Men are protectors. And I'm not talking about our physical strength or the gender roles we have had throughout history. I mean, men have an instinct to be the hero.Men like to be their woman's knight in shining armor, whether it's because he saved her from some creep at the store, or because he opened one of those pesky jars for her.
When I say this, I do NOT mean a man wants a woman who needs his help basically all the time. I mean that men like to do things like killing bugs, lifting and moving heavy things, or filling up her car's tank to show he can be her hero in some way.
But what about men who DON'T have the "Protector Instinct?" So many articles say that men need to be needed to be happy in a relationship. But pretty much anyone who's seen many of my questions know I'm basically an Amazon Chaser. In case you don't know what that means, the video below best explains it.
I genuinely don't feel a need to be needed. That doesn't mean I won't ever help a woman with something when she need it. It just means I get no satisfaction out of it. I don't have the Protector Instinct, and my tastes in women really reflect that.
To me, a girl kicking a creep's ass or killing her own bugs/snakes/mice/etc, and not needing my help--THAT is the real aphrodisiac. Dainty, delicate, weak? That ain't it, chief!
I don't have the Protector Instinct. What does that say about a man, when he doesn't feel a need to be needed by his partner? What do you think it means when a man doesn't get any satisfaction out of being his girl's hero?
And in more extreme cases, what if he actually LIKES that she's a badass who doesn't need him?
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I'm asking because most of society doesn't seem to mind if a woman doesn't want kids. But no one says anything about men not feeling a need to be a hero.
Women nurture, men protect. Women want to have a family, men want to be needed. If a woman doesn't want kids, society just accepts that no problem. But no one says anything about men who don't want to be a knight in shining armor.
So I'm genuinely curious as to what the people have to say.
What does it mean when a man doesn't have the Protector Instinct (SERIOUS)?
There is no such thing as "the protector instinct".
The "alpha male" mentality is only a "hero" when he thinks it can boost his ego or get him laid. It's a very stupid, shallow way to think, and has squat to do with being a guy and can't get you a meaningful relationship.
Real heroes are martyrs, and I ain't about that life.
I personally only feel like being a hero-ish if some asshole tries destroying something I care about and I have to kick his ass to keep it, but thats usually only something that happens in video games these days, and its usually about saving the world from aliens, not getting or keeping a girlfriend.
To me it's an "adrenaline rush while safe" experience that I enjoy, I would not enjoy for example, fighting in a real war (I'd go awol and hide), so it's not really so much about being a hero as I just like challenging experiences that can't hurt me, and being a hero in a game gives a context to do that.
Also I second Spike's comment (especially in video games), and your view of what kind of woman is attractive, sort of.
The women I like have pet tarantulas, snakes, scorpions, lizards, etc. they dress in sweat pants and t shirts and hoodies, they keep their long hair but don't wear makeup, they tell dirty jokes and aren't offended by much, and they love gaming (could kick my ass in a fighting game), science, art, and they could probably kick your ass if you tried attacking them in real life (they are by no means buff, but they aren't weak either, my friend called it "tiny doom", which to me sounds adorable.)
If a girl needed help with all the run of the mill mundane stuff you were mentioning, I'd consider her more childlike than feminine tbh.
There is a problem that is mostly misunderstood concerning this instict. A protector instict is not a sign of wanting to be a hero or a knight in armour. It´s more about the way guys take care. It could show that you´re not able to take the lead and aren´t to be able to take responsibility for your actions. If you don´t have a protector instict, it could be seen as you don´t care for her and seem one that cares for you. Protecting your woman isn´t about showing her that she´s weak or fragile but instead showing her that she´s important to you. That way it could seem to her, that you don´t care about her.
In the extreme cases you´ll be seen as not be trust worthy for problems and you´re not be seen as a partner. It could happen that especially younger women see you as a big baby rather than a guy. I´d recommend to look for older women because they are more likely to be dominant.
Dude, I didn't say anything about dominance. I explained what being an Amazon Chaser means.
"To me, a girl kicking a creep's ass or killing her own bugs/snakes/mice/etc, and not needing my help--THAT is the real aphrodisiac. Dainty, delicate, weak? That ain't it, chief!"
Plus, in the video above, Spike from Cowboy Bebop just summarized it. "I love the kind of woman who can kick my ass."
Agreed. I've never been attracted to the dainty delicate women you described. I'm attracted to women who can handle themselves usually. But I don't mind helping.
I don't think it means anything. Everyone has their own dynamic. Not everyone wants to date someone they'll have to look out for as if they're a child. My boyfriend's last relationship was like that and it didn't work out well.
In my relationship, it's 50/50. We protect/take care of each other.
You again? Then you will have to have the provider instinct, or the helpmate instinct, or the servant instinct, instead.
That stated, just stop now. The sad reality is that ANY woman you meet who is into this sort of thing would just ABUSE and RUIN you. Take it from an elder who has been there and done that, and suffered the consequences.
I didn't even mention hierarchy in this question. I just asked what it means when a man DOESN'T feel a need to be needed. I asked what it means when a man doesn't gain any joy out of being a hero.
You are misunderstanding male typical behavior. Most men don't get turned on when saving a girl, or anyone. Most men do like women who can take care of themselves. But most people do get a sense of "accomplishment" from helping others.
But a lot of these men still want a woman to let a man kill that spider or lift that heavy object, or open that jar, even if they don't need him to. Otherwise, those men feel useless, like she doesn't really need them.
It means your testosterone level is lower than the average woman's. Stop drinking Soy (not a joke). Men are meant to be the leaders and women are meant to be followers.
