How do guys get affected psychologically by getting left for another guy?

[Anonymous]

I'm talking to a guy and want to know how I can help him (not fix him obv) and just want to understand how it affects them psychologically. He was with her for like 9 years and she left him for another guy they have kids together.

[Browneye57]

This is what they do, isn't it? Most of the time they have no idea it was coming, it hits them broadside. It can be devastating, even causing death, or permanent damage they never recover from.

No, we try to get through to young men, to pay attention to what women really are, what makes them tick, why they do what they do. But they just don't get it, and refuse to acknowledge, refuse to understand. Some all it RED PILL. They're just sure that women are just like them, but they're just not.

Yes, a woman can and will dump a perfectly good guy, if she thinks she can snag a better one, better looking, richer, or more powerful. It really doesn't even matter if they have children, or if she has everything she could want. It is ALWAYS and ALL about the FEELINGS, all the time. And which are subject to change at any given moment.

Men love idealistically. Women love opportunistically. The burden of performance is on the man. If she no longer feels that he fulfills all her needs, she'll shut down sexually, cheat or bail, or any combination of these.

Usually the guy will be standing their crying in his beer cuz he thought he did everything right, gave her everything she asked for. He just doesn't get it.

And no, you can't fix it, it's not your job, and you're not his mommy. So don't even try.
Cook him a meal, offer him a blow-job. Maybe that will perk him up. LOL That's all he wanted anyway. EVER. And for her to love him. She just didn't. This happens over and over and over, every day, some woman dumps her man. 75% of divorces are initiated by women - they've just had enough, and are much sooner ready to cut the sheets.

[pajamasam]

It sucks. It feels like the whole world is pointing and laughing saying "haha you aren't worthy of love" it doesn't help when some people want to deliberately rub salt in an open wound either.

Sex scenes in movies will all of a sudden make me feel sick on my stomach. Love songs and romance movies are a strict no go because that is going to make me feel horrible.

And to see them happy together feels horrible and it's is super easy to beat yourself up and question your worth.

The reality is that a lot of that is just you freaking out and assuming the worst. Ultimately it will be okay. But your mind can't help but wonder because usually unless the break up was your fault women will not tell you why they dumped you.

If it was your fault women will tell you every detail of why you messed up. But if it wasn't your fault for the break up and they left for their own reason women will always be vague because they are too chicken be honest with men.

They will say things like "its me not you" or "were just different people now" or "im just not happy anymore"

And when you ask your bros what those lines mean... guys will give you horrible information they will say shit like "bro I'm so sorry that means she found a dude with a bigger dick" and when you ask other women for help they are usually quick to assume you were at fault. Even if you weren't

So when you ask for someone to help you feel at ease about yourself they tell you to just "man up, get over it" or "don't be such a pussy your better than this"

And then men get in a cycle where they think they can't be happy if they are single. They will seek partners to maintain tain their happiness not for legitimate love or connection.

[Kas19]

I'm, I'd be greatly affected if the man I love left me for another woman. Especially after 9 years.

My dad was married for 14 years before his wife cheated. They had a kid together. I wouldn't wish that pain in any one.

[Sarahr123]

This is why you don’t get attached to people. Then you never get hurt.

[warrenstone]

Are you a sociopath? Who do you not get any type of attachment to people?

[yofuknutz]

She might be

[Juxtapose]

Well.. is she wrong?

I wouldn't go down that path fyi, I like people.

[Sarahr123]

@warrenstone not getting attached to strangers doesn’t make me a sociopath. I only care about my family. I don’t need to form unnecessary attachments with the whole world so they can backstab me. That’s called being sensible, not being a sociopath. Pathetic men like you just burn because you can’t hurt everybody. Sorry but I’m not a fool so burn all you want.

[TurboKid]

It was quite painful for me when an ex did that to me, but the pain subsided when I talked to her later and she was happy and explained what she saw in him.

One of the things about her is that she shit-tested me all the time. For example, she once asked me what I'd do if she wanted to become a stripper, and I told her that I'd be upset and really don't want her to do that but I won't try to force her decision. She then got mad at me saying that I don't love her because if I loved her, I would forbid her from taking such a job. That's not my style.

It was frequently like that and I was confused because it almost seemed like she wanted me to be a controlling type of boyfriend.

When she broke up with me and almost immediately dated another guy, I was confused and upset and things didn't quite click. Yet I ran into her sometime later and we talked and she said her new boyfriend reminds her of her father. He doesn't even allow her to leave the home past 9 PM, and she's not allowed to hang out with her friends unless he's there. That sounds like a nightmare boyfriend to me, but she said she loves it.

Then all the pain subsided for me because then I no longer thought I did anything wrong in our relationship. We just weren't compatible at all.

[TurboKid]

In that case, she broke up with me very abruptly and without any sort of argument or anything to prompt it. So I was extremely confused and she gave me the strangest reasons like she said she's like a cat and very fickle and changes her mind a lot, and that's all I got. I didn't start connecting the puzzle pieces with the shit-tests she always gave me until she described what she liked about her new guy. Then suddenly it all made sense, and finally, I was able to stop trying to guess what I could have done differently to keep her.

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

It's not so much her leaving that damages the guy so much; it's the fact that it's usually been premeditated months in advance without even giving him a warning shot. If a woman approaches her hubby and says "I feel myself losing attraction to you because of xyz", and gives him an opportunity to correct course, and he responds by doing more of the unattractive behaviors, then at least he can't claim he had no warning when she ditches him for someone who embodies those desirable characteristics.

But usually it doesn't go down like that. Women are naturally skilled at concealing their change of allegiances and attractions from their current partners. Hence why most men finding out she's run away with the milkman feels like being hit with a freight train. But of course she'll take his, money, his house, and his kids with her on the way out. The other man could be a murdering pedophile and she'd still put the kids under his care.

Of course I'm not talking about all women. But this happens every goddamn day, somewhere in the world, and men suffer in silence because society doesn't give a shit when a man loses everything.

[MotorcycleMan]

There isn't much good about it. He may be feeling like a loser, like he's not worthy, like it was all a big lie, etc. He may just be depressed that he lost the woman he loved. He may be depressed that his relationship is not what he thought it was. He may be depressed that his life has suddenly changed course. He may be feeling foolish for believing things were different.
That's what I heard from friends anyway. ;)
A quick BJ and he'll be fine. lol
Seriously though, it will just take some time. Just be a friend and go on with life.

[Finchie40]

There is no set time limit , only he can move on from it , as a friend you can encourage him and say lifting things , to help him cope with what he is going through but you can’t take it away from him Honestly best thing to do is just talk to him like none of this shit happened to him , don’t really mention it or bring it up, act like it never happened , He will only be able to move on when he is ready but stopping someone from grieving can’t happen , it’s up to him , if he constantly brings it up to you just start changing the subject , you don’t have to be rude about it but little by little make it clear that it’s his problem and nothing you can really do to change it

[jerdanro]

I hurts worse than a gun shot wound. Seriously, it can hurt so much emotiinally that it manifests physical symptoms.
It destroys confidence and self-worth. It makes a man question his masculinity and sexual ability. I can cause shame and depression.
It is devestating and takes significant time and perhaps therapy to heal from and begin to trust women again.
Until a man is fully healed he will likely harbor anger and mistrust to any woman who comes into his life romantically.
He may also seek casual sex as a way of restoring his confidence and maybe as a type of revenge.

[OlderAndWiser]

Most guys will feel that the girl made a direct comparison between him and the other guy and the girl decided that the other guy was much better. So it impacts his self-concept; he sees himself as not worthy of having another woman in his life.

What is your interest in the guy?

[ObscuredBeyond]

Having kids makes this a whole new ballgame. I can't say much to that effect. Now, I was left once by one gal... for a gal. And eventually, a dude too. Turns out, she was closet bi. No kids involved. Felt really deceived and manipulated. Blocked her online, and never looked back.

[cth96190]

Every person is different, although there are trends that are dominant in men and women.
Two women broke my heart. After the second female, I became incapable of loving a woman in that.
Since that time, I have regarded females with the utmost suspicion. Seldom have I been wrong.

[Novacane]

It's a different pain, it really makes you feel like you are not enough or worthless. It can really mess with your self-confidence and really destroy your ego and once you kill a man's ego it's basically over. The best way to be there for someone is basically just being there for them and hearing them out, not making them feel like they are alone.

[CallmeTheKnight]

It's not much to say about it. When someone leaves you for someone else, it was never about you. They were already looking for someone with more and it says enough about them

It's a good thing, in my opinion of course. That person who left you will do the same with the next. They don't have the mind to be content with what they already have.

[Dalton57]

I can't even imagine. Studies show that just the fact of their SO cheating on them can adversely affect a man and his relationships with women for the rest of his life. But kids? That's a whole other level of humiliation.

[shiril]

I think there is no gender discrimination.

% of boys who dump and % of boys get dumped are almost same

There is major psychological set back to both the gender.

Also it is about society, culture they are born and bought up into.

Not every individual is capable/ strong tonget out of it.

Anyways it is difficult for any gender to cope up with that situation...

[Interstate]

Depends on the personality and mental conditions. Do they suffer from Depression or anxiety? Have they experienced this in the past? It definitely takes it's toll on the self-esteem.

[WhiteWolf69]

If you leave one guy for another, you are telling that guy that he isn't good enough in some way and you found someone so much better then him. It's an ego thing. Most guys automatically start thinking the new guy is more hung or better then him in bed and that's why the woman left. Guys are very sensitive to how women respond to the size of his penis and how good the are, how long they last and do not like being compared to other guys of women's past.

[exitseven]

I think it really makes you think about your shortcomings. Having a longtime partner suddenly leave you for somebody else would fill anyone with self doubt.

[friendzoned4life]

When this happened to me I stood by the train tracks the same night trying to end it.

To be honest my mental health allready wasn't the best at that moment.

But it is the most painfull thing a woman can do

[KrakenAttackin]

Some men are permanently crippled. The real problem is the children. Men kept from their children or his kids calling another man "daddy" is the lowest a man can get.

[Doflamingo1]

Depends on the person. Some won’t mind, others will go as far as ending everything- RIP little Loaded

[Doflamingo1]

little*

[NightHawk99]

This is what I think of a significant other if she cheated after a long marriage:

She is devil spawn. Therefore should I see her again, so help me God.

[AmeerX]

All I know, it is very hard to open to another woman

[Narcotics]

Oh boy, i'm a result of that lol

Lets say he should be put in a mental institution after that.

[fred_durst]

i learned long time ago to never let my self get too attached
people will come and will eventually leave at at some point in our life

[Monfrere]

I would like to be that independant, but how to get married and find a partner in life? I think compromise is a condition for any relationship

[Shihab91]

If it was my fault i would be broken... Otherwise it will hurt st the beginning but i can stand up again.

[Slim57]

It sucks especially when it keeps happening, it really takes it toll on your mental state not thinking you're good enough unless you just flat out stop caring about it anymore

[jahaims]

If someone left me that means they don't love me and in turn I would no longer love them so idc

[Anonymous]

how do girls get affected psychologically by getting left for another woman

[bulletbob555]

How about if he was left for another woman. Hows that for irony

[Smegskull]

I just found alternative (s) to fulfil the same things in my life.

[Iron_Man]

That is a destroyer of Ego

[Wiredone]

It didn't bother me. It's her loss not mine

[In_Trance]

same way girls do; if fucks them up for a while

[Joker_]

I suppose it would be a negative effect

[JesseJayNeak]

It will bite you in the ass sooner or later

[Anonymous]

I have physically attacked some of those men

[lucas262]

They take the RP.

[anylolone]

Same as chicks.