My ex looks terrible and I worry for him even though he left me for another women and ghosted me. Should I talk to him?

[Anonymous]

I saw signs of mental illness when we were dating. I was always trying to protect him from himself. I had lost my brother to his own mental state. He lost himself and by the time my family realized he needed someone to take total control he was too far gone and landed himself in prison. Due to having experienced a loss like that, I always tried to just be “there.” My ex didn’t often disclose that he was mentally unstable in those exact words but he showed signs and admitted to being depressed and even suicidal. I honestly think every fall out we ever had was because he wouldn’t treat me the way I wanted. He would ignore me for days or weeks, once even months which ultimately was the reason we never spoke again. But he was chasing the life he wanted and I felt like it didn’t involve me. But he always came to me for sex and emotional support. The sex complicated everything, but I loved him sincerely and couldn’t make up my mind on if I should leave or stay. Sadly, I didn’t understand him. I just knew he was going through a lot and I wanted to help him feel love if nothing else. He eventually just made a new relationship official after ignoring me for months. So I gave up on him. I know for sure that the girl he chose over me wasn’t willing to prioritize his mental health if he in fact exposed that side of himself to her. She had children to look after. But even when I was burning with anger towards him I understood that he needed real support and help. I know that girl couldn’t help him and maybe I couldn’t either but I really did want to. And after he totally pushed me out of his life I didn’t know how he was doing until recently. Yes he hurt me deeply but I didn’t want this for him. I wanted to be there for him but he wouldn’t let me. Back when he seemed mostly normal, handsome, and decently successful and I saw signs of him drinking too much and starting some drugs. I prayed for him so many times and I’m sad for him

Updates

+1 y

I also came to him for sex and emotional support but I told him that I wants to end that because he had other women whom I felt we’re probably more important to him. I didn’t want to get tied into a bigger mess than we were already in so I tried to give up on him for both of our sake. But he asked to get back together and then ghosted me shortly after which is what caused so much anger

[gmanji]

Honestly, you are better off cutting contact with him, as it seems like he's doing the same. You seem like someone who has a lot of love and emotional support to give, but that doesn't mean everyone will appreciate you the way you want them to.

You can't fix everyone and that's okay because you weren't meant to fix everyone. There will be others in the future who see your efforts and think "Man, I don't deserve this person in my life." Just be careful not to judge your self-worth based on others appreciating you. Always appreciate yourself for being the best person you can be, and realize that others have emotional boundaries that are different from your own. Even if you have the best intentions, not everyone is vulnerable or willing enough to let you in.

[9Livezzz]

You are not responsible for him. You need to let him live his own life. It may be hard but you need to just let him be and do like you said... pray for him. there's nothing else you can do. If you try to do anything more than that, all it is going to do is cause more harm to you. You need to let him live his life and learn what he needs to learn on his own, just like you need to learn what you need to learn on your own as well.

[Asker]

Thanks for the advice. I was sad to see that he looked almost unrecognizable after he sent me a friend request a few days ago. It’s the first time I actually got a good look at him in 3 years. It hit me then that a lot can happen in 3 years. And I felt like the fact that he made such a small gesture to reconnect meant I could still be there for him if he asked me to be. He was sharing weird stuff and even before I saw how unusual he was behaving I had already decided that I didn’t need to have closure. And after everyone’s good advice, I feel not just better about the decision to ignore him but good as well about the fact that we aren’t together anymore. I dodged a bullet and I never would wish harm on anybody or take pleasure in seeing anybody get their karma. This is just how things went and I accept that. I was going through a little doubt Bc I was tempted to accept the friend request and get/give closure to each other but I don’t need it and I don’t need him. He made his choice then and leading up to now he continued to make choices that have nothing to do with me. So I’ll just let it all go

[Pterodon]

Fuck no. Stop being pathetic and move on

[Asker]

Your absolutely right. I don’t even want to try again. I feel bad for him and the love was so important to me at one point. But who needs people like that when they don’t care? He sent me a friend request and it stirred up some “what if?” Feelings but I don’t even want to talk to him. I just didn’t wish fir him to get like this, that’s all

[Pterodon]

It takes time

[In_Trance]

nope