1) Other's problems. There's a ' inbetween the r and s in others. Other's!
2) To talk to 'someone' (no indication of gender) becomes not talking to a 'he' (a male, obv) as you say he 'doesn't give a shit' meaning there's no effort to communicate from this 'he', which is why he doesn't give a shit, correct? It's a poorly constructed sentence, very poor
3) '... but if he doesn't give a shit so what's the point...'. Again, another turd piece of writing from you. Why do you build towards a question (if he doesn't give a shit?) and then not finish the sentence with an example of his actions that contradicts the idea of 'him not giving a shit' which then makes it a question? Secondly why is there a 'so' between shit and what's? It has no place at all, a comma between the 2 would work. You describe your view of his attitude (he doesn't give a shit) then pause (comma) and then complete the sentence, make it a question by ending it with 'so what's the point?'. The 'so' does have a place however if you read from so onwards, 'so what's the point of this relationship?', but for that to work 'so' would have to be the beginning of a new sentence meaning it follows a full stop (.) but it doesn't, it follows an opinion of his attitude which is was leading to a question for it to be cut off mid-sentence, the question not asked, and you to ask a new question ('... so what's the point of...') without it starting after a sentence that's been closed with a full stop and 'so' then becomes the start of the new question? Do I make sense, or have I wasted my time being the critique of your badly constructed question? Very badly in truth!
After all this I ask you, why don't you ask him to listen to your problems and give him the chance to accept and show interest or 'decline' by showing none like you suggest?
Ask him, allow him to help, I'm sure he'll do so if he values the relationship you say you're in with him? Ask, allow, and I'm sure he will!
And for Christ's sake do something about your written English, it's really bad! Your English teachers throughout your school life should be shot, they've failed you big time, they really have!
Maybe she isn't from an English speaking country. There's really no need to be so harsh with your grammar policing.
@musicbrain5
VERY well said, I genuinely never thought of that, I swear, I'm not an intensive shit, I just assumed I knew the asker, hiding behind a fake profile with deliberately bad grammar
But what you've said makes me feel ashamed in truth, and so it should, I'll think twice in future, thank-you!
Question asker, if English isn't your first language then I really am sorry. Your question was written more than well enough for you to get your points across, you're more than capable! I'm sorry again, ignore this ^^^^^
Depends on the guy. Also depends on the frequency of the talk/problems. Like I personally care about you, so if you feel the need to talk, I'll listen. But there's also a point to where if you're just going on and on about anything and everything all the time lol, sorry but it gets "old" and hard to take sometimes. And with some guys more than others.
You also have to understand how different we guys are that way and what we think as well. There's two things that come into play.
1) We guys don't generally like to talk about our feelings/problems, we prefer to just deal with it on our own, or "get over it" ourselves. And when you're talking about yours to him, unless it's very clear that he doesn't give a shit, don't just "assume" that he doesn't. Example if he's just quiet and not saying anything, this doesn't mean he doesn't give a shit. He may just not know how to respond or what to say.
2) We guys are "fixers". It's just naturally ingrained in us. So for a lot of guys, when you are telling us your problems, we are trying to figure out how to fix it for you. A lot of guys will get very frustrated if there's nothing that they can do about it. So what is VERY important here is if you are just venting to him, TELL HIM that! Say to him "I just need to vent and talk about this, I'm not looking for you to fix it or anything" And lastly, yes sometimes we don't care (but try to). Women tend to care about a lot more things than guys do. So something that may seem like a big deal to you, may mean nothing to us and we wouldn't give it a second thought, so sometimes it's hard to take it seriously. (ie, it's hard for us to relate to it as a "problem"). Sorry for the wordy reply lol, hope it helps though?
I guess it depends on how much you talk and what you talk about. If your constantly complaining, always have some type of problem, or just talk to talk then good luck getting anybody to listen cause all that shows is your annoying and to focused on yourself. BUT if you don't do any of that and just genuinely have a problem, are going through a rough time, or something's bothering you then he should 100% be their to support, listen, and give feedback. Naturally most guys won't talk about their problems they show their upset, mad, or irritated through their actions, but woman usually are very vocal about their problems. How vocal though depends on the woman. But if in a relationship for it to work their has to be some type of mutual base of communication and if he truly cares then he will actually want to listen to you, but don't take that for granted just because he's their to listen doesn't give you the excuse to complain about everything everyday. But to answer the question it really depends on the full scenario, but remember your needs come first and if he's not listening to you the way you need him to then ask yourself how much does he really care about you and your feelings, how well is your communication with him, and can you be truly happy in a relationship where your needs aren't being fully met?
What? Lol I mentioned nothing about a girls needs coming first. I literally said it depends. If all she does is bitch and complain all the time then nobody gonna listen as I said all that shows is she's to focused on herself and how she feels. If she rarely ever complains n something's really wrong then yeah her dude should listen. This has nothing to do with whose needs comes first because if the question was "whose needs comes first a girl or boys" I would say neither. In a relationship it's 50/50. BUT you also gotta remember that as a person YOU always come first. If your not happy how u gonna make someone else happy? If you don't respect yourself how are you gonna respect someone else? And most importantly if you can't love yourself and know your worth how you gonna love someone else and really cherish their worth? You can't so before you give 50/50 in a relationship you gotta give 100% to yourself
That's the only thing you got outta all that? Lmao you just looking to nit pick at something 😂😂😂 wats 100+100=... 200, SO wether its 50/50, 100/100, 150/150 just cause you make the number bigger doesn't take away from the fact that at the end of the day both people still gotta put in half and half lol your litterally saying the same thing as me you just tryna be difficult in the end were both saying you gotta put your all in to make the relationship work, but rs you wanna put 50% while your girl only puttin 25%? Nawh you both gotta put the same amount and I'll even use your example if u put in 100% and she put In 50% it ain't gonna work, so see we said the SAME thing just different numbers
I agree with you, I would listen to problems and remember them but not day after day of girly drama. I do like to talk and listen a lot im general since I rarely chat and prefer just hanging out and talking face to face.
@Lethiferous yeah it's hard to pay attention and feel bad for someone whose constantly complaining and I hate to say it but girls take the trophy with that lol
Finding a good guy who will listen is hard. However, I will also say that I sympathize with guys... Listening to a girl can be hard, considering a lot of them are not in touch with their own emotions :/ So it's like pulling double duty.
Look for a guy who is emotionally mature enough to handle is own emotions... but make sure you have a good grip on your own as well. Some emotions are best left to be processed before being brought up to a partner. I've learned that :/
Well first of all I don't really talk about my problems unless I'm pushed to. I'm not super talkative when compared to a lot of other women. If I don't feel like someone wants to listen or if I'm not comfortable enough with them I just don't talk to them that much. But I've known some guys that were great listeners. Some not so much. But I swear guys have this thing where if a woman's voice hits a certain frequency they completely tune her out.
Opinion
166Opinion
Yes guys listen to girls problems, all the time. Now here is the thing, women want a guy to listen and be their and have a shoulder to cry on (both metaphorically and literally speaking). Men hear a problem and their immediate response is to find a solution. Women are not interested in solutions, they want empathy and that's the problem. He will find a solution to the problem and you will assume that its him not really listening when in fact he is trying to help you in the only way he can, by finding the solution to the problem. If you continue to repeat the same problem to him he will eventually stop listening because why would he continue to listen to a problem that he has already provided solutions for? Its not that they don't listen its that women don't care about their responses, generally speaking. The problem is you don't understand men and men cannot hear a problem over and over that they have either already found and offered solutions for or they have no means of fixing and still care for very long. It has nothing to do with not caring and everything to do with not understanding how men operate and what they are built for (action, problem solving not sitting idle while you tell him problems you don't want him solving. Its confusing to him because men talk about problems in order to find a resolution not simply to talk about it.).
@Mr-Kabuki Thank you.
What I'm about to write is a generalization but I found that it's anecdotally true for me.
Men are more interested in fixing problem, we see the problem and we see the distress it causes and we know that if we fix the problem the distress will go away. So we focus our attention on fixing the problem as fast and best we can.
Women are more sensitive to the distress and want to feel comforted as a priority, there's nothing wrong with that except for that it doesn't make the problem go away.
The absolute pinnacle of examples of this is absolutely fantastic little short on youtube that I thought was very well made:
Now obviously not everyone is like this, some men can be comforting as a priority and some women can absolutely be more interested in problem solving, but it's a nice little quirk of humans that make the sexes different.
Interesting
I like to solve problems so it is nice to have that in a partner as well. Mutually it goes both ways.
For a general answer: It depends on the person and also the just general situation.
Specifically for me, I like giving advice, listening, and the feeling of being generally helpful. (Not only does it help others, but it helps myself in the process!) I'm a psych major working my way slowly towards being a counselor.
I mean, this is an advice forum and I do frequent it lol. Heck, I forget the site name, but I go on the free anonymous counseling/listening sites at times as well as a "listener."
I won't say I'm always in tip top shape to listen to problems though. If I've had a really bad day, I can get frustrated with people depending on their problem. I tend to have a pretty chill demeanor, so it takes awhile for me to get to that point, but there are times where I'll lose interest and stop responding. (This tends to happen more if I feel like I'm talking in circles with the person and getting nowhere.) Previous cases have been around 4-5 hours or so of talking where I just get antsy and need a break haha. For friends, my fuse tends to be longer. I have an emotional investment in friends, so I tend to be there as long as I'm needed to listen.
That being said, if it is a very serious problem, you best believe I'll be on my phone or whatever (assuming it's via the internet) awaiting each response regardless of the person.
But yeah, I am a guy, and I do like to listen! I'm sure there are others like me too!
@Máiiréad Oh hey! Yeah that's the one! I go on that occassionally if my schedule is pretty clear.
I generally tend to be a guy who will listen and be very observant while listening to the words of the story. I guess being in university and now in grad school has taught me the traits of listening and interpreting information through theoretical courses I have taken.
If it is a relationship, yes, he should listen and chime in on the subject. However, if a guy is trying to date a girl and potentially be with her, I would warn him, do not be "that guy" who listens to her everyday problems because she will eventually view you as a chick which will lead to being friend zoned. Many guys make that mistake of thinking, "Oh if I listen to her she's bound to be my g/f eventually".
Nope, I had to learn this the hard way, because a girl will see this and say aww he's so sweet, he's such a nice guy. But girls like adventure, girls like mystery, girls like to be persuaded. I know girls may read this comment and dislike it or call me a prick but it's the truth. I have taken a women's studies course which I aced and the professor who was also female stated that there's no grey area, men talk differently and women talk differently.
I pointed out two sides about if a guy is in a relationship compared to a guy who wants to pursue a girl for a relationship. There are two ways to go about it. I completely agree that once a girl gives her heart to a guy, he can't shrug his shoulders and say, do I get sex in return? I mean guys/men have to understand what happens if your dick goes limp and you can't have sex, then what? Is that girl/woman you're with merely a person you are spending time with when you are bored or is she your significant other?
I can't speak for all guys, but I can say it certainly helps to have grown up as a single older brother with two younger sisters and having a very good relationship with my mother. This combination exposes you to female socialization, so you end up learning how to listen to what they have to say and to care about it! My only problem is that what we discuss may not be committed to my long term memory, which I have received my fair share of lashing for but hey, I do listen and I do care!
If you grow up in a male dominated family, or having no sisters, it is very possible to develop socially where you never relate to the female form of socialization and hence, like a guy stereotypically is portrayed, he don't care to listen to girl's problems or he pretends to care.
Well I listen to them if I am in a relationship with her or on a date that could turn into one, I am a good listener and have always listened to what they have to say, I can not and will not speak for other guys but have heard so many stories of guys in this world that are after only one thing from the women and I hope women know what that is without me even having to say it, most are trying to think up sweet stuff to say to the woman to get what they want and it works more times for them then it should in my view as women view a relationship far far different then any guy does and those kind of guys could not be bothered to listen to anyone or anything except the big ego they have, a good lady friend of mine that I have known since elementary school fell into that trap she gave into him and got pregnant, well he was gone faster then a speeding bullet and she was left a single young mother of 21... take care now and have a great upcoming weekend.
The problem is..."problems." So many things are not actually problems. They are just the girl venting her negative emotions at her man. When a woman is full of nothing but negativity, every single day a new set of negativity she needs to spew onto you, it's not good. It's a huge strain on a relationship and women for some reason think that their man is the perfect place to exhale that dark gas onto every day.
What do women do with eachother? do y'all just breath words of black death to eachother all day every day? That can't be healthy for your psyche!
On the other hand, if my girl does not complain all the time, isn't constantly bringing negativity into her life and putting it out on others, and she has a problem then I'm happy to listen. It's when it's a burden, when it's all the damn time that it's unbearable.
I agree. My mom (don't really call her by that anymore) did that to me a lot as a kid. The response I posted to the comment above mirrors what you explained:
"It seems as though girls when they vent often times are just dumping negative energy onto the ones listening. It kind of sucks your soul, so maybe that's why it gets frustrating when you're basically just a negative energy dumpster. No loss on their end."
Some guys do, but most do not.
Especially in societies where we choose our mates (as opposed to arranged marriages), people (men AND women) tend to look for a mate based on physical attractiveness. This does not build strong relationships, since the body changes over time.
People who choose their mate based on intellect, morality, common interests will generally have better communication skills and be more likely to listen and care about their mate's well being and concerns.
You never see this in a film or on TV, however. It's usually physical attraction, which fades quickly.
When you have a problem, generally speaking, a man is not the right person to talk to. Even your husband. They just don't communicate that way and are not going to understand or care. That's why every woman needs female friends or family to talk to. Of course there are exceptions, this is just a general rule.
It really depends on the guy, the girl, and the problem.
If it's the right girl, asking the right questions, seeking my opinion; I would love to hear about her struggles, and I would be touched that she felt comfortable confiding in me.
There are some women who want to talk with me about their problems, and because of the relationship I have with her, I just don't care. There are other women who just want to complain about their lives and not hear/offer any solutions; what's the point of that? If you don't want my opinion, don't talk with me about it... I just don't care enough have some circular and pointless conversation.
Well, from my experience from several women, sharing each other feelings of problems and despair leads to conversations like that forever.
It gets quite annoying, even if I want to change the subject to something good, I usually receive a poor response in return. Eventually, everything I saw about the girl is eventually a turn-off for a while, because I am now her diary of problems, after that couple days later, I see girl happy and jolly with everyone else even to the point where she makes a new boyfriend even though I was trying to be her boyfriend, but NOPE!
So then, I get put up into this friendship system where I am somehow her therapist for her problems and such while she goes and be her fun and jolly self with other people and her new man.
If I thought only with my dick, I am too deaf to hear your problems and very super focus in trying to touch your lady parts.
Yeah, some of them do. The last crush I had I actually enjoyed listening to her problems and helping her, and I was annoyed that she didn't do it often.
The problem is, that most guys don't know how to deal with problems, the way you girls do. So it's not that we don't care, we just don't know how to respond.
I listen, but I'm not really a great person to vent to in the traditional sense. I don't really care if all you want to do's complain, there's no point in just complaining, ergo I try to offer solutions to the problem. Which isn't always what one wants, if they're just venting.
Friendzoned little simps do, because they think it will get them sex.
Men don't, we know that just letting her prattle on while being there is more than enough. She doesn't want someone who will listen, and most definitely doesn't want the problem fixed, she just wants to talk about how she feels about the problem. A cat or a teddy bear could accomplish the same thing, but she wants to yammer to a person. *shrug* Ok, fine, whatever.
Mho..
I listen , you listen , I listen , you listen , ... and when your done telling me wats wrong, we think and talk about what we learned, or how to fix the problem, we huge and kiss, and even if it doesn't make you happy again, you will be happy with me 😉 that's what matters.
I happily do, i. am a helper. Helping others is one of my core aspects. Even if i can't do much about the situation i still like being a listening ear. My future girl can always come to me when she needs me. Ill hold her and give her advice to the best of my abilities. After that i will cuddle with her so she can calm down in my arms and feel more relaxed again.
I don't call people who don't care about my problems friends. Im one of very few people I know that would actually g out my way, sit down, listen and talk to someone about their problems.
And I'd always be there if a girl friend or girlfriend needed someone to talk to.
If im dating her or she is at least a very important friend, absolutely yes, because i would want to do everything i could to comfort her.
Anyone less close to me though i would question them coming to me and maybe feel some kind of sympathy but would prefer not to invest myself if its extensive.
Well they do. But a guy's perspective and a girl's perspective are different and so are their way of resolving a situation. Girls do understand their problem and always keep a solution of their own in their mind. Many a times they come to talk to their partner just to get a nod that what they are doing or going to do , is right. If you say otherwise, that often leads to problem.
not every guy wants to listen to our problems or just a cling cling talks. I am so blessed that I have a guy best friend who never tired of hearing every useless sad story that happened to me or real problem I had. I think, you just have to find the one. It's quite hard tho. Because, nowadays, no guys are pure to be your best friend, if you know what I mean, they tend to care because they like you or want anything else.
😂😂 yeah right, your guy best friend. I feel sad for him.
@Blackfists I feel sad for him too, tbh lol
I have been Both in different relationships. Girl 1 only talked about her emotions, which is fine. It was the way that she would want to talk about IT that would annoy me. She would constantly call me to talk about It.
Guys aren't wired that way. With Girl 2, i could talk for hours. Not only was i really interested in what she had to say, i felt honourd that she would share these things.
After Thinking about it i have a conclusion. There is a time and a place to talk about emotions. Too much is annoying, but too little is annoying too. If You can master this, you've found your solution.
I've found some that I've talked to that really do listen to what you're saying.. only like few of them out of the some really have kept things in mind. I'm grateful to them either way, even the ones who try. Not all problems may be talked about but some should be addressed when appropriate and/or in a more comfortable setting (if possible... won't be every time).
Yes , men definitely listen , but we will also be thinking of solutions to problems , women vent to each other & feel better afterwards , men tend not to do this , as the male brain is more solution , rather than emotion based , women & men are very differently wired.
All the time.
To the point I'm considering dropping a lot of friends who just use me as a shoulder to cry on but never want to hang out or have a conversation about anything else. Half the time the issue is some bad choice they keep making and refuse to make a change in their lives.
Depends. I like having girls open up to me like that, even if I don't plan on going after her. The catch is that there are certain problems that I'm just sick of hearing about.. or problems that I don't feel like entertaining because of how easily the girl could have avoided it.
Yea, until i get sick of hearing the same exact shit. Once i notice a pattern in the problems she tells me i focus on her "problems" less and focus on her "problem" more, and just tell her to do the same solution I've been telling her to go with for months, because i know she hasn't done it yet, and that she isn't interested in listening herself since she doens't try solutions.
Here's the thing. If you tell a guy your problem, he will listen and then try to offer a solution. When you just want him to listen, but not try to fix it, it gets too frustrating and causes him to not want to listen in the future.
Guys will usually listen if they know you actually want help solving the problem.
Guys who actually care about love and relationships actually listen. Unfortunately, they are the 'Nice Guys' who often get friend-zoned at the end. Guys who are in a relationship for sex will pretend to listen and just forget. They don't care.
@Nyx_85 I don't know which one is above mine because my opinion is always the first on the list.
Call me a jerk but no, I don't care about listening to girls' problems (even my past gfs)
80% of the time the problems are REALLY stupid... to be completely honest...
Some if they like or care about you... as long as the story isn't too dramatic most guys listen to my problems and try to reassure me everything will be ok.
Then I've had guys disregard my feelings and be like "ok" or I get that "cool story bro vibe" also some have just changed the topic. Those guys aren't good for me
I've never had a guy care about me or listen to my problems. I've never complained to one because I'm already enough of an annoying burden. I came to the conclusion that I'm unlovable and that there's no guy for me.
Guys are awesome listeners! So are girls. Its about whether they care about YOU. Not whether the person is a guy or girl.
I really like the problems to be listened and solved it to my best..
But what really matters is what kind of problem is that.. most of the times girls say problems would like lizard came, cockroach came, earthworm came like that.. to listen such problem not only boys even girls won't show interest.
I listen to everyone's problems if they bring it up, but I do have a soft spot for helping girls so I tend to help them more. I wouldn't be in a relationship where the other doesn't get you.
Hm. Well a lot of guys want to explore my mind. Usually I'm opened and I'll talk about things from my past. BUT I've had some guys use it against me to hurt me even more. So I don't talk much. I'll mention small things but not everything if he's so desperate to know.
They certainly can, but only if they care enough. If a man (yes, a MAN, not a boy) genuinely cares about you he will listen.
If i'm not in a relationship with the girl my patience to listen is very much more limited, however, I think its still about the same as my capacity to listen to the problems of dudes who i'm friends with too.
I have a few examples of very good listeners and even giving good advices. But I have some of my friends who are also so bad at it. They just don't listen. It's like talking to wall
To be truthful if u find ur real soulmate I bet you that he would keep u as his first priority and then the rest of the world. And only he will be the one to comfort you any time you need
He mostly will give a shit and will be interested in how you fell, if he likes you. He even maybe likes to talk with you about your problems, but that dosn't mean he will also tell you about his problems. Some guys just don't see the point in it and don't want you to bother with their stuff, but still are fully willing to hear you out.
If the guy really likes you and doesn't just want to get into the pants he will listen and try and help you through any thing you are going through. Or he might really like you and be exited and nervous that you are talking to him about your personal problems and might not be too consintraded on it.
I did listened to several girls problem here,
I won't mind listening to them
But
They are going to do what ever they want to and they absolutely most of the time give no fuck on suggestions
Especially when the problem is based on relationships
Males listen, but we soon realize that females don't share problems to get input. Males grab a hammer and nail when they have a problem, females grab their diary. Forgive your guy for not being the venting type.
Odds are unless the listener has a personal stake in the matter doesn't really care, you can be sympathetic but you don't really care on that level as the speaker. The best thing anyone can do is shut up, listen, and provide feed back when asked.
One of my favorite things to do. Make me feel better about myself. And gives me a deeper understanding in to the mind of women.
But still vexes me so.
Because we're not therapists. At least they get paid to listen. Our only job is to APPEAR attentive. Nobody wants to have someone constantly dump their problems on them, especially if it's the same thing day after day. Guys want to SOLVE problems; not have someone vent to them daily. We can only take so much.
but what if it's once in a blue moon that your gf/fiancee/wife wants to vent to you or she has something that's actually really bothering her and she has no idea on what to do? then what will you do? would you ignore her then but try to act like you're giving her your undivided attention?
this wasn't supposed to sound rude, just curious
@sarahP2 Occasionally is never a problem. Venting only becomes a problem if it's continual. A lot of guys blow off steam by going to the gym or some other activity. Once again, most guys don't mind helping to solve a real problem but more often than not it's just venting even though a lot of girls present things that bother them as a problem to be solved when it's not.
There are guys won't bother to listen at all, but they're not interested in any real relationship.
Genuine empathy towards significant other is extremely rare in younger guys. It typically develops with maturity.
Yes. I do at least. I've always been a good listener for whoever. My mom was a good listener, and she gave golden advice. It's important to listen first then speak last. Ears wide open!
the majority does not listen or at least not rightly. Sometimes it is also because women rarely directly address a problem. But in old age even a man learns to do so.
Yes, I'm basically a therapist for a lot of my friends. Most of the people who need my advice are females though.
I always listen to other persons problems and try to find 1. The right reaction 2. A solve for the problem 3. A satifisting answer.
I already have heared plently of times that I am a good listener so feel free to pm me if you need one.
I always listen to any problems my girlfriend has. I ask her about them and want to know about them so that if there is any way I can help, I can
I generally try to avoid listening to other peoples' problems unless it's something I'm interested and able to fix.
Depends on the guy and whatever you're talking about because if they don't care then they won't really listen.
Depends on the kind of person. Most in my experience, do not. I find that it's my close friends that really do.
Yeah, I always listen to girls. I actually really like girls, more than guys, anyhow. Just because I like fucking a variety of girls doesn't mean I don't like them as people, too.
I do but its mostly cause I have too much free time. And the fact that I'm a really good listener.
I do listen and if gets to be a new, different problem everyday maybe I have to re-evaluate our relationship.
Depends to the type of their relation, yes they may listen, but understanding and responding is some other things
I think they're more inclined to if they're physically attracted to you. If there's an endgame.
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