If a guy does not approach you, he doesn't like you?

[candyaurora]

Even after showing signs of liking and being nice to you. Saw this video and it got me thinking. What do you guys think?

Yes most likely

No not necessarily

[TFXNYC]

He's 99% right. There are other factors involved. Many good men that get rejected a lot stop trying or really limit the women they approach. There is also the fear of being stigmatized as a predator. If you are perceived as being the 'creepy' guy, that further perpetuates the rape culture hysteria stereotype. And NO guy wants to be associated with that. So you have a bunch of good men out there waiting for the correct timing and situation so their approach seems natural but also accidental. Therefore he doesn't come off as some stalking creeper, but a gentleman that just so happens to be standing next to you because some random events brought you in the same location. I also noticed that not all women are as perceptive as they claim. I've observed women I have been attracted to and they had no clue I was observing them. They couldn't possibly do anything to indicate they were safe to approach. So yeah, this video has a lot of insight, but there is more below the surface. Good luck ladies.

[Dme500]

The video was very accurate from my point of view. Worried ill look like a creep, assuming thats her boyfriend, i know all her other friends are gonna judge me, she looks super busy: I've thought everyone of those at some point. That toppled with my struggle to get over my personal insecurities, its a wonder i even talk to women.

The only thing women need to worry about interms of this video is being forward enough. Smiling at me may not be enough. You dont know how dense i am and being hit on isn't something guys experience all the time, so being able to tell the signs isn't easy.

[candyaurora]

What if I add him on facebook?

[theblueknight]

I wouldn't add him on FB before you guys are dating. That way, if he wants to know more about you, he'll go out with you first in person. It keeps you mysterious.

[candyaurora]

@theblueknight actually he knows about me.. we are colleagues and have mutual friends on facebook. He has initiated conversations many times in real life ranging from small talk to deep stuff about politics , sports etc.

[Dme500]

Facebook means nothing to me personally. Only that you want to be friends, want people to know we're friends, or more likely facebook suggested me and you liked my profile.

I suggest doing something in person. Its a little harder to miss interpret and has a more positive effect on the ego.

Just do what guys do to you. Compliment, take time away from what you're doing to talk to him, break the damnedable touch barrier. If nothing sticks he's probably not that interested.

And if you're really desperate get him drunk, haha.

[candyaurora]

LOL definitely not that desperate haha.. and thanks for your opinion.

[candyaurora]

Okay added him on fb. He accepted shortly after and sent a message "Hi, nice to see you on fb 😊"!!

[witherwing]

Matthew Hussey is my spirit animal, he knows he's shit!

No, all guys do not approach women they like, because they're too shy or can't find the right moment. I think that's where women should step in. If you see someone showing signs they like you, but are hesitant to approach you, make it the right moment! Approach him instead or show him fool proof signs it's okay to approach.

Women are so confusing that guys find it hard to know when we are approachable and when we are not. We need to make it easier or do the approaching ourselves, or more and more guys will fall short on approaching girls they like, because they just can't do it for whatever reason.

[freakyzeaky]

So much this! ^_^

[vickysun86]

i disagree, I found once woman approach men, at end, men not treasure women.

[freakyzeaky]

@vickysun86 I have seen stories of people being married for 10, 15, 20+ years where the wife was the one who first approached the husband all those years ago. I think the idea that men don't respect women who approach needs to be put to rest.

[vickysun86]

@freakyzeaky , lol. frankly, i don't know why like this, everytime, i approach one guys, they just ignore me. only the guys approach me , they say sth to me.

[freakyzeaky]

@vickysun86 What do you think it is like for guys? A guy could approach a dozen women and only one will give him the time of day, let alone have a connection with and go on a date.

Seems like this is most women's default response to the idea of approaching. "Well I tried to approach, but he didn't like me, so I will never approach again and just let guys come to me". This isn't because guys as a WHOLE don't like you to approach. It is mostly due to being spoiled by guys who approach since it is still culturally expected for guys to approach a woman in a friendly way first even though most women want to be seen as equals.

So yeah, now you know how it is for guys. Some guys you approach will not like you, others will, some will be intimidated, others will be pleasantly surprised. Some will still be too shy to ask you on a date and you might have to suggest it, other guys will still ask you on that first date even though you introduced yourself first.

[Analinda1999]

yeah i agree. do hear women use proof that they were rejected 1 or 3 time so guys dont like it. you gt rejected a lot when you always approach a person you like thats just how it is. and anyone who really likes you won't not like being approached. its just another way of saying they are not interested whether they know or not.

[btbc92]

It's not always true. Yes, guys often approach girls they like, but so do girls. This isn't a gender thing, it is a human and individual choice thing. I overall say that if a guy likes you chose to do nothing, 9/10x he is not as serious about you as he makes it. Because if a go getter is not allowing ANYTHING to stop him/her, then what is stopping him/her from approaching you? Either, they have to wrong intentions, see your not as compatible as they thought you'd be, or they are just crushing. And have no interest in dating. People overall who do nothing don't get a partner or married, it's just that simple.

[freakyzeaky]

I have crushed after a girl I knew for years and we didn't hook up (she was in an open relationship) until she called me out on it. So no, this is wrong. Some guys are too shy to approach and a piece of them dies inside every single time they miss an opportunity because their jerk brain keeps them from going for what they want.

[btbc92]

@freakyzeaky Why are you even trying to hookup just for sex? See that is the problem I have with you men. It doesn't matter if you're shy or not. Being shy is a choice. Everything in life is a choice. So no. I'm right. You either be intentional or somebody else will grab them. Nothing is stopping you. That is an excuse. You won't get anywhere in life if your not a go-getter.

[freakyzeaky]

I wasn't trying to hook up for just sex, it is just how it worked out. It is a long story and a bunch of drama involved or otherwise, I would have loved to date her.

Being shy isn't a choice, it is a personality trait. Things that happened in my childhood lead up to it, it isn't as if I choose to be shy and miss out. Are you serious?

[freakyzeaky]

That is the problem with shyness and anxiety, in that, it the person needs to be exposed with positive reinforcement. If you have a fear of cats, I wouldn't expect you to be able to pick up a cat and hold it right away. It takes time and exposure. The problem with social fears or shyness is that not all situations will be a positive reinforcement. There is no controlled environment. It is a lot more of a challenge than you think.

Unless you have been shy yourself, you have no clue.

[btbc92]

@freakyzeaky Yes, I am serious. I once was 'shy'. I think as an introvert who is always quiet knows what 'shy' means. It is a choice because you could go speak, but you're afraid. If you learn to control yourself and your fear, break free and learn proper communication. Then you will be an effective and more assertive person. You have to learn to grow and mature. I'm speaking from experience.

[btbc92]

You can't be afraid to take risks just because you don't know how things would turn out. That is the very definition of 'shy'.

[freakyzeaky]

I was sexually abused when I was 8. I have been obese since childhood. I was bullied for that. I went to therapy and have come a long way. It is part trust issues, part insecurity. Regardless of my weaknesses, regardless of my past, regardless of any of this, I feel these things make me human.

I'm not some trembling leaf of a man. I have come a long way. I am confident in all other areas. I can talk business with coworkers, I can smile and say hello, I have no problem talking with people. When it comes to opening myself up to a woman I am attracted to, to approach a total stranger with the intention of breaking the ice, that is where I am stuck at. It is like a fear of public speaking, but much worse. I'd rather talk to a crowd of 10,000 people about business than to approach an attractive woman. I'm not the only one.

[btbc92]

@freakyzeaky But it is still YOUR CHOICE. I'm sorry all of that happened to you in the past, but you can't sadly use that as an excuse. You are a new man now, you have to move on and go forward. Not backward. If you were REALLY serious, you would do it. If you're not that serious, then you won't. A man has to lead. Women will observe and watch. Study your every move. To see what you will do. What move you will make. It's like strategy. Or chess. Try to out move your opponents. Your opponents are other men. How are you going to play the game right if you don't have a strategy? And it's not so much of that. But how you play the game. But don't look at it as a game. If you so desire to pursue somebody, you would just go for it, and NOTHING should hold you back. NOTHING. Otherwise, she's going to feel no matter what you say, but by actions, you won't budge.

[btbc92]

Bravery and courage are very appealing to women. She wouldn't even care if you embarrassed yourself. She would just be impressed that you had the guts to talk to her. Unless she's vain.

[freakyzeaky]

I am getting better over time, but it isn't something that is going to come to me overnight. That still doesn't mean that women shouldn't show interest or approach if they want to. I think both sexes should take risks, myself included. I realize that I can't expect it, but doesn't mean I don't feel women should feel like men always have to be the ones to break the ice.

Heck if a woman broke the ice, was friendly, showed she was interested, I'd definitely ask for a date if I was interested too. I wouldn't expect her to suggest the date, but meeting somewhere in the middle would make things go much smoother.

So yeah, I'm working on my shyness. I never said I wasn't. I'm still too shy to just approach a random attractive woman. I think most men (and people in general) rarely make friends with random strangers. Most go with the warm approach (friends of friends, clubs, communities). That is how I met my ex-girlfriend, with online dating.

[freakyzeaky]

Right now though, focusing on my fitness (lost 40 lbs.), reading spiritual books, trying to improve my life. Taking myself out on dates and adventures. I know I will probably always have some level of shyness though. I can flirt and have a sense of humor too, but I need to feel comfortable to let that side of me show. Wish it came more natural, but alas...

[btbc92]

@freakyzeaky But my question to you is what is your intentions of approaching an attractive woman? We know women can approach too. But we're not talking about women. We're talking about you and why you couldn't approach somebody you say you were interested in. Overall, you shouldn't have tried to step into her relationship that she wants to fool around in. You're attracted to the wrong type of girls. I can see why your very shy and hurt. I often make friends, but I am selective in who I allow in my circle.

[freakyzeaky]

Also, I don't understand why a woman has to analyze a man as if she is judging his every move. Dating and relationships shouldn't be a battle, I feel it should be more organic than that.

[btbc92]

@freakyzeaky It's always a battle. Haven't you heard the song from Pat Benatar? Love is a battlefield? Survival of the fittest. You should know this. Women are born as observant creatures. Why do you think we are well known to be multitaskers, intuitive and able read between the lies? It's a woman's nature.

[btbc92]

How do you think we determine who is a good potential life partner or mate? We have to observe.

[freakyzeaky]

True, but people make mistakes. I don't like playing games or being tested. I think most people don't. They just want to meet someone who down-to-earth, who knows that no one is perfect and that we are all humans looking for a connection. I'm not looking for the perfect match either. I just want to find a woman who is compatible and has some commonalities. If she makes a faux pas, I'm not going to judge her harshly for it, or think about all the other women that could be better than her.

That is the crux of the issue. This is what puts men off. The way you describe things, is that women are always looking for the next best thing. From my limited experience with women, and with women friends, most women aren't like that. They aren't trying to battle men or think that their shit doesn't stink. Or are you right and women are always looking for where the grass is greener?

Just because that song has that message doesn't make it THE truth. What about The Smith's "How Soon Is Now"? haha!

[freakyzeaky]

"Overall, you shouldn't have tried to step into her relationship that she wants to fool around in. You're attracted to the wrong type of girls. I can see why your very shy and hurt. I often make friends, but I am selective in who I allow in my circle."

She was in an open relationship and she came on to me. She called me out like "I know you like me". I was super shy at that period in my life, and I'm not going to lie, pretty lonely. I would have liked to date her, but my sister warned me about her sleeping around. At the time, I didn't care, I just wanted some human contact. Although in reality, I would have liked to date her, she wasn't in that position.

I am also pretty selective with friends and I am attracted to kind and sweet girls too. My ex was as sweet woman, but she had lots of sexual hang-ups. I have a high libido and can be quite kinky. The attraction really wasn't there, but it was some of the happiest times of my life. We had a lot in common, just not compatibility.

[btbc92]

@freakyzeaky

It's not about playing games. But being safe. Nobody wants to get involved with somebody who they sense isn't good for them. It's not playing games. It's called making good judgments. Sadly a lot of women don't have that today. Including some men. Overall. No women aren't looking for the next best thing. They want to be with one partner, for life who is going to be IT and only IT for them. Not to hoping and bopping around and swaying from one man to another. It's usually the men that make some women feel like this.

"How Soon Is Now"? That can be true too. Some songs hold truth. But the point I am making is the title of the song. Just like the song 'You can't always get what you want' is a very true song. It does hold true. For women at least. Men know's this. But this is a battle you can and can't see. We just don't tell you because it makes you look dense. No offense. But men are born with a one track mind. And that is perfectly okay. This issue is your sex life

[btbc92]

affected your future. And now you're trying to compensate for every sex partner you had. That is not anybody else's fault but yours and whoever you had sexual relations with. But if you don't mind hopping to anyone even if it's a relationship, then it's your life.

[freakyzeaky]

I haven't had that many sex partners to be honest. And I am looking for a LTR relationship that will lead to marriage and possibly a family with children. Not sure how you can make so many snap judgments about me, but hey, you are free to think what you want.

Also that Pat Benatar song isn't about testing and choosing men to be the one. haha. Listen (or read) the lyrics. It is about being in a relationship with its ups and downs, fights and make ups. But I digress...

I get what you are saying though. Men aren't entitled to anything and women have a right to pick a good partner. There is no denying that. I'm not arguing that at all. I wish I wasn't so shy and could get over it quickly so I can actually date more and see if I can meet the right one for me. Of course I can stand back, be passive, and wait for a woman to choose me. That is foolish, I agree completely!

But to answer the question, no, a guy can like a woman very much and still not approach due to a variety of reasons...

[btbc92]

@freakyzeaky I know. I was talking about the title. Not the actual song itself. I know the song by heart. "But to answer the question, no, a guy can like a woman very much and still not approach due to a variety of reasons..." That is not what I am saying. I am saying that if you REALLY like somebody. Prove it. Women need's actions. Not words. If you're not willing, then you might as well drop it. That's like saying you're going to do something you know very well in your heart you won't do it. You have to be honest with yourself. That is why those who claimed they did, I needed to see what they were going to go. I wasn't testing them. Don't need to. Especially since I'm celibate anyway, I would have had no choice to reject them. But. It showed me that they weren't going to put an effort. So what is the bad report I tell people when they ask and wonder: He never talked to me.

[freakyzeaky]

Shyness, insecurity, inferiority complex, anxiety, fear of rejection, just to name a few. That doesn't make them good reasons, but they are reasons.

You say it is a choice. That if a man is serious enough he will approach. One could say the same thing about a person who is trying to lose weight but keeps failing, going on and off diets. They could be dead serious about losing weight but still fail, until they finally get it right. Same goes for people who try to get off drug addiction, get over their fear of heights, or any other human affliction.

To say a man isn't serious about being interested if he doesn't approach is callous. Men wouldn't be lamenting their insecurities and anxieties if this weren't the case. Being insensitive isn't going to bring people together, but only separate them. I believe in cooperation, not competition. I believe in unity, not division. I believe in love, not war.

[btbc92]

"And I am looking for a LTR relationship that will lead to marriage and possibly a family with children. Not sure how you can make so many snap judgments about me, but hey, you are free to think what you want. " Because studies have shown that those who were sexually active before marriage have a higher risk of divorce. Those who usually are active don't end up married. And if they do, it will be with much difficulty and problems that put's strain and marital dissatisfaction. Plus, premarital sex teaches women that sex is meaningless. That she doesn't have to have sex with you when you ask or look for it. That become not only sexual abuse in marriage but sexual neglect. Sex is learned together with your spouse, not taught. But you having sex already you created an identity for yourself that is not your own, alone. But of every partner you had. If you force somebody to do outrageous sex acts they don't want to, then that makes you a poor lover. And then your partner will slowly but sure

[btbc92]

-ly wean away from you. Because they grow to hate having sex with you. No matter how many times you and that person have done it. That's what happens in marriage. And even in dating today. I know. I've seen it happen multiple times. I'm not talking out my backside.

[btbc92]

Again. It still boils down to choice. I struggle with picking weight myself. You think I just give up? No. I keep trying. I keep pushing. Now my weight is getting back up. I made changes and learned about how my body is working. It's not callous. It's life. I already told you. Men have to be leaders. Which means they have to be prepared to take and lead a woman by the hand. Not the other way around. A woman can ask a guy out. He can say yes. But now will he take the lead in other things? This is something many women face a question about. A woman cannot do everything just like a man cannot do everything. It is a learning process.

" Men wouldn't be lamenting their insecurities and anxieties if this weren't the case. " Because they ALLOW it to continue. One must move on. Just like all of us. You can't rely on mom and dad to be there to defend you all the time. As an Adult, you now have to make your own decisions. And if it is so bad, you seek professional counseling.

[btbc92]

Or you'll be left to figure out on your own, and be left behind, while others are moving on with life. You will have to pick up your feet and dust yourself at some point.

[freakyzeaky]

Having sex before marriage allows people to learn about what they like and don't like. I have a high libido and have kinks and if my partner isn't sexually compatible with me, I'm going to be highly dissatisfied. I had this libido and kinks before I even lost my virginity. I had 3 sex partners total, so it isn't like I am a manwhore or anything.

My ex-girlfriend was a virgin, but she also was pretty prudish. She wasn't assertive at all, didn't really have much of a sex drive. I tried to romance her, set the mood, even intiate and suggest things to spice it up, but it ended up being an uninspired vanilla sex life. It lead to me being unattracted to her, but I cared for her, so I stuck around. She eventually broke it off knowing that we weren't compatible. She also wanted to change me, so I knew it was for the best.

Leading a life of celibacy up until marriage doesn't guarantee a happy marriage. Sexual incompatibly is one of the biggest reasons for breakups and divorces.

[freakyzeaky]

There are also things I want to try, I want some sexual adventure, I want connection through novelty. Not all women are hung up on this, in fact, many women are very sex positive. That doesn't make them any lesser of a person for trying out different things, discovering themselves and their preferences, before they settle down.

I want to experience this sexual connection in a LTR or marriage, so finding a woman who has that same idea of what sex should be, fun, adventurous, novel, with enthusiasm, good/giving/game, in a committed relationship is what I am looking for. I don't necessarily want to sleep around, I want a great sex life with one person, and having a sex life with one person for the rest of my life doesn't have to be boring or vanilla.

[btbc92]

@freakyzeaky

"Having sex before marriage allows people to learn about what they like and don't like." WRONG. Because now you're making it all about YOU. Sex is not about you, but your partner. That includes marriage. "My ex-girlfriend was a virgin, but she also was pretty prudish." Then why were you with her if you knew she was a virgin. Now you turned her into somebody she is not. You hated her from the beginning and wasn't satisfied with her being who she IS: Innocent. She trusted you to be somebody who would understand her. " She eventually broke it off knowing that we weren't compatible. She also wanted to change me, so I knew it was for the best. " And this was proof enough of what I said. She knew she made a mistake in having sex with you so she end it. She didn't say it in so many words, but I know. I've seen it happen before.

" I tried to romance her, set the mood, even intiate and suggest things to spice it up, but it ended up being an uninspired vanilla sex life. " SEE!

[btbc92]

Your biggest mistake! You tried to force her into having sex YOUR WAY. Poor lover. That's why marriages fail. "Leading a life of celibacy up until marriage doesn't guarantee a happy marriage. Sexual incompatibly is one of the biggest reasons for breakups and divorces." Yeah, when you realize who you partner really is by not talking about it before hoping in the sack.

"She wasn't assertive at all, didn't really have much of a sex drive. " Yeah, because YOU made her that way. Sex drive develops. You turned her off. Because you don't know her. Still don't. You can't romance somebody you don't even know.

[btbc92]

A woman who loves sex with her partner will increase in sex drive.

[freakyzeaky]

I didn't try to force anything. We just weren't compatible. I have a right to my preferences too. You are injecting your morality into my situation and passing judgment. I wasn't a poor lover. I was very attentive, and she enjoyed it. It wasn't like she was forced to go along with anything. It just didn't feel like she cared much for sex. She had a low libido or just didn't care about sex as much as I did. That is incompatibility.

You don't know our relationship, so you can play armchair psychologist all you want and make all these assumptions, but in reality, you don't really know. She didn't communicate well.

it seems to me that you have this expectation that men should do EVERYTHING. But relationships take two. A woman needs to state what she wants, and a man should do the same. If both don't want to provide for each other, then there isn't compatibility. We were together for a year and a half...

[freakyzeaky]

Anyways, I agree with some of the things you mentioned before and things will get better.

[btbc92]

Whoa, buddy. Your the one who said that she was a virgin and prudish. That's number 1. Even if she did enjoy sex, big whoop. Sex is designed to be enjoyable. You don't get a prize for that. "It wasn't like she was forced to go along with anything." Buddy, you said this --> " I tried to romance her, set the mood, even intiate and suggest things to spice it up, but it ended up being an uninspired vanilla sex life. " I was paying VERY CLOSE attention to detail. Something is seriously not psychologically correct with this picture. But again, you did say you were raped at 8. So it makes since why you think sex is supposed to be that way. It's not. Now you hurt somebody who realized that she made a mistake.

"You don't know our relationship, so you can play armchair psychologist all you want and make all these assumptions, but in reality, you don't really know. She didn't communicate well. " How do you expect her to communicate with you if she doesn't even know who you are? HOW?

[btbc92]

You were never going to attach to her. Because that is what happens when you have more than 1 partner sexually. Even scientist KNOWS this. Sex is a binding contract. It has 0 to do with that compatibility or preference nonsense. That is not how sex works. But that is sadly, how you chose to make sex be like for YOU.

"She had a low libido or just didn't care about sex as much as I did. That is incompatibility. " Again, that's what happens for women when they have sex before marriage. They grow to disconnect and not care about sex because in their mindset it seems like it's nothing. There no benefits or stimulating about it after a while. It's becomes a quick fix.

"it seems to me that you have this expectation that men should do EVERYTHING. But relationships take two. " Again, your not getting it. It is not about men needing to do everything. It's the fact your getting frustrated with her, so she became intimidated. Basic simple reaction. I don't need to play counselor.

[freakyzeaky]

Trying to romance and set the mood, suggesting to try new things, isn't forcing anything. lol. But whatever. It is a two-way street.

I was sexually abused, I didn't say I was raped.

I'm not looking for points, just saying that it wasn't as if I was bad in bed and it turned her off.

I thought perhaps after the relationship grew things would get more novel, but she wasn't all that interested in trying new things. So there was incompatibility there. How is that so hard to understand? I'm certainly not the only man who got sexually frustrated in his relationship or marriage. It happens. You think you are adding 2 and 2 together, but in actuality, you don't know me.

We really didn't break up for any of those reasons. It was mostly because I got a drunk a few times at a few parties, and she didn't like that. Most of my friends and even my sister was like "it wasn't that big of a deal". She was just too hung up and cut from a different cloth in some regards.

[freakyzeaky]

I like to let loose sometimes. We were compatible in some areas and not others. It just didn't work out. Not sure where you are getting these ideas like she didn't know me. She knew me quite well, it is just that she built resentment for things she wanted me to change and I wasn't about to be her doormat and change who I was. It is what it is. It wasn't anyone's fault, we just weren't meant for each other. I'm not blaming her, and she didn't blame me. We both agreed to break up.

Anyways, I said my piece.

[btbc92]

You don't understand. "Trying to romance and set the mood, suggesting to try new things, isn't forcing anything. " The point of the matter is you shouldn't have suggested ANYTHING. "lol. But whatever. It is a two-way street." We know sex takes two people. That is not what I am talking about. I am talking about the factors that lead to those issues in that relationship.

So what if she like's vaginal-penile sex? You have a problem with that? Then you don't love her. Poor lover. If this is your attitude about sex now, I have no doubt you will have sex issues in the future. Your marriage will not be a happy one. I can already see that. Why? Because sex IS a marriage, and MARRIAGE is all about SEX. And I'm telling you from inter and intrapersonal experiences. A poor sex life effects EVERYTHING in your life. Marriage is no walk in the park because you think sex must be enjoyable in order to be happy before marriage. Wrong. That's going backward.

And even if you did get drunk. That was

[btbc92]

her limit. We girls and women have a bad habit of being secretive and get pent up emotions until we either blow up in your face, or act cold and leave. "She was just too hung up and cut from a different cloth in some regards." This is very very sad. Sounds like you really didn't care at all. She was fed up. And I don't blame her. But it was her mistake equally for trying to change you knowing this is who you are. She dug her own grave at this point. You were already a train wreck. This is immaturity. Two immature people cannot expect to have a satisfying relationship.

[btbc92]

It doesn't work that way. All it will lead to is regrets, and in your case insecurities, and in most cases resentment. A perfect recipe for not only a disaster but divorce.

[btbc92]

And if you think marriage is going to be how you think it's going to be. Whoo! Man, get ready for a whirlwind of your life. Welcome to life boot camp. Where your sex craze will be nothing of the past, and you will be forced to go on a diet! You will no longer be you anymore ALONE. Your wife will hold authority over your body and you will hold authority over her body. Everything becomes one, including your finances. And if you don't like it, suck it up buttercup! Selfishness and stubbornness lead's to an F in failure or an U, in unsatisfactory. And you won't like it. But who knows, maybe it's exactly what you need. It is called the Institution of Marriage, after all. But I'm not going to lie to you. If you can't learn to be happy with your life now, you won't be able to make another person happy.

[freakyzeaky]

It wasn't immaturity, it was incompatibility, and in the end, we both recognized that and moved on. It takes maturity to recognize that.

[freakyzeaky]

Take my buddy for example, his ex-girlfriend was very anti-social. They loved each other, cared for one another, but he liked to go out with his buddies and get smashed drunk. They eventually had a child together (they planned it), but she got fed up, they just weren't compatible (he was the partying type, and she was the homebody type), and so they broke up.

Now just recently he got married to a woman we both knew from high school. She has three kids from another marriage. They get along perfect! She treats him like a king, he treats her like a queen! Their personalities match so well and he tells me their sex life is super hot and heavy. They are about to have a child of their own any day now.

Just goes to show you, compatibility matters. People can go through several relationships before finding the one, or just meet that one person and be with them forever.

Such is life.

[btbc92]

@freakyzeaky Sadly your not as mature as you think you are. It takes understanding and willingness to learn to know when things require for you to move on. Even if you do find somebody on your sexual status. It won't make a difference. I already told you what marriage requires.

Now you understand why a lot of modern-day men today don't want to get married. It's not about divorce laws. Don't let that fool you. They feel marriage is institutionalized like a jail, where you no longer have the freedom of a single man anymore. That's the point. It doesn't just affect men, it affects women to. To take two imperfect people and build them up to be an example of God's perfect love. Mostly if you waited. But even if you didn't. It's okay. Only if your willing to repent, learn, grow, mature and be willing to learn. And I can say, I've seen many couples who learned the hard way grown in love and flourished. Those who were impatient failed and divorced.

[btbc92]

If you keep making excuses about that incompatibility nonsense, you will screw up royally. THAT I can guarantee you.

[freakyzeaky]

There wouldn't be resentment if both people sacrificed for each other. She wasn't willing to sacrifice for me just as much as I wasn't willing to sacrifice for her. It goes both ways.

Once again, compatibility. And as I pointed out with my previous example, compatibility is key to having a good relationship or marriage.

Me and my ex, although we had lots in common, and cared for one another, just weren't compatible. So you are saying that two incompatible people will stay happy in marriage? Now I know you are full of shit. Good day!

[btbc92]

She did not have to. She is NOT your wife. Your asking her something she should not be providing until marriage. Your way of thinking I'm sorry to say is twisted. You can NOT demand something you don't have.

[btbc92]

Your 34 years old and still don't have it together. That is not my problem.

[GirlNextBored]

For the most part I would say yes, if he's interested in you he will approach you. But it could be that - for him - you haven shown enough signs that you are interested to make him comfortable to approach. Does that make sense?
Or he's shy and is doing his best to work up the courage. Could be a few reasons why he doesn't approach and still be interested...

[AllThatSweetJazz]

This guy speaks the truth.

Maybe the numbers vary a bit, maybe I'd phrase things different (though I've made this case many times on here and have indeed used the word ridiculous a whole lot), but overall, basically everything that came out of this guy's face is legit.

And honestly that guy's whole rant is my internal monologue whenever I have to read or hear that "if he doesn't approach, he's not worth my time" or if he doesn't approach it's obviously because he doesn't like me"(it's an excuse so you can say "I don't have to do anything here")
It's a prevalent attitude and obviously doesn't help the situation at all, but for some reason it's not recognized as your reflexive rationalization that is there not to actually deal with anything or help you understand the situation, it's to make yourself feel better with an easy cop out.

Hopefully this isn't taken as antagonistic. I'm really just trying to flesh this out, though with so many things the internet can't help but read things in the most negative light.

[freakyzeaky]

Shyness, inferiority complex, low self-esteem, low confidence, insecurities, fear of rejection... so many reasons why a guy who wants to approach, but doesn't. Many of these reasons are only there when it comes to approaching strangers or approaching attractive women for a conversation. Breaking the ice can be a challenge. There are a lot of people that will not approach strangers or have trouble mingling, both men and women. I suppose it is sort of like a trust issue, trusting others when they feel vulnerable.

A shy guy might put up a front like he is cold and aloof. That doesn't mean he is snobbish or a misanthrope, but it can be a sort of defense mechanism. Often times once a shy guy is comfortable around someone, he comes out of his shell and is just as confident as any of the outgoing guys (or close to it).

However, approaching a woman who he doesn't know very well or isn't sure if she likes him, is sort of like treading into the unknown or looking off the side of the cliff. The shy guy knows he should jump off because that is where he wants to be, but his mind, his body, his whole being is fighting against him.

[Anonymous]

This is a fact. That simple. I have several groups of only guy friends and they are in total around 20 of them.. None of them make actual efforts in approaching a girl in person.. A lot of the stories I hear they say the girl asked them questions first or something.
A lot of dudes expect women to be more direct now because of this generation we live in.
I've approached 1 girl randomly in my life and I've been in two relationships and have had sex with party girls before. I haven't started the Convo once with these girls.
As you can see if you are a decent looking guy or have good characteristics you pretty much don't have to put effort in...
The fear of rejection in the past wasn't avoidable but now it sort of is.
You can get her to approach you which has happened to me several times.. Don't approach and find another girl that's more eager.. You can swipe on model girls on apps as well..
90% of my friends have a female interest they refuse to make an active approach towards... It's weird these days

[MeGo99]

Guys are afraid of rejection too. We also ask things like, "Why won't she talk to me," and other things like that. Also, when we want to approach a girl, we kind of want her to be alone. Just in case we do get rejected, there won't be any witnesses of our momentary weakness. When a guy stares at a girl he likes, he might be thinking of her inappropriately, OR he might be thinking of a way to approach her, and ultimately fail when the time comes. And this process of planning how to approach needs to be perfect so that we don't approach and look stupid. We try to keep hold of our pride as long as possible, you know. That's not something we can just pick right off of the ground.

[Dio_Brando]

This is too true

[Niki111]

elitesinglesmeet. com
If you're still single, here you can meet someone you want to date.

[TriTree]

This is why you're most helpful

[vickysun86]

but if guys always say hello to you , but after that , no more words, or reply your hi at once after you message hi to him. what's that meaning?

[AriesMan]

I am a shy guy and to make matters worse I am socially awkward. It is how God made me, and I have learned to accept it. Watching this video, I am the guy who needs the "perfect moment", who doesn't want to creep the girl out but does anyways, who needs to see a girl single without a man by her side, who needs to sense that she is inviting him to at least say hello to her at the club, but I wait too long and some guy moves in to steal her away from me. I am that guy, but my situation seems more disadvantaged and my life experiences are a result of this.

[freakyzeaky]

I am the same way dude! You aren't alone in this! Some men and women will look down on us, call us betas, pussies, whatever, but honestly, I think we are just human. All people have insecurities and flaws. We could be the most awesome people, most loving partners, attentive in bed, great catches, but because it is hard for us to break the ice, both we and the women who we could be spending time with are missing out.

I too wonder why God made me this way. Why he allowed the things to happen in my childhood that led up to this. Did he really want me to be this way? I'm not going to play the victim, I am going to try and take things a day at a time, but it is still difficult knowing that women will not find me attractive because I don't have the confidence to approach. I confidence in every other area of my life, but not this. What a curse.

[DudeTheDude]

Many men won't approach a girl they like, due to a fear of rejection. It's a common fear, and in some cases a stupid fear, but it's a fear nonetheless. If you think a guy is showing signs that he likes you, try to show signs that you like him back. This will ease his fear and in some cases eliminate it entirely.

[AlwaysBelieving]

Wow, this smart at age 14 (if that's accurate). I didn't get this till 28.

[DudeTheDude]

lol, thanks. I've been studying psychology for 3 years

[candyaurora]

Signs like? can't show myself too needy!

[DudeTheDude]

just try to make home realize you like him back. Try staring at him from across the room. Stare just until he notices your staring then quickly look away. this normally works

[Amnichole88]

@AlwaysBelieving :D lol

[freakyzeaky]

Dude is ahead of the curve. Better watch out ladies...

[Words_and_Wisdom]

The problem nowadays is that men no longer feel its worth the risk to approach a woman, especially with how anti-male society is turning. This 'rape hysteria' culture on top of feminism makes it feel more dangerous and risky for men to cold approach that stranger, especially so if she's with someone, listening to music, or anything else.

Women have two options:
1. Make themselves way easily more available by opening up space for us guys to approach.
2. Approach guys themselves.

Frankly, the latter option is much, MUCH more likely to land you ladies dates. Guys are leagues more receptive to advances from women than vice versa, especially if she's blunt and straight forward.

[candyaurora]

But then they comsider such women "easy" and desperate!

[Frosteh]

This is actually quite good advice. The dating website OKCupid has done a lot of research on the behaviour of men and women and they found that women have a large advantage when dating if they are prepared to make first contact with men, and there's good evidence to believe it's true.

[Words_and_Wisdom]

@candyaurora That's really a myth.

[freakyzeaky]

Why is starting a conversation easy and desperate? If a woman approached me and made sexual comments and catcalled me, then yeah, I would think she is a wild one or (if she is older) a cougar. But just a woman introducing herself, showing some signs she likes me (big smiles, staring, blushing, etc.)? How is that being easy?

[Sixgun77]

this comment is so on point. Come approach us if you're interested. You'll be amazed at the results you get. Women are either going to have to start doing the pursuing, or stop making men out to be bad guys and predators.

[Analinda1999]

But then they consider such women "easy" and desperate!

WHY would you want to date such guys? how do you see that working even if you date... anytime you try to communicate you're desperate. ask guys out and only date guys who are interested and accept gracefully.

[Sixgun77]

I don't agree at all. If a woman approached me I'd be flattered and and relieved that I didn't have to try to make up some bullshit excuse add to why I'm talking to her. The idea that a woman or man approaching someone to try to get involved is desperate is part of why dating is so fucked these days.

[freakyzeaky]

@Sixgun77 Yup. Too much caring about how we come off. If a guy thinks you are desperate then forget about him and move on. People put too much stock on one interaction as if getting rejected is going to make you forever a leper. I know it is easy for me to say because I am shy, but that is the truth, even for a guy like me.

[Analinda1999]

@freakyzeaky

I meant to put an @ sign- But then they consider such women "easy" and desperate! .

i was not agreeing with that. i was illustrating the futility of taking that seriously even if it were true in isolated cases.

[freakyzeaky]

@Analinda1999 Oh, I see. I read your message wrong. Whoops.

[Analinda1999]

@freakyzeaky

np. i forgot to quote :)

[F1r3byte]

Many guys usually don't approach the girls they like, mainly because of fear of rejection insecurities or they fear of looking like a creep.
But there is also another reason, there is so much expected from a guy from the other gender, or at least we are brought up to think so. And most guys might not really check all the boxes. It makes them kinda feel incompetent enough to get the girl they like, so they'd rather wait till they are competent enough ( which is not a good idea, but yeah... try to convince a guy who likes a girl that... ). Also many girls are most of the time cold and distant, and if you try to approach them in a way that shows them you are interested in them, they'll start acting bitchy and such, which destroy's the poor guy's self-esteem, that he's probably been working on for the past few months to have the courage and approach a pretty lady.

[Analinda1999]

there is so much expected from a guy from the other gender, or at least we are brought up to think so

can you elaborate on that bc I've had guys say they were worried about that when i had no 'expectation' and no clue what they were talking about. i thought it was some kind of game. and yeah i dont like being reduced to a cultural stereotype- so i as not very patient... but i feel kind of bad if what you say is true

[F1r3byte]

Well sure. Though I can't list everything that is expected from us, because it would take forever, I could still tell you a few.

[F1r3byte]

Guys are expected to be nice and gentlemen to girls, but they are also expected to be the ones to approach them, create sexual tension and get her attracted to him. Overdo the sexual tension thing a little bit and you are thought of as someone who's planning a sexual assault on that girl.

Guys are also got to have their own place, and a somewhat decent one, because things are gonna go there at some point. But if he doesn't, then he might feel insecure about that. Like what would he tell her.

Guys also should compete with other guys to get a girl, and girls are very picky. If a guy doesn't feel competitive enough against other guys, he might not even try.

There are also things you could say to girls and things you can't. It's almost like lying. And if you suck at acting, you won't get the girl...

There are many many other things, but I think this will give you an idea of what is expected from us.

[Analinda1999]

but i you already know her and know she likes you , then you would know she isn't expecting these things. she already likes you for you.

by the way, girls have the same exact pressures. but i know we were not talking about them.

[Analinda1999]

also is there a point where you can distinguish between what people 'say; women expect, and what a actual woman you like who likes you?

[Analinda1999]

thanks for commenting.

[F1r3byte]

Even if I already know her and she likes me, I personally take nothing for granted. People come and go as they please, sometimes even without any regard to other people's feelings.
Just because she likes me, doesn't mean she won't unlike me, for any of the silliest things in the world.
I've had girls tell me they love me for several days in a row, and then one day decide that they don't love me anymore, not because I was a bad boyfriend or anything, no... Just because I didn't meet their expectations.

Expectations, are what ruin everything, in my opinion. That's why I never expect anything. This way, I'll never be disappointed.

[F1r3byte]

Well... Yeah, people are very different.
what people say, women expect are just a template.
If you don't know that woman very well, you'd fill the blanks from the template.
And as you get to know her, you scratch what you filled in from the template and fill the blanks with what you learned about her.

[Analinda1999]

i agree , i dont like to expect things other than from myself. its too complicated and chaotic. however, i still get treated as if i do. its fucked up. and very frustrating.

[Analinda1999]

that sucks that you had such erratic love interests i know its a thing that happens though. even when people are honest, there's still no way of knowing anything lol and most people lie besides.

[F1r3byte]

Well. I too get treated as if I am expecting from a girl to have the perfect body to get my attention. I don't. Someone with a healthy personality, and looks that are just good enough that my eyes don't hurt after looking at them, are what a girl has to have to attract me. Sure, high intelligence, weird hobbies, being tough, great looks, good humor, a nice smile... these are all bonuses that attract me even more. But someone without any of these could also be a very interesting person that I would like to get to know and spend time with.
I would even want to get into a serious relationship with them, if we are compatible.

[F1r3byte]

Yeah... People lie, a lot. And girls are exceptionally good at it. They almost are on the same level with politicians. Just kiddin'... XD

Sometimes people are honest and they just lose their feelings in a second. I dunno how they do it. Maybe their feelings weren't genuine and they thought they were.

[F1r3byte]

I still love my first love just like always did. Even after dating other girls. Dunno about her. But she said she hates me when she broke up with me. She broke up, because her family and friends didn't like me and told her to do so.
When we were in the relationship though, she said she would want us to grow old together. And we'd have all these dreams about how amazing our life would be when we finally move in together. Which never happened really...

She went from that, to telling me she hates me. Just because her family and friends, a bunch of people who don't even know me, told her that I am no good for her. She knew me though, and she wouldn't have wanted to grow old with me if I really was no good for her. She was infact so madly in love, that she gave me all her time. She couldn't even soare anytime for her friends and family, part of what made them jealous and made them tell her I'm no good for her.

[F1r3byte]

I wonder though, why she listened to their opinion, even though it was flawed, and onky based on their jealousy, instead of being based on facts about me.

[F1r3byte]

**spare
*only

[Analinda1999]

wow, if i was madly in love and my family tried to turn me, it'd just solidify my feelings. im really sorry it ended that way. I don't know what it is about her psychology that caused her to be swayed, but doesn't mean her feelings were untrue. she was just cowardly ultimately.

[F1r3byte]

I don't know what it was either...
But even her sister hated my guts, without even knowing me. I guess she is close with her family and didn't want to disappoint them, by being with a person they don't approve of.

I don't think her feelings were untrue. But she didn't fight for me.
I on the other hand was ready to fight the world for her. But oh well, I guess that doesn't matter anymore. Now does it...

[Analinda1999]

well, it matters that you have it in you to fight , its a virtue.

[F1r3byte]

I guess so.

[Vicimer]

Not at all. Many guys are shy. Sometimes, the less he approaches you, the more he likes you. For most cultures, the man is supposed to approach the woman, but this can be very frightening. I can think of several occasions when a girl and I are obviously both into each other, but I still struggled to really approach her.

You don't necessarily need to go against the norm and approach a man yourself, but if he seems like he's into you, yet won't approach you. trying throwing him a bit more rope. Be obvious and give him easy chances.

[Euph0ria]

Almost everyone, men, women, have trouble approaching people with whom they are interested. Especially when it comes to approaching someone, they may feel intimidated, self-conscious, shy, vulnerable, and aren't really sure how to act or what to do in that particular situation. Just because a person doesn't approach you, it doesn't mean they are not interested. Some people have more self-confidence than others, and are more practiced at approaching another person, but the vast majority of people, both men and women, are not that type of a person, even if others find them extremely attractive, that may not be how they see themselves regardless.

[GingerGuy]

Totally false. I hate approaching and always have... to the point I don't usually. Very few times and always been a bad experience.

Guys can have all the same thoughts, feelings and insecurities women do, yet we're "expected" not to because we're "the man"... seriously? wtf? How does this make any sense? The thoughts a lot of woman have of "if he likes you enough, he'll approach" or "guys love the chase" are TOTALLY false!!! Some maybe but certainly not all, or even most I'd say.

[Frosteh]

There's barriers to approaching women for most men, the fear of rejection is extremely worrying and plays on mens neuroticism. This means is provokes fear and a lot of anxiety, and these negative emotions can be strong enough to prevent men from initiating contact.

[JohnDoe3000]

[sarcasm mode on] Yes: ALL men have this superpower where we are 100% fearless and can strike up smooth conversation with complete strangers. Each and every one of us. [sarcasm mode off]

[candyaurora]

What if you are not complete strangers as such? What if you are colleagues, family friend, classmates etc?

[JohnDoe3000]

In those cases most interested men will strike up conversation, but certainly not all, and it depends a lot on your body language. If you cross your arms like you want everyone to stay away (it could just be a habit of yours, but they don't know that) then less men will approach you and the ones who do still approach are more likely the wrong kind of man.

[candyaurora]

Ok thank you for your opinion. I feel I do have an intimidating (unintentionally!) feel, I am not rude but I am very opinionated and analytical and sometimes may give unpopular opinions 😕

[JohnDoe3000]

Yes, maybe you appear hostile to them, but remember it's often more about your body language and tone of your voice than about the words you say.

[burpzzzzz]

A lot of men don't like women. It's called MGTOW. We are accused of hating women. To be honest we are tired of the bullshit. Before it's men are creeps but now it's hating women. You women are driving men away by taking us for granted. When you women hit the wall all of a sudden you changed your mind but we men have moved on. Now it's your women that will suffer.

[Amnichole88]

sounds like you've been through a traumatic experience... so sorry

[burpzzzzz]

@Amnichole88 Yeah, there are so decent women but they are not the norm and with the new law in Canada men are now afraid to even date. Bill c51 will make it easier to convict a man with sexual assault or physical assault because you will no longer able to use text messages, phone calls, emails and video to defend yourself.

[Amnichole88]

have you ever thought of moving or traveling?

[wobelaar]

Guys are, well at least I am, afraid of rejection. But that's not the only thing. Because I am also very shy. So I probably wouldn't approach a girl because I have overthought the fact that she might not like me. Best case scenario whe would never talk to me again, well that's at least what I think. It probably isn't true. But if there are signs that he likes you and you like him or at least you want to get to know him better, you go for it. Don't just wait for him you decide, wait forever or go for it.

[Fitness-Fanatic]

He could just be shy, or inexperienced and waiting for you to make the first move.

[candyaurora]

Maybe... all my life I have been led into thinking that if a guy likes you he will make the first move or ask you out!

[Fitness-Fanatic]

A confident , or experienced guy probably would. If he's showing signs of interest then he could be either waiting for you to show signs of interest too, or waiting for you to make the first move.

There's lots of question on GaG from guys who struggle to approach a girl they like, or they find it difficult to make the first move, even though they have a romantic interest in them

[candyaurora]

You are right I guess.

[candyaurora]

Thanks for your opinion.

[Fitness-Fanatic]

You're welcome :)

[Fitness-Fanatic]

Just to add.. He could be in the same frame of mind as you. He may be wondering why you haven't approached him. Most guys these days feel comfortable with girls making the first most. Times have changed so much

[WesleyPullen]

Observing behavior and considering whether you're going to end up helping build the road, or slowly take sledgehammers to it while it's being built.

[candyaurora]

How can I help build the road? I admit I am pathetic when it comes to such things

[WesleyPullen]

Taking the responsibility of life, all it's done and has to offer, the good and the bad upon yourself voluntarily to work for the better of this world.

This is a process and took me months to get a grip on. I had to experience the worst humanity has to offer to get there to.

[Daniel_James]

If you like him shouldn't you be the one that goes up to him or do us men have to do everything?

[candyaurora]

I am still not sure he likes me 😑😕

[Analinda1999]

nor will you be unless you go find out.

[Analinda1999]

if you ask him out and he says no. he is not interested. this is the simplest litmus test, in my opinion.

[mary_mimi]

guys are liars !
no guy is afraid of rejection if a guy is so into you he would kill to have you and not watch you from a distance and take the risk of losing you for good
if a guy doesn't approach you he is immature or too arrogant and wants you to make the first move
truth hurts so bad but this is the fact no guy would admit

[freakyzeaky]

Lies. I am shy and can tell you straight up, swear to the highest in heaven, that I am not too arrogant. I am too shy! And yes, not a very attractive trait to most women. I'm not going to blame women for that, I know it has done nothing but hold me back. Wish I could flip a switch in my brain and just shut the damn thing off.