous with me but surely that wouldn't stop him touching me? He's actively tried to flirt with me and over prolonged time, he becomes fairly confident but still doesn't break that touch barrier

[ShyGuy201]

Try giving him a hint and see how he responds

[Rangers]

He's not interested in you

[Anonymous]

because he is not i interested in you

[GoblinKing]

You honestly cannot know that.

[FýrdracaDócincel]

ScrotumBeard has a point. It's not that simple.

[GoblinKing]

ScrotumBeard comment is gold. +1

[Arya_Christ]

try touching him.

[Midget_Hug]

It's in your head.