What does he mean when he says he wants to be left alone?

[Anonymous]

We'd been arguing a lot and at it this point we are "friends" and he says he doesn't want to talk a lot he doesn't want us to know each other personally.
We had done things together when he made me believe he wanted a relationship so I pointed out how asking for what he did was personal.
We argue and because he is so closed off we never resolve anything and he turns it around on me.
He resorts to saying he just wants to be left alone and I don't want to argue with him. We haven't spoken since. At the end of the conversation it's agreed to friendly conversations.

I have a lot of doubts because he knows everything we did in the past is never happening again and if he only wanted to use me why be friends and say well hang out.

Is he only saying leave me alone because he doesn't want to talk about it or does he just not like me at all and wants me gone.

Updates

+1 y

I just want to explain the reason we have been arguing is over the fact that he used me and I confronted him about it... he called and apologized and said we'd get together when he's back. He said we are friends but started dictating how our friendship worked and I've never been in that situation so I wasn't happy about it and I explained that I didn't appreciate it and that's when he said he wanted to be left alone.

[sHiNii]

I don't mean to be insensitive to your side of the story but in your writing you always seem to be an unfortunate victim. Maybe use this time to learn about your agency in a relationship and acknowledge that you could possibly have done something that he can't forgive you for.

Analysing this relationship is only useful for introspection. I recommend doing what he asks and cutting him lose from your life.

[Asker]

I do appreciate your words, I go over in my head trying to figure out what I could have done wrong and I even asked to which he said nothing.
I gave him what he wanted in the past because he leadvne on and I only wanted to make him happy.
He would come up with things and make promises and he broke everyone.
The last promise he broke was saying goodbye before he left, that one really hurt.

[sHiNii]

Ok I can understand your situation far better now. Don't blame yourself for anything. When you truly look at yourself and see no fault then don't blame yourself. Just consider cutting him out of your life as removing a cancer. Find someone who will earn the good person you are by being the best person they can be for you.

[sHiNii]

So ultimately, just do what he asks because it's really the best thing for you to do for yourself

[Asker]

I know it's stupid but my reason for not letting go is because he was firsts and by not letting go I feel less used. I really fell for him and it's pointless but I hope he'll realize how good i was.
I only ever got upset because of how much I care and I just wanted him to as well.
At the end of our last conversation he agreed we could have friendly conversations once in awhile.

[sHiNii]

That sounds like self-punishment. I tried years ago to maintain a friendly relationship with my first girlfriend. I did everything first with her. It's more painful and unfair to give that person what they want of you as a friend and not get back what you want in commitment.

The best thing I ever did in my life was let go and move on completely.

To add to that story, I bumped into her again a few months ago and she barely recognized me. I don't know if it's because of how much I had changed. But it solidified in my mind that she was just being friendly with me as a backup plan and when I removed myself from her life, she made a new backup plan.

Dont torture yourself.

[madgoat]

Sounds like he's got you down for one thing in his life and he's trying to keep you in that role.
The conflict comes because you are not happy in that role and want much more than he apparently does.
You imply that he's not made his requirements clear from the start.

[Asker]

For months he made me believe he wanted a relationship afterwards.
I did ultimately agree to do things and do things with him because of that, none of which I would have done had he been upfront.
I explained to him that I'm never doing any of it again and told him I only did them to make him happy. He has said he won't ask me too. My biggest conflict has been why would he say we are friends and we'll see each other for coffee maybe... do you think he's just hoping I'll change my mind?

[madgoat]

Yes, it's quite possible.

[Asker]

I honestly would have never been upset had he just kept the promise of saying goodbye before he left. I don't know why he wouldn't.

[MaisGem21]

I only got through the first paragraph and skimmed a bit on the rest and knew my response pretty much from there.

He’s toxic. Your relationship dynamic with him is toxic. You’ll be better off without him. Trust me. Listen to someone who has been in toxic relationships before. Don’t waste your time on him... you got it?

[birdsandflies]

ditchhh this boi tf not even worth your time honestly! Life's too short to be stressing about this when you could be out doing something good for urself or someone else! Go live your life do you, forget him! One day you'll cross paths with the right guy for you and the wait will be worth it

[samimcgwire34]

Why care what someone who acts like that thinks? Have more self respect, walk away

[Cmasterson]

I think he just wants to be left alone at this moment.

[kentlevi]

Ditch him. Leave him forever. You're too good for this guy. Move on. Find a man worthy of you. Really.

[Myquietsoul]

It means to stop contacting him. Period. Respect his boundaries for whatever reason he may have put them up and move on. It's not ypur place to try to figure out why he said what he said, if you do, you'll just cause a whole lot of unnecessary drama

[Scotian]

It means leave him alone... for good... he. only wanted what he already got... and now he's gonna push you away til he wants It again.

[Asker]

After he had said that why did he agree that we would have friendly conversations, he said we would get together when he's in town around Christmas... it doesn't make sense. I wish he would simply end it instead of doing this.

[Yes-Man]

He means what he says. Leave him alone. If he changes his mind, he will let you know. The more you stay, the worse it will be for both of you.

[Jerobrian]

Probably doesn't want to get hurt. Relationships are risks when you think about not knowing what's to come and you out yourself out there. In his case probably safe than being sorry.

[Asker]

Alas in the end I'm the one who got hurt because he was only interested in using me.

[Jerobrian]

Yep.. He's an ass if he made you think that. I'm sorry but then do what's best for you.. cuz you deserve better.

[Asker]

Oh yeah made me think for months he wanted to be with me then it suddenly flipped but said he didn't mean to hurt me or lead me on... he said we are friends but was dictating it so I called him out that when he was saying he wanted to be left alone.

[Jerobrian]

Difference in expectations. If he said he just want to be friends in the beginning, you could've avoided that bad call. This is just another bump in the road. You'll move onto better experiences. I'm sure.

[Asker]

Had he simply been honest up from that he was only looking for fun I wouldn't have done any if the things I had. In fact after our first meet he suggested something to which I said no and he said he couldn't see me so I thanked him for his time but he pursued me after I pretty much said goodbye.

[snekbrek23]

Toxic. Move on. This will have so many ups and downs, it really won't be worth your time and effort.

[winterfox10]

He means that he has tried to have a relationship with you but discovered that he simply can't open up to you. Don't over analyze things

[Asker]

I have a bad tendency to do that unfortunately and he didn't try to have a relationship he was only using me for fun...

[winterfox10]

I’m sorry sweetie, you deserve better than that

[lastcall95]

That usually means you @#*ked up and I'm really pissed right now and unless you're fine with seeing how shitty and childish I can be it would be a good idea to go away for a bit.

[Walrus_au]

He's saying it because he wants you to leave him alone. Not sure why that is so hard to understand.

[happyness28]

He wants you to stick a carrot in his bumb when he's asleep

[iwantsomethingreal1]

Hello just give him space so he can come to his sense's trust me its not you keep being the strong woman you are

[bhriguroy]

It means you need to find interests and engage yourself outside of him for a while and let him come back he will

[Anonymous]

What do you mean what does he mean? Exactly what he said!

[DesiBeautyLover]

He needs some alone time

[GayHowellMeme]

He wants to be alone.

[Tyberius]

He wants time away from you

[laurak1283]

It means he wants to be left alone

[9daaa]

You talk a lot and he don't like that

[Regular1]

He wants you gone.

[Anonymous]

He wants to be alone