How do I get this guy to commit?

[Anonymous]

Alright so I was hooking up with this guy who Is a year older than me in college. He was taking me on dates and spending all his time with me and refused to let me leave. We really liked each other. Then Friday night he says to me "I really like you but I don't want a girlfriend in college" and I was like "no its fine lets just see where it goes". So then the next day I walk into a party and he is sitting in the corner making out some ugly girl in front of me. So I go over and say hi and he stands up, proceeds to start trying to make out with me repeating to me "I like you I just don't want a girlfriend and I think we rushed things too much" (HE rushed things) and I'm like trying to keep my chill "its fine its fine" but inside im obviously furious and upset. Then he's like making out with me saying "lets just do our own thing tonight"... and I was like absolutely not im leaving... then on my way out his friends come up to me and are like "stop being crazy let him get with other people"... which was so mean because it wasn't true.

So then the next day he texted me like "I'm sorry that was confusing I just want to be upfront and not let you down". Like why did he take me on all these dates then... a**hole. So im not even opening his snapchats and he even swiped up on one of my stories to try to get my attention. Its Wednesday and he still hasn't texted so if he really wanted my attention wouldn't he have texted me? Do I drop this guy. Because like I've caught feelings so I either want him to commit or im gonna leave. Is it best just to play hard to get and not give him what he wants... or just leave. Are games even worth it? Is he going to change his mind.

[Nawlins34]

1.) Alright so I was hooking up with this guy - If "hooked up" = sex, this is where you fucked up if he's only about sex.

2.) He was taking me on dates and spending all his time with me and refused to let me leave. We really liked each other. Then Friday night he says to me "I really like you but I don't want a girlfriend in college" - This was the 1st warning. He got you comfortable enough to open up and now he's establishing his boundary and basically said, I'm focused on sex during college.

3.) and I was like "no its fine lets just see where it goes". Here, you agreed to sex. Now, you added on "let's just see where it goes." but, this was for your sake, this part went in one ear and out the other with him because he got what he wanted; Green light for no-strings attached sex. You basically lost him forever right here (even beyond college)

4.) So then the next day I walk into a party and he is sitting in the corner making out some ugly girl in front of me. So I go over and say hi and he stands up, proceeds to start trying to make out with me repeating to me "I like you I just don't want a girlfriend and I think we rushed things too much" (HE rushed things) and I'm like trying to keep my chill "its fine its fine" but inside im obviously furious and upset. - you forfeited all leverage to be upset last night with him. See #3 because he references it as well.

5.) Then he's like making out with me saying "lets just do our own thing tonight" - He insulting you, you fucked up his chance with the ugly girl so you're the rebound fuck, this guy is ridiculous!

6.) ... and I was like absolutely not im leaving... Thank goodness you saw this fuckery for what it is.

7.) then on my way out his friends come up to me and are like "stop being crazy let him get with other people"... which was so mean because it wasn't true. - This was confirmation that he told his friends about the agreement.

8.) So then the next day he texted me like "I'm sorry that was confusing I just want to be upfront and not let you down". To your credit, he was misleading, but you also wasn't focused. You have to listen to what a guy says AND look at what he does and they have to match, the moment they don't you sound the alarm.

9.) Like why did he take me on all these dates then... a**hole. He wanted to get your guard down, which he did.

10.) So im not even opening his snapchats and he even swiped up on one of my stories to try to get my attention. Its Wednesday and he still hasn't texted so if he really wanted my attention wouldn't he have texted me? - Because if it's just sex, you don't need quality time. When a guy is after sex, the time spent in that mindset with him doesn't count.

11.) Do I drop this guy. Yes, quicker than gravity.

12.) Because like I've caught feelings so I either want him to commit or im gonna leave. You don't have leverage to make this demand with him, start leaving. See point #3 above.

13.) Is it best just to play hard to get and not give him what he wants... or just leave. Are games even worth it? Is he going to change his mind. You held on to this move too long and it's too late to play it. You described the other girl as "ugly", which means you must be "beautiful" and he did this with a "beautiful" woman? His confidence is sky-high. He'll just replace you because you're proof of concept that he can do this with beautiful women.

In his mind, the only thing he did wrong was be too greedy and got caught THE NEXT DAY with another woman. Stop trying to get this guy. He's disrespecting you to your face, which means he'll do worse behind your back.

Get a man you don't have to "play games" with. I hope this helped, good luck and be safe.

[Asker]

Thank you!

[spartan55]

This is what happens when you say "I'm fine" when you are not.

[Tamera952]

You can't get him to commit or do anything to be honest. He sounds like he's all over the place, and doesn't know what he wants. He's giving you lip-service because his actions are out of sync with his actions. Games are never worth it. Judge him on what he does, not what he says. I think he sounds like a player, and somewhat an asshole.

[Anonymous]

To use your own words, he’s an asshole. That will never change, so why would you even want him to commit? He’s not boyfriend material. You have no kind of future with him. Just move on (and by the way he won’t commit no matter what kind of games you try, so you’re just wasting your time by not moving on right away).

[Iron_Man]

Talk to him lay it all out on the line