How do you avoid guys who pretend to be in love just so they can have sex with you?

[Anonymous]

I was manipulated into sex by a guy who I thought loved me. If you have never been manipulated into having sex with someone, it feels very violating. The act in itself seems very predatory, and you question how something so sinister is even legal. I won't lie it feels almost as violating as I imagine being raped might feel because you know you gave consent and that the man can completely get away with taking advantage of you because you unknowingly let it happen wherein you would have done things differently had you known the truth. You can't take it back, you can't point any fingers, all you can do is try to come to terms with what happened. There are so many women in the world who would have readily fucked my ex. He was a good enough looking guy, had a pretty decent lifestyle. So all I could think about was "why me?" Why did he see me minding my business and feel so entitled and lustful of me that he would connive against me like that? If he had told me from the beginning that all he wanted was sex then he most likely would have never gotten to sleep with me. But I just wonder if taking my virginity or any of the times after that was worth making me feel so bad. Why isn't the choice to say no good enough for some men? It sucks when you try to remember the signs and come to the conclusion that their WERE no signs. Being preyed upon by someone in that way is damaging! How do you even begin to fix the damage that this kind of experience causes? With me being a pretty girl I always knew this was something I had to watch out for. I never had a guy directly tell me his intentions because they we're afraid I would cut them off completely if their intention didn't align with my own. I have caught a few guys in the act, but I can never spot the difference between those low lives and a guy who's intentions are sincere.

[Ephemera1]

If you cannot spot the difference between a sincere guy and one just in it for sex, then you haven't come across a sincere guy yet. It's actually quite easy to notice the difference.
- won't try to get sex within the first week of knowing you
- moves at your pace
- focuses on who you are and what y'all can be
- meet his friends and fam or discusses you to them
- etc.

[Asker]

The guy who used me for sex did all of that and more. I met his mom on our first date and his family and friends referred to me as his girlfriend. He also bought me gifts throughout our dating. We talked 24/7 literally the only time we werent talking was when we were sleeping. Because we spent sk much time talking or being around each other we did have sex after just 2 months but I had felt more comfortable around him that I did with any other guy that I had ever dated because we literally talked so often. He shared secrets with me, spent my birthday with me, cried to me, of course got to know me, didn't directly say "lets have sex". But the MINUTE we had a problem he was gone and he would only come back to have sex. Finally I realized thats all he wanted after I broke down. I had been very careful in trying to ssve my virginity for the right guy

[Ephemera1]

Sounds like he realized that he wasn't ready to get tied down. Could've been from bad sex, or that he felt to close you

[Asker]

The sex was bad when we first did it. And for about the first 5 times. But before he started acting like that we had sex hundreds of times and I always felt pretty self aware so I thought the sex only got better. He also told me plenty of times that I did things the way he liked and that I was good in bed. And as far as getting too close to me I just dont understand. I felt like the only explaination for his behavior was that he had used me the entire time and I jsut dont think my mind can change about that

[Powderpuff97]

You had sex with him too early. Any girl who isn’t a virgin could see right through his bullshit. If you would have waited longer you would have known. I’m sorry this happened to you

[estheticsexpert]

Just avoid all guys and you'll avoid the ones in question.

[codycccccccccc]

Lesbianism is your only play