You are doing yourself a huge disservice. It's obvious that you love him, even if you won't admit it to him, us, or yourself. A true friends with benefits is somebody you fuck, and literally don't think about them or care about what or who they are doing in the meantime. In my opinion, you should take steps to make it official, or do the harder move and cut ties from this toxic situation and relationship as it stands because it's only causing you pain, and will continue to emotionally harm and confuse you as it's current course stands.
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Maybe he is likes u but u guys started as friends with benefits so u can't expect relationship from him.
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