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He's got a very tough wall up how do you get past it?
How do you get into a guarded man's heart?
Anonymous
(25-29) 
Be gentle, don't try to argue with him about everything (let little things fly--if it won't make a difference in ten years, don't bother trying to pick a bone with him). But if you have to disagree, do so RESPECTFULLY, and don't nag him. You see it's not what you say it's HOW you say it. For example, if a guy always leaves his socks on the floor don't say "IM SICK AND TIRED IF PICKING UO YOUR DAMN SOCKS EVERYDAY! Stop leaving them all over the floor, you slob!" This alone will make him resent you, maybe not if you do it once, but if it's don't constantly. Instead, there's a more expedient approach: "honey, it really hurts me when socks are on the floor 😔 It upsets me because I like a clean home and having socks on the floor ruins it for me. So for me, can you please, please try to put them in the laundry bin after your done resting when you come home from work? Thank you babe" and follow that with a kiss on his cheek. See, no one gets mad and socks get off the floor :) just little things like this will make him see how soft you are and that he can find comfort when he's around you.
Cook his favorite meals, make him his favorite drink--this will show him that you care about his needs
Ask for his opinions on given topics such as morals he follows etc etc. this will show him that you care what he believes.
When he's telling you his problems, don't cut him off, he's already stressed don't add to it! Instead, let him finish completely and then offer your opinion. Never pick someone else's side though when he's complaining about them.
Don't force him to talk when he doesn't feel like it. You might drive him away. Let him feel comfortable coming to you when he wants to.
Share secrets/fears, it makes people bond!
And most of all, good luck:)
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Stop trying to get pass it and respect that 'wall'! The more you try to push, the more he will pull away. There is a reason why he is guarded, but this is my advice for you strictly. If your dating him, give it time and let him know what your intentions are for that relationship. Don't make promises you can't keep, and let him know where your limits are. Now if you are NOT dating him, don't bother. Your going to waste your time with a person who is very emotionally unavailable. Lots of heartache comes from this and abuse comes with it if your not careful from both your end and his. The worse thing that a person can do is try to force their way in and then mock the person or get upset when they see that they can't ever get through. If he can't trust you, he won't. I'll just be honest. And this is coming from a person who is always on guard. In truth, you have to guard your heart and mind. You have to set boundaries. So don't try to tear it down. Respect his desires. Otherwise, if you can't, then move on.
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In the comments below two people comments which I liked... 1# provide person with caring, love, feelings and patience which is right. Never know what standing behind his protected heart. 2# someone who said it won't work and there's available men around which I have a little bit different opinion about tht. In the song Kahlia-gansta if you know it she sang that she don't want what she can get. Yes its correct there's plenty available men over there but if your heart lend on someone else you should keep on trying till you give everything you have to melt his heart but however if no matter what you could've possibly done wouldn't change this person only then you should take step back and find someone who will appreciate all the effords of yours
301 opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic. Patience, honesty and trust are key, I know because I am this kind of person. You're looking to breach a seemingly impregnable wall that he has put up and you're going to need to take your time to find it's weak points.
Things that would normally pull a man into a woman's grasp will NOT work. Flirtatiousness, promiscuity, sweet words and the like mean absolutely nothing and you will be shut down with little to no effort. You want him to see you as a real person, not someone who just wants a new toy to play with and throw away at a moment's notice.
Take time to talk to him here and there and get to know each other beyond just a face and name. Eventually, have deep conversations and find out what foundation his wall stands on. Once you find that, you can get down to a more personal, relatable level and have him see that you appreciate him for his time and who he is.
In the end, it depends on him and whether he wants to put those walls down. You can only do so much and he needs to meet you half way. This is assuming he isn't playing you, seeking attention and all those dishonest, insulting tactics. If its what I'm thinking of, he can potentially become your most loyal and trust friend, even more so if you go take it a further, or he can devolve into the most annoying cunt you've ever seen.
The answer is, you do that the same way you open up a guarded woman: with trust, and patience.
A graded man doesn't want to rush things and wants to take it slowly, and step by step. He doesn't want to give his heart to someone who would enjoy smashing it to the ground. What you need to do is show him that he can trust you. You need to be honest, no matter what the situation and completely straightforward. You will also require to trust him a lot. He will need reassurances when his walls are going down. He's looking to invite you into a place where no one has been in years and years.
Know that this man would leave you in a heartbeat if he doesn't trust you. But, once he does, his loyalty shall remain unwavering.
With a man who takes such cautious steps, it takes a certain amount of trust, time, strength, and integrity. That's what it amounts to.
What you do not want to do, is lie, mislead, or manipulate at any given point in time. Always remain honest and straightforward no matter what the situation is. Your trust in him, is what will cause him to trust you in the end...
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- 542 opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic.
by not trying to get into a guarded man's heart.
As a man who had a very considerate woman who put up with the walls I threw at her for years, you can't. Either he will let them down after you show how patient, considerate, and sympathetic/empathetic you are, or he won't let them down out of fear of being hurt. The only reason I've ever seen people in general raise those walls is because in their personal past they've been emotionally damaged to a point where they were almost broken and they don't want to be there again. Its not fair for either one of those involved with the relationship because if both parties aren't fully invested they'll never truly know how WONDERFUL it can be when its not two SEPARATE people; when they are fully together and SHARE life experience. Just be careful, because you'll never know what will be the first to break: those walls or you.
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DON'T FORCE IT!
He wants to open up too, probably far more than you know. You want to help him, be patient, be constant, be understanding, and be honest. You being honest with him about what you feel and why you feel that way is the best kind of "encouragement" for him to do the same.
He's not a coward, he's been hurt. And he's fragile. He has to be guarded. He wants to heal and open up. Healing happens on it's own schedule, not yours. And at any point (or every point) unforeseen complications may arise that require different levels of care, and this might not always be convenient or easy to understand, either. And mistakes and miscommunication will happen.
But a man needs somebody's help. And who will help him? You can. But only if that's what you truly want. -
hard to explain but easy to understand. simply switch roles. don't hurt Urself in the process so if Ur goin to do this... make sure he wants to be with u sincerely. I switched roles by simply doing things for him that usually a man does for a woman. no questions asked , no expectations for wanting something bak... just simply showing money nor time was something I cared to break and waste for someone I wanted to be with. I showed him that I was making myself vulnerable to be hurt by him. I'd take him out to dinner... everything I wanted to do , I paid a way and made a way for him to do it with me .. I told him to shut up before he started to say he felt awkward...
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Open up about yourself by telling personal stuff to you then you're far more likely to get the same from him...
Get him to trust you by being honest, reliable and telling him your secrets. When you are 'open' to him and make yourself vulnerable, he's more likely to open up to you...
Speak about what you're passionate about and emotionally invested in. If you want to open someones heart, you need to open yours as well...
Find what barriers (he's been hurt most likely, in love or by parents/family) he has and break them... Tell him about times you've been hurt in love...
Find out what interests him, then ask him why and how that makes him feel... Find out what makes him tick, what he's passionate about, what's important to him, what he can't live without, what he wants most out of life and why...
Feeding him and cooking for him are big too, lol! -
Just stick around. Show him that you're there and that you are not going anyway. Allow him to trust you. You have form that level of trust, it's very crucial for him to be able to let his walls down around you.
Don't give him any reasons not to trust you. If you make a promise to him, keep it. For whatever reason, if you do have to break it, tell him why. Never keep secrets, he'll found out eventually and feel betrayed. - 409 opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic.
This is basically me.
If he does then he's like me he's one of those guys who's been messed about so bad and so many times that his wall is tough and I mean tough so tough if you were even 99% good you probably wouldn't be together after the first date which is good.
Quit simply it's time that's all it takes keep pecking away he will give in when he realises your not like the others. And when he does he will definitely meet all your expectations and more.
What he is doing is like me where most people test the water with a pebble or two but us guys don't deal with that bs we test the waters with 100 planes full force. Good question I want to know ideas too. Cuase the guy I like, I dont know if he likes me back, but he was married many many years ago and like got a phobia into hanging out with ladies and not want to commit to a woman. I mean I dont want a serious commitment either, but at least to get to know the guy first hang out with him but not even, see if he and I have chemistry or not, but the guy believes that beause you hang out several times, it means Im already serious and is like he has a wall not to like a girl or something.
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Talk to him about your problems first. Then, tell him that you trust him and you care about him. Don't press him, give him time. It's more difficult for boys to talk about their problems because of the society. Probably he don't want you to know about his problems because he want to be the ''Mr. Perfect'' for you. Everyone likes hugs, so hug him a lot and don't forget to show him how much you love him in every way.
*sorry for my English -
For a serious answer, you need a lot of patience and tender attention. Do not expect him to let you in his walls right away. If anything, just keep talking to him normally until you find an opportunity or he opens up. Eventually you will find a time where you can spend it with him alone somewhere. Try parks, mountains and lakes. Go hiking if you can, for a walk in the park or beach. It'll just take time
Gain his trust so that he feels comfortable around you. Show him that you're someone he can rely on when he needs it, and let him have his space when he needs it.
There's also 2 shortcuts into a man's heart: food and sex.
If you do all of these things right and he still doesn't let you in, then he either doesn't like you, or he's got some psychological issues. That or he's a unicorn 🦄Just spend time with him and make sure he knows that you're emotionally available to him. Eventually you'll develop a bond and he'll probably -- and slowly -- open up.
Side note: only do you this if you're having fun and your needs are being met, too. It's not worth solving someone else's puzzle if you're not getting anything out of it.-
speaking as a man who is guarded the best way is to show him your genuine. be honest with him and show him you really care. men who are guarded don't trust easy, so sweet nothing's don't mean anything. in this case actions speak louder than words can. so you must show him that he can trust you
499 opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic. Play like your a six year old would play. Play keep away and invade on personal possessions in a fun light way it does not really matter what you do. He should follow suit and before he knows it he'll be chasing you and having fun.
If there is ever a lull in the playing try not to feel awkward and just embrace the quite tension with a smile. That is also good time to cross the light touching barrier.Its nothing to do with you, actually. The fact that you are trying doesn't do anything. If he is in the right place to let you in then he will probably let you in. I've liked plenty of guys with huge walls up and I was unsuccessful in my pursuits.
Save yourself the heartbreak.-
Watch Matt boggs and Matthew hussey on YouTube. I've been watching them and they explain everything so well! Basically, dont rush it, be patient with him. Guys tend to run when they feel pressured. There is so much to it. Guys minds are so different from a woman's. We tend to know how we feel before they do. But seriously, watch those guys on YouTube. Anything you want to know, they have an answer for it.
- 307 opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic.
You just try to be the one to give his heart a break. That's the reason why his heart would be guarded in y he first place, because he is afraid to love, and is afraid of getting hurt... And it's tough... But with enough time and enough effort you can change his mind...
Respect his limitations without judgement. Don't push it. Its basically like how a guy can get a virgin to let him be her first. Our emotional "cherries" can be very important to us as well. It needs to be sincere respect for the boundaries with no strings attached, otherwise we'll see through it.
Be you. anything more or anything less will eventually bring unhappiness. My personal philosophy is My name is (first name) mother fucking (last name) dig me or fuck off. well maybe not so harsh but you get the idea. one more thing your actions should be true to who you are and not predicated on another's actions. unless you have go into personal safety and security mods in which case I advocate a scorched earth policy.
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the only way you can open a guarded man's heart is simple be his friend, like someone that is there for him, talks to him daily and spends time with him for about 6months to a year and then confess to him, basically you are building his trust towards you
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