What does a guy really mean when they say' You deserve better than me' ?

[snoopy14]

Whenever I'm in connection with a guy, why is it that when a relationship between me & a guy; do I hear a guy tell me that I deserve better than them?

Some in the past have been bad-boys, who's cheated, thieves, in & out of prison, when they've wanted to end the relationship with me they come out with the cheap excuse saying that I deserve better. & how I'm too good for them.

Is it just cheap words? Is it another way of quickly getting rid of myself to move on from them if they don't wanna be with me anymore?

Like some people on here may have seen my last post. I had dated a guy who was a bit of a player, mugged me off, lied to me.
Today I had the courage to confront him. And tell him I had caught him out lying to me & explained to him that I knew he was playing me & wouldn't stand for it. But praised him for being clever for fooling me like I had never been fooled before. He did well at that.

Anyway, he also used those famous words that guys seem to say; You deserve better than me!

& he apologised.
I asked him if he was only sorry because he got caught out; his reply was; Mmmm ya properly.

Now, can I ask... for a guy to say those words I keep on hearing ' you deserve better than me'
Is it just the guy trying to be nice, as he knows he's a player & didn't want me finding out his true colours and now that I had - he's to move on?

Does a guy like to be a player in secret without us females knowing?

Or do guys say that because they honestly don't feel worthy of that female who they says those words to of; you deserve better than me?

Do guys really mean those words or is there some other reason for why they say it that I haven't realised yet?

Many thanks

[btbc92]

It depends on the person. For most it is a copout because they have the chance to do better, but is selfish. Or maybe that they are genuinely telling you that you do deserve better, but they are still not ready for anything serious. The problem comes in when the relationship is sexual active. My close friend's last ex said the exact same thing to her. He had so many issues that it wasn't funny. She didn't believe in and stuck it out, but he eventually dumped her again over and over, and it hurt her. When she saw that he was repulsive and slept with 5 girls after their relationship even when she admitted she was still in love with him, she was done. She found and met her future husband, and he is NOTHING like her ex. So in this case, her ex was right. He said that she will get married to somebody better than him, and she did. So it depends on how you look at the outcome.

[AquaGaming]

I can relate to u because I liked this dude for 3 years and he said other guys would love to be with me so yeah

[azzntittiz]

Just believe him and let him go. Find someone better than him.

[snoopy14]

Thankyou.. yeah I've let him go, ended my words with him in a nice way to part from him on & im more than happy to move on no issues.

But it's those words that bugs me. You deserve better than me. Why do I hear guys always say that to me?

Is it a cheap line guys like to dish out?

[MrSaini]

I understand on some level you wish to feel that phrase to be true but also a part of you inhibits from believing, to be honest it doesn't matter. The only truth is that the relationship ended and it wasn't because of you hence it becomes imperative to take a break from the cycle of mistakes and love the person who would stay with you till the end : yourself. Surround yourself with friends and family who accept for who you are and want to become a better version of themselves to treat you.
take care

[InfoBot]

It's for one of two reasons:

1) They have low self esteem and are testing your resolve to be with them. They want you to validate them by confirming that they are indeed good enough.

2) They are saying "I'm going to act shitty towards you and I don't intend to change that".

[snoopy14]

Thankyou, this recent guy I had dated tried to make out it was the first reason why - he had given me, telling me that he does wanna be with me, and that he is sorry - but he broke my trust an only having been on one date with him, no way will I go further with him now, he said he knows he's blown his chance with me & that he's gutted.
But I just feel like it's all lies & that he just wants me to feel sorry for him. Like he's playing more games with me. I just can't trust what is true & what's lies anymore so I've told him it's the end of those road for us

[Anonymous]

In your case it seems like they wanted to get rid of you for one reason or another.

In general it can be,

1. He did something wrong (like cheating?) and cannot say it and wants to end it.
1.1 Just wants to get rid of you.

2. He actually cares and has everything (average/above average career/future/looks) but has low self-confidence. No need to fix his confidence issues but If you care about him, convince him that he's good enough.

3. He actually cares and he actually does not have anything (not well financially/struggling with career = no time) to be with you. If you care about him, give him mental support.

[Wulfric]

If I were to say it then it would mean that I see my girlfriend in better places and with better people, but I would love her so much that I probably couldn't let her go. So it is kind of like saying "I am not worth you/I do not deserve you". Which is actually a great thing to say because it shows that you value them more than your ownself.

[Messiah89]

Do not I repeat do not say all guys cause some of us are decent. lol an I believe that universally if you keep excepting a cheating douchey guys you gonna get it in my opinion. Now to my answer cause girls are just as guilty of that phrase. The you deserve better line or anything of that nature is guilt they really mean that cause they got exposed an know they do not stand a chance to defend themselves so they say such words to move things along no responsibility taken.

[FFBryan]

one of two things:
1.) most likely is an individual that struggles with self confidence. it's an issue I have too and I've used that exact phrase in past breakups. I'm completely sincere about it.
2.) the person doesn't think he can accomodate you or give you time.
thats what cones to mind for me.

[hbg84]

it's not cheap. it's just how they feel. example if You're a good Christian girl and your with a low life scuz ball and he feels like he isn't good enough for you he might say that to you so you move on. cuz at the end of the day he may feel like he will only ruin your life

[Junkberry]

It is different for every guy. There is a general reason to see it for some reasons but that's not a full on right or wrong. It can be he means it, or he has a lack of self confidence etc. Depends on wjat he is like normally

[rtlm368]

Adidas you ever say. It's me not you. When breaking up with someone? It's him not comfortable , being with you. just a polite way to set you down and not wanting to hurt you. Easy way out. Without telling what really is going on.

[jtluczek]

He might be like me and think very little of themselves... Or it could be a way to not date you anymore...

[snoopy14]

If he thinks little of himself then why play me? Why be meeting up with other girls and lie to my face about it when I asked? I told him I would understand, I told him to be truthful with me but yet he still lied to me, saying his reasoning was because he lives at a distance n felt lonely, but it was the fact he lied to me.

[jtluczek]

Then he's doing it because he doesn't want to date you anymore...

[snoopy14]

Thankyou

[jtluczek]

Your welcome and sorry to hear about that

[snoopy14]

I'm sorry too. He's broken my trust in dating guys now at the moment

[jtluczek]

I don't date for this exact reason... The heart break when it's actually over is to much for me so I just stay single

[snoopy14]

Totally!! I feel your pain.
But it's because my ex is dating someone new at the same distance as I was dating this new guy, my ex is staying faithful to her, so I thought originally that it can be done if he can do it. But maybe it's just a sign for me to stay single at the moment, arghhh. I hate the boring single mother life in the evenings. So lonely. Lol

[jtluczek]

The whole faithful thing just depends on the guy... Of I were to date someone I would be 100% faithful but the guy down the street gets different girls every night... Should the girl see that guy down the street and think all me are womanizing pieces of shit? No... So my advise is to go out there and find a guy who is faithful... Not all guys cheat and not all guys are faithful... It's like opening a box of chocolate cuz you never know ow what your gonna get

[snoopy14]

Haha.. thrown abit of forest gump in there... love it! N so true.. because I know all guys aren't the same thanks to my ex showing me he can be faithful to his new girl who lives at a distance

[jtluczek]

Hehe I saw the perfect opportunity to throw that reference in and so I did lol but yeah just keep trying until you got the right man

[snoopy14]

Cheers

[jtluczek]

Well hope you find the right guy soon... I'm going to bed good night

[snoopy14]

Goodnight,

I spoke to the guy, & he said to me that it wasn't his way of letting me go or anything, having me was just wanting a cake & being able to eat it. Cheeky sod he is!

[jtluczek]

I hate people like that... If you were planning on sleeping with multiple people then why do it when your in a relationship? It's really stupid...

[jtluczek]

Sorry to hear that he is an ass. You will find someone who will respect the values of love and being with someone soon :D

[snoopy14]

I know right, that guy is so dumb!! So stupid, it's like he's asking for Sexually diseases

[jtluczek]

Lol I'm retarded but I'm not as dumb as he is 😂

[snoopy14]

That's because your more & better of a man than he'll ever be!!

Thankyou.. hopefully there will be a day I find a man deserving enough

[jtluczek]

Hopefully! I'll ask my parents to pray for you... They are mormon but I'm atheist... It causes some arguments... Also thank you for the compliment :)

[brocklee]

How about this question: Do you believe you deserve a "bad boy", player, felon? Or do you deserve better?

Who gives a fuck about what words fall out of shady peoples mouths?

[MrNameless]

He either has low self esteem, or he's letting you down gently

[snoopy14]

I've just been open to the guy about his words to me, be trying to be gentle about it, & he comes back & says he was just trying to have his cake & eat it

[snoopy14]

Turns out he was just wanting his cake & to be able to eat it?
Not sure what that means

[HungLikeAHorsefly]

Two possible reasons:

1. He's trying to get rid of you

2. He's a pussy

[rylanh]

I've said that before and meant it; they are probably telling the truth but you have to consider whether they seem like they'll really stop or not

[Imperator]

It means he doesn't love you enough to deserve your love for him.

[snoopy14]

Thankyou that helps

[Imperator]

I use to say it when I realize that I do not love a girl who loves me too much.

[snoopy14]

Sounds like to me he was just wanting his cake & eat it too!

[iFarted]

It means they have low self-esteem, they're putting you on a pedestal and that they can't believe they're with you.

[LYYRIC1022RAY]

He either is beings serious because he feels bad about hurting you and the other is he wants a breakup or another woman

[snoopy14]

Thanks for your reply. I've managed to get it out of the guy.

He's just sorry that he got found out because he wanted his cake & to be able to eat it. He's just a player. & he knows that I was after something actually serious where he wasn't even though he lied to say that he did just so he could get his cake he wanted

[mcaissie]

some guys its genuin some are not you just gotta dipict which is which for instance the guys who said it to you is someone who didn't really mean it

[hellacray]

He cheated and he is scum

[snoopy14]

Ha yeah he's scum alright. Wanting his cake & being able to eat it eh.

[blackwolf3x]

history of guilt and shame