Both a red and a green flag if someone hates their parents.
It can be the child that has attitude problems as much it's the parents.
Just because someone appears to be a nice caring person doesn't mean that person is when you aren't around, the most fucked up individuals puts up a front to getaway with their shit like those with narcissistic traits, even to lure you in to their web to manipulate you.
True, but this guy badmouths his mom behind her back and blames her for his weight, despite him being 30.
If she didn't cause him to get diabetes or some other similar thing tha cause him to get fat problems for life he has problem with taking responsibility of his own actions and attitude.
No one force feeds him or forces him to live a unhealthy life.
Only he is choosing to be as he is, what he does.
If he is depressed he must take himself out of the black rat whole, to begin with acknowledge it and then look for what causes it and then fix it.
If he now have sleeping problems he must fix what causes it, not blaming on others or himself since that will only make it worse.
He is in charge about his own feelings not others.
this is tricky. i think an overall respect for the person bringing you into the world and giving you life should be had for a mother but i think it is also fair to question a mother or father for missteps in rearing a child.
so it's a balance
general respect but fair to have issues with them
Yeah. I understand that the mom enabled her son when raising him by letting him eat a bunch of junk food instead of vegetables, and let him stay in the house playing video games throughout most of his childhood instead of telling him to go play outside, but the guy is 30 years old now and he still blames his mom for how overweight he is. Yet he turned around and admitted that he hates healthy food and that he believes exercise is a waste of time.
well i don't think he can totally blame her for that. yes she should've done something but he wasn't totally powerless in the situation. so yes this is a big red flag. he isn't taking responsibility for the aspects of his life that are within his control. even if his mother let him stay in early in life certainly by age 13 and up he could understand what a healthy lifestyle was... basically he doesn't want to accept responsibility for his circumcstances
Yeah plus she was trying to get him to eat healthy when she realized how fat he was getting. She just gave up because he wore her down with his stubbornness and strong dislike of healthy food.
yeah that's on him. and a big red flag that he can't accept responsibility for his own action or inaction
Right? Someone here said that how one was raised can affect their relationship with food, but I’m pretty sure that can be changed as one gets older. I don’t see how it’s his mom’s fault that he’s still fat right now.
i agree. yes his mother certainly influenced him but at some point every person assumes control of their own life and can overcome bad influences and bad habits.
I guess he just didn’t have an incentive to change his lifestyle habits, considering how he doesn’t have any medical conditions like metabolic syndrome yet, surprisingly. I think it’s because he’s fairly young.
BIG TIME! The first rule of dating is to see how a boy treats his mother as that is exactly how you will be treated and respected, or not. He will end up blaming any and every issue that come up in your relationship on you. It is smart of you to rely on your instincts and girls intuition on this. Time to move on, really!
Well I have anxiety, so my intuition is always telling me to abort mission. Lol. I see what you’re saying though.
Finding a good boy you can trust will help minimize your anxiety. Good food and exercise will help immensely too! Thank you for sharing that :)
That’s good, because I don’t trust anti-anxiety pills prescribed by doctors. Or antidepressants for that matter. It’s for pretty much the same reason why I’ll never take birth control pills again, which have only intensified my anxiety.
You are singing my song Ms A, when you read the warning on drugs, you see that they create more problems than they solve. GOOD FOR YOU GIRL! I am proud of you!
Thank you! Lol. I just got sick of other women trying to convince me to get back on the pill, talking about how “wonderful” it is for them. My body saw it as poison, which was why it gave me all of the bad side effects on the pamphlet. Other women need to realize that artificial hormones affect everyone differently.
Everyone deserves respect, but it depends on what context you mean respect. Some mothers are awful so should her respect her or himself more? I’d hope it’d be himself otherwise he’d end up depressed, anxious, untrustworthy and soulless.
Well his mother wasn’t abusive. She was just an enabler, and he blames her for how fat he is right now, despite him being 30 years old.
Well I’m pretty sure he’s been responsible for his own weight, I mean it’s not like she forced it down him right and tied him to a chair so that he can’t exercise or anything?
True. I don’t understand why he blames her for that. He even admits that he hates healthy food.
He sounds childish. I don’t know him but personally I make a point of avoiding people who can’t take responsibility for themselves because I don’t want to be carrying their extra weight, it should be equal. And generally if people do that in one aspect of their life, they do it in many threes too.
*others
True. It kinda sucks how often times people like this don’t make it clear just how childish they are until later on. It’d be nice to be able to read people within the first few seconds of meeting them.
Yeah wouldn't it just
Opinion
67Opinion
Depends if he has a reason to or not.
I meant like if you meet her, and she’s actually really nice. Yet he still blames her for all of his problems.
I knew a guy who blamed his mother for his weight. He’s 30 years old, by the way.
Yeah, fuck that.
Yeah. He claimed it was her fault that he was so fat, because she “raised him on ice cream and burgers”.
I mean, psychologically, how you're fed as a child does effect your relationship with food, but as an adult you can correct these behaviours through active choices. So, I see what he's saying, but he isn't powerless.
Plus he thinks exercise is a “waste of time and energy”. I don’t see how THAT’S his mother’s fault.
@admelein So why does he blame his mom for that?
It definitely depends on the situation. In an ideal situation assuming his mother is not a bad person, he should be somewhere in between. Being too attached is a bad thing, but blaming her for all of his problems is as well. Also, even if his mother is a bad person and is responsible for a lot of his problems, I would like to see a guy make an effort to change rather than just saying "Well, it's just the way it is, thanks to my mom". Not that he can't acknowledge she is responsible for it, but that he actually does something to try and make it better rather than being a victim about it. If his mother is a bad person, I have no qualms with a guy staying away and disliking her.
I actually dated a mama's boy once though, and he was way too overly attached. He wanted her to move in with us and wanted to invite her on our dates, expected me to be exactly like her and wanted to turn me into her, etc. You get the picture. Either extreme is bad.
It depends if his reasons for blaming his mother are good enough/true for instance my whole family agrees with me that my mother fucked my college course up by leaving me to take care of the house to elope abroad with a guy my age.. meaning I had to quit college to get a full time job to keep the house, stunting my chance for a career for a while I mean despite that I don't disrespect every women I date for that's just not fair or healthy to do that at all unless she's actually done something wrong to me
Well it's definitely something to watch out for, they say you can tell a lot about how a man's going to treat you by how he treats his mother.
So if he treats his mother like crap then odds are he'll treat you similarly, at the same time if he's completely reliant on her to do everything that can also be a red flag.
Honestly, for guys, it's really important to see how they interact with their mothers. Many guys are very respectful, but not all of them. This lack of respect for maternal figures often manifests itself into their romantic lives. You can always tell the guys that blame their mothers for everything by one common trait: they all like pineapple on pizza.
This guy loves all unhealthy food alike. Lol. As long as it’s junk, he likes it. Pineapple on pizza is no different.
I don't think that someone's relationship with their family is a good indicator of anything.
Most people in the world are shitty, which means that a good portion of your family is going to be shitty.
And being stuck for life with shitty people isn't the best thing for one's sanity.
True.
You can't choose your parents but you can choose who you are going to be. For me personally my mother taught me to hate all white people but as I got older I learned to turn from that. I haven't spoken to her in almost 2 years, but I don't blame her for any of my problems. Victim mentality is very very common and very destructive. This guy you know needs to stop being a victim and take ownership of his life.
As a mama's boy myself. My girlfriend teases me about it jokingly all the time but respecting your mom is really important. I know some people can't grasp getting along with their parents but that's not how you should be. You gotta respect your parents especially your mother even if you really dislike them. So it's a red flag but at the same time not. Just be weary and if he starts doing that shit to you run fast and run far.
I don't like either to be honest, it has to be set somewhere in the middle. Where they respect their mother and would do anything for her, but put there foot down when need be. Usually if a man can't even respect his own mother, he's been taught he can treat any other person, man or woman, the same as how he treats his mother. If he can't respect the person who carried him for 9 months in her womb, he won't be able to respect anyone.
Your question would only have any meaning if every mom was the same or a good person... There are some mom's out there who are fucked up horrible people and don't deserve any respect.. and some are great... So if someone doesn't respect a piece of shit bitch it shouldn't be a point off
Yeah but his mom is a decent person. She’s just an enabler, and enabled him to eat junk food instead of healthy food when he was growing up. Now he blames her for how fat he is, even though he admitted to hating healthy food and exercise.
In that case he's just never learned that he's not a victim... If a kids fat because they got honey booboos mom they are the victim... Once he knows that stuffing fast food and other crap down your throat while being as stationary as possible all day every day makes you fat it's his fault..
Yeah but I guess he doesn’t have the incentive yet to get healthy, since he’s fairly young and surprisingly doesn’t suffer from any health issues yet in spite of his lifestyle.
Of course not.. health issues are for when your older and are like damn I could have kept my foot is I ate less captain crunchberries... Is he fat now?
I mean wouldn't you rather fuck someone who's in shape rather than a disgusting fat body
True. Also, yes, he’s well over 200 pounds and it’s not 200 pounds of muscle. He has that dad bod already, with the huge pregnant belly.
Oh no... tell him how great it is that he looks like a sloppy truck driver and ask if he can still see his dick
He can’t. He also claimed that he missed being able to suck in his stomach, despite having no motivation to exercise and eat better.
Personally I don't think so. It's possible, yes, but in my case my lack of respect for my mother has nothing to do with her gender and soley to do with how she acts and speaks to me/others. Something like that doesn't just carry over to all other women. Respect is given on a case by case basis.
It can be a red flag, but it could also be that she is just a terrible person... you need to read the context. No easy way to tell.
What if he blames her for his weight?
There is very little sense to that... if he is under 16, maybe that would be true because he would be unable to control his own situation.
If your old enough to have a job, you are old enough to be responsible for yourself and your health. Unless it was due to her that he developed a medical condition in childhood... weight is usually a result of lifestyle choice.
It's not necessarily a bad thing to have weight. To blame it on anyone else, that is usually a red flag. If he likes a lifestyle that leads to him having more weight, there is nothing wrong with that.
If he doesn't want that though, or if you want to force him to want to lose weight... he is gonna need to change the way he lives, and if he lets stress get to him, he will have to change the way thinks too. Which, would kind of take a lot of effort, and isn't usually a good thing to force on someone.
It is possible to though... it's up to you whether you want to consider the situation as a red flag or not.
Well he’s 30 years old and he claims that his mom raised him on ice cream, burgers, and chips and that’s the reason why he’s fat now. However, he also admitted that he hates healthy food and vegetables, and thinks exercise is a waste of time. I think maybe he doesn’t see anything wrong with his lifestyle because he doesn’t suffer from any medical conditions as a result of his eating habits, due to being fairly young. It’s shocking that he doesn’t have high cholesterol at the very least, due to how unhealthy he eats.
Well, it may also just be the dynamic between him and his mom. It might be less dramatic than you imagine? Outside of the one matter, hopefully he gives a bit of respect? Family relationships can be complicated, she might be the one who told him to just blame her for it (as you said, she enables). It may be that neither of them are thinking or taking the topic seriously, but since your on the outside it seems more serious than it really is... but I don't know, if he admits it is due to his lifestyle and he likes it that way.. what you need to decide on is if your okay with that lifestyle, probably not the matter with his mother.
Well it would’ve been better if he admitted to his own lifestyle as being the culprit, but he didn’t. He just put all of the blame on his mother and how she raised him. As for their dynamic, I don’t know, but he does talk about her to me as if she’s a nuisance.
It depends on the situation. It's possible that his mother isn't worthy of respect (yes, that happens), and if that's the case, it's not a big deal. But if she is otherwise a normal, average mom, then, yes, it's likely a red flag.
Nope. My mother is an abusive harridan, and while I still love her, I don't respect her at all. That hasn't prevented me from cherising mo other lady friends, however. Including my three wives (yes, I'm still married to the third. ;) )
Oh, I don’t mean like that. I mean like if the mom was a decent person, but she enabled her son to he point where he became akin to a spoiled brat and thus holds no respect for her in adulthood, and talks about her as if she’s a nuisance.
Even so. Unless you know the details of their relationship, you can't evaluate it. Or at least, i can't...
Maybe, but it still isn’t right that he talks about her behind her back and says mostly negative things about her when doing so.
On that we can agree. but it may be an individual animosity, rather than a sign of misogyny.
Well, I only pulled the misogyny card because on top of not respecting his mother, he also talks so much shit about his exes. He even went as far to say that they’re all dumber than you’re average broomstick and would be begging to take him back after he dumped them.
Ahh... Now THAT is telling. Drop him. If he only picks women he despises, what does that say about his choice of you? The only thing these women have in common is him...
It's very often true, if a man doesn't treat his mother well, he won't treat you well. He may treat you well at first, but it's very likely, that in the end, he will treat you with the same degree of respect and kindness, that he gives his mother.
Actually, you likely have it backwards. If she's a rotten person he's right to step away. If he's a momma's boy you're going to have trouble with him being a real man - and you'll always have to defer to his mother. Giant fail.
Yeah but this guy is 30 years old and blames his mother for his weight. Even though he subsequently admitted that he hates healthy food and thinks exercise is a waste of time.
Who is 'this guy'? And why does it matter?
If you're dating him and you find it's not a match then NEXT him.
It's not that complicated. His mother is irrelevant in the big picture - the issue is THE GUY.
Sure but I don’t understand why he doesn’t respect his mom. I met her and I actually like her. I’m beginning to feel bad for her, for having a son like him.
From what I can gather from this short dialog, your question, is that you don't hold high regard and respect for your guy. I would never say that you worship the ground he walks on.
So, regardless of any details or circumstances, or reasons, if this is the case it will simply just never work.
Yeah, now I don’t. After I realized how much of a victim complex he had. It gets annoying when you’re dealing with someone who never takes responsibility for their actions and claims nothing is ever their fault, you know?
Yes. We know. And you have to decide if a person's actions and attitude are what you want to be around for the rest of your days.
If she was abusive then I get why he'd blame her if he has any mental trauma due to it but if he's just disrespecting her for no reason then yeah it's a red flag
His reason for not respecting her was that he blames her for his weight, even though he’s 30 years old.
As in not disciplining him or not making sure he's at a healthy weight or something?
Not making sure he ate healthy, and not making sure that he exercised. She let him eat junk and play video games all throughout his childhood.
She does have some fault in it but it's been 12 years since he's become an adult and it's his fault now that he's at a unhealthy weight and I think he knows this but doesn't want to accept it.
The mother is the first woman that anyone encounters, meaning it's the first woman ideal that we have.
It most likely means he subconsciously is attracted to women that can recreate that kind of relationship.
Some people have shitty parents. That's not what you should be worried about. The red flag here is that he blames others for his problems. That's a little boy move right there.
Yes!!!
he definitely has some problems , almost sure not with mother , but maybe with brain
Yeah, most likely. He does have a huge victim complex.
I depends on his childhood. If he has other female friends/family members in life look at how he treats them. In some cases the mother could have been a really horrible person.
I believe it’s pointless to have any kind of relationship with him. If he doesn’t respect his mother he is not going to respect you, simple. I think it’s somehow stupid to believe otherwise.
Not really. Moms can be cunts too. They don't get a free pass to be pieces of shit just because they birthed you.
But she wasn’t a cunt. She was just an enabler who spoiled her son.
Could be. Depends on if it is earned. A friends mom is a drunk mean ass person. can't blame him for not respecting her.
He blames his mom for how fat he is now, despite being 30. Claiming she raised him on junk food.
That may be true, but it is on him to do something about it. He needs to stop and think that none of us are perfect, because we were raised by imperfect people, who were raised by imperfect people, and so on. He should let go of his resentment, and do something to help himself, instead of blaming her. That is the easy way out. Blame and then sit in poor me mode.
True. To be fair, he thinks nothing is ever his fault.
Respect is something everyone deserves so for me a guy should be respectful to his mother unless she blatantly gives him a reason not to
His reason was that he blames her for how fat he is now, despite the fact that he admittedly hates healthy food.
Nope that's up to him, his mother shouldn't receive backlash for that
Both to me are sort of bad. I don't want a man who bends and wouldn't stick up for me if his mum took a disliking. But I don't want some degenerate who has no respect.
Yes, it’s a red flag to hate your mother and blame her for your problems.
I would rather be with someone who was close with their family.
Same.
Not all mom's desirve respect and yes they probably fucked you up but you can't blame them because in the end any time after your seven you had the option to kill them so if you didn't it's your fault
Well that’s dark.
That's what happens when your dad beats you daily for sport as well as teaches you all the skills you need to survive as a special forces soldiers for a living and you mom has a psychiatrist MD and a PhD In abnormal psychology and uses her skills to experiment on you and generally fuck with your head your intire childhood
Wow. I’m so sorry.
I would actually thank them now of course it sucked at the time but looking back I never would have made it through there deaths when I was 14 and flurished like I did if I was raised normally
I think it is. If he can't respect his mother, then how long will it be until he treats your mother the same way or even you.
Not necessarily. My mother was a gigantic bitch, and deserved no respect at all.
Not all mothers are caring angels, some are assholes.
True. Ed Gein, Edmund Kemper and Jeffrey Dahmer’s mothers we’re all horrible people.
Jeffrey Dahmer wasn’t insane though. Lol. Just sadistic.
@asker Lol are you sure about that? Cause he not only killed and rape boys but he was also into necrophilia, cannibalism and permanently preserving the bodies. I'd call that pretty insane lol.
@ciitruskiwi I know, but the courts’ psychiatrists declared that he was sane and 100% aware of what he was doing. He just had antisocial personality disorder.
That is true, but in my opinion, I wouldn't call him sane. But in a way it's good because if he wasn't sane he wouldn't have been held criminally responsible for his crimes.
@ciitruskiwi True. It’s pretty stupid when a serial killer is declared Not Guilty because of insanity and sent to mental hospitals instead of prison. In cases like Edmund Kemper, the murderer could easily manipulate the psychologists working at said hospitals into thinking that he was completely rehabilitated. Then when released, he’d continue killing.
That's a big red flag if he doesn't respect the woman who brought him into the world he sure won't respect you
Good point.
I was raised the old school way respect family and don't act like a scum bag
If its me, its gonna be a red flag. No matter what, he has to respect his mother. Not saying following what she says if its wrg, but at least respect.
Absolutely. My ex boyfriend was very disrespectful to his mother, talked bad about her and blamed her for him being a pathological liar. Then he started verbally abusing me and he manipulated me so much that I though I was going crazy.
Absolutely. I've got a ton of bad experiences when I dated a guy who didn't have respect for his momma
ofcourse he can't respect any women... his mom who gave her birth... if he can't respect to that lady how is it possible that he will respect any women
My mother was extremely manipulative and mentally and emotionally abusive. We get along fine but we can't live in the same home without supervision.
So, no. If the kid is spoiled and treats people like shit that's a different story.
Well this guy blames his mom for how fat he is now.
She probably set a bad example. I can blame my mom for how lazy I've been but that's because she simultaneously held my hand and abused me for her own choice to assist me beyond my control instead of setting a good example. It can be hard to break out of a cycle that's seemingly permanently ingrained by your parents and may take a great deal of responsibility. I never experienced serious eating habits, though, but eating habits are considered a normal reaction to depression.
If he's gunna make changes he needs to study every molecule he puts into his body and think about his future. Chocolate chip cookies are good, but if you eat them every day you're shortening your lifespan.
For the most part, yes. There are potential exceptions, like if his mom is abusive or something.
I just sometimes wonder what respect means to them. Is it to follow every order or request of them or something else.
Absolutely, watch for them saying things like that about their sisters too.
If his mother is a good person - it is.
If she's not - then no...
No I blame
My mom
For ruining a big portion of my child hood, that does not make
Me a bad person or wrong either because she really did.
Was that really poetic? Lol
Haha my phone does that automatically sometimes for some reason lol
Major red flag. If he puts his mom on a pedestal, he's a keeper. (Unless there were issues with their relationship, like abuse etc.)
I once heard of a guy who was dating a girl but then ended things with her when he saw her disrespect her mother. It was a red flag for him. I think girls would take the same position as that guy did.
It depends if his mother was abuse and a bitch, he has every reason not to respect her. Respect is earned, it's not something you just give to anyone.
Depends. He might have a good reason for not respecting her.
His reason is that he blames her for how fat he is now, even though he’s 30 and admits that he hates healthy food.
So, all mothers are good people? Casey Anthony is a good mom?
Definitely not, and neither was Ed Gein’s mom.
I respect my mom, even though I was taken away from her at 18 mos, she was a junkie who went to prison for 3 years for attempted murder. My older sister doesn't respect her. I don't respect my older sister-because she WON'T say that to our mom's face, and we both know it. But I'd venture that most people probably wouldn't have a lot of respect, as a mother, for someone with that on their resume.
Really?
He doesn't respect his mom?
I think you should stay away from that guy
Do you know Him?
Yep. He claimed it was her fault that he was fat, even though he’s 30 years old and doesn’t even live with her anymore
Oh that's bad
I feel sorry for that old lady
He has a childish behaviour, isn't it?
If she is responsible for his problems I don't see the problem, if she's not then she's not, but don't just say she isn't for no reason.
He claims it’s her fault that he’s fat, even though he admitted that he hates healthy food.
Lol girl then you're dating a big baby!
@Somegirl01 Good point. He does have a huge victim complex. Lol.
I don't think it is necessarily, I frequently clash with my mom as we have totally opposing political/religious views, whereas if I had a girlfriend I'd treat her with respect and love.
Yes, a red flag! I'd pick a mama's boy over someone who blames his mother every day of the week if I were you.
Same, although dating a mama’s boy is bad if the mom doesn’t like you.
Yes, of course, that's another red flag if there ever was one! 😂
Some moms antagonize every girlfriend her son gets because she fears they’ll take him away from her. Lol.
Very true, that's just another form of family dysfunction. Like I said, another different yet just as important a red flag.
In general yes. But there are a lot of mothers who do not demand respect.
Yes, it is a big red flag if a man does not respect his own mother.
@opurba not respecting your mom is entirely different than being independent. I love my mom and I would never disrespect her or blame her for what went wrong in my life.
If the mom has done some bad stuff in the past then no. But if it is unjustified the it is
Yeah, maybe he won't show it at first but after while...
After a while, he’ll do a complete 180 in personality and become a jerk?
Bingo
I believe you. People can’t hide behind their friendly fronts forever.
In either case you might get a difficult mother in law
And it depends also on the personality of the mother
Depends on how bad his mother really is. If he abused and mistreated him then It's okay
What if she just enabled him, and he doesn’t respect her?
Big read flag. His mother is the most caring person in his life and he treats her like that?
Yeah. I don’t get it either since she wasn’t even abusive towards him.
Sounds about right. I think men who disrespect their mothers for no particular reason have no respect for women in general.
Yeah I mean it’d be different if she abused or neglected him, but if he dislikes her just because he’s a spoiled brat, it sounds like he’s the problem, not her.
Yeah especially if she didn’t even abuse him. I’m glad your friend ended up a survivor, though.
Could say it is a red flag but it could have a reason
The reason is that he blames her for his weight.
She initially enabled him to eat whatever he wanted at first, but once she saw how fat he was getting, she tried to get him to get healthy food. Because of his stubbornness, it didn’t work.
Depends, I knew some horrible mothers that would abuse their kids emotionally every single day.
Lmao, nice Rick avatar. Anyway, I was referring to if he acts this way about her, yet when you actually meet the woman, she’s a nice lady.
You don't know there relationship maybe she was a terrible mother. It's possible that he just can't get along with his mother this doesn't mean that he doesn't respect woman.
You can also add your opinion below!
Girl's Behavior 
Guy's Behavior 
Flirting 
Dating 
Relationships 
Fashion & Beauty 
Health & Fitness 
Marriage & Weddings 
Shopping & Gifts 
Technology & Internet 
Break Up & Divorce 
Education & Career 
Entertainment & Arts 
Family & Friends 
Food & Beverage 
Hobbies & Leisure 
Other 
Religion & Spirituality 
Society & Politics 
Sports 
Travel 
Trending & News 
Most Helpful Opinions