If a guy does not approach you, he doesn't like you?

Even after showing signs of liking and being nice to you. Saw this video and it got me thinking. What do you guys think?


  • Yes most likely
    Vote A
  • No not necessarily
    Vote B
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

2|2
1443

Most Helpful Guy

  • Guys are afraid of rejection too. We also ask things like, "Why won't she talk to me," and other things like that. Also, when we want to approach a girl, we kind of want her to be alone. Just in case we do get rejected, there won't be any witnesses of our momentary weakness. When a guy stares at a girl he likes, he might be thinking of her inappropriately, OR he might be thinking of a way to approach her, and ultimately fail when the time comes. And this process of planning how to approach needs to be perfect so that we don't approach and look stupid. We try to keep hold of our pride as long as possible, you know. That's not something we can just pick right off of the ground.

    7|13
    0|0

Most Helpful Girl

  • Matthew Hussey is my spirit animal, he knows he's shit!

    No, all guys do not approach women they like, because they're too shy or can't find the right moment. I think that's where women should step in. If you see someone showing signs they like you, but are hesitant to approach you, make it the right moment! Approach him instead or show him fool proof signs it's okay to approach.

    Women are so confusing that guys find it hard to know when we are approachable and when we are not. We need to make it easier or do the approaching ourselves, or more and more guys will fall short on approaching girls they like, because they just can't do it for whatever reason.

    2|9
    0|0

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 42

  • Totally false. I hate approaching and always have... to the point I don't usually. Very few times and always been a bad experience.

    Guys can have all the same thoughts, feelings and insecurities women do, yet we're "expected" not to because we're "the man"... seriously? wtf? How does this make any sense? The thoughts a lot of woman have of "if he likes you enough, he'll approach" or "guys love the chase" are TOTALLY false!!! Some maybe but certainly not all, or even most I'd say.

    3|3
    1|0
  • I am a shy guy and to make matters worse I am socially awkward. It is how God made me, and I have learned to accept it. Watching this video, I am the guy who needs the "perfect moment", who doesn't want to creep the girl out but does anyways, who needs to see a girl single without a man by her side, who needs to sense that she is inviting him to at least say hello to her at the club, but I wait too long and some guy moves in to steal her away from me. I am that guy, but my situation seems more disadvantaged and my life experiences are a result of this.

    1|4
    0|0
    • I am the same way dude! You aren't alone in this! Some men and women will look down on us, call us betas, pussies, whatever, but honestly, I think we are just human. All people have insecurities and flaws. We could be the most awesome people, most loving partners, attentive in bed, great catches, but because it is hard for us to break the ice, both we and the women who we could be spending time with are missing out.

      I too wonder why God made me this way. Why he allowed the things to happen in my childhood that led up to this. Did he really want me to be this way? I'm not going to play the victim, I am going to try and take things a day at a time, but it is still difficult knowing that women will not find me attractive because I don't have the confidence to approach. I confidence in every other area of my life, but not this. What a curse.

  • This guy speaks the truth.

    Maybe the numbers vary a bit, maybe I'd phrase things different (though I've made this case many times on here and have indeed used the word ridiculous a whole lot), but overall, basically everything that came out of this guy's face is legit.

    And honestly that guy's whole rant is my internal monologue whenever I have to read or hear that "if he doesn't approach, he's not worth my time" or if he doesn't approach it's obviously because he doesn't like me"(it's an excuse so you can say "I don't have to do anything here")
    It's a prevalent attitude and obviously doesn't help the situation at all, but for some reason it's not recognized as your reflexive rationalization that is there not to actually deal with anything or help you understand the situation, it's to make yourself feel better with an easy cop out.

    Hopefully this isn't taken as antagonistic. I'm really just trying to flesh this out, though with so many things the internet can't help but read things in the most negative light.

    1|1
    0|0
  • There's barriers to approaching women for most men, the fear of rejection is extremely worrying and plays on mens neuroticism. This means is provokes fear and a lot of anxiety, and these negative emotions can be strong enough to prevent men from initiating contact.

    2|2
    0|0
  • The video was very accurate from my point of view. Worried ill look like a creep, assuming thats her boyfriend, i know all her other friends are gonna judge me, she looks super busy: I've thought everyone of those at some point. That toppled with my struggle to get over my personal insecurities, its a wonder i even talk to women.

    The only thing women need to worry about interms of this video is being forward enough. Smiling at me may not be enough. You dont know how dense i am and being hit on isn't something guys experience all the time, so being able to tell the signs isn't easy.

    1|3
    0|0
    • What if I add him on facebook?

    • Show All
    • LOL definitely not that desperate haha.. and thanks for your opinion.

    • Okay added him on fb. He accepted shortly after and sent a message "Hi, nice to see you on fb 😊"!!

  • Shyness, inferiority complex, low self-esteem, low confidence, insecurities, fear of rejection... so many reasons why a guy who wants to approach, but doesn't. Many of these reasons are only there when it comes to approaching strangers or approaching attractive women for a conversation. Breaking the ice can be a challenge. There are a lot of people that will not approach strangers or have trouble mingling, both men and women. I suppose it is sort of like a trust issue, trusting others when they feel vulnerable.

    A shy guy might put up a front like he is cold and aloof. That doesn't mean he is snobbish or a misanthrope, but it can be a sort of defense mechanism. Often times once a shy guy is comfortable around someone, he comes out of his shell and is just as confident as any of the outgoing guys (or close to it).

    However, approaching a woman who he doesn't know very well or isn't sure if she likes him, is sort of like treading into the unknown or looking off the side of the cliff. The shy guy knows he should jump off because that is where he wants to be, but his mind, his body, his whole being is fighting against him.

    0|1
    0|0
  • The problem nowadays is that men no longer feel its worth the risk to approach a woman, especially with how anti-male society is turning. This 'rape hysteria' culture on top of feminism makes it feel more dangerous and risky for men to cold approach that stranger, especially so if she's with someone, listening to music, or anything else.

    Women have two options:
    1. Make themselves way easily more available by opening up space for us guys to approach.
    2. Approach guys themselves.

    Frankly, the latter option is much, MUCH more likely to land you ladies dates. Guys are leagues more receptive to advances from women than vice versa, especially if she's blunt and straight forward.

    1|2
    0|1
    • But then they comsider such women "easy" and desperate!

    • Show All
    • Why is starting a conversation easy and desperate? If a woman approached me and made sexual comments and catcalled me, then yeah, I would think she is a wild one or (if she is older) a cougar. But just a woman introducing herself, showing some signs she likes me (big smiles, staring, blushing, etc.)? How is that being easy?

    • 3d

      this comment is so on point. Come approach us if you're interested. You'll be amazed at the results you get. Women are either going to have to start doing the pursuing, or stop making men out to be bad guys and predators.

  • Many men won't approach a girl they like, due to a fear of rejection. It's a common fear, and in some cases a stupid fear, but it's a fear nonetheless. If you think a guy is showing signs that he likes you, try to show signs that you like him back. This will ease his fear and in some cases eliminate it entirely.

    2|3
    0|0
  • Hard to tell. If he is a shy guy, then he will likely not approach. If he is the confident type, he will.

    1|1
    0|0
  • Almost everyone, men, women, have trouble approaching people with whom they are interested. Especially when it comes to approaching someone, they may feel intimidated, self-conscious, shy, vulnerable, and aren't really sure how to act or what to do in that particular situation. Just because a person doesn't approach you, it doesn't mean they are not interested. Some people have more self-confidence than others, and are more practiced at approaching another person, but the vast majority of people, both men and women, are not that type of a person, even if others find them extremely attractive, that may not be how they see themselves regardless.

    1|1
    0|0
  • [sarcasm mode on] Yes: ALL men have this superpower where we are 100% fearless and can strike up smooth conversation with complete strangers. Each and every one of us. [sarcasm mode off]

    2|1
    0|0
    • What if you are not complete strangers as such? What if you are colleagues, family friend, classmates etc?

    • Show All
    • Ok thank you for your opinion. I feel I do have an intimidating (unintentionally!) feel, I am not rude but I am very opinionated and analytical and sometimes may give unpopular opinions 😕

    • Yes, maybe you appear hostile to them, but remember it's often more about your body language and tone of your voice than about the words you say.

  • A lot of men don't like women. It's called MGTOW. We are accused of hating women. To be honest we are tired of the bullshit. Before it's men are creeps but now it's hating women. You women are driving men away by taking us for granted. When you women hit the wall all of a sudden you changed your mind but we men have moved on. Now it's your women that will suffer.

    1|2
    1|0
    • sounds like you've been through a traumatic experience... so sorry

    • @Amnichole88 Yeah, there are so decent women but they are not the norm and with the new law in Canada men are now afraid to even date. Bill c51 will make it easier to convict a man with sexual assault or physical assault because you will no longer able to use text messages, phone calls, emails and video to defend yourself.

    • have you ever thought of moving or traveling?

  • I don't approach women. if she doesn't like me she can have me thrown in jail, I don't care how hot you are you aren't worth that risk.

    2|2
    0|0
  • Stopped at 3:40, true what he says in my opinion. If a guy doesn't approach you, it doesn't mean he doesn't like you, what he said.

    1|0
    0|0
  • He's 99% right. There are other factors involved. Many good men that get rejected a lot stop trying or really limit the women they approach. There is also the fear of being stigmatized as a predator. If you are perceived as being the 'creepy' guy, that further perpetuates the rape culture hysteria stereotype. And NO guy wants to be associated with that. So you have a bunch of good men out there waiting for the correct timing and situation so their approach seems natural but also accidental. Therefore he doesn't come off as some stalking creeper, but a gentleman that just so happens to be standing next to you because some random events brought you in the same location. I also noticed that not all women are as perceptive as they claim. I've observed women I have been attracted to and they had no clue I was observing them. They couldn't possibly do anything to indicate they were safe to approach. So yeah, this video has a lot of insight, but there is more below the surface. Good luck ladies.

    0|1
    0|0
  • i only watched the first minute and a half but he's absolutely right.

    1|2
    0|0
  • I think I'm glad more guys don't approach because it makes me even more successful.

    2|0
    0|2
  • Not necessarily

    1|1
    0|0
  • Observing behavior and considering whether you're going to end up helping build the road, or slowly take sledgehammers to it while it's being built.

    1|1
    0|0
    • How can I help build the road? I admit I am pathetic when it comes to such things

    • Taking the responsibility of life, all it's done and has to offer, the good and the bad upon yourself voluntarily to work for the better of this world.

      This is a process and took me months to get a grip on. I had to experience the worst humanity has to offer to get there to.

  • Not necessarily. There are dozens of factors. Shyness, history of rejection, anxiety. Perhaps he is nervous as it is, and then in his head he jumps to the conclusion that you will reject him, and thinks "why bother?"

    1|2
    0|0
  • I never approach any women now, even if i like her.

    1|1
    0|0
  • Even if he approaches you does not guarantee he likes you. Most men just want in her pants.

    1|2
    0|0
  • If you like him shouldn't you be the one that goes up to him or do us men have to do everything?

    1|3
    0|0
  • jesus, girls are so fucking entitled

    0|3
    1|0
  • Many guys usually don't approach the girls they like, mainly because of fear of rejection insecurities or they fear of looking like a creep.
    But there is also another reason, there is so much expected from a guy from the other gender, or at least we are brought up to think so. And most guys might not really check all the boxes. It makes them kinda feel incompetent enough to get the girl they like, so they'd rather wait till they are competent enough ( which is not a good idea, but yeah... try to convince a guy who likes a girl that... ). Also many girls are most of the time cold and distant, and if you try to approach them in a way that shows them you are interested in them, they'll start acting bitchy and such, which destroy's the poor guy's self-esteem, that he's probably been working on for the past few months to have the courage and approach a pretty lady.

    0|2
    0|0
  • Guys are, well at least I am, afraid of rejection. But that's not the only thing. Because I am also very shy. So I probably wouldn't approach a girl because I have overthought the fact that she might not like me. Best case scenario whe would never talk to me again, well that's at least what I think. It probably isn't true. But if there are signs that he likes you and you like him or at least you want to get to know him better, you go for it. Don't just wait for him you decide, wait forever or go for it.

    1|1
    0|0
  • no that's not true

    1|1
    0|0
  • Bullshit!!!

    0|1
    1|0
  • not true.

    1|1
    0|0
  • No not necessarily

    1|1
    0|0
  • More from Guys
    12

What Girls Said 13

  • For the most part I would say yes, if he's interested in you he will approach you. But it could be that - for him - you haven shown enough signs that you are interested to make him comfortable to approach. Does that make sense?
    Or he's shy and is doing his best to work up the courage. Could be a few reasons why he doesn't approach and still be interested...

    1|2
    0|0
  • It's not always true. Yes, guys often approach girls they like, but so do girls. This isn't a gender thing, it is a human and individual choice thing. I overall say that if a guy likes you chose to do nothing, 9/10x he is not as serious about you as he makes it. Because if a go getter is not allowing ANYTHING to stop him/her, then what is stopping him/her from approaching you? Either, they have to wrong intentions, see your not as compatible as they thought you'd be, or they are just crushing. And have no interest in dating. People overall who do nothing don't get a partner or married, it's just that simple.

    1|0
    0|3
    • I have crushed after a girl I knew for years and we didn't hook up (she was in an open relationship) until she called me out on it. So no, this is wrong. Some guys are too shy to approach and a piece of them dies inside every single time they miss an opportunity because their jerk brain keeps them from going for what they want.

    • Show All
    • She did not have to. She is NOT your wife. Your asking her something she should not be providing until marriage. Your way of thinking I'm sorry to say is twisted. You can NOT demand something you don't have.

    • Your 34 years old and still don't have it together. That is not my problem.

  • He could just be shy, or inexperienced and waiting for you to make the first move.

    1|2
    0|0
    • Maybe... all my life I have been led into thinking that if a guy likes you he will make the first move or ask you out!

    • Show All
    • You're welcome :)

    • Just to add.. He could be in the same frame of mind as you. He may be wondering why you haven't approached him. Most guys these days feel comfortable with girls making the first most. Times have changed so much

  • That video made a lot of sense.

    1|2
    0|0
  • A lot of guys are shy or inexperienced. My bff's boyfriend didn't approach her but he was crazy over her and was being peacock around her until she finally approached him.
    Some guys are just insecure or inexperienced and want the girl to start.

    1|2
    0|0
  • if you ask him out and he says no. he is not interested. this is the simplest litmus test, in my opinion.

    0|2
    0|0
  • I believe it so tht if he does not approach is as simple as he is not interested. Is either black or white there are no things in between.

    1|0
    0|2
  • Lol most guys are nervous, shy or can't be bothered. To be honest we are kinda scary :P

    1|3
    0|0
  • guys are liars !
    no guy is afraid of rejection if a guy is so into you he would kill to have you and not watch you from a distance and take the risk of losing you for good
    if a guy doesn't approach you he is immature or too arrogant and wants you to make the first move
    truth hurts so bad but this is the fact no guy would admit

    1|0
    0|4
    • Lies. I am shy and can tell you straight up, swear to the highest in heaven, that I am not too arrogant. I am too shy! And yes, not a very attractive trait to most women. I'm not going to blame women for that, I know it has done nothing but hold me back. Wish I could flip a switch in my brain and just shut the damn thing off.

  • I voted for the first but i really meant to vote for "no"

    0|0
    0|0
  • no there are always the beta losers that are never approaching cause they are afraid of women. i mean what do we have that is scary, we are adorable!

    1|0
    0|5
    • you got the sarcasm in that last sentence didn't you? i should include ("she gives off a creepy/murderous look" after adorable to make it more understandable.)

    • Agreed, approaching gives men the power I don't understand why men want to give that up.

    • @StickStickity13 How would it be giving anything up? How is starting a conversation, introducing yourself, being more friendly, breaking the ice, giving anyone power? A woman can still require that the guy ask for the date and lead in the courtship, but many guys just need the go ahead. Why does everything have to be a power dynamic?

  • He farted

    0|1
    0|0
  • Most likely but not always... he could be painfully shy or taken. Either way he's unavailable

    1|0
    0|2
Loading... ;